Another scream shattered the now non-peaceful atmosphere of Rivendell. Erestor pressed his hands against his ears trying desperately to muffle the sound. Glorfindel sat in front of him on the couch of his office, smirking at his discomfort.
"BY ERU! When will all this end!? When will Elrond return and put a stop to this infernal shrieking!?" Erestor raised his voice louder than anyone, except for Glorfindel, had ever heard it. And Glorfindel had heard it only when it was his own name.
Celebrian had tied up the Farspeak line all week, complaining and shrieking at her mother about the problems with elves, and how unsatisfactory her marriage was.
"NANA! Do you know what my scumbag of a husband did!?"
Galadriel only answered with another question.
"Daughter! Do you want to know what your scumbag of a father did!?"
And on and on it went, till Erestor thought his ears would burst. And every year it was like this, for fourteen long weeks. He prayed to Iluvátar that something or someone would rescue them from the torment.
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"Oh, Teleporno and Orgasm-O, must you leave me?" The elleth pressed her hand to her forehead in distress, pleading the two disguised elflords not to leave her.
"Nay, my fair maiden," Celeborn boomed, wrapping his cape around himself dramatically. "But we must go off, and fight evil and frustration in other talans!" Elrond joined him at the window, and together the two jumped heroically out the window. However, they had forgotten how high the elleth's talan actually was, and fell a considerable way.
CRASH! BANG! SPLAT!
Elrond peeled himself off of Celeborn, as he heard the elleth call down to see if they were alright.
"Oh, yeah," he called up. "Every things great!" Reaching out, he pulled Celeborn to his feel, and dusted himself off.
"Elrond, we gotta work on our exit." Celeborn said, then quickly pulled Elrond into the bushes with him, as a familiar elf approached.
"Who would do such a thing," Haldir walked by muttering to himself. "And it was my favorite volume at that." The pout on his face was pitiful, and Celeborn knew immediately what he was referring to.
"We can't let him see us, or our cover will be blown," Celeborn hissed, pressing their bodies further back into the bushes.
"Ya know, if I am going to be this deep in the bush, I'd prefer it be Celebrian's," Elrond muttered under his breath.
Suddenly both elves ears perked up at what at first seemed to be a cry for help, but in reality was a cry of frustration. Quickly both ran towards a talan across the way and rushed up the steps. They breezed past a very confused Haldir…
"Hey, wait a sec!" He hollered after them. But it was too late, they had already disappeared into the talan.
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An elleth sat on Rumil's bed, crying her eyes out.
"Honey, I am so sorry, but I have had a stressful day, what with Elrond having to bunk with me. And all his incessant chattering about Celebrian has thrown me for a loop." He pleaded with the poor female to stop crying. "I didn't think it would affect my performance!"
Elrond winced when he heard the confession, but quickly masked his emotions.
"STAND ASIDE, OH PUNY ONE!" Celeborn and Elrond marched in and stood proudly before the two.
The elleth's eyes bugged out at the sight of the impressive elfhood of the silver clad elf and bulge of the black one. Rumil just narrowed his eyes at the intrusion and thought that the duo seemed vaguely familiar.
"Excuse me, but you are intruding on something…" Rumil sneered.
"Nothing! They are intruding on nothing! Cause you can't get it up tonight!" The poor elleth sobbed into her hands.
Celeborn and Elrond flew to her side, "Do not let this poor excuse for a lover get you down, Fair One, for Teleporno and Orgasm-O will aid you in your search for ULTIMATE PLEASURE!"
"Hey! Now I know why I recognize you! Get away from my elleth, FREAKS…" The rest of what Rumil was going to say was muffled as Celeborn and Elrond grabbed him and threw him out of the talan.
"Now back to our mission," they said together as they turned back to the wide-eyed elleth.
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Haldir looked at his Rumil in shocked as his brother landed on his rump before him. "What is going on here? Something is definitely amiss in our fair city tonight!"