Chapter 82: Really Gooey

The second maximum tomato-carrying warpstar returned to the dock with its cargo still riding on top of it. Gooey noticed the warpstar's arrival on one of the many computer monitors in his office.

Gooey stood in his office chair. His unusual anatomy prevented him from "sitting down". Gooey was basically a dark blue blob with eyes and a big mouth. The eyes were pretty standard, but they could look in different directions at the same time. The mouth also contained a very long prehensile tongue, which Gooey used for all actions that would normally involve his nonexistent hands. The tongue was also dry and devoid of taste buds.

Curious as to why Kirby had not accepted this second maximum tomato, Gooey used his tongue to dial up the cell phone on his speakerphone.

After a loud beep, the phone replied, "We're sorry, your call cannot be completed as dialed. The person you are trying to reach is either out of range or their phone has been disabled. Please try your call again later."

Gooey quickly pressed the "hang up" button on the phone before it could emit more loud beeps.

Gooey's computers showed that Kirby's warpstar had been destroyed and that the Great Star Rod of Light's position in Dreamland was currently static. Also they no longer showed the location of Dark Matter's eye, which meant that all of Dark Matter's thoughts were no longer focused in the eye.

These three facts together could only mean one thing: Kirby had been possessed by Dark Matter.

Gooey sat there, stunned. He knew, however, that Kirby wasn't dead, because his computer mainframe still read that his job hadn't failed. But, how could Dark Matter be defeated now?

The intercom that connected Gooey with the kitchens suddenly relayed Chef Kawasaki's voice.

"Should I make another maximum tomato for Kirby?" asked the wonder-cook, his perpetually jolly voice breaking the silence.

Gooey's tongue lay limp on the desk as if still in shock, but he replied nonetheless. Gooey could, because of the way his mouth was designed, talk perfectly normally with his tongue sticking out.

"Kirby..." he said slowly, still barely believing it, "has been... taken... by Dark Matter."

"What?!" came Chef Kawasaki's predictable reply.

"Yes. It looks like I have fulfilled my duty. My job... is over. The other Protectors... if there are any left... will take it from here. The Star Warrior death tradition continues."

"You can't say that, Gooey. Kirby's not dead. He can still be saved! Your computer hasn't sounded the 'mission failed' alarm, has it?"

"Well, no..."

"Then you still have a job to do."

"But... I haven't gone on an active mission in 376 years by the Odnetnin calendar."

"Better late than never! C'mon! You go win one for Dreamland! And Chuchu'll help ya!"

"This... doesn't sound like the best of ideas, Kawasaki."

"Gooey, buddy, you have to. It is your job as the last remaining Protector of Pop Star. If you can do this, you'll be a big step closer to accomplishing everything you have worked for. You can do it! Then Kirby will do it! Everybody wins! It's your last and greatest adventure, Gooey. Rise to meet the occasion!"

"I highly doubt this will be my grandest adventure yet, Kawasaki, but... you're right... about everything else. And, in that case, there's no time to lose. Chuchu will not like being left waiting! Good-bye, Kawasaki, old friend. I'm off!"

You've probably been waiting for this for the whole story, haven't you, readers? Well, this is it. I'm finally going to tell you the location of Gooey's base of operations on Pop Star! It is... high above the huge, nameless ocean southwest of Red Canyon.

Gooey's home is a hovering fortress, which is concealed inside an immensely dangerous, artificial storm.

The fortress floats on the nameless material used to create warpstars, but Gooey only managed to invent warpstars after he figured out how to concentrate that type of matter into a denser form.

You might wonder, however, why the fortress never moves from that one obscure spot. Well, it is because of the pipe that runs down from it to the bottom of the sea, which transports up, from within Pop Star, the special type of fuel needed to power the warpstar matter. The pipe is hidden inside a tornado, which extends into a whirlpool underwater.

At the very top of the storm, there is a hole where the winds cancel each other out. This is the only place where anything can enter or exit the base. And it was through this hole, that Gooey, riding on a warpstar, flew.

Chuchu was indeed beginning to get impatient and annoyed. How could the battle be taking this long? It was really frustrating not being able to see how things were going down there.

It was then that Gooey's warpstar floated down beside her.

Chuchu turned, surprised, and said fiercely, "I don't know who you are, but you'd better have a good explanation as to how you're riding a warpstar. If you're some thief, then this is the end of the l-"

"Recognize my voice, Chuchu?" interrupted Gooey in his signature smart-alec tone of voice.

"Hey, how'd you know my n-" Chuchu stopped for a moment, eyes widening as comprehension hit her. "Gooey?" she said tentatively.

"In the flesh."

"B-but," stammered Chuchu, "why are you, like, here? And... what are you?"

"Beg pardon?"

"I can't say this is how I've, like, pictured you."

"Oh. That." Gooey's right eye looked downwards while the left stayed fixed on Chuchu. "According to certain genetic studies, I am one of the many biological anomalies of Halfmoon, and, for reference, Marx was another. I do not remember my birth or infancy, as few organisms do, so I have no clue as to my own origin. I moved here from Halfmoon when a computer virus corrupted all my files. It's pointless to tell you my life story and I'm not answering any questions concerning how I had access to technology in the first place. Besides, the more pressing matter is that Kirby has been taken by Dark Matter, and now I have come to save him, with your help, of course."

This was the second shock Chuchu had gotten in less than two minutes. The two things she had least expected to happen, Gooey appearing in front of her and Kirby getting possessed, had occurred.

"What?!" she shrieked. "No! That's not possible! Are you sure he's really..."

"Chuchu," said Gooey very seriously, "I'm always sure. You said it yourself: 'Star Warriors never win.'"

"But that can't possibly be reason enough for him to get possessed! I've seen Kirby perform amazing feats. Yeah, with MY OWN EYES. Not like you, Mr. Disembodied Voice!"

"Look! I'm here now, aren't I? When I need to help actively, I do. It's just that passive instruction has been my procedure for the past few centuries. Now are you going to help me or not?"

"Well, yeah, I mean, but, look, um... Do you even have a plan?"

"I'm not one to run blindly into bad situations. Planning is what I do. You should know this by now."

"So, do you have one?"

"Of course I have a plan, Chuchu. Weren't you paying attention? No one but Meta Knight can think up a plan faster than I. Oh, and speaking of Meta Knight, do you know where he went off to?"

"Uh, no. I guess not, but somehow he lost his mask. He attacked Kirby and me before the Ripple Star Fairies arrived. Then he disappeared."

"Hmm. Very strange. Well, let's hope he stays gone. We're vulnerable without Kirby, so we must avoid detection by any enemy at all costs. We'll not get Kirby back using brute force. Our only remaining edge is the element of surprise."