Thanks for all the reviews guys, you inspired me to write this small extension to the story... hope this keeps you interested for a little bit longer.
Laur xxx
Chapter 5
"Grissom, I can't do this anymore. I'm tired." Her body was sagging slowly; she was emotionally and physically exhausted.
"Please, just sit down. I need to explain." He motioned towards the sofa cordially.
She moved slowly towards it. Sitting down, she crossed her arms and allowed herself to lean forward defensively.
This was a side to Sara that both of them rarely saw, even when she was upset she didn't lose her confidence, always sitting straight usually just crossing her hands.
But she felt totally exposed now, totally raw and unprepared. She had never felt like this.
Grissom sat across from her, legs slightly apart; body leaned in, towards her, his hands crossed, unaware of the mimic.
"Sara, you once said that I was confusing." He was looking straight at her, head was dipped but she could feel the warmth of his eyes on her head. "Do you remember saying that?" Her silence was an answer they had both come to understand. "You said that I told you to get a life but then expected you to be around at the drop of a hat. It's true, I give out confusing messages. And I'm sorry for that."
Sara raised her head slightly, the salty water cascading down her cheek.
"You know that I'm not good with people, and I'm not for one moment saying that you are just a 'regular person' to me, but when I get emotionally involved with someone, I find it difficult to make myself understood and often just say the wrong thing. Words aren't my strong suit. They're yours. You have no problem telling people exactly what you think," Sara couldn't drop the gaze formed between them, it was entrancing, like his words. "Even when I had my operation I couldn't tell you, and again, for that I'm sorry. But I'm going to try. I really am." She had spent so many years longing for these words; her tears came faster, stronger.
"You don't expect anything of me Sara, and when I first asked you to come here to Las Vegas to work with me, I thought that the chemistry we had before would have gone. But it hadn't, had it?"
So, I tried... I tried to pretend that it was just some kind of hero worship," Sara stifled a snort through the tears at the thought, "Silly? Yes. But in my mind it... helped. I could pretend that my feelings were purely platonic and yours were simply feelings of idolatry. But I think we both know that this is not the case."
Not any more."
He was amazed how easily the words had flowed out of him, like they had energy of their own.
He sat back against the chair, he felt warm, more comfortable now, but was unable to hold the gaze. He'd been truthful, but now he needed to make her understand why he'd pushed her away. He found his eyes sinking into the rug beneath his table.
"You know, when I first found out my mother was losing her hearing all I could think of was how I could help to accommodate her. So I buried myself in learning to sign. She taught me and taught me well. But I didn't realise how much we were becoming our own little world. We had our own language, one no-one around us knew. Just us. When it was time for me to leave home, I realised just how much I'd missed. I didn't begrudge any of it, and wouldn't do anything differently again. But I was glad that I was able to break away and have something different. Something exciting, new. Something that I could explore and dissect alone: Life."
I'd missed out on it for so long and there it was all the time waiting. It could have just grabbed me and shook me." He grabbed the air as if it was himself. Sara, enjoying the story of his life, and feeling less uncomfortable sat up and settled herself against the back of the sofa and brought her knees up to cradle. She felt at home.
"Life was patient, didn't ask me for anything. Just waited, until the one day I would realise it was there." He was blushing slightly, it was evident he was reliving the process with her.
"I found out recently that I was losing my own hearing. I had the operation but it isn't a curative procedure." He looked straight at her, "As scientists we know this." He gazed back into the rug again. "You know what I scared of most? Being back in that world again. I didn't want anyone to feel that burden."
"But I would have. You know that." She was beginning to understand. He flinched slightly, she was so confident with her feelings. So much more than him.
"I know you would have Sara, and that was what I was afraid of. I didn't want you to miss out on a life that you love so much."
That was why I told you that you needed something outside of work. Away from me. I didn't want you to feel dragged into a world that my condition would create. So... I pushed you away; I felt it was the best thing to do." He sighed, he knew at the time he had made a mistake, he felt it even more so.
"But... then I realised that I couldn't push you away."
Because I was scared of losing you."
She looked up, their eyes met. Honesty was what she saw in those pools of blue.