The Battle Within
Disclaimer: I know, I know. I don't own them. Don't sue me.
Arnold Rimmer stood in his cramped sleeping quarters on Starbug, staring into the mirror before him with a solemn expression. His hard light image had projected dark circles under his eyes. Although holograms didn't technically need to sleep, it was possible for them to; and it was a sensation Rimmer quite enjoyed. He hadn't slept well the past few weeks. The dark circles seemed to be the light bee's way of reflecting his internal mood more than any physical problem. He felt exhausted and more than a little depressed.
Receiving the hard light drive from Legion had initially seemed like a dream come true. It took him that step closer to feeling complete again, to feeling like a person instead of a ghost. It was only as time had passed that he had realised the awakening of his senses - his touch, taste and smell - while in some ways magical, had also reawakened some other feelings that weren't so wonderful. Feelings that he had tried to bury long ago. He had realised that it had granted only a part of his dream and had highlighted more than ever the part of it he could never ever have.
He sat down on Lister's bunk and ran his hand lightly over the blankets, brushing away some crumbs as he did so. After the accident, he and Lister had inevitably become closer. They had no-one else, after all. Lister had become his only companion, his confidante and the best friend he'd ever – or rather never – had in his life. And over time, he'd also slowly become the object of Rimmer's fantasies. They had started out as dreams; probably just as a reaction to their deepening friendship. Dreams of talking and laughing together, just having fun. But the dreams had changed. They'd become more intense, more intimate; evolving finally into explicit sexual fantasies that he had no control over. Rimmer had developed a crippling crush on his roommate.
He'd squashed the feelings. Beaten them down mercilessly and buried them under the garden patio of his mind. It had been pointless to try and do anything else. Even if he'd had the courage to act on his desires, even if Lister had reciprocated, Rimmer was a hologram. And holograms and humans couldn't touch.
Only now, thanks to Legion, they could. Which was causing havoc with Rimmer's emotions.
He lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. It was too late to change things now. How could he find a way to broach the subject when he'd fought against it himself for so long? How could he even think of dredging this ugly mess up when they'd lived together as friends all these years? He couldn't. It was as simple as that. He'd fought it once; he could fight it again. And he would have to.
At that point, Lister himself stuck his head through the door. "Hey," he said, then blinked in surprise, "How come you're on my bunk?"
"Sorry," Rimmer sat up weakly, "I just flopped down. Wasn't thinking."
Lister shrugged amiably, "Meh. Doesn't bother me. Just thought you wouldn't have liked the toast crumbs, that's all. Listen, the port engine's making a weird kind of rattly noise. I think I should go check it out. Can you come give me a hand?"
"Sure," Rimmer stood up and followed him out.
They were only a little way down the corridor when the ship suddenly lurched violently to one side. They tumbled into the wall and fell in a heap, struggling to get to their feet as the ship swayed crazily beneath them. "I guess the engine packed up after all!" Lister yelled over the red alert siren that had started to howl.
"You think?" Rimmer yelled back, "What a brilliant deduction! A round of applause for Listy!"
"Look, leave off the sarcasm and get up will you? You're crushing my arm! We need to get to the cockpit; the guys are going to need us!" Staggering against the shifting floor, and hanging onto each other for balance, they managed to get to the cockpit and drop into their seats.
"We've got to try and land, Sirs!" Kryten shouted, "We'll never be able to fix the engine while we're airborne! It'd be like trying to hand-stitch one of the Cat's collar designs in an earthquake!"
"And you don't even wanna try that," Cat agreed earnestly.
"There's a small moon about thirty clicks away; looks like our best hope!" Rimmer yelled, scrutinising his screen.
"Copy that," Kryten agreed, "Scan reports mild climate and no signs of life. I think we should be safe. Let's take her down!"
Pitching madly from side to side like a ferry in choppy weather, Starbug descended through the clouds and juddered to a stop on the moon's surface. Lister looked up, his face slightly green; "That," he said weakly, "Was not very nice. I nearly threw up the vindaloo I had for tea."
"Thanks for sharing, bud," The Cat moved himself back slightly, just in case.
"What happened to the engine, Krytes?" Lister asked.
"The disruption seems to have been caused by a connection working loose," Kryten replied, tapping at his screen, "Should be easy enough to fix."
"Good. Well, let's get on with it then, and be on our way," Rimmer said briskly.
"If I may suggest, sir, it might be wise to have a look round here before we leave. If the climate is indeed temperate there is a chance we may find something edible growing in the area that we could stock up on; perhaps even take a cutting to grow our own supplies on board."
"Whatever," Lister shrugged, "Let's just do it in the morning, okay? It looks dark out there. I don't fancy going strawberry-picking with a torch. Come on," he stood up and stretched, "Let's see if we can get that engine fixed before bed."
As the crew slept, some time later, a dark shadow approached the ship. There was a short chime of metal and then the hatchway door hung open. The shadow slipped through and into the heart of Starbug. It followed its senses, an intuition leading it to what it wanted. If anyone had been awake, they might have heard the steady clunk of hooves striking the grated floor.
Lister and Rimmer did not awaken as the door to their quarters hummed open and something ducked through the hatchway. The shadow fell across Lister's bunk and for a moment, just a moment, he stirred. At the same time, Rimmer whimpered softly in his sleep across the room. The shadow hesitated, then wafted a vial of sweet-smelling oil beneath Lister's nose. Lister blinked awake, the sharp scent rousing him. He wrinkled his nose, "Hm...? Wha...?" But then the full force of the aroma hit him. It filled his head; it seemed to fill his entire world. "...fwoof..." he said softly, just before it knocked him out altogether.