Author's Note: Hey! If I took a long time, then I'm sorry, but I'm still pretty busy. Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday and I'm grateful to everyone who read and left a message! I loved every single one of them and the next chapter should be out some time next week. I have it all written out and I'm writing 16! I don't know how long this fic will be for those of you who asked. But for now just don't worry about it ending. Enjoy it while it lasts. Anyway, I only one more test to go and it's tomorrow. I really need to study too. I have been so distracted lately, which is why I was able to write chapter 14 and 15. (Sigh). I'm disappointed in myself. I don't think I did too well on my Math Regents, but I think I passed. . .hopefully. My Global Regents was pretty easy, but it was exhausting! Anyway, I can't wait til it's over then I can rest and have myself a well deserved Summer Vacation! Woo Hoo! Oh, and I'm sorry to say to you that this chapter doesn't have to many details on what exactly happened in Mrs. Brooks's classroom or what happened during the month Jimmy was out. I think it was just mentioned once or twice, but I'll look over the next chapter and fit it in there somewhere once I get my studying and last test out of the way. Well, do enjoy and please, do leave your comments.
Jimmy followed Mr. Howard to his office. The big man had his hands behind his back, his eyes slightly cast down. Jimmy had known right away that the man had some news to share with him and this news was no good news. Jimmy took a deep breath and let it out steadily. He turned his attention to Cindy. Her eyes opened up slightly as if she were remembering something and then a smile grew on her face as she disappeared down the hall.
Jimmy suddenly wondered what it was she had wanted to tell him. He so badly wanted to know and now he also wondered what had caused such a grin to form on Cindy's lips. He thought to himself for a moment. Maybe she wanted to tell me about Nick and his stupid concussion or coma whatever the hell it was, Jimmy guessed. He wanted his anger to boil as it had done so many times before. But he was only angry for an instant. It was soon replaced with guilt. He had harmed Nick and no matter what, he couldn't go back in time to change what he had done. The guilt seemed to suddenly engulf him, trapping him. He was punishing himself for it. He knew it was worthless to shun himself so, but it was just what he did. It was in his nature. Damn my conscience, he said, but he was only human after all. Human,he chuckled to himself. After what I did a month ago, I don't think many consider me human at all.
A weight seemed to be suddenly pulling him down. His heart sank and he wanted to get angry, needed it to rid himself of this ridiculous emotion. But he could not find it in him to be angry. . .for very long. I spent too much time being sweet. This has got to stop! Please, let it stop! His thought's suddenly stopped for a moment. What the hell was he doing? Begging? Jimmy Neutron does not beg! He said to himself. Pull yourself together here or you'll completely lose yourself and I don't want that. It's not a very comforting feeling.
And like that, his mind was set. But the horrible guilt still nagged at him. He didn't even want to think about the restraining order. It wasn't like he'd actually try talking to Nick anyway. What would he say? "Hey, Nick, sorry I kicked your ass, but you had it coming"? I don't think so, Jimmy thought.
He sighed as Mr. Howard inched toward his office, with Jimmy trailing behind. His thoughts took him back to that month he spent stuck at home without his friends, school, teachers, and without. . .Cindy. Surprisingly he had thought of her most of the time. He kept seeing her face over and over again and heard her voice. He had longed to see her again, but dare not to admit it to anyone. He hadn't even completely admitted it to himself because of his stubborn ways. He had never really realized how many times she had actually been there for him, until he had spent the time to look back on his childhood and even now she still wanted to help him. Should he let her in? She was already close anyway. Dangerously close, but he did not want any more heart ache. None. His heart was still healing from when his so called "father" had left. Some of those wounds had healed, but when the man returned, those old wounds were reopened. He had not spoken to the man who he had known as "dad", but then again. . .he had not planned to.
Jimmy's mind quickly went back to Cindy, not wanting to think about Him. She looked genuinely happy to see him and he had allowed her to hug him and he had allowed himself to hug her back. He knew that if he had wanted to keep her out, things like that were out of the question, but he could not deny that the sweet warmth of her was heavenly or that her beautifully scented hair was incredible. He had not wanted to let her go. Not ever. It was the one time he could say that he felt at peace. Inside and out. Sure, with Rebecca he was at peace, but not all the time. Believe it or not, Rebecca was a constant reminder of his father's absence. Or she had been at least. She symbolized the beginning of Jimmy's new, unwanted life and his miserable state. Not that Rebecca made him miserable. No, she made him quite happy. But Rebecca was the beginning of this whole new life which no one was expecting and despite this, it did not change the way Jimmy felt about her. He still cared for her deeply. He had loved her from the very beginning, the very beginning, before she had been born. He'd read to her while his mother slept. Or even played soft music to lull her to sleep, even though he had not been sure if it had worked. He had done this for Rebecca only.
Mr. Howard opened the door to his office, breaking Jimmy away from his thoughts. The man walked inside. Jimmy could see Dr. Swanson, the school's psychologist and his counselor, Mr. Azzara. He looked from one to the other as Mr. Howard sat down behind his desk.
"Have a seat, James," Mr. Howard offered, extending his arm and motioning toward the chair which sat in front of his desk. Jimmy hesitated for a moment, but he walked inside and closed the door behind him.
"Hello, James," Dr. Swanson greeted with a fearful smile. Jimmy smiled inwardly. She was afraid of him.
"Nice to see you again, Jim," Mr. Azzara commented, stumbling over toward him, his glasses fell and he hurried to pick them up before reaching out to shake Jimmy's hand. Jimmy knew very well from so many visits to the principle's office that Mr. Azzara rarely wore his glasses. He wore his contacts most of the time, but he obviously wasn't wearing them today. Jimmy shook the man's hand as he asked, "Misplaced your contacts again?" Mr. Azzara flushed.
"Actually. . . I lost them," he answered, pushing his glasses up on the bridge of his nose. Jimmy smirked inwardly. Same old Mr. Azzara, he thought as he sat down. But then again what else was I expecting? People don't suddenly change in just one month. He felt as if he had just entered a business meeting, but that was about to change. He wondered what this was about. He had only been in the school for about an hour and forty-five minutes and already he was in trouble? How was that possible? He hadn't even done anything. Well, not much has changed here then, Jimmy concluded.
Jimmy watched Mr. Howard. The big man seemed to be thinking about something and thinking hard. The room seemed to suddenly feel a bit uneasy.
"What is this about?" Jimmy questioned, his impatience or better yet his curiosity getting the best of him.
Mr. Howard cleared his throat, preparing to answer the question. He folded his hands on his desk. He looked up at Jimmy. His eyes were firm yet somewhat gentle and his voice was serious. "Jimmy," he began, "it's about your return."
Jimmy rolled his eyes. Not again! Jimmy pleaded. We talked about my return enough already. What more is there left to say but, "Welcome back!"?
"As you know, James," Mr. Howard continued, "you must see Dr. Swanson everyday during your lunch period. This will qualify for the therapy you need."
Jimmy nodded, knowing all too well. The judge at the hearing had told Jimmy that he needed therapy to "prevent any more mishaps." So she had said. They had decided it'd be best for him to visit with Dr. Swanson seeing as she was the school's psychologist and a successful one at that. The judge had also mentioned a restraining order. Jimmy was not to go within 100 feet of Nick for the next eight months. That Mrs. Dean was one determined woman. She had originally wanted to get Jimmy kicked out of school and put in some military boot camp type of thing, but Jimmy's mother wouldn't allow it and apparently someone had convinced Mrs. Dean not to be so extreme when the time came for the hearing. Someone always seemed to be watching over Jimmy though. Somehow someone had managed to keep Mr. and Mrs. Dean (especially Mrs. Dean) from going completely exploding in Jimmy's face.
"We'll talk about whatever it is that you want to talk about," Dr. Swanson cut in. Jimmy turned to her. "If you'd like I'll just sit and listen, I won't talk. I promise. If all you want is someone to hear you out, I can stay quiet and listen. After all it's my job and it is what I do best." She smiled a bit unsurely.
"And anything you can't talk to the doc about, just come to me, Jim," Mr. Azzara added. "You know where my office is."
Yeah, yeah, Jimmy thought. I've heard all of this before. He recalled the phone call he had on Friday with them all and then again on Sunday before his first day back. "I get it," Jimmy said aloud.
"James," Mr. Howard began. Jimmy scowled a bit, hating being called by his first name like that. It had always made him feel as if he were in trouble. "I also wanted to tell you about Nick."
Nick? Jimmy inquired, his scowl fell slightly as he remembered what he had done to him, the guilt taking over again. Why would I need to be told about him? Don't I know enough? Or did I do something more to him that I should be aware of?
He sat in the chair, propped up, listening intently, his head slightly tilted to the side, waiting to hear about something he had done to him which he had not been told. He tried to hide the guilt in him with anger. He balled his hands into fists as he grew angry with himself. He had become so pitiful during that month he was out. He looked to nothing but his anger to release him of the emotions that hurt him so. I'm pathetic, he said to himself. He loathed himself at the moment, still waiting for Mr. Howard to speak.
"It was him," Mr. Howard said. "He was the one who allowed you to return."
Things fell silent as Jimmy took this information in. Nick was the one who allowed his return? But why? Jimmy asked. He knew the decision of Jimmy's return to school was in Nick's hands, but when he was called and informed of his return on Monday, no one had mentioned Nick and therefore Jimmy had immediately guessed that Mr. Howard was the one letting him back. But now, he knew the truth. Nick was the one who allowed him back. But why? He wouldn't have wanted Jimmy back at all and if Jimmy hadn't known any better, he'd say that Nick had never even thought about allowing him to return. Ever.
"He seemed upset about something when he called me Friday night. His mother wasn't too happy either, but he said that you needed to be back in school and that he was giving his permission for you to return. I don't know what changed his mind, but he did," Mr. Howard explained.
"And a good thing he did," Mr. Azzara commented, joyously.
"Mr. Howard called us to his office right after. We were all here in the building and thought it best to call you together," Dr. Swanson added. She still seemed a bit nervous. Jimmy could see it.
"So we put you on speaker," Mr. Azzara said cheerily. The man was just trying too hard to lighten the mood.
Jimmy didn't know what to say about any of it, so he scoffed. Mr. Howard sighed. "Well, listen, Mrs. Dean didn't want you to return so soon," Mr. Howard said.
"She didn't want me to return at all," Jimmy replied.
Mr. Howard pretended not to listen. "She wants security watching you, but I told her that the students wouldn't feel comfortable with security in the hall ways. They'd blow it out of proportion. She wants to secure Nick's safety, but Nick has refrained her from hiring any security guards. You're lucky he's on your side."
Jimmy almost laughed. Nick on my side? Jimmy thought. He was highly doubtful. He shook his head. Nick was only trying to make himself look good with all of this. By doing this, he would show everyone a different side of him. This would make him popular among more people than just the sophomore class. And he wanted to be the good guy. He was already the good guy in the eyes of everyone and maybe it was because he was. His thoughts seemed to be altered and he had not exactly noticed.
"And about this restraining order," Mr. Howard indicated. Oh, Jimmy moaned. Not this. I don't want to talk about it! "We're going to have to do something about it. Those few classes you share with Nick. . .we might have to put you in- "
"Don't tell me you're changing my schedule," Jimmy blurted, his anger rising.
Mr. Howard, winced at Jimmy's sudden outburst. "We might have to, James!"
"No!" Jimmy protested. "Do you know what it's going to take to catch up on knew classes if you switch me to different ones? I can't afford to lose everything because of this!"
"You're a genius! You'll do fine and. . ." r. Howard paused. ". . .you should've thought about that before you beat the poor kid senseless." Mr. Howard looked away to fix the scattered papers on his desk.
Jimmy stood, suddenly. He slammed his fist on the table, feeling that anger he had felt before. "He had it coming!" he shouted. "It's his own fault! He shouldn't have twisted around the relationship that I have with my sister!"
Everything grew silent. Jimmy stopped. He had said too much and now he mentally scolded himself as he sat back down with a loud thud. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked away. His self hatred rose again. He felt everyone's eyes on him. His anger, subsided fairly quickly after taking a deep, easy breath. He knew very well that it was not Nick's fault. Or so people drilled in his head. As Mr. Howard had said a month ago, He was just at the wrong place at the wrong time.
"Is that everything?" Jimmy asked, no longer wanting to be in the office. Jimmy stood and there was finality in his eyes which Mr. Howard could not avoid. The big man behind the desk looked up at him and slowly nodded.
"Let me give you a pass," Mr. Howard insisted. Without any reply from Jimmy, he took out a piece of paper and a pen and began scribbling. Mr. Howard knew Jimmy's schedule all too well. There was no need to ask Jimmy where he was heading. Mr. Howard handed him the slip of paper and Jimmy snatched it. He turned to walk away.
"See you around, Jimmy," Mr. Azzara said. Jimmy didn't reply. Instead he headed out the door and into the hall. It was deserted. With a sigh he walked toward his class. He had missed the very beginning, but it didn't matter. He'd get there in time to catch up. He thought over the conversation. It was all just so unbelievable to him. Nick had actually allowed him to return? But why? Jimmy asked again. What reason could there possibly be? Unless my first assumption is correct and he really does want to make himself look good amongst his "people". Jimmy scoffed at the thought. More like sheep who obey his every whim.
He came to a sudden halt. Nick was standing in front of his locker, retrieving the notebooks he needed as he rubbed his right temple. And almost as if he sensed someone watching him, he stopped. His fingers stayed on his right temple. He turned and spotted Jimmy. They looked at one another, neither one spoke a word. Nick removed his hand from his temple and stared ahead. Jimmy couldn't explain to himself why he had suddenly become a "deer caught in headlights". He had just frozen and he could not move even when his brain ushered him to. A cold breeze felt to suddenly blow and that's when Jimmy moved slightly to the left. He found himself suddenly turning around in the opposite direction.
"Jimmy, h-hold on," Nick stuttered. Jimmy looked at him again. "I need to talk to you. Got a minute?"
At first Jimmy had not said a word, but as soon as he realized that Nick had indeed spoken he responded with, "What about that restraining order. I have to stay away from you."
"Forget about it. I won't tell anyone if you don't," he said, walking toward him.
"Who would I tell and anyway, I don't have time. I have to get to class," Jimmy replied as he turned.
"Hold on! I wanna tell you that I'm sorry!" Nick blurted.
Jimmy turned, a bit unsure as to whether or not he had heard what he thought he heard. Nick Dean was apologizing to him? Why? Why was he apologizing? It couldn't possibly be because he's actually sorry. There has to be something else here. There has to be! Jimmy was almost certain that Nick could care less about everything and now nothing seemed to make sense any more! The day was so. . . unconventional. Everything seemed so out of ordinary. First, he thought that maybe he might be falling for a girl who he thought he always hated. Then, that same girl had gotten excited to see him and they shared a wonderful moment together. Next, his Global History teacher touched a nerve that had not been touched since a month ago. And finally, one person he loathed more than Cindy Vortex, the girl he thought he might be falling for, was apologizing to him. Things had been. . .unconventional for years and this was the second time in his life that he felt this way. The first being the first night that his father left.
"Why?" Jimmy inquired.
Nick gave him a weird look as if he didn't believe the question that Jimmy had asked of him.
"What do you mean why? I said that thing about you and your sister- "
"No," Jimmy interrupted. "I don't mean why are you apologizing. I know why." If that is indeed because you're sorry. "I mean why are you apologizing?" He wasn't sure if it made any sense to him. He wasn't sure if it had made sense to himself! Nothing in his head seemed to make any real sense anymore anyway, so he wasn't about to concern himself with a stupid question that he wasn't sure made sense or not, but Nick obviously understood because he answered.
Nick took a deep breath and let it out steadily. "I feel really bad for saying. . .what I said. It was wrong and I can understand why you. . .got mad the way you did."
Jimmy was stunned. This was the first time in his life that he could actually remember seeing Nick look so sincere and just so strained and. . . sorry. Jimmy wanted to pinch himself just to make sure he wasn't dreaming. Nick Dean was actually apologizing with no strings attached. Jimmy quickly recovered from his disbelief and folded his arms across his chest. He didn't know what to say to that.
"I know this is out of character for me," Nick began, "But will you, please, forgive me?" He looked at Jimmy, but Jimmy looked away. What was he suppose to do? He didn't know what to say. "Please, I didn't realize how bad I needed your forgiveness until Cindy came to me on Friday." Jimmy looked at him immediately after Cindy's name was spoken. Cindy? Jimmy asked.
"What does she have to do with this?" Jimmy questioned, his arms falling to his sides as he looked intently at Nick.
A knowing yet sorrowful half smile grew on Nick's face as he cast his eyes down a bit. "Cindy talked to me on Friday. About your return to school. She was the one who convinced me to allow you back. And she was the one who convinced me that I really wanted your forgiveness. She helped me admit to myself that I deserved what I got and your forgiveness was much needed. Even if she didn't know it," Nick explained.
Cindy, was the one who convinced him to allow me back? Jimmy thought. Why would she do that? Didn't she know what that would mean? Jimmy took a deep breath as he shut his eyes and placed a hand on his forehead. He couldn't believe that. He couldn't and he wouldn't! Cindy hates me! She wouldn't do that! She'd want me out of the school so then I'd finally be out of her way, out of her life! Jimmy looked distracted and was startled only slightly when Nick spoke again.
"She really wanted you back. She must like you a lot. She doesn't go out of her way so much unless she likes you. I should've seen it coming too," Nick said. He managed a small chuckle, but it was filled with forced happy, enthusiasm.
Jimmy was bewildered. She must like you a lot, Nick's words came again. She doesn't go out of her way so much unless she likes you. Jimmy found himself lost in the words. She must like you. Could Cindy really like me? Jimmy wondered. Maybe that could explain why she was so happy to see me and why she almost. . .Jimmy's eyes opened wide. His breath caught. . .kissed me. He hadn't even remembered it! She had almost kissed him, but he pulled away before she had the chance! The memory flashed as he thought back. He had let her go after their shared moment. She was reluctant, but slowly her arms slid away from his neck. Her hands then swept down the length of his arms and then she tenderly brushed his hands with her fingers. Their eyes held for an instant and then her eyes traveled down to his lips. Her head tilted slightly and she leaned forward and he. . .pulled away.
"She told me about what happened. About your. . .uh, dad," Nick replied, pulling Jimmy away from his thoughts. Jimmy looked up. Nick was looking down, his face had fallen. "She told me that she had witnessed everything. She didn't go into too much detail."
She told him about my dad?!
"But I won't tell anyone," Nick added quickly as he looked up. "Really, I won't. I haven't told anyone about this but you. I didn't even tell Mr. Howard, but I'm sure he already knows about your dad since I know he called you after we spoke on the phone."
Yeah, he knows alright, Jimmy answered.
"What exactly did Cindy tell you?" Jimmy asked.
Nick looked at him. "Not too much, like I said. Just that your dad was back and that your sister was emotionally numb for some time and you broke down. She said it was horrible. That was pretty much it. Like I said, she didn't go into too much detail," Nick responded.
Jimmy suddenly turned. He didn't want to talk anymore. He didn't want to know any more. He just wanted to get to class and be left alone. Nick called him back.
"Wait," he called, stopping Jimmy once more. "Do you forgive me? Or. . ." His voice trailed.
Jimmy sighed. I don't know yet, he thought. I just don't know. And he wasn't sure if he would ever know, but at the moment he couldn't. He wasn't ready to let it go. So there was the answer then. Jimmy walked away without another word and this time Nick did not call him back.