Chapter 53: Born to be Wired
Click.
"Well, well, well. Let's see what we have here."
Tac and the Meta Clan were gathered around a small table. On that table was Meta Drone. The robot's head was completely dissected, revealing a huge network of wires, circuit boards, and chips. Tac was preparing to examine all the pieces and it was he who had spoken.
"Will this hurt him?" asked Meta Chain.
"No," replied Tac, sounding as though he deeply wished it would.
Tac picked up one chip near the far end of the mess.
"Oh, goody," he announced, with a complete lack of enthusiasm. "This is Meta Drone's memory database chip. It is undamaged. Looks like he'll still be able to remember all the times he humiliated me."
The Meta Clan exchanged glances. Tac put the chip aside and picked up a new one near the middle of the mess.
"This one's his language chip. Looks like he'll still be able to insult me in every language imaginable."
The Meta Clan exchanged more glances. Tac put that chip next to the first one and picked up a third in the lower-left area.
"This one's his tactics chip. I guess he'll still be able to devise more schemes to besmirch my name."
The Meta Clan exchanged even more glances. This was not the type of step-by-step explanation they had bargained for. Tac placed that chip with the first two and picked up a fourth from the chips closest to him.
"This one's his weaponry chip. He'll still be able to shoot those spears that he's poked me with so many times."
The Meta Clan was getting really nervous by now. They had only twice seen Tac lose his temper. The second time was when he left the Meta Clan and the first was when he destroyed the original Mecha Mole. Needless to say, it wasn't pretty.
"Ooh..." Tac grinned, holding up a fifth piece. "This one's his vocabulary usage chip. It has been almost completely incinerated. He must have been talking at the time."
The Meta Clan watched as Tac placed this chip apart from the others he had already examined. They felt sorry that the chip was so badly damaged, but glad that that seemed to have improved Tac's mood.
"Here's his 'friend or foe' chip," said Tac in a bored tone of voice. "No damage here. He'll still know I'm not to be trusted."
The Meta Clan exchanged glances again, but this time for a different reason.
The examination continued for what felt like hours. After extensive study, Tac had concluded that the following chips were not damaged or easily repairable: teamwork, logic, flight, basic functions, vision, eyepieces, signal, emergency, radio, sensor, procedure, gadget, reaction, the ones stated already and a number of other less-important ones. However the vocabulary usage chip wasn't the only thing that was damaged. The mood chip was somewhat burned. The regulator chip had a piece missing. All information on the battle chip had been erased. The self-repair chip was broken into eight fragments. Lastly, the manual control chip had melted.
Not to mention that most of the wiring had been fried and needed to be replaced.
Tac now positioned himself closer to his collection of Meta Drone's damaged chips. He placed the vocabulary usage chip under a microscope and proceeded to study it.
"My, my," said Tac. "Well, I should have expected as much."
"What?" asked Meta Lance.
"This is very complex artificial intelligence. Not easy to replicate or repair. I wish I had met the mastermind behind this piece of machinery."
"Same here," agreed Meta Knight.
"I shall do my best to fix it," continued Tac, "but Meta Drone may never be the same again."
Tac put that chip aside on a different table and placed the mood chip under the microscope.
"The technology in this chip is even more complex," he said, astounded, "though it is not too badly damaged, it will still be a great challenge to repair."
Tac proceeded to the regulator chip.
"This chip," explained Tac, "regulates all internal functions and electrical currents. The missing piece cannot be replicated, but there is a chance that this will not be a problem for Meta Drone's functions."
Tac proceeded to the battle chip.
"Not even the slightest bit of information here. This chip will need to be replaced. I will create a new one, but I will not be able to maintain his original battle strategy. That was destroyed with the battle chip."
Tac threw away the pieces of the self-repair chip and the warped metal that was once the manual control chip.
"These were irreparable," he explained, "and no replacements can be made. Meta Drone will no longer be able to fix small amounts of damage to his person or be controlled by the panel in his back."
Silence. The members of the Meta Clan were only now realizing that Meta Drone was completely at Tac's mercy.
"Meta Clan," announced Tac, "you must now exit this room. This is a delicate procedure and I must have privacy."
"We have to leave?!" exclaimed Meta Blade. "But... you never needed privacy when fixing stuff for us before."
"Well," replied Tac, "I've never repaired something this complex before. I do require that you return to the waiting room. This may take a while."
After much grumbling and exchanging of glances, the Meta Clan filed out.
Eight hours, twelve minutes and forty-three seconds later, Tac reemerged from the darkness. The Meta Clan stood waiting, anxious looks on their faces. They watched Tac's every movement for some signal... some sign... that the operation had been successful.
Tac opened his sack, pulled out Meta Drone and laid him on the ground.
"This is the moment of truth," said Tac. "This is the moment when we shall all see if my operation succeeded. Meta Drone must only be given power." He pulled a plug from Meta Drone's backside and went over to an outlet, preparing to insert the plug into it. "As always, he will need to charge up in order to function. It is now that I must warn you. Once Meta Drone is activated, there will be no way to turn him off, as his manual control chip is gone. If my repairs have not been successful... I don't know what may happen. Are you sure you want me to do this?"
YES! YES!" shouted the Meta Clan. "PLUG HIM IN!"
"Okay." Tac smiled and inserted the plug.
Meta Drone's yellow eye switched on and he righted himself off the ground. Everyone was watching him... waiting...
A strange sound emanated from Meta Drone. It wasn't his usual monotonic voice, but a whole new type of speech. The accent was disturbing, the voice seemed unnatural, and the words... were so scary that the Meta Clan would be forever haunted by this moment.
"Hey, dudes!" said Meta Drone.
No one moved. They just stood there, staring. This just didn't make sense. It didn't compute.
"Aw man. Thanks fer repairing me an' all, dudes," continued Meta Drone, as if his first words weren't shocking enough. "I mean, I was all dead... like, and then ya saved me so we're all cool now... yeah..."
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?!" burst out Meta Knight.
"I... uh..." faltered Tac. "I fixed him."
"NO YOU DIDN'T!!!"
"Aw, I'm sorreh dudes," interrupted Meta Drone. "I didn' mean ta, like, disappoint ya or anything. I mean, I dun see anything wrong wit me. I know I took that gnarly shock to the system, but everything's cool now." He paused and looked around. "Uh, dudes?"
The Meta Clan was, once again, staring at him wide-eyed.
"Does that sound fixed to you?" said Meta Knight icily.
"Yeah," answered Tac without the slightest hint of sarcasm. "Sure."
"Well, NOT TO ME! YOU HAD BETTER TAKE HIM BACK RIGHT NOW AND RE-FIX HIM! I WANT HIM SOUNDING LIKE HIS OLD SELF AGAIN BEFORE NIGHTFALL!"
"Oh, I can't do that," said Tac.
"WHY NOT?"
"I told you. 'Once Meta Drone is activated, there will be no way to turn him off, as his manual control chip is gone.' That's what I said."
"WHY YOU LITTLE PIECE OF %*$#@!" shouted Meta Knight as he made a motion to draw his sword. Then Meta Knight stopped and stared. There was no sword in his hand... or in its sheath.
"Have you forgotten my other profession, Meta Knight?" gloated Tac. "I thought you might try to hurt me, so I have stolen your weapon."
"Meta Clan," yelled Meta Knight, "attack!"
But the Meta Clan didn't move, they just looked around as if they were trying to locate something.
"I stole their weapons too," explained Tac, "and Meta Drone here doesn't have enough battery charge to hurt me yet."
Meta Knight raced at Tac, but Tac pulled Meta Knight's sword out of the sack and got ready to slice with it. Meta Knight stopped.
"Good boy..." said Tac. "Now, if you don't mind..."
Tac snapped his fingers and suddenly the sounds of a helicopter were heard from above the shop. A ladder dropped through a skylight and Tac climbed onto it.
"You can forget about the advertising deal we had, Meta Knight," shouted Tac above the noise. "I can just sell your weapons and get rich all by myself. Pleasure doing business with you."
Tac grinned and began to climb.
Just then Meta Drone's yellow eye became a little brighter.
"Meta Drone," said Meta Knight quickly, "attack!"
Tac's eyes widened and the Meta Clan could easily see him say the phrase "Uh-oh."
Meta Drone leapt into the air and shot a barrage of spears at Tac, who shrieked and climbed faster, shielding with the sack. Tac was going faster and faster; the sack was getting punctured with dozens of spears... The sack ripped open. The Meta Clan's weapons spilled out. Tac entered his helicopter and sped off into the sunset.
"Aw DUDE!" exclaimed Meta Drone. "That was SWEET. Didja see that? I was all POW, POW, POW! And he was all 'Aaaaah!' And I was all pokin' the spears into his twisted sack. I mean, what a TUBULAR battle, man. Aw, yeah. Peace out, Tac! Yeah, that's right motha %@*$#! In yo FACE!"
The Meta Clan stared at Meta Drone, who was making strange gestures with his body. Then they slowly gathered up their stuff and, along with the "newly-repaired" Meta Drone, flew away on the warpstars.
They never saw Tac again.