Chapter 28 Now Waltz Me Around Again, Willie
"My lord, I have brought you a most interesting subject." Lucius Malfoy's strong arm propelled Maura over to the throne in the middle of the dark, dank cave. He bowed to Voldemort, kissed the hem of his robe, rose, and put the palm of his hand on Maura's shoulder, shoving her down to her knees.
Maura glared at him. "I don't kneel to anybody!" She attempted to rise and found that she couldn't move. "You and your damned Stupefy!" she shouted.
Indulgently, Malfoy patted her head. "Of course, you couldn't know, child. It's not Stupefy; it's Immobilis."
She made herself look at Voldemort. "Hello, Tom Riddle," she said loudly. "You don't look so good for a half-breed."
A moment later, she regretted it: her face stung from an invisible slap. The Dark Lord glowered at her, then at Lucius. "What is this? A Muggle guttersnipe? Why do you bring me such an offensive creature? Kill it and be done with it!"
Malfoy smirked. "My lord, Draco tells me that you were particularly interested in the wizard that brought the Muggle scientist Holmes to Hogwarts. It was no wizard; it was this female. She says she's a writer, and she has amused me to no end with her ability to write herself in and out of trouble."
Voldemort looked confused. "Explain yourself, Lucius. You are trying my patience."
Lucius put his hand under Maura's elbow and effortlessly brought her to her feet. He put his arm around her waist and pulled her against his side. He squeezed her bottom, leering at her. "Tell the Dark Lord what you have done, my dear," he said.
"Get your hand off my bum!"
Lucius sniggered. "Now, my dear, don't make the Dark Lord impatient. Shall you tell him, or shall I?"
"Knock yourself out."
"Apparently she wrote this Holmes to Hogwarts. It was not even her creation; another Muggle author wrote a series of tales about one Sherlock Holmes and his adventures in pursuing and capturing criminals. This one merely wrote yet another tale, setting the character in Hogwarts."
Voldemort sniffed. "That's absurd, Lucius. If it were fact, I could have written those who oppose me into oblivion many years ago; it can't be done. It would take powerful magic to animate the idea of a character into flesh. She could not have done it by herself; she has no magic." He paused, and his forked tongue flicked out, tasting the air. "Someone helped her." He grinned, his short, sharp reptilian teeth showing in his cavern of a mouth. "Yesssss.... someone helped her. Now, who could it be?"
Maura looked up at Lucius. "Oh, I don't know what you're talking about. Is it about – a limp biscuit?" She smiled engagingly at him.
Lucius' brows drew together and he pursed his lips. "I will do something awful to you," he murmured.
Maura grinned. "You already have, lover."
"GAAAAAHHHHHH!" Lucius pulled his wand out of his cane and pointed it at her.
"Wow! So that's the famous pimp cane! Can I see it?"
Desperately, Maura tried to blank her mind. If Voldemort found out about Hermione, hell's bells.... She remembered that he too was a Legilimens. She felt the slimy tendrils of his consciousness tickling her brain. Oh, no, you don't...
There was an old party from Ghent
Whose dick was so long that it bent!
To save himself trouble, he put it in double,
And instead of coming, he went!
Aye, aye, aye, aye,
In China they eat it with chili;
So here comes another verse
That's worse than the other verse,
Now waltz me around again, Willie!
Lucius' face had turned an unattractive shade of purple. He screwed up his face and bellowed, "Stop it! Stop that hideous gabble at once!"
Maura leered at him.
There once was a fellow named Billy,
Who thought that discretion was silly.
He jumped on a table with his old Auntie Mable
And shagged till he wore out his Willie!
Aye, aye, aye, aye....
"Crucio!"
Maura looked at Voldemort. "Ding, dong, the witch is dead, which old witch, the wicked one...." She let Judy Garland play in her head, top volume, to hide her jubilation. It didn't work! Crucio didn't work on her!
"Get her out of here!" roared Voldemort. Lucius grabbed her by her arm and pulled her up. "Mobilicorpus!" he yelled, and towed her away. "I will find her accomplices, my lord," he shouted over his shoulder.
"See that you do, Lucius. I lose patience with you!" answered Voldemort.
Harry looked dubiously at the bowl on the bed-table in front of him. "I don't know if I can do this," he said to Ron, who sat cross-legged on the end of his bed.
"You have to try, mate. Madam Pomfrey won't let you out of here if you don't have breakfast, and porridge really is your best bet." Ron scooped up a large spoonful of his own porridge, hot and creamy and dotted with currants and raisins. "It just wants a little sugar."
Sister Agrippina, bustling by, remarked, "Sugar is poison. I'll get ye some honey."
Ron sniggered. "She's a little portly, ain't she? Dippin' in the honey jar, I'm sure."
"I heard that, Weasley," said Agrippina, returning with a bear-shaped honey pot. She looked sharply at the redhead out of green hazel eyes flecked with gold. "When ye're a man ye'll appreciate full-figured women." She thrust the honey jar at him and swayed off, swishing her ample hips.
Harry dribbled some of the honey over his porridge and sampled a small spoonful. "Not bad," he remarked, and had another spoonful. At least it was staying down. He had suffered three terrible days of fever, coughing and throwing up. His strength was returning, as was Ron's, but it was strange not to have one's magic about.
"There's got to be a way to return our magic," Harry said, thoughtfully licking his spoon clean before shovelling another spoonful of porridge into his mouth. "If we only knew how it happened..."
"I'll bet Mr Holmes knows," Ron stated. "He's the Great Detective, and I shouldn't be surprised if he's got it all figured out."
"Then why don't we know?"
Ron considered. "Good question. See, if Hermione---" He looked down, and then up at Harry. "We've got to do what she'd do," he said. "She'd – she'd walk right up to Mr Holmes and ask him."
"Sure! No reason why we couldn't do that! He's quite pleasant actually."
"He's working with Snape just now." Ron made a face indicating what he thought of Professor Snape.
"I don't like the thought of going into the greasy git's lair," said Harry. "Perhaps we can find him when he's not with Snape." His green eyes snapped. "A soon as Madam Pomfrey lets me out of here, let's do just that. We'll find out where Mr Holmes is, and wait until Snape's not with him."
:"Cor!" remarked Ron. "It's yer old self back again, Harry! Where'd you put that invisibility cloak, mate?"
"It's in a box under my bed, but do you think we really need it? Everything's upside down, with the Great Hall full of sick wizards and all the staff running about. I don't think anyone will notice us."
Ron considered. "Well, maybe not. It may be hard to separate Snape and Holmes, though; they're working night and day, says Madam Pomfrey."
Harry swivelled around and dangled his legs off the edge of the bed. "Snape comes up here to see to Hermione quite often, doesn't he? I'll bet he leaves Holmes in the laboratory at those times."
Ron clapped his hand over his mouth, and his face paled. Harry followed his glance, to see Severus Snape enter the Infirmary, looking more like an anaemic bat than ever. Right behind him was Sherlock Holmes; wearing borrowed robes smirched with Merlin knew what, looking rather mussed and weary himself. The boys froze. Snape spoke briefly to Madam Pomfrey, who drew back the curtain around Hermione's bed, and closed it again behind both men.
"What do you think they're doing?" whispered Harry. He put a hand clammy with fright on Ron's arm. "Holmes was carrying that case in which he keeps his big needle."
Ron turned faintly green. "Ewww," he whispered back. "I thought they were going to stick me with that bloody great thing, but they didn't, they only used it to take blood out of some of the patients."
"Yes, they took some from Seamus Finnegan, and he didn't even faint." Harry wrung his hands. "Ron, I couldn't bear it if Hermione doesn't get better. I'm scared for her, and I don't know what, if anything, we can do to help her."
Ron nodded. "Me too, I couldn't bear it, and I don't want to think of it." Resolutely he lifted his chin. "Think positively, Harry."
With that, the curtain around Hermione's bed drew back, and Sherlock Holmes emerged, closing it behind him, but not before Harry and Ron saw a frail white arm reach around Snape's back, the hand clutching his hair.
"Come on!" Ron helped Harry to stand up, and both of them intercepted Holmes as he headed for the door.
"What's happening to Hermione? Is she going to make it?" "Did you give her medicine, is it helping? I saw her reach around Professor Snape..."
Both boys spoke at once.
Holmes put his hands on their shoulders. "Now, boys, there is reason to be optimistic regarding Miss Granger's health, but you must have patience. She must rest, and eat when she is able, and by tomorrow morning, she will probably be most happy to see you both."
"Thank you! Thank you!" "Mr Holmes, thanks for saving our Hermione!" Again, both boys spoke at the same time.
Harry stepped closer to the detective. "I couldn't be happier that she's going to get well, sir, but I am eager to know if you and Professor Snape are working on getting our magic back."
"Of course, my boy. It is proving to be quite a challenge, but I believe we are on the right path. Oh, by the way, have you seen Longbottom? We need him in the laboratory."
"My lord, I have brought you a most interesting subject." Lucius Malfoy's strong arm propelled Maura over to the throne in the middle of the dark, dank cave. He bowed to Voldemort, kissed the hem of his robe, rose, and put the palm of his hand on Maura's shoulder, shoving her down to her knees.
Maura glared at him. "I don't kneel to anybody!" She attempted to rise and found that she couldn't move. "You and your damned Stupefy!" she shouted.
Indulgently, Malfoy patted her head. "Of course, you couldn't know, child. It's not Stupefy; it's Immobilis."
She made herself look at Voldemort. "Hello, Tom Riddle," she said loudly. "You don't look so good for a half-breed."
A moment later, she regretted it: her face stung from an invisible slap. The Dark Lord glowered at her, then at Lucius. "What is this? A Muggle guttersnipe? Why do you bring me such an offensive creature? Kill it and be done with it!"
Malfoy smirked. "My lord, Draco tells me that you were particularly interested in the wizard that brought the Muggle scientist Holmes to Hogwarts. It was no wizard; it was this female. She says she's a writer, and she has amused me to no end with her ability to write herself in and out of trouble."
Voldemort looked confused. "Explain yourself, Lucius. You are trying my patience."
Lucius put his hand under Maura's elbow and effortlessly brought her to her feet. He put his arm around her waist and pulled her against his side. He squeezed her bottom, leering at her. "Tell the Dark Lord what you have done, my dear," he said.
"Get your hand off my bum!"
Lucius sniggered. "Now, my dear, don't make the Dark Lord impatient. Shall you tell him, or shall I?"
"Knock yourself out."
"Apparently she wrote this Holmes to Hogwarts. It was not even her creation; another Muggle author wrote a series of tales about one Sherlock Holmes and his adventures in pursuing and capturing criminals. This one merely wrote yet another tale, setting the character in Hogwarts."
Voldemort sniffed. "That's absurd, Lucius. If it were fact, I could have written those who oppose me into oblivion many years ago; it can't be done. It would take powerful magic to animate the idea of a character into flesh. She could not have done it by herself; she has no magic." He paused, and his forked tongue flicked out, tasting the air. "Someone helped her." He grinned, his short, sharp reptilian teeth showing in his cavern of a mouth. "Yesssss.... someone helped her. Now, who could it be?"
Maura looked up at Lucius. "Oh, I don't know what you're talking about. Is it about – a limp biscuit?" She smiled engagingly at him.
Lucius' brows drew together and he pursed his lips. "I will do something awful to you," he murmured.
Maura grinned. "You already have, lover."
"GAAAAAHHHHHH!" Lucius pulled his wand out of his cane and pointed it at her.
"Wow! So that's the famous pimp cane! Can I see it?"
Desperately, Maura tried to blank her mind. If Voldemort found out about Hermione, hell's bells.... She remembered that he too was a Legilimens. She felt the slimy tendrils of his consciousness tickling her brain. Oh, no, you don't...
There was an old party from Ghent
Whose dick was so long that it bent!
To save himself trouble, he put it in double,
And instead of coming, he went!
Aye, aye, aye, aye,
In China they eat it with chili;
So here comes another verse
That's worse than the other verse,
Now waltz me around again, Willie!
Lucius' face had turned an unattractive shade of purple. He screwed up his face and bellowed, "Stop it! Stop that hideous gabble at once!"
Maura leered at him.
There once was a fellow named Billy,
Who thought that discretion was silly.
He jumped on a table with his old Auntie Mable
And shagged till he wore out his Willie!
Aye, aye, aye, aye....
"Crucio!"
Maura looked at Voldemort. "Ding, dong, the witch is dead, which old witch, the wicked one...." She let Judy Garland play in her head, top volume, to hide her jubilation. It didn't work! Crucio didn't work on her!
"Get her out of here!" roared Voldemort. Lucius grabbed her by her arm and pulled her up. "Mobilicorpus!" he yelled, and towed her away. "I will find her accomplices, my lord," he shouted over his shoulder.
"See that you do, Lucius. I lose patience with you!" answered Voldemort.
Harry looked dubiously at the bowl on the bed-table in front of him. "I don't know if I can do this," he said to Ron, who sat cross-legged on the end of his bed.
"You have to try, mate. Madam Pomfrey won't let you out of here if you don't have breakfast, and porridge really is your best bet." Ron scooped up a large spoonful of his own porridge, hot and creamy and dotted with currants and raisins. "It just wants a little sugar."
Sister Agrippina, bustling by, remarked, "Sugar is poison. I'll get ye some honey."
Ron sniggered. "She's a little portly, ain't she? Dippin' in the honey jar, I'm sure."
"I heard that, Weasley," said Agrippina, returning with a bear-shaped honey pot. She looked sharply at the redhead out of green hazel eyes flecked with gold. "When ye're a man ye'll appreciate full-figured women." She thrust the honey jar at him and swayed off, swishing her ample hips.
Harry dribbled some of the honey over his porridge and sampled a small spoonful. "Not bad," he remarked, and had another spoonful. At least it was staying down. He had suffered three terrible days of fever, coughing and throwing up. His strength was returning, as was Ron's, but it was strange not to have one's magic about.
"There's got to be a way to return our magic," Harry said, thoughtfully licking his spoon clean before shovelling another spoonful of porridge into his mouth. "If we only knew how it happened..."
"I'll bet Mr Holmes knows," Ron stated. "He's the Great Detective, and I shouldn't be surprised if he's got it all figured out."
"Then why don't we know?"
Ron considered. "Good question. See, if Hermione---" He looked down, and then up at Harry. "We've got to do what she'd do," he said. "She'd – she'd walk right up to Mr Holmes and ask him."
"Sure! No reason why we couldn't do that! He's quite pleasant actually."
"He's working with Snape just now." Ron made a face indicating what he thought of Professor Snape.
"I don't like the thought of going into the greasy git's lair," said Harry. "Perhaps we can find him when he's not with Snape." His green eyes snapped. "A soon as Madam Pomfrey lets me out of here, let's do just that. We'll find out where Mr Holmes is, and wait until Snape's not with him."
:"Cor!" remarked Ron. "It's yer old self back again, Harry! Where'd you put that invisibility cloak, mate?"
"It's in a box under my bed, but do you think we really need it? Everything's upside down, with the Great Hall full of sick wizards and all the staff running about. I don't think anyone will notice us."
Ron considered. "Well, maybe not. It may be hard to separate Snape and Holmes, though; they're working night and day, says Madam Pomfrey."
Harry swivelled around and dangled his legs off the edge of the bed. "Snape comes up here to see to Hermione quite often, doesn't he? I'll bet he leaves Holmes in the laboratory at those times."
Ron clapped his hand over his mouth, and his face paled. Harry followed his glance, to see Severus Snape enter the Infirmary, looking more like an anaemic bat than ever. Right behind him was Sherlock Holmes; wearing borrowed robes smirched with Merlin knew what, looking rather mussed and weary himself. The boys froze. Snape spoke briefly to Madam Pomfrey, who drew back the curtain around Hermione's bed, and closed it again behind both men.
"What do you think they're doing?" whispered Harry. He put a hand clammy with fright on Ron's arm. "Holmes was carrying that case in which he keeps his big needle."
Ron turned faintly green. "Ewww," he whispered back. "I thought they were going to stick me with that bloody great thing, but they didn't, they only used it to take blood out of some of the patients."
"Yes, they took some from Seamus Finnegan, and he didn't even faint." Harry wrung his hands. "Ron, I couldn't bear it if Hermione doesn't get better. I'm scared for her, and I don't know what, if anything, we can do to help her."
Ron nodded. "Me too, I couldn't bear it, and I don't want to think of it." Resolutely he lifted his chin. "Think positively, Harry."
With that, the curtain around Hermione's bed drew back, and Sherlock Holmes emerged, closing it behind him, but not before Harry and Ron saw a frail white arm reach around Snape's back, the hand clutching his hair.
"Come on!" Ron helped Harry to stand up, and both of them intercepted Holmes as he headed for the door.
"What's happening to Hermione? Is she going to make it?" "Did you give her medicine, is it helping? I saw her reach around Professor Snape..."
Both boys spoke at once.
Holmes put his hands on their shoulders. "Now, boys, there is reason to be optimistic regarding Miss Granger's health, but you must have patience. She must rest, and eat when she is able, and by tomorrow morning, she will probably be most happy to see you both."
"Thank you! Thank you!" "Mr Holmes, thanks for saving our Hermione!" Again, both boys spoke at the same time.
Harry stepped closer to the detective. "I couldn't be happier that she's going to get well, sir, but I am eager to know if you and Professor Snape are working on getting our magic back."
"Of course, my boy. It is proving to be quite a challenge, but I believe we are on the right path. Oh, by the way, have you seen Longbottom? We need him in the laboratory."