To Err is Human
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "All we have to do is feed it, it'll shut up" "I don't know what babies eat...." "Soft stuff, we were babies once, for God's sakes, what did we eat?" "I don't know, but it couldn't have been very good, I can't remember!"
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Hi all, if you haven't guessed from the title, this chapter was inspired greatly by the 80's movie 'Three Men and a Baby'. Those of you that know the movie will probably recognise a few modified scenes from said movie, enjoy!
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Chapter 28 - 2 Men, 1 Dragon and a Baby
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Logan groaned. He was going to KILL Hank. After 'voluntering' them both, Hank had been 'called away', leaving Logan to babysit Imara. He was NOT a happy mutant. This was mostly due to the fact Imara hadn't stopped crying since her parents dropped her off at the mansion.
"She's starting to give me a HEADache!", snapped Logan, "and that's not an easy thing ta do!!"
"Well, what do we do to stop her from crying?", asked Shortpack from where he was sittng on top of the desk.
"Maybe she needs changin'", said Logan, looking pointedly at Shortpack.
Shortpack arched a brow.
"What're you looking at me for?", he said, "the diaper's bigger than ME!"
Logan narrowed his eyes.
"You really ARE useless, aren't you?", he grumbled.
"Hey, I'm just here for moral support", said Shortpack.
"Oh..great", growled Logan, "I'd be better off without ya!"
"WAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
"Okay, okay!", snapped Logan, picking Imara up and putting her on her changing table, taking off the dirty diaper.
Now, a dirty diaper smells bad enough, but to a mutant with enhanced senses....it was like tossing a stink bomb in his face.
"Ack!", he growled, pinching his nose shut as he held the dirty diaper at arms length.
"Put it in the diaper bin, put it in the diaper bin!", panicked Shortpack.
"I'm tryin'", said Logan, disposting it away and taking a breath of fresh air.
"Okay, now you have to clean her", he said.
Logan blinked.
"With what?".
Shortpack rolled his eyes.
"With those!", he said, pointing at the diaper wipes.
Logan muttered, doing as he was told.
"How do you know so much about babies?!", he said.
"Storm left me explicit telepahtic instuctions", said Shortpack, "all night, while I was trying to sleep. It worked like those hypno therapy things"
"You're a strange little man", said Logan, blinking, "okay, clean diaper time!"
He picked up a clean diaper and blinked at it, turning it at all angles.
"They both look the same", he said, "damnit, I saw Forge do this only a few days ago!"
He put the diaper onto Imara, tugging at the sticky strips, unfortunately, he pulled too tightly yanking them off.
"Uh oh", said Logan, then paused, "wait!"
He ran off into the kitchen, returning with a stapler, which he used to staple the sides of the diaper together, keeping it on.
"Oh. You. Are. A. Genius", said Shortpack dryly.
"Hey, you wanna try this, Stuart Little?", said Logan.
Imara blinked, before her bottom lip quivered.
"Uh oh,, she's gonna cry again!", said Logan, panicking, "don't cry..please?"
WAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Logan glanced around for stuffed toys to amuse her with, nothing came to hand so he did the next best thing. He grabbed Shortpack from his vantage point, plonking him in front of the baby.
"HEY!", said Shortpack.
"Watch Unkie Shortpack dance!", said Logan.
Shortpack looked at Logan like he'd lost the plot, with was a fair acusation.
"Pardon?"
"Dance, Shortpack, Dance!", said Logan with a nervous laugh as Imara continued to scream.
Shortpack groaned, doing a little jig...as Imara continued screaming.
"It's not working, Logan", he said, "Storm said she likes to be sung to"
Logan winced, before clearing his throat.
"Oh Imara, don't you cry for me", he sang to the tune of 'Susanna', "Because your mom will zap me with with a bolt of electricity"
Imara looked at him as if he had grown another head.
"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"
"I think she's hungry", said Shortpack.
"On it!", said Logan, rushing into the kitchen.
There was a lot of rummaging..and alot of swearing. Shortpack blinked.
You got it?, he sent.
NO!, came Logan's reply, there is no baby food here, none, none, NONE!
But...Ororo left some
Well, it's not here now! Oh wait...here's a note
The phsycic link went quite for a moment before Logan snarled.
'Will replace milk A.S.A.P, needed it for a science experiment, Kurt. ELF!!!!
Logan stomped into the common room, looking ready to rip something apart. Shortpack sure hoped it wasn't going to be him.
"Do you think he knows he took breast milk?", he asked.
"He better hope he doesn't", growled Logan, "or I'll make him into a livin' pinyata!"
He grumbled under his breath as he grabbed a coat, sticking on his motorcycle helmet.
"Wait", said Shortpack, his eyes widening, "where are you going?"
"Ta get babyfood!", said Logan, "I won't be long"
"WAIT!", said Shortpack, "don't leave me alone with this thing!"
He sighed as the door slammed, causing Imara to scream even more.
"Nonononononono", said Shortpack, "don't cry"
He paused, holding up a finger.
"Hold that thought"
He ran over to the stereo system, hitting 'play' with his hand. Ororo's pattented 'No-Crying-Tape' kicked in, the Ballad of Gilligan's Isle filling the room. Imara stopped crying, giving a little hiccough, before her eyes drifted shut. Shortpack gave a sigh of relief.
"Glad THAT'S over", he said, before blinking as a shadow loomed over him, accompanied by a low growl, "aww, man, not again!!"
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Meanwhile, Logan had managed to speed off to the nearest convience store. He'd spent a few minutes, trying to find what he was looking for, before smiling with glee, finding the isle marked 'Babies'. His smile soon faded when he saw the HUGE range of baby food available. He whimpered, looking at them all before looking over at a clerk, pricing things.
"Hey, you!", he said to her, "which of these do I get?"
The clerk blinked.
"Which is the cheapest or which is the best?"
Logan blinked.
"Both?", he tried.
The clerk chuckled.
"Oh, you're a first timer", she said, "you can always tell the first timers when they come in, all jumpy and worried"
"Uh huh", said Logan, hurrying her along.
The clerk smiled.
"How old is your baby?"
Logan blinked again, before gesturing with his arms, as if measuring a fish...or in this case, Imara.
"This old?"
The clerk arched a brow.
"...Lets start from the top"
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After quite a while of explaining, Logan had managed to get the correct food for Imara. He sighed as he climbed off his bike, walking up the front steps, stepping over a bassonet as he entered. He closed the door, then blinked, opening it again, looking down.
"What the?"
He leaned down, looking into the bassonet, blinking as he saw a sleeping baby inside. He gave the baby a sniff, nope, it was not Imara...the fact he was a male was a dead giveaway. He looked at a envelope attached to the bassonet, addressed to Henry McCoy. He blinked again. picking up the basket, bringing the baby inside.
"Shortpack?"
There was no answer. Logan growled, walking into the common room, putting the new bassonet next to Imara's, happy to see Imara sleeping soundly. He tried the other way to conctact Shortpack...the way that got the best results anyway.
Shortpack?
Help!
Logan blinked, before seeing Lockheed trying to swallow a pair of legs.
"LOCKHEED!"
Logan grabbed the little dragon, pinching his jaws open, letting Shortpack fall into his other hand.
"Bad dragon!", said Logan, flicking Lockheed on his nose before, putting him down, pushing him away with his foot.
"Thanks Logan", said Shortpack, then squeaked as Logan closed his hand around him, "hey, owww!"
"A 'package' arrived fer Hank", said Logan in a low, deadly growl.
"Really?", said Shortpack, "I was too busy being chewed by a dragon to notice. What is it?"
"Come and see", said Logan with a forced smile, walking over, holding his hand over the second bassonet.
"Err.....that's a baby", said Shortpack.
"Yes, I know it's a baby", said Logan, "and the baby smells of Trish Tilby"
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BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Didn't expect THAT, did you? DID YOU?!!! Ahem. Sorry. I did say Trish was getting fat. Next chapter, Lucas and his team move in on their goal. Do review. Until next time...