LUCIEN opens his eyes and staggers about for a while.

Lucien: Mummy...

He collapses again. After a while he tries again. This time he climbs to his feet and notices the bullets in his face and chest. He rips off his shirt and begins telepathically extracting the bullets. (You all know how he does it in the film; contorting and grinning like a maniac.)

Voice OS: Watch out Lucie-boy, you might have an orgasm.

The VOICE begins to suddenly beg for mercy.

Voice 2 OS: Sonja dear, please don't turn Kraven into purée. We need him later on. Just put the bar down...

SELENE turns the key in the ignition and tries to start the car. It stalls.

Selene: (swearing) This would never have happened in Caesar's time.

Michael: coughs You have the handbrake on. And of course it wouldn't. They didn't have chariots then.

Selene (and eveyone else): ??????

SELENE swears some more and drives off very fast. Unfortunately LUCIEN has finished hav—I mean extracting bullets and runs after them. He jumps onto the roof and starts stabbing SELENE.

Michael: BRAKE BRAKE GODDAMIT!!

SELENE obediantly slams on the brakes, sending LUCIEN flying.

Michael: Look, you need to stop the car and let me take a look at those wounds.

Selene: No.

Michael: Please. Just-

Selene: Who are you kidding? I'm not falling for that old trick like I did 2 centuries ago. Although last time it was "When I arrived you were being attacked by a rabid Lycan. Are you sure it didn't bite you when you were unconscious?"

MICHAEL wonders just how delusional this strange woman is and SELENE daydreams about that fateful night (cue ominous music) so neither of them notices when SELENE just drives the car into a river.

Selene: Oops.

Michael: Ohmigod ohmigod GET ME OUT OF HERE! goes into hysterics

SELENE faints. MICHAEL grabs her gun and fires at the window, before swimming out and dragging SELENE with him.

Michael: (sniggers) Badass kidnapper doesn't like swimming. Tee hee!

An unconscious SELENE accidentally bashes him in the face and goes into convulsions.

Voice OS: It's DAYLIGHT you moron! Get her out of the sun!

Michael: Jeez. Kraven is SO pushy... drags her out of the light and collapses with the effort.

A few hours later...

Hehe next chapter. Would you prefer fewer longer chapters or more chapters at this length. I'm trying to go with the chaptering for the DVD but it's a litle erratic.