Chapter 71: Three's a Crowd
"Meta Lance, be quiet!" said Meta Knight firmly. "Whenever I'm ready to divulge a new plan I shall always tell you and everyone else! Besides, I was just about to say what the new one is and I don't need you to prompt me!"
"Okay, okay," snarled Meta Lance in submission.
"Plan H is simple," continued Meta Knight. "We capture Chuchu before either Kirby or Marx get to her and then use her as a hostage."
Most of the Meta Clan subsequently expressed their dismay at this plan. Chuchu was, after all, an exceptional fighter. Wouldn't capturing her be even more difficult than Kirby?
"You might think that," said Meta Knight, holding up his hand to quiet them, "but I know better. Meta Axe recorded Kirby and Marx's conversation just now. I have already listened to it. As it turns out, Chuchu has the final piece of the star rod. Therefore, Dark Matter will be unable to possess her."
"How does that help us?" asked Meta Blade.
"Let me finish, Meta Blade. As I was saying, the Dark Cloud will, however, be able to incapacitate her with its noxious power. She'll be easy to bag." Meta Knight turned toward the front of the ship. "Meta Axe, watch the radar for signs of Chuchu. Captain, follow Marx, and as soon as we have located Chuchu, make sure to get to her before him. Then you, Sasuke, use the net shooter underneath the ship to grab her and the mechanical arm to load her in through the air lock."
Hello everyone and welcome to the Race for Chuchu! This event is already underway. Don't you just love the excitement!? Well, buckle your seatbelts, because this race-to-the-finish shall span the entire west side of Dreamland!
There they go! Speeding through Grape Garden! Marx is in the lead, followed closely by Kirby. And where are those Meta devils? Well, the arsenal ship had a late start and is already two miles behind! You'd better know what you're doing, you little metal knight, cause you're going to have to really put the pedal to the metal to win this race!
So, Marx and Kirby have reached the first obstacle: a storm in the middle of Grape Garden. I don't like the looks of this. If one of them gets hit by lightning, he can say good-bye to winning the race and maybe even good-bye to keeping his life! They're in! Ooh! That was close! Marx almost took one in the face. Better steer clear of those thunderbolts! You too, Kirby.
They're flying around and the lightning is blasting everything. Oh, my! The thunderbolts have forced Kirby to accidentally collide with Marx! Neither one looks too happy I can tell you! I'm not so sure Marx knew Kirby was following him! But they'd better not stop to fight in that storm! And they don't! Close call there, folks. On with the race!
Has this bought enough time for the Meta Clan to catch up? I guess not! It appears that that arsenal ship is going around the storm! Better safe than sorry, I guess, but that's surely going to take time.
Marx and Kirby have exited the storm! They're neck-in-neck, folks! Nothing can stop them as they plow through the clouds. They must be soaked! I'm sure glad I didn't enter this race! And what's happening now? Is Marx going to attack? Yes! There he goes! He's charging up... Can Kirby dodge whatever is going to come out? Oooh! WOW! Let's watch that in an instant replay. Slow motion!
As you can see, Kirby clearly knows here before the blast that Marx is about to fire. He must know that deep intakes of breath signify that Marx is about to launch an ice bomb. Look at that concentration! Now Marx turns and fires... Kirby pulls out of the way just in time... and the bomb goes into the cloud up above.
What's this, folks? It looks like the bomb detonating in the cloud has caused a hailstorm the likes of which I have never seen! That has got to hurt! I wouldn't even like to imagine what it must feel like to get pelted with golfball-sized hailstones. Ah, they're away from the hail. That scared me for a moment. But well, whaddya know! Both of them seem perfectly fine! Dreamlanders sure are tough to hurt. And big mutated monsters? Don't even get me started!
Still lagging considerably behind, the Meta Clan brings up the rear. Oh, no. It looks like this just isn't their day! Now they have to go around the hailstorm as well!
Now flying high over the ruins of Butter Building, Marx and Kirby are still going strong. No longer battling, both seem intent on winning the race. Both are flattening horizontally to make themselves as aerodynamic as possible! For Marx, that means flying head on! Careful now: bad vision plus high-speed flying is usually followed by crashing.
And the Meta Clan still isn't past the hailstorm! Can't they go any faster? They'll never make it past the other two racers at this rate. I wonder what they're thinking...
"That's good, Captain," said Meta Knight. "Take it slowly."
"Meta Knight," asked Captain Birdbrain. "Are you sure this is what we should do? Marx and Kirby are way ahead of us!"
"I know Captain. As soon as Meta Axe locates Chuchu on the radar, we'll make a break for her."
Marx and Kirby have crossed the mountains into Sand Canyon! And it looks like a sandstorm is brewing! Man, I really wouldn't like to be in their shoes right now! This is the second obstacle. Now Kirby is tilting vertical. Why would he be doing that? Wouldn't it mess up his aerodynamics? Ooh! Now they're in! Nice foresight there, Kirby! As you can see folks, Kirby is using his warpstar as a shield against the oncoming dust. What a clever trick! Marx, however, must be getting a lot of sand in his eyes, not to mention his mouth! How he can stand it, I don't know, but just look at him go! Where is the Meta Clan!
Well, they're about a quarter of the way over the ruins of Butter Building. I don't even know why they entered this race. They simply have no chance of winning against those two bullets!
Anyway, back to the action! Marx still hasn't lost his lead and now Kirby's trying to catch up! That sandstorm certainly provided an interesting twist, didn't it? They're passing over the second mountain range and into Red Canyon! This is where the third-and-final obstacle lies in wait: tall, sharp rock formations! That's right, folks! They have to navigate around and between hundreds of scraggly pillars of rock! Whoa! Careful, Marx! That huge wingspan of yours is sure to present some difficulties. But Kirby glides through like a hot knife through butter. Smooth as can be!
Now they're neck-in-neck again! No, Marx is in front. No, Kirby's in front! Now Marx! Now Kirby! Now Marx!!! Now they're tied and speeding up! Oh, I almost can't watch!
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" screamed Kirby.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" screamed Marx.
CRASH!!!
And there's the finishing blow! There you have it, folks! Just as I predicted! That is why you should always follow the speed limit! That mountain is going to have their face-prints in it for centuries to come.
Now, let's get back to the Meta Clan, shall we? Well, they're just now entering the sandstorm, but since they're in a ship, that's really no problem. Let's wait and see what happens.
"Sir," said Meta Axe, "Kirby and Marx have stopped moving."
"Let me see," said Sasuke, glancing over at the radar screen. "Well, it seems that they have both slammed themselves into the mountain range on the far side of Red Canyon in their effort to reach Chuchu before each other."
A number of the Meta Clan laughed, including Meta Knight.
"Well," he chuckled, "I suppose we won't have to make a dash for Chuchu after all. Captain, maintain our current velocity and pilot us over to Marx and Kirby."
And so... yawn... the Meta Clan exit the sandstorm. And then they lazily fly through Red Canyon... Between the rock pillars... Just keep going... Don't stop... Soooooooooooooo boring.
And now they're flying up to the other racers. This is the first time, since the race began, that the Meta Clan has been in the lead, but now they're stopping. Why, Meta Knight? Why are you stopping when victory is just ahead?!
Kirby had hit the rock headfirst and was now stuck in it. His warpstar had overheated and fallen to the floor of Red Canyon in flames. Marx didn't look much better.
"Shall we kill them, Sir Meta Knight?" asked Captain Birdbrain.
"Definitely, Captain," answered Meta Knight. "Sasuke, fire the lasers directly at Kirby and continue the stream until there is a hole right through his body."
"Right-o, Sir!" replied Sasuke.
The guns aimed... and... clicked a number of times.
"Oh, no," said Sasuke.
"What now?" complained some of the Meta Clan.
"The guns are clogged with sand," explained Sasuke. "We can't fire."
Captain Birdbrain swore loudly.
"Aw, man," said Meta Drone. "Plan I failed, dudes."
"Plan I?" hissed Meta Lance. "I don't remember that one."
"He must have interpreted firing our lasers just now as another plan," said Meta Knight dejectedly. "Oh, well. At least Chuchu is still out there. Plan H can still succeed. Besides, these two," he motioned at Marx and Kirby, "have no chance of getting to her before us. Let's get going again."
"But, wait," rumbled Big Wheelie. "Why don't we just ram our ship into them repeatedly and reduce them to pancakes like foes under my rolling body?"
"Don't you remember?" answered Meta Sword. "If this ship sustains even the slightest breach, Dark Matter will seep in and possess us all. Ramming repeatedly into stone would not be very safe."
"Captain," commanded Meta Knight, "keep going in the direction Marx was headed when he crashed. Meta Axe, keep watching for Chuchu. And Sasuke, get ready with the net."
And the ship is moving again! You go, Meta Knight! Folks, you can all learn a lesson today from the Meta Clan. "Slow and steady wins the race."
The Meta Clan found Chuchu on outskirts of Big Forest.
The capture was quick. Sasuke launched the net (actually, it was more of a bag or sack), which encased Chuchu. He then picked it up with the ship's mechanical arm and placed it in the air lock, which then activated, dumping the bag (with Chuchu inside it) into the ship with the Meta Clan.
Chuchu pounded against the bag, but to no avail. Its string was lined with a flexible, yet unbreakable metal.
"You let me out of here!" she shrieked, no longer restricted by the Dark Cloud. "When Kirby finds out you captured me, he'll massacre you!"
"Really now," said Meta Knight softly. "Do you seriously want to be released again into the Dark Cloud?"
Chuchu was silent and Meta Knight grinned behind his mask.
"Captain," he said, "take us back to Kirby."
Kirby had gotten another warpstar and flown towards Big Forest. The arsenal ship greeted his arrival.
"Kirby," said Meta Knight into a microphone inside the ship that led to a speaker on the outside, "do not come near. We have captured Chuchu and are prepared to do with her whatever it takes to make you stay back."
"How do I know you've captured Chuchu?" replied Kirby. "All your ship looks like is a black blob."
Meta Knight gave another microphone to Meta Sword, who put it next to Chuchu's bag. He then poked her with a little electric gizmo that Escargoon had brought down from the cargo car.
There was a zapping noise and Chuchu shrieked in pain.
"Chuchu!" yelled Kirby.
"Don't come closer," warned Meta Knight, "or we'll do it again. And this time it'll be longer."
"What do you want from me?!" shouted Kirby.
"Just a moment," said Meta Knight, turning to the rest of his crew, who were all shouting at him to make Kirby do different degrading things. He covered the mike and said, "We are not here to humiliate Kirby; we are here to kill him! What I need is a suggestion for something that Kirby could do that would lead to his demise."
Meta Lance: "Make him swim into Acro's cave!"
Meta Sword: "Make him unplug our guns!"
Meta Blade: "Make him surrender to Marx!"
Meta Chain: "Make him dance!"
"Make him dance?!" interrupted Meta Knight.
"Sounds good to me," commented the legendary Crazed Donut Hole General.
"None of these will work," continued Meta Knight. "We've got to think of something that he won't suspect is a trap. Something simple, yet deadly. Maybe something others have tried and not survived."
"Make him go inside Titan Tower!" shouted Meta Axe.
"Now that's more like it!" said Meta Knight. "Thank you, Meta Axe!" He then said into the phone, "Kirby, follow this ship, but don't come any closer than you are now."
Remember how I said that Titan Tower is said to reach the heavens? Well, it really does. If you ever fly up it on the outside (it looks like a huge, round, grey pillar), you will eventually come to a point where it reaches the clouds. Once above the cloud line, however, it will have vanished. No one has ever seen its top. Even if you come from above and try to land on top of it, you'll always miss and end up beside it again. Plus, the entire structure is made out of a super-super-hard metal alloy that includes compressed carbon. There is said to be a treasure at its top of unimaginable worth, but none who ever entered the building (up until this point in the story at least) have ever come out again. Well, actually some have, but not until everyone they know has died of old age. Don't get it yet? You will next chapter.
Kirby followed the arsenal ship all the way to Titan Tower in the southwest part of Rainbow Resort.
"Now, Kirby," said Meta Knight. "Enter this building and I swear, on the Code of the Meta Clan, that I will set Chuchu free."
Meta Sword had already removed the microphone from Chuchu's side, so Kirby did not hear her yells of "Don't do it, Kirby!"
"But, Meta Knight," said Kirby, "I was always warned not to go into Titan Tower."
"Really?" said Meta Knight in mock-surprise. "How come?"
"No one's ever returned after going in."
"Oh, do you really believe those stories? Look, all you have to do is take a peek in there. Just walk inside the door. Come back out and Chuchu will be right there waiting for you."
"That's all I have to do?"
"Just go in and I swear Chuchu will be released."
"Okay..."
"Kirby!" shouted Gooey from the phone. "What are you doing?! NEVER GO IN TITAN TOWER! YOU HEAR ME? NEVER!!!"
Kirby closed the connection.
Everyone in the arsenal ship held their breath.
Kirby dismounted the warpstar and took a single step inside.
Instantly the door clanged shut behind him and locked. The warpstar then disappeared.
There were great cheers and whoops from the Meta Clan.
"Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!" said Meta Drone. "Plan H succeeded dudes! Like, whoop-de-doo and yay too!"
"Noooooooooooooooooo!" screamed Chuchu.
"Are we winning?" asked the legendary Crazed Donut Hole General.
"Against Kirby," said Meta Knight triumphantly, "we have won."
Meta Knight had Captain Birdbrain fly the arsenal ship back to Red Canyon.
Meta Knight then used the mike to call into the night, "Dark Matter! This is Meta Knight from the Meta Clan! Now that you have won the war, I have a little present for you! It's annoying, wears a bow, and will transform into a slug when I release it into your Dark Cloud!"
Marx flew slowly down in front of the ship.
"Excellent," he said, grinning maliciously.