After Amy gave Bruce directions to the cabin, they sat quietly with the
radio playing while Bruce drove. Amy cuddled Bruce's arm against the
console and soon fell asleep. He didn't mind; it gave him more time to
think about Amy and the situation with Mia.
How to tell Amy? It's funny what intimacy can do to people: If Bruce would've gotten the news just a day ago, he would've just asked Amy to lunch or dinner and told her straight out. Now he's beating himself in the head, trying to find the right way to tell her. A warm feeling rushed his body; his feelings for Amy consumed him. She was a loyal and dependable friend; she was also the love of his life.
No matter how hard Bruce tried to keep his distance, Amy worked her way into his heart. He would only be lying terribly if he denied being completely in love with her. Trying to keep his feelings locked up had eaten him up inside. It didn't make any sense to him; they had completely opposite personalities. –If anyone was his contradiction, it was Amy. Yet he also knew they wanted the same things in life. Bruce realized that Amy made him complete; they balanced each other out.
He lowered his head and breathed in her hair. He loved how she felt, how she smelled. How she looked at him, how she needed him. How she looked for him, looked up to him. It wasn't a lustful moment, it was a comforting moment. Bruce was at ease with Amy by his side. She made him feel needed. She respected him, admired him. And now she desired him. That is all he really ever wanted in life. He like finally made sense.
Even if Mia was pregnant, Bruce was sure it wouldn't scare Amy off. She would understand the circumstances. He realized that telling Amy wasn't going to be difficult; dealing with the situation was. Bruce didn't know if the responsibility of the baby would fall entirely on him like it did with Rebecca. He would never falter on his responsibilities. Bruce believed children were precious gifts, not burdens to bear. He was confident that the second time around would even be easier: he had Rebecca and Amy's help. And with Amy came the rest of the Grays. Bruce would have ten times the support he had with Rebecca.
Bruce hoped that Mia would feel more obligated with this second child, but he didn't have much faith. It saddened him to think that he now might've brought two children into the world with this irresponsible woman. He had to have faith that if it really did get Mia pregnant, it was God's will. Bruce was certain that the ONE time they slept together, he used protection correctly and it did not fail. So if this was his child, it was meant to be.
He was giving too much thought to the situation: nothing was certain yet. He was confident that it couldn't be his child. He had taken the right precautions, even in the moment of weakness. He became irritated with himself: He wasn't the type to dwell on mistakes, but this wasn't just any mistake. He had sex with Mia out of the frustration that was consuming him over Amy.
It was the night after Amy broke down in his arms again in her office, not long after he told her that he was against interracial relationships. One minute he was telling her that he would never be with a woman outside of his race, the next he is telling Amy that all he wants is her happiness while holding her in his arms. His mind had started the conversation and his heart ended it. Regardless, his words to her that day tormented him and he couldn't understand why. He really believed what he said, or so he thought. Why would what he said stop him from being there for her. Bruce didn't understand why, but something wasn't right about his conversation with Amy.
His mind kept replaying the encounter with Amy. It was driving him crazy that it kept replaying in his head and it was driving him crazy that he didn't know why it was stuck in his mind. He had a few drinks that night in order to unwind and go to sleep. The alcohol didn't work, so Bruce decided that sex might. He hadn't had any in a very long time and Mia had been trying to get him to. He didn't dismiss Mia's advances toward him that night.
Even though she had no desire to remain tied down, Mia enjoyed
visiting Bruce in the bedroom, so she tried on occasion. They had been
at odds, but Mia did make an advance toward Bruce. He accepted to her
surprise and to his regret. His remorse the next day combined with him
saying another woman's name (unknown to him) prompted Mia's rapid
departure. She knew things finally ended between them. She didn't
really want to be the woman in his life, but she knew he still wanted
her to be. It was a weird feeling knowing he now wanted someone else.
She knew it was time for her to leave.
Bruce was his own worst critic. He beat himself up for mistakes he made. Sleeping with Mia was out of character for him. He went back on what he had sworn; keeping things impersonal until Mia decided to settle down. Bruce tried to conduct himself in a manner that would demand nothing less than respect. He was frustrated with the surroundings of his life at the moment. He began questioning what he was doing at this moment here and now. Bruce was a man who used his mind to guide him; using his heart proved difficult.
Was it appropriate to be running away with Amy? –Well it seemed too late to ask that question. The tension built up between them almost guaranteed that they would have sex. Did he want to rush into a physical relationship with her? He wanted a lasting relationship more than anything. Bruce had a nagging feeling that their getaway was another choice he made in a moment of weakness. He had to fix it... But how?
It wasn't right to toy with Amy's feelings but he couldn't just cancel their plans. She needed this time away. The truth was: so did he. Bruce decided he would talk to Amy and set things straight. This wasn't going to be an escapade. They would use the time to talk things out. He had plenty on his mind and he was sure Amy did too. He wanted her in his life forever and he needed to make sure that Amy wanted the same. He wasn't going to make the same mistake he made with Mia. He was older and wiser. He had more at stake. Besides, neither of them were sexually void –they were emotionally void.
Bruce had driven outside of Hartford for almost an hour before getting to the supermarket. The time alone had put many things in perspective, it settled him. He nudged Amy to wake her.
"Amy... Amy wake up. We're at the A&P. Do you want me to get the food?" She stretched, yawned, looked at Bruce and smiled. Amy felt more rested from that one hour than she had in months.
"No, I'm up. Your turn for a nap, while I get the food."
"We're only spending two days. What were you planning on getting that I would be able to get a nap?"
"C'mon, I'm going to be at least 20 minutes. That's a good nap. Or do you want to come with me?"
"If I take a nap, I may not want to wake up. It's already one in the morning, way past the time I'm used to staying up."
"I tell you what: I feel really refreshed from my nap. Crawl into the passenger seat while I get the groceries. We're not more than 20 minutes from the cabin. I won't wake you till we get there."
"Are you sure?" With his thoughts in order, sleep was falling heavy upon Bruce.
"Yeah. Get to sleep. I'll be fine."
Bruce realized the value of falling in love with a good friend; he would never have felt right about doing this with another love interest. Amy continued to show him what he'd been missing out of life.
"This is a safe area? You'll be alright?" he asked with a yawn.
"I used to do this at 16. I think I can still handle it. I'm going now. C'mon and get in this side."
Amy went into the store and Bruce got into her side. He situated himself while he watched her go in. The area looked like Mayberry, so he figured it was harmless. He fell sound asleep in less than a minute.
How to tell Amy? It's funny what intimacy can do to people: If Bruce would've gotten the news just a day ago, he would've just asked Amy to lunch or dinner and told her straight out. Now he's beating himself in the head, trying to find the right way to tell her. A warm feeling rushed his body; his feelings for Amy consumed him. She was a loyal and dependable friend; she was also the love of his life.
No matter how hard Bruce tried to keep his distance, Amy worked her way into his heart. He would only be lying terribly if he denied being completely in love with her. Trying to keep his feelings locked up had eaten him up inside. It didn't make any sense to him; they had completely opposite personalities. –If anyone was his contradiction, it was Amy. Yet he also knew they wanted the same things in life. Bruce realized that Amy made him complete; they balanced each other out.
He lowered his head and breathed in her hair. He loved how she felt, how she smelled. How she looked at him, how she needed him. How she looked for him, looked up to him. It wasn't a lustful moment, it was a comforting moment. Bruce was at ease with Amy by his side. She made him feel needed. She respected him, admired him. And now she desired him. That is all he really ever wanted in life. He like finally made sense.
Even if Mia was pregnant, Bruce was sure it wouldn't scare Amy off. She would understand the circumstances. He realized that telling Amy wasn't going to be difficult; dealing with the situation was. Bruce didn't know if the responsibility of the baby would fall entirely on him like it did with Rebecca. He would never falter on his responsibilities. Bruce believed children were precious gifts, not burdens to bear. He was confident that the second time around would even be easier: he had Rebecca and Amy's help. And with Amy came the rest of the Grays. Bruce would have ten times the support he had with Rebecca.
Bruce hoped that Mia would feel more obligated with this second child, but he didn't have much faith. It saddened him to think that he now might've brought two children into the world with this irresponsible woman. He had to have faith that if it really did get Mia pregnant, it was God's will. Bruce was certain that the ONE time they slept together, he used protection correctly and it did not fail. So if this was his child, it was meant to be.
He was giving too much thought to the situation: nothing was certain yet. He was confident that it couldn't be his child. He had taken the right precautions, even in the moment of weakness. He became irritated with himself: He wasn't the type to dwell on mistakes, but this wasn't just any mistake. He had sex with Mia out of the frustration that was consuming him over Amy.
It was the night after Amy broke down in his arms again in her office, not long after he told her that he was against interracial relationships. One minute he was telling her that he would never be with a woman outside of his race, the next he is telling Amy that all he wants is her happiness while holding her in his arms. His mind had started the conversation and his heart ended it. Regardless, his words to her that day tormented him and he couldn't understand why. He really believed what he said, or so he thought. Why would what he said stop him from being there for her. Bruce didn't understand why, but something wasn't right about his conversation with Amy.
His mind kept replaying the encounter with Amy. It was driving him crazy that it kept replaying in his head and it was driving him crazy that he didn't know why it was stuck in his mind. He had a few drinks that night in order to unwind and go to sleep. The alcohol didn't work, so Bruce decided that sex might. He hadn't had any in a very long time and Mia had been trying to get him to. He didn't dismiss Mia's advances toward him that night.
Even though she had no desire to remain tied down, Mia enjoyed
visiting Bruce in the bedroom, so she tried on occasion. They had been
at odds, but Mia did make an advance toward Bruce. He accepted to her
surprise and to his regret. His remorse the next day combined with him
saying another woman's name (unknown to him) prompted Mia's rapid
departure. She knew things finally ended between them. She didn't
really want to be the woman in his life, but she knew he still wanted
her to be. It was a weird feeling knowing he now wanted someone else.
She knew it was time for her to leave.
Bruce was his own worst critic. He beat himself up for mistakes he made. Sleeping with Mia was out of character for him. He went back on what he had sworn; keeping things impersonal until Mia decided to settle down. Bruce tried to conduct himself in a manner that would demand nothing less than respect. He was frustrated with the surroundings of his life at the moment. He began questioning what he was doing at this moment here and now. Bruce was a man who used his mind to guide him; using his heart proved difficult.
Was it appropriate to be running away with Amy? –Well it seemed too late to ask that question. The tension built up between them almost guaranteed that they would have sex. Did he want to rush into a physical relationship with her? He wanted a lasting relationship more than anything. Bruce had a nagging feeling that their getaway was another choice he made in a moment of weakness. He had to fix it... But how?
It wasn't right to toy with Amy's feelings but he couldn't just cancel their plans. She needed this time away. The truth was: so did he. Bruce decided he would talk to Amy and set things straight. This wasn't going to be an escapade. They would use the time to talk things out. He had plenty on his mind and he was sure Amy did too. He wanted her in his life forever and he needed to make sure that Amy wanted the same. He wasn't going to make the same mistake he made with Mia. He was older and wiser. He had more at stake. Besides, neither of them were sexually void –they were emotionally void.
Bruce had driven outside of Hartford for almost an hour before getting to the supermarket. The time alone had put many things in perspective, it settled him. He nudged Amy to wake her.
"Amy... Amy wake up. We're at the A&P. Do you want me to get the food?" She stretched, yawned, looked at Bruce and smiled. Amy felt more rested from that one hour than she had in months.
"No, I'm up. Your turn for a nap, while I get the food."
"We're only spending two days. What were you planning on getting that I would be able to get a nap?"
"C'mon, I'm going to be at least 20 minutes. That's a good nap. Or do you want to come with me?"
"If I take a nap, I may not want to wake up. It's already one in the morning, way past the time I'm used to staying up."
"I tell you what: I feel really refreshed from my nap. Crawl into the passenger seat while I get the groceries. We're not more than 20 minutes from the cabin. I won't wake you till we get there."
"Are you sure?" With his thoughts in order, sleep was falling heavy upon Bruce.
"Yeah. Get to sleep. I'll be fine."
Bruce realized the value of falling in love with a good friend; he would never have felt right about doing this with another love interest. Amy continued to show him what he'd been missing out of life.
"This is a safe area? You'll be alright?" he asked with a yawn.
"I used to do this at 16. I think I can still handle it. I'm going now. C'mon and get in this side."
Amy went into the store and Bruce got into her side. He situated himself while he watched her go in. The area looked like Mayberry, so he figured it was harmless. He fell sound asleep in less than a minute.