Hope of the Phoenix (10/?)
Rating: PG 13
Pairing: Remus / Petunia
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter; I am just playing in her universe.
A/N: Again, thank you to my reviewers! Chapter 9 was a bit short, but it is rather important to the plot. This chapter is my attempt at the redemption of Percy, as I found many similarities between Percy in OotP, and the back- story I created for Petunia. This chapter should give a bit of insight into her character. Enjoy!
Chapter 10: The Prodigal Son's Return
Petunia stayed at the table for a long time after Remus left. The tea in her hands was stone-cold before she rose. She needed to think about what Remus had said, and she couldn't do it just sitting at the table. She needed to clean the kitchen.
All her life, Petunia had turned to cleaning when she was upset. Lily used to laugh about it; about her compulsive need to be tidy, but there was something comforting about washing dirty walls, floors or dishes. It was almost as if she could wash away her worries with the warm soapy water.
She was in the middle of cleaning the kitchen when there was a timid knock at the door. Petunia was startled, and nearly spilt her bucket of water as she jumped up. The members of the Order didn't knock, and no one else would be able to find the house. She remembered Molly telling her that only people who had been told where it was could find it.
Once Petunia opened the door, she saw someone whom she didn't think she'd seen before, but whom she recognized immediately. There was only one person who could have hair just that shade of red. The young man standing on the front step looked extremely uncomfortable. He was wringing his hands with nervousness, and was chewing his bottom lip.
"Hello," he stammered. "Are my mum and dad in?"
"No, they're out on a mission for the Order. Please come in."
He followed her through the hall, and she seated him at the kitchen table. He nodded when she told him that his parents would be back later in the afternoon. She returned to cleaning out the cupboards. She was focusing on the job with such intensity that she was startled when a voice said gently,
"Do you want to talk about whatever upset you?"
She stared at the young man in amazement. He had a look of nervous concern on his face, one that was so like Molly's that she felt herself trusting him completely.
"How did you know I was upset?" she asked as she sat near him at the table. He shrugged.
"You were cleaning the way my Mum and I do when we're upset, so I just thought I would ask if I could help."
They sat in silence for a minute. She was looking him over. Percy could tell that she was debating whether or not to say anything to him. Then, she appeared to have made up her mind, because she said, in a soft voice,
"Did you ever make a decision because you were hurt and scared, that was the wrong decision? And then you were too proud to go back, to admit that you'd been wrong? And then, you started to believe the lies that you'd told yourself, to justify that wrong decision. And then, when you are ready to come back, you don't know whether all the people you hurt will ever, ever forgive you for the things you've said and done?"
"Yes," he answered her, his voice barely a whisper, "yes, I have."
She seemed to take his remark as permission to continue, because she kept going.
"I guess everything comes back to my sister Lily. I loved her so much, we were very close, but I was jealous of her too. I wanted to go to Hogwarts, to have a magic wand. It was just one more thing that made Lily so special. She was prettier than I was, and smarter, and more popular, and she was magical. She would send me letters from school; that were full of her friends, and her lessons, and I would read them eagerly. I went with her to buy her school things, and would imagine that I was a witch too. In the summer, I would hang out with her and her friends. In her last year at Hogwarts, she brought home her boyfriend James and his friends. I got on quite well with them, but one... Remus was special. I fell in love that summer."
She fell quiet, and looked out of the window onto the dirty street. Percy didn't say anything. He knew that she would continue, that she needed to get it off her chest. And sure enough, she began to speak again.
"We were together three years. Vernon pursued me for the last two – I didn't like him: I thought he was a bigoted, obsequious, pompous toad. Remus and I danced together at Lily and James' wedding. I knew he was doing things with the Order, dangerous things, but I didn't want to know about it. Then one day, he cancelled our date, saying that he was sick. I decided to show up unannounced, to surprise him with some soup. I saw the werewolf from the window. I was terrified. I'd always thought Lily's stories about monsters and giants were just that, stories. If that had been all, though, if it had only been my learning Remus was a werewolf; I think we would have been okay. I mean, I was in love, and we'd been dating for three years! But when I got home that night, the house was practically destroyed, the Dark Mark was over where the roof had once been, and my parents were lying there dead."
Petunia closed her eyes, remembering the pain of that day. Nearly twenty years of not thinking about it hadn't done much to ease the pain, especially now that it was mingled with thoughts of Dudley and Vernon. Percy's brown eyes were still looking at her sympathetically, though, and she felt that she could continue.
"That is when I made the wrong decision. I was so hurt, and angry: I blamed the wizarding world for my parents' death. I broke off from them completely that night. I told Lily I never wanted to hear from her or see her again. I left a note on Remus' door, breaking up with him. I started dating Vernon the next day. I felt that he would be able to offer me a life that was far away and safe from Voldemort ..." she saw Percy flinch at the name "One that was completely removed from magic or anything out of the ordinary. We were married a year later, and a year after that; we had Dudley. Vernon was a bigoted git, but he was a fairly good husband. He gave me everything I wanted, financially, and he always tried to protect me when I was upset. After a time, I even grew to love him."
She paused to drink her tea, swallowed, and continued.
"When Dudley was a year old, Lily and James were killed by Voldemort" Percy flinched again "and I was given custody of my nephew. I didn't want him. Lily's death had confirmed for me how terrible the wizarding world was. And he reminded me of both of them. He reminded me so much of everything I wanted to forget that it was easy to hate him. Vernon hated him because he was different, but I hated him because he made me remember. So I looked the other way when Dudley beat him up, I let him know all the time that I hated him. It was a horrible place for a child to grow up. I feel awful about all the things that I did ... but I can't talk to him. He hates me, and I don't deserve for him to forgive me, after all the things that I've done. Do you know what I mean? "
She looked at Percy earnestly, her blue eyes meeting his brown ones, hidden behind his horn-rimmed glasses. His nervousness seemed to have returned. A pink tinge appeared around his ears and neck. He said softly,
"How much has Mum told you about me?"
"Not much," was the reply. "She said she had another son named Percy, but I noticed that talking about him made her sad, so I didn't ask."
They sat together in silence for a while in what Petunia felt was companionable silence. She felt remarkably better, having confessed everything. She could tell, from the look on Percy's face, that he needed someone to talk to as well; that he had things he needed to confess. She found that her heart had gone out to the awkward young man in the little while she'd known him; she could sense that he really understood her.
She smiled gently at him, and said, repeating his earlier words to her, "Do you want to talk about whatever upset you?"
She observed a brief spasm of uncertainty pass across his face, and then he gave her a tiny smile and muttered "all right".
As the afternoon sun poured into the very clean kitchen, Percy described everything that he had done that past year: how he had been terrified that You-Know-Who's return would mean the death of his family, his hurt that his family believed that he had only been promoted because Fudge wanted to use him to spy on the family, his anger that they would even think that he'd betray them, and how he had turned that fear, hurt and anger into a complete rejection of them, of the people who meant so much to him.
"And I don't think they'll forgive me- how can they? I returned my mum's Christmas hamper, I didn't visit Dad in hospital, I wrote that awful letter to Ron, and tried to get Headmaster Dumbledore out of Hogwarts...How can they ever forgive me, when I can't forgive myself?"
"I've got to know your parents a bit over the last few months, and they love you, and they miss you. I've found them to be very forgiving people. I think you'll find that they want you back just as much as you want to be back."
"Do you really think so?" The anxiety and concern in his voice were palpable.
"I know so." Petunia reached across the table and held his hand, remembering how Lily used to hold hers when she was hurt or upset. The sat there for a while, in amicable silence, when,
"Percy!" came Molly's incredulous voice. Molly, Arthur and Tonks were standing in the doorway.
Petunia moved out of the kitchen, muttering that she had something in the parlour that she needed to show Tonks, leaving the family to their reunion.
A few hours later, when Petunia was passing by the kitchen, she quickly glanced in. Percy had managed to fit his tall, lanky form onto his mothers lap, and he was crying on her shoulder. Arthur seemed to be stroking his son's back.
"Perhaps," Petunia mused, as she hurried out of sight, "perhaps there is hope for me, too."
Rating: PG 13
Pairing: Remus / Petunia
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter; I am just playing in her universe.
A/N: Again, thank you to my reviewers! Chapter 9 was a bit short, but it is rather important to the plot. This chapter is my attempt at the redemption of Percy, as I found many similarities between Percy in OotP, and the back- story I created for Petunia. This chapter should give a bit of insight into her character. Enjoy!
Chapter 10: The Prodigal Son's Return
Petunia stayed at the table for a long time after Remus left. The tea in her hands was stone-cold before she rose. She needed to think about what Remus had said, and she couldn't do it just sitting at the table. She needed to clean the kitchen.
All her life, Petunia had turned to cleaning when she was upset. Lily used to laugh about it; about her compulsive need to be tidy, but there was something comforting about washing dirty walls, floors or dishes. It was almost as if she could wash away her worries with the warm soapy water.
She was in the middle of cleaning the kitchen when there was a timid knock at the door. Petunia was startled, and nearly spilt her bucket of water as she jumped up. The members of the Order didn't knock, and no one else would be able to find the house. She remembered Molly telling her that only people who had been told where it was could find it.
Once Petunia opened the door, she saw someone whom she didn't think she'd seen before, but whom she recognized immediately. There was only one person who could have hair just that shade of red. The young man standing on the front step looked extremely uncomfortable. He was wringing his hands with nervousness, and was chewing his bottom lip.
"Hello," he stammered. "Are my mum and dad in?"
"No, they're out on a mission for the Order. Please come in."
He followed her through the hall, and she seated him at the kitchen table. He nodded when she told him that his parents would be back later in the afternoon. She returned to cleaning out the cupboards. She was focusing on the job with such intensity that she was startled when a voice said gently,
"Do you want to talk about whatever upset you?"
She stared at the young man in amazement. He had a look of nervous concern on his face, one that was so like Molly's that she felt herself trusting him completely.
"How did you know I was upset?" she asked as she sat near him at the table. He shrugged.
"You were cleaning the way my Mum and I do when we're upset, so I just thought I would ask if I could help."
They sat in silence for a minute. She was looking him over. Percy could tell that she was debating whether or not to say anything to him. Then, she appeared to have made up her mind, because she said, in a soft voice,
"Did you ever make a decision because you were hurt and scared, that was the wrong decision? And then you were too proud to go back, to admit that you'd been wrong? And then, you started to believe the lies that you'd told yourself, to justify that wrong decision. And then, when you are ready to come back, you don't know whether all the people you hurt will ever, ever forgive you for the things you've said and done?"
"Yes," he answered her, his voice barely a whisper, "yes, I have."
She seemed to take his remark as permission to continue, because she kept going.
"I guess everything comes back to my sister Lily. I loved her so much, we were very close, but I was jealous of her too. I wanted to go to Hogwarts, to have a magic wand. It was just one more thing that made Lily so special. She was prettier than I was, and smarter, and more popular, and she was magical. She would send me letters from school; that were full of her friends, and her lessons, and I would read them eagerly. I went with her to buy her school things, and would imagine that I was a witch too. In the summer, I would hang out with her and her friends. In her last year at Hogwarts, she brought home her boyfriend James and his friends. I got on quite well with them, but one... Remus was special. I fell in love that summer."
She fell quiet, and looked out of the window onto the dirty street. Percy didn't say anything. He knew that she would continue, that she needed to get it off her chest. And sure enough, she began to speak again.
"We were together three years. Vernon pursued me for the last two – I didn't like him: I thought he was a bigoted, obsequious, pompous toad. Remus and I danced together at Lily and James' wedding. I knew he was doing things with the Order, dangerous things, but I didn't want to know about it. Then one day, he cancelled our date, saying that he was sick. I decided to show up unannounced, to surprise him with some soup. I saw the werewolf from the window. I was terrified. I'd always thought Lily's stories about monsters and giants were just that, stories. If that had been all, though, if it had only been my learning Remus was a werewolf; I think we would have been okay. I mean, I was in love, and we'd been dating for three years! But when I got home that night, the house was practically destroyed, the Dark Mark was over where the roof had once been, and my parents were lying there dead."
Petunia closed her eyes, remembering the pain of that day. Nearly twenty years of not thinking about it hadn't done much to ease the pain, especially now that it was mingled with thoughts of Dudley and Vernon. Percy's brown eyes were still looking at her sympathetically, though, and she felt that she could continue.
"That is when I made the wrong decision. I was so hurt, and angry: I blamed the wizarding world for my parents' death. I broke off from them completely that night. I told Lily I never wanted to hear from her or see her again. I left a note on Remus' door, breaking up with him. I started dating Vernon the next day. I felt that he would be able to offer me a life that was far away and safe from Voldemort ..." she saw Percy flinch at the name "One that was completely removed from magic or anything out of the ordinary. We were married a year later, and a year after that; we had Dudley. Vernon was a bigoted git, but he was a fairly good husband. He gave me everything I wanted, financially, and he always tried to protect me when I was upset. After a time, I even grew to love him."
She paused to drink her tea, swallowed, and continued.
"When Dudley was a year old, Lily and James were killed by Voldemort" Percy flinched again "and I was given custody of my nephew. I didn't want him. Lily's death had confirmed for me how terrible the wizarding world was. And he reminded me of both of them. He reminded me so much of everything I wanted to forget that it was easy to hate him. Vernon hated him because he was different, but I hated him because he made me remember. So I looked the other way when Dudley beat him up, I let him know all the time that I hated him. It was a horrible place for a child to grow up. I feel awful about all the things that I did ... but I can't talk to him. He hates me, and I don't deserve for him to forgive me, after all the things that I've done. Do you know what I mean? "
She looked at Percy earnestly, her blue eyes meeting his brown ones, hidden behind his horn-rimmed glasses. His nervousness seemed to have returned. A pink tinge appeared around his ears and neck. He said softly,
"How much has Mum told you about me?"
"Not much," was the reply. "She said she had another son named Percy, but I noticed that talking about him made her sad, so I didn't ask."
They sat together in silence for a while in what Petunia felt was companionable silence. She felt remarkably better, having confessed everything. She could tell, from the look on Percy's face, that he needed someone to talk to as well; that he had things he needed to confess. She found that her heart had gone out to the awkward young man in the little while she'd known him; she could sense that he really understood her.
She smiled gently at him, and said, repeating his earlier words to her, "Do you want to talk about whatever upset you?"
She observed a brief spasm of uncertainty pass across his face, and then he gave her a tiny smile and muttered "all right".
As the afternoon sun poured into the very clean kitchen, Percy described everything that he had done that past year: how he had been terrified that You-Know-Who's return would mean the death of his family, his hurt that his family believed that he had only been promoted because Fudge wanted to use him to spy on the family, his anger that they would even think that he'd betray them, and how he had turned that fear, hurt and anger into a complete rejection of them, of the people who meant so much to him.
"And I don't think they'll forgive me- how can they? I returned my mum's Christmas hamper, I didn't visit Dad in hospital, I wrote that awful letter to Ron, and tried to get Headmaster Dumbledore out of Hogwarts...How can they ever forgive me, when I can't forgive myself?"
"I've got to know your parents a bit over the last few months, and they love you, and they miss you. I've found them to be very forgiving people. I think you'll find that they want you back just as much as you want to be back."
"Do you really think so?" The anxiety and concern in his voice were palpable.
"I know so." Petunia reached across the table and held his hand, remembering how Lily used to hold hers when she was hurt or upset. The sat there for a while, in amicable silence, when,
"Percy!" came Molly's incredulous voice. Molly, Arthur and Tonks were standing in the doorway.
Petunia moved out of the kitchen, muttering that she had something in the parlour that she needed to show Tonks, leaving the family to their reunion.
A few hours later, when Petunia was passing by the kitchen, she quickly glanced in. Percy had managed to fit his tall, lanky form onto his mothers lap, and he was crying on her shoulder. Arthur seemed to be stroking his son's back.
"Perhaps," Petunia mused, as she hurried out of sight, "perhaps there is hope for me, too."