As the sun poked its head over the silver tops of the Misty Mountains, the group of travelers, led by the two superheroes were already well on their way to Lorien.  

Legolas seemed to have developed a severe case of hero worship for Teleporno, having attached himself at the hip to masked sex crusader. He plied him with questions for hours, until Celeborn was tempted to knock Greenleaf Greenleaf unconscious with his own mithril crown.  

"Do you really have sex all the time? I SO wanna have sex all the time! Aren't those leggings really drafty though? I wouldn't want to catch a cold in my wiener. How would it sneeze? Eww. But I really wanna be your sidekick too. Can't you have two sidekicks? Please? I can be 'Penis Boy,' or something. Please?" Legolas prattled on non-stop for hours, occasionally flipping his hair back.  

"Your Ada said 'no' Legolas." 

"But…but…" 

"No buts about it, Legolas. No means no. Now go bother Elrond, for a while." 

Legolas pouted for the rest of the afternoon, but at least he did it quietly. 

The trip was the longest Celeborn could remember. Between Legolas' constant prattle, and Elrond's bragging over his exploits with Celebrian, and Thranduil's continual sarcastic barbs, he thought they might never arrive in Lorien. The only quiet one was the new Elf, Celebdreth, and, quite frankly, he made Celeborn nervous. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but something was a tad bit worrisome about the Elf. Shrugging it off, he was pleased to finally see the borders of Lothlorien come into view. 

Urging his horse into a gallop, his cape flying out behind him, Teleporno led the thundering group into the forest of Mallorns. Skidding to a halt, he very nearly had his horse impaled on the myriad of arrows pointed in his direction from the squad of wardens who had appeared out of the brush. 

"Halt! Who enters the Golden Wood?" Haldir asked imperiously, stepping forward. 

"Golden Wood? Hey, that's what I call my…" 

"Shut up, Legolas…he didn't mean that Golden Wood," Thranduil said, smacking his son upside the back of his head. 

"Haldir…" whispered Celeborn, not willing to give away his identity to the entire troop of elves, "it's me…Celeborn." 

Haldir cocked an eyebrow, as Celeborn leaned down and allowed Haldir to peek under his mask.

Clearing his throat, Celeborn announced loudly, "It is I…Teleporno, and my trusty sidekick, Orgasm-O, come to deliver pleasure to all who seek it in your fair city! Oh, and we bring a few friends…Thranduil, King of Mirkwood, his son, Prince Legolas, and a friend of theirs, Celebdreth." 

"Penis Boy…not Legolas," Legolas said petulantly, under his breath, earning frowns from the rest of the group. 

"Um..okaaay…sure…let them pass…" Haldir said, motioning for his wardens to back off. He pulled on Celeborn's arm as he passed, whispering, "I expect my comic to be back in my talan where it belongs before I get back from border patrol, Teleporno…" 

Celeborn gave Haldir a curt nod, and led his group into the forest, in the direction of the Caras Galadhon.  

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Arriving in the city, Celeborn pulled Elrond to the side, whispering, "I want to introduce myself to Galadriel, come on…" 

"Uh uh. No way. Not a chance in Mordor, pal. I am not going within 10 feet of her PMSness." Elrond said, shaking his head vigorously. 

"What do you mean? I came with you when you visited Celebrian! You don't have to come in…just stand out on the balcony like I did!" 

"No way, Jose. Celebrian isn't all spooky like your wife is, Celeborn…Galadriel will know I'm there. And if I were you, I'd wait until dark. It'd be much more impressive." 

"Fine, you coward. I'll go alone. Might as well hit the baths now, then." 

"Good idea…you smell like a dead oliphaunt." 

"A bath I may need, but insults from my cowardly side-kick, I don't need, Elrond." Celeborn dismounted, and led the way to the communal baths.  

No one noticed Legolas slip away, and head into the city proper. 

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Dusk had fallen, and the twinkling lights of the city sparkled in the night sky. Celeborn made his way to the Royal Talan, climbing up the mallorn the back way so that he could get to the balcony that hung from his and Galadriel's bedroom.  

Just as he was about to open the door that led from the balcony into the bedroom, he heard someone jump over the railing, landing just behind him. 

Thinking Elrond had changed his mind, he spun around, a smile on his face. The smile froze as he saw who had joined him on the balcony. 

"Never fear, Teleporno…Penis Boy is at your side!"

Legolas stood behind Celeborn, his hands on his hips, grinning broadly. His face was covered with a leaf-shaped mask that sparkled with glitter. He was dressed in a crotchless body suit, of a bright green, with "PB" in giant gold letters on his chest. Just above his proud erection, the words, "Golden Wood" were spelled out in sparkling rhinestones. He spun around in a full circle, showing his costume off for Celeborn. Celeborn noticed that, not only was Penis Boy's leggings crotchless, they were backless too. Legolas' firm backside peeked out from the hole, and for the briefest moment, Celeborn wished he had thought of that first. Penis Boy's cape was more like a shawl, only coming down to his waist. Celeborn realized it was so that it wouldn't cover the view of Legolas' butt. 

"Well…what do you think? I had it made while you were in the baths. Can I be your sidekick now? Can I? Come on…please?" 

Celeborn looked toward the door to his bedroom, where a light had just flickered on. "Okay, okay…just shut up! I don't want Galadriel to know you're here…as a matter of fact, why don't you go pounce on some Elleth, and get in some practice," he said, shooing Legolas off the balcony.  

Taking a deep breath, Celeborn flung open the doors to the bedroom, and stepped inside.