Late into the night, long after he had taken Jamie home, Landon sat alone in his room. He still couldn't believe it, not really anyway. Jamie was dying.
After the initial shock had worn off, she had led him back to his car where they just sat and talked. She explained everything so calmly, had been so matter of fact. That somehow made it hurt even more, like she had accepted it totally, like she wasn't even bothering to fight.
That was when he got angry with her. "Why are you acting like you already have one foot in the grave?" He stormed, "You can't let this..." he paused, letting go of the steering wheel he had been gripping and then slamming his hands back against it "This, heart defect stop you! Doctors are finding cures all of the time!" Then an idea hit him, "A transplant, Jamie, they do those all the time now! I saw it on the discovery channel last week!"
She stared at him for a moment, then burst out laughing, making him angrier. "This isn't a joke for God's sake Jamie, this is your life, why are you laughing?"
She only laughed harder "Thanks for the pep talk, Coach" She managed through giggles. "Landon, you would make an excellent soccer coach." Shaking her head she turned in her seat so she was facing him.
"I've been on a transplant list for over a year now. It would be wonderful if I could have a new heart, I pray for it every night."
Landon could only stare at her, with only the light of the streetlights shining through the car he thought she looked ethereal. Realizing just what that meant he turned on the ignition and switched on the car interior light. He wanted Jamie to look like Jamie, not like an Angel.
"But" she continued "The chances of a match are not good, of a young healthy heart even worse." Stopping she looked down at her lap, tucking hair behind her ear. "And besides, I'm not sure if I want a transplant."
"What!" He exploded "How can you say that?" The urge to cry and scream at the same time was over powering. "Do you actually want to die?"
Realizing what he had just said, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Pulling Jamie into his arms he settled his chin on the top of her head. "I didn't mean that. And I don't think you mean you don't want a transplant. Explain this to me."
He spoke so softly, running his hands up and down her arms. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, but she had already put Landon through enough tonight she decided, she did not need to add hysterics to that list.
"A transplant would be the answer to my prayers." Pausing a minute to cover his hand with hers "But it would mean that another life, a healthy young life would be taken. How can I ask God to spare my life by taking another?"
He understood, didn't want to but that kind of thinking was exactly what Jamie was all about. "But, accidents happen, bad things happen." He said gently. "If a proper match comes up, you'll take it, wont you?" He felt almost like he was begging her, but he needed to know that if the opportunity arose, she would take it.
"Of course, I would. I just can't outright ask God for it, it wouldn't be right. I ask for his help all day long, for patience and acceptance, to be healthy. But I cannot come right out and ask for someone else's heart, what right do I have to ask that?"
'Every right!' he wanted to yell at her 'Every right in the world, you are young and beautiful and honest and good and someone like you does not deserve this!' But he knew it would do no good. Jamie would only tell him that no one deserved this, why should she be any different?
He knew Jamie, he knew she would not ask for anything for herself and so he made a promise to himself. He would do it for her. He would get help and he knew exactly where to get it.
And so, in his room at 2 o-clock in the morning he picked up the phone and dialed. His own stupid pride didn't matter anymore. Jamie was what mattered and he knew a way to help.