Note: Elrond's song is sung to the tune of "Underdog"
-----------------
Thranduil stood with his arms folded, his piercing blue eyes staring holes in Celeborn and Elrond, waiting for an answer.
The two superheroes blushed a bright fuchsia under the King of Mirkwood's gaze. Celeborn was the first to recover while Elrond just stood there still trying to cover the jagged hole he'd cut in his leggings with his hands.
"What are you doing in Imladris, Thranduil? Don't you have your own kingdom to run?" Celeborn asked, staring right back at Thranduil, his hands on his hips.
"If you must know, Mirkwood had an extraordinarily large harvest this season. I had a surplus of wine, and thought to bring some to Elrond. Now, if you don't mind, I am dying to hear exactly what you two are up to in those get-ups."
"Do you like them?" Celeborn asked, rather proud of his costume. "We had them specially made for us in Lorien."
"You look like idiots."
"You're just jealous because you don't have one."
"I wouldn't wear one even if I did have one, especially if my Elfhood left as much to be desired as yours," Thranduil said, pointedly looking down at the large opening in Celeborn's leggings.
"It's cold in here!"
"It's not that cold. The High Pass isn't that cold!"
Erestor chose that moment to wake from his faint. Seeing the two Lords still in their costumes, he began to shriek once again, covering his eyes with both hands.
"For Eru's sake, Glorfindel, do something with him, will you?" Thranduil ordered, holding his hands over his ears in a vain attempt to keep out Erestor's piercing shrieks.
Holding his throbbing head with one hand, Glorfindel grabbed Erestor's left foot with the other, and dragged him from the room, still shrieking.
Sighing, Celeborn decided to just tell the truth. It was better than standing there being ridiculed by Thranduil.
"Galadriel is on the rag."
Thranduil's countenance changed in a nanosecond. "Oh, my dear boy, I understand completely."
"Fourteen weeks of ducking vases, shoes, mugs, pitchers, and anything else she can get her bloated fingers on; I needed a diversion."
"Of course, of course, completely understandable."
"For my part," Elrond explained, finally letting go of his crotch, "Celebrian threw me out, simply because I, um…well…I am over seven thousand years old, you know these things happen to an Elf every so often."
"Females! Now do you see why I never remarried?" Thranduil remarked, throwing his hands up in the air. "You can't live with them, and you can't ship them off to Valinor."
The three Elves nodded in sympathy with each other.
------------------------------
Celeborn and Elrond crouched on the balcony outside of Celebrian's bedroom. Elrond peeked in through the curtains, watching Celebrian change into her nightgown. Celeborn noticed that 'little Elrond' seemed quite pleased with what he was seeing.
"Is she in bed, yet?"
"No, she's just slipping into her nightgown."
Celeborn waited a moment before asking again, "Is she in bed, yet?"
"Yes, but she's…she's…er…stretching."
"Stretching?"
Elrond shot Celeborn a look that told The Silver Lord it would be prudent for him to shut up.
"For the love of Arda, Elrond, get in there and help her stretch! That's what we're here for! And don't forget the theme song!"
Elrond rolled his eyes at Celeborn, but gamely began singing as he jumped through the curtains into the bedroom. Thranduil had helped pen Elrond his own theme song, and he knew that if he didn't sing it, Celeborn would. He mightily preferred if Celebrian did not know that the Lorien Lord was listening on the patio.
"There's no need to fear, Orgasm-O is here!
Speed of lightning, Power of thunder
Finding g-spots, Wand of Wonder!
Orgasm-O, Orgasm-O!"
It was short, but it made Elrond feel a little more included in the whole superhero thing.
Elrond leapt to the foot of the bed, standing with his hands on his hips, staring down at his wife, who currently had both hands working busily under the covers.
"Elrond? What the hell?"
"Shh, my dear heart, it is not Elrond - it is Orgasm-O! I am here to give you pleasure beyond the scope of Elven understanding!" Elrond cried, striking a pose with one finger pointing to the sky. Well, one finger, and "Little Elrond" pointing to the sky.
"Oh, my…um…Orgasm-O, please don't let my husband see you here!" Celebrian said, in a very over-the-top tone, one hand placed dramatically over her forehead.
"Nay, Fair One, he is in Lorien, sobbing in his cups because you have argued, but let us not speak of him. Let us speak only of us!"
"Oh, what are you going to do with me, Orgasm-O" Celebrian asked shyly, as befitting an innocent Elleth. She was really getting into it, now.
"First, I will tear the nightgown from your body, then I will ravish you!"
From out on the balcony, Elrond heard Celeborn snorting. He made a mental note to pummel the Lorien Lord when he was through with his wife.
"Did you hear something, El…er, Orgasm-O?" Celebrian asked, craning her neck toward the curtains.
"No, no, nothing at all." Elrond bent and grabbed hold of Celebrian's nightgown. Giving a mighty tug, he tore the fabric with a loud ripping sound.
"Geez, I just bought that nightgown," Celebrian muttered, fingering the ruined fabric.
Elrond bit back a retort about Celebrian never sticking to a budget, and flung himself down on the bed on top of his wife.
On the balcony, Celeborn, sat with his back against the wall, both hands clasped over his mouth in an effort to stop the guffaws from erupting at the corny dialog and extremely bad acting he was hearing.
Luckily for him, the dialog stopped when the bed began creaking.