This is my first attempt at a song fic and also my first Degrassi story that isn't all sunshine and rainbows. Let me know what you think.
I do not own Degrassi or "Stay Gone" by Jimmy Wayne. If you haven't heard this song, buy it, get it, download it, listen to it immediately. Unless you're depressed, in which case don't listen to it because it's too sad for words.
Now on with the story:
Emma pressed the print key with a bit of flair as she stared at the words on the screen. Her application to University was finally finished. There was a huge feeling of closure and satisfaction along with the relief of being finally done. She had come a long way from the mess that she had been left with after the tragedy with Rick and in a few short months she would be leaving Degrassi forever. Not that it hadn't had its good points over the years. And this year was looking to be the best yet. Manny and her had reconnected and were planning on making senior year a year to remember. JT had finally gotten over his obsession with the grade ahead of them, mostly because they had graduated and was acting himself again. Toby, too, had finally healed enough to get back to normal. The fab four was once again in place.
I've found peace of mind; I'm feeling good again
I'm on the other side, back among the living
Ain't a cloud in the sky
All my tears have been cried
And I can finally say
Suddenly the phone next to her rang. "Hello?" she answered cheerfully.
"Emma," a voice on the other side said.
Immediately her heart started beating faster and she shivered involuntarily. "Sean?"
"Thank God you still have the same number," he continued, oblivious to the effect he was having on her. "Listen, I know it's been a while."
"Haven't seen you in two years, haven't talked in forever. Yeah, 'a while' just about covers it," Emma remarked, sarcasm dripping from her voice.
Sean ignored it. "Listen, I'm going to be in TO this weekend. Just a quick trip, but I'd like to see you," he said. "I miss you."
Baby baby stay
Stay right where you are
I like it this way
It's good for my heart
Emma felt her stomach twist. "Sean . . . I don't know . . ."
"Don't say 'no' yet, okay. Listen, think about it and call me. Or I'll call when I'm up there, if you're busy, well, then . . . I tried. But I want – I need to see you, Em," he begged.
She wanted to shout 'NO!' and 'YES!' simultaneously, but forced a neutral "I'll think about it."
"That's all I needed to hear. Here's my number." Emma wrote the digits on the back of a paper, hands trembling slightly. "Take care, Emma," and with a click he had disappeared again.
Emma stared at the phone her emotions and thoughts awash with memories of him. She knew Ellie was out of the picture, but still – it had been two years. She didn't even know why he wanted to see her. He could be returning an old pair of her jeans or something. 'How would he have gotten your pants, Emma?' she reminded herself. Still, it was nothing to get worked up over. So why couldn't she control her feelings all of a sudden?
I haven't felt like this
In God knows how long
I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone
'Dammit, Sean,' she thought. 'How could you do this to me now?' Today was all about celebrating new beginnings, a start at University, maybe even leaving Toronto. Her life was good now. Her life was uncomplicated now. Granted, she hadn't had a serious boyfriend since Sean Hope Cameron, but Emma liked to think that had more to do with the guy pool at Degrassi than anything else. 'I mean, honestly, who could I hook up with who hasn't dated one of my best friends?' Emma came up with only two names and both were ridiculous: Jimmy Brooks or Jay Hobart.
Emma knew that a part of her still loved Sean and always would. She knew him better than his own parents, literally, and definitely had known him better than Ellie ever had. And he knew things about her, too, that were secret, sacred. Sometimes Emma felt like he could read her mind.
I still love you and I will forever
We can't hide the truth
We know each other better
But Emma had traveled down this road before, twice in fact. How long had it taken him to work up the courage to ask her out? And then she had misinterpreted it and he thought she hated him. When they finally got on the same page, their first date had still been a complete disaster.
How many times had she reassured him that she liked him before he would accept it?
But physical violence had been the last straw for her that first time. And it had hurt. Working with him to save Craig, the prank call, everything hurt.
But that hurt was like a paper cut compared to the way he had torn her heart out the second time. Emma's family, her world, had been falling apart. All she had was Sean and he gave up on her. Ditched her, spat at her, made out with his new girlfriend in front of her, stolen from her sick father, the list went on and on.
Even when they weren't together, seeing him with Ellie, knowing she had no one to blame for their detention hook-up but her own deranged revenge scheme, it was beyond brutal.
When we try to make it work
We both end up hurt
It ain't supposed to be that way
The final straw had been running away to Wasaga Beach. Emma understood why he had. If she could have run away after everything that had happened with Rick, she would have in a heartbeat. She would have run as far and as fast as possible without a glance, just like Sean had. But it had hurt.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, her mother always said. If that was true, Emma could bend steel after everything that had happened. But she had made it through. And she had done so alone.
Baby baby stay
Stay right where you are
I like it this way
It's good for my heart
If Sean came back, it would only reopen old wounds that Emma had spent too many tears and too much time healing. She couldn't, she wouldn't, go through that again.
She looked at the paper with the phone number he had given her. Flipping it over, she realized she had written on the back of her application. There it was then. Her choice.
I haven't felt like this
In God knows how long
I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone
Even if he did move back to Toronto, even in the best case scenario, with apologies on both sides and a reunion scene . . .
The thought of Sean's kisses almost made Emma rethink her decision, but she knew what she had to do. Even if everything worked out for a while, eventually Sean's demons, his self-doubt, his feelings of inadequacy, his anger would push them apart again. If not that, then Emma would take him for granted again or try to fit him into her world instead of accepting him as he was. In the end, it would end, as it always did. Except Emma didn't know if she was strong enough to put herself back together again.
Emma knew that it wasn't a chance she was willing to take. No matter how much she loved him.
When we try to make it work
We both end up hurt
Love ain't supposed to be that way
Tears already pricking the corners of her eyes, she picked up the phone and dialed.
"Sean? It's Emma. We need to talk . . ."
So baby baby stay
Stay right where you are
I like it this way
It's good for my heart
I haven't felt like this
In ooh in God knows how long
I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone
I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone