Amy walked into the supermarket. She was relieved it was still in the same
place. Bigger and nicer, but still the same place. She grabbed a shopping
cart and hurried down the aisles.
It had been almost 20 years that she last visited. She laughed to herself; back 20 years later, sneaking away with a boy again. Well not a boy this time, but a man. Amy smiled from ear to ear, thinking about her evening so far with Bruce. She was keyed up about what the weekend might have in store for them.
"Hmm Is Bruce a cereal or eggs and bacon kind of guy?" Amy pondered. –Cereal suited a 2 day trip the best. Then it hit Amy; she was going to wake up with Bruce in the morning. Bruce! If someone told her during the day that she was going to get away for the weekend with Bruce, she would have laughed them off. Everything happened so suddenly. Just this morning, she was miserable over David. All she wanted was someone to talk to. Well no, she really wanted someone to comfort her. That was the real reason for flipping out on Bruce that morning. Bruce had always been her comforter, but he had refused to do it while she was with David. Amy felt abandoned by David and Bruce. She hated the way that sounded –as if she had two men in her life... The reality was: she did.
She had David for her physical needs and since he was emotionally unavailable, she wanted Bruce for her emotional needs. What an ugly truth, but the truth nonetheless. She used Bruce for what she couldn't get out of relationships. He could make sense out of her messed up life. He helped her straighten her life out. Every time Amy wasn't right with the world, Bruce could fix it. They had once discussed how they always hated each others choices in significant others. –Amy didn't want anyone cashing in on what she had vested. She wondered if Bruce felt the same. It seemed obvious to her that if their work situation was different, she would've pursued a relationship with Bruce. The truth was that she did once, but he shot her down. Amy believed Bruce when he told her he had no romantic feelings for her; it hurt, but she loved Bruce so much that she did what was necessary to keep him in her life.
Amy was flying through the aisles: peanut butter, jelly, crackers, chips, orange juice, milk, cold cuts...
What had happened today? Her spirits dampened a little. She was afraid that she had made another decision out of desperation. Amy didn't know how to rationalize the day's events. She had a failed wedding, then a 7 month relationship with someone emotionally crippled. She was slightly guilt ridden now because it wasn't fair to put the blame entirely on David. She knew up front what David had been though and had pursued him regardless. Amy quickly snapped out of it; All in all, she had given David all of her. Amy had tried harder than she had in any other relationship since her marriage to Michael. She couldn't understand why. What was it about David that kept her intrigued? "Misery must really love company," she thought.
She didn't hate David, but she didn't want to hurt anymore. David just wasn't able to give her what she needed. The decision she had made tonight, between these two men, was simple: Amy knew that David couldn't care for her the way that Bruce already did. She was glad to quit chasing David. It was too tiring and the end result was never lasting when she did catch him.
Amy totally believed what she had said to Bruce: all she wanted was to be the center of the universe in someone's world. Call it spoiled; call it what you like it: Amy had to be real. She had grown up being daddy's girl, and that is what she wanted out of her adult relationships. It wasn't that a man had to wait on her hand and foot, he just had to acknowledge that she was an important part in his life. Make the sacrifices that she was making herself. She didn't think it was too much to ask. Stu was so involved with himself, David was so enthralled with his late wife. Amy didn't want to belittle the trauma that David must've gone through, she could never really understand, but she couldn't sit in the sidelines waiting for David to substitute her for Kelly. Here was Bruce, who would take her as she is, and treat her like she wanted. Amy was finally putting herself first, and she wasn't going to feel guilty about it.
"...A few apples, bananas. A loaf of bread. A couple of frozen pizzas. Ice cream. Beer..."
Why would she look a gift horse in the mouth? Amy no longer questioned the day's events. She didn't feel guilty about her decision or what she was doing. The manner in which she ended things with David was his own doing. David insisted on Amy explaining herself: so she did. After everything he put her through, she no longer felt like being civil with him. Amy needed things that David couldn't provide, he needed to know. "Isn't that what dating is about? Getting to know someone to see if they're right for you?" she thought. Not one more thought was going to be spent on Mr. McClaren. She had already wasted too much time doing that.
"...Almost forgot the plates and napkins. Oh and toilet paper. And candles. My this is getting rather complicated..."
Complicated, but she figured it was worth it. She didn't need to have sex with Bruce, she didn't lack physical needs as much as emotional needs. Amy just needed to spend time with her friend. Bruce had been her most reliable friend. Well if you don't include him skipping out on her wedding. –But she now understood why he did, Amy livened up again as she remembered his words, "No other man would ever be good enough." She had wanted Bruce for so long, and he finally reciprocated.
After trying so hard for so long, he finally returned her love.... Mr. Tough Guy. She laughed thinking about how hard Bruce tried to portray a certain image with her, but he could never fool her. There were too many instances that they read each other's minds. This stern and physically intimidating man would go through hoops protecting her, attending to her –giving her what she wants. Bruce always compromised: whether it was what to eat for lunch, or how to spend a weekend together. Without ever being intimate, they already had a beautiful relationship.
Knowing Bruce as well as she did, sex wasn't going to be on the agenda anyway. Amy believed Bruce probably took things slow. He had high morals. He was religious. And the cabin did provide plenty of privacy if she was wrong! Kissing him was wonderful, she couldn't begin to imagine the rest. Ok, she could. Chills ran through out Amy's body....
She was stuck in a trance until a stock boy asked her if she was ok. "...Oh yeah, fine thanks. I was just wondering where I could find the air freshener?..."
Amy shook the fantasy out of her mind. Just as she had waited for Bruce to return her affections, she would wait for him to take things to the next level. They had spent the night together before without it going too far. And that was at a very vulnerable time for both of them. If they had control then, they could easily have it now. Amy was happy just passing the time with Bruce. Anything worth while was worth waiting for.
"Ok, time to check out." Amy paid for the groceries and headed back to the Navigator with peace of mind.
She loaded the groceries, and then climbed in the vehicle. Bruce was out cold. He didn't even budge when Amy started the vehicle. She turned the radio on. Luther Vandross was singing "The Closer I Get To You" with Beyonce.
The closer I get to you
The more you make me see
By giving me all you've got
Your love has captured me
Amy reached for Bruce's hand again. The song couldn't be more appropriate.
Over and over again
I try to tell myself that we
Could never be more than friends
And all the while inside
I knew it was real
The way you make me feel
Could it be? Had Amy actually found happiness? At that moment, it felt like the beginning of the rest of her life.
It had been almost 20 years that she last visited. She laughed to herself; back 20 years later, sneaking away with a boy again. Well not a boy this time, but a man. Amy smiled from ear to ear, thinking about her evening so far with Bruce. She was keyed up about what the weekend might have in store for them.
"Hmm Is Bruce a cereal or eggs and bacon kind of guy?" Amy pondered. –Cereal suited a 2 day trip the best. Then it hit Amy; she was going to wake up with Bruce in the morning. Bruce! If someone told her during the day that she was going to get away for the weekend with Bruce, she would have laughed them off. Everything happened so suddenly. Just this morning, she was miserable over David. All she wanted was someone to talk to. Well no, she really wanted someone to comfort her. That was the real reason for flipping out on Bruce that morning. Bruce had always been her comforter, but he had refused to do it while she was with David. Amy felt abandoned by David and Bruce. She hated the way that sounded –as if she had two men in her life... The reality was: she did.
She had David for her physical needs and since he was emotionally unavailable, she wanted Bruce for her emotional needs. What an ugly truth, but the truth nonetheless. She used Bruce for what she couldn't get out of relationships. He could make sense out of her messed up life. He helped her straighten her life out. Every time Amy wasn't right with the world, Bruce could fix it. They had once discussed how they always hated each others choices in significant others. –Amy didn't want anyone cashing in on what she had vested. She wondered if Bruce felt the same. It seemed obvious to her that if their work situation was different, she would've pursued a relationship with Bruce. The truth was that she did once, but he shot her down. Amy believed Bruce when he told her he had no romantic feelings for her; it hurt, but she loved Bruce so much that she did what was necessary to keep him in her life.
Amy was flying through the aisles: peanut butter, jelly, crackers, chips, orange juice, milk, cold cuts...
What had happened today? Her spirits dampened a little. She was afraid that she had made another decision out of desperation. Amy didn't know how to rationalize the day's events. She had a failed wedding, then a 7 month relationship with someone emotionally crippled. She was slightly guilt ridden now because it wasn't fair to put the blame entirely on David. She knew up front what David had been though and had pursued him regardless. Amy quickly snapped out of it; All in all, she had given David all of her. Amy had tried harder than she had in any other relationship since her marriage to Michael. She couldn't understand why. What was it about David that kept her intrigued? "Misery must really love company," she thought.
She didn't hate David, but she didn't want to hurt anymore. David just wasn't able to give her what she needed. The decision she had made tonight, between these two men, was simple: Amy knew that David couldn't care for her the way that Bruce already did. She was glad to quit chasing David. It was too tiring and the end result was never lasting when she did catch him.
Amy totally believed what she had said to Bruce: all she wanted was to be the center of the universe in someone's world. Call it spoiled; call it what you like it: Amy had to be real. She had grown up being daddy's girl, and that is what she wanted out of her adult relationships. It wasn't that a man had to wait on her hand and foot, he just had to acknowledge that she was an important part in his life. Make the sacrifices that she was making herself. She didn't think it was too much to ask. Stu was so involved with himself, David was so enthralled with his late wife. Amy didn't want to belittle the trauma that David must've gone through, she could never really understand, but she couldn't sit in the sidelines waiting for David to substitute her for Kelly. Here was Bruce, who would take her as she is, and treat her like she wanted. Amy was finally putting herself first, and she wasn't going to feel guilty about it.
"...A few apples, bananas. A loaf of bread. A couple of frozen pizzas. Ice cream. Beer..."
Why would she look a gift horse in the mouth? Amy no longer questioned the day's events. She didn't feel guilty about her decision or what she was doing. The manner in which she ended things with David was his own doing. David insisted on Amy explaining herself: so she did. After everything he put her through, she no longer felt like being civil with him. Amy needed things that David couldn't provide, he needed to know. "Isn't that what dating is about? Getting to know someone to see if they're right for you?" she thought. Not one more thought was going to be spent on Mr. McClaren. She had already wasted too much time doing that.
"...Almost forgot the plates and napkins. Oh and toilet paper. And candles. My this is getting rather complicated..."
Complicated, but she figured it was worth it. She didn't need to have sex with Bruce, she didn't lack physical needs as much as emotional needs. Amy just needed to spend time with her friend. Bruce had been her most reliable friend. Well if you don't include him skipping out on her wedding. –But she now understood why he did, Amy livened up again as she remembered his words, "No other man would ever be good enough." She had wanted Bruce for so long, and he finally reciprocated.
After trying so hard for so long, he finally returned her love.... Mr. Tough Guy. She laughed thinking about how hard Bruce tried to portray a certain image with her, but he could never fool her. There were too many instances that they read each other's minds. This stern and physically intimidating man would go through hoops protecting her, attending to her –giving her what she wants. Bruce always compromised: whether it was what to eat for lunch, or how to spend a weekend together. Without ever being intimate, they already had a beautiful relationship.
Knowing Bruce as well as she did, sex wasn't going to be on the agenda anyway. Amy believed Bruce probably took things slow. He had high morals. He was religious. And the cabin did provide plenty of privacy if she was wrong! Kissing him was wonderful, she couldn't begin to imagine the rest. Ok, she could. Chills ran through out Amy's body....
She was stuck in a trance until a stock boy asked her if she was ok. "...Oh yeah, fine thanks. I was just wondering where I could find the air freshener?..."
Amy shook the fantasy out of her mind. Just as she had waited for Bruce to return her affections, she would wait for him to take things to the next level. They had spent the night together before without it going too far. And that was at a very vulnerable time for both of them. If they had control then, they could easily have it now. Amy was happy just passing the time with Bruce. Anything worth while was worth waiting for.
"Ok, time to check out." Amy paid for the groceries and headed back to the Navigator with peace of mind.
She loaded the groceries, and then climbed in the vehicle. Bruce was out cold. He didn't even budge when Amy started the vehicle. She turned the radio on. Luther Vandross was singing "The Closer I Get To You" with Beyonce.
The closer I get to you
The more you make me see
By giving me all you've got
Your love has captured me
Amy reached for Bruce's hand again. The song couldn't be more appropriate.
Over and over again
I try to tell myself that we
Could never be more than friends
And all the while inside
I knew it was real
The way you make me feel
Could it be? Had Amy actually found happiness? At that moment, it felt like the beginning of the rest of her life.