Later that night lying entwined in each other's arms, only beams of moonlight filtering in through the window lighted their room. The only sound to be heard was each other's soft breathing, yet they both knew that the other was not sleeping.
With her head comfortably resting in the crook of Landon's neck Jamie flattened the palm of her hand against his chest feeling the strong, steady beat of his heart. There was so much to him she thought in wonder, so many different, wonderful facets. Today he had married her and made all her dreams come true.
"Jamie!" Landon said with alarm when he felt several hot teardrops fall on his chest. "Jamie, what is it?"
They had not spoken after they had made love and that worried him. Had he hurt her, scared her or even worse, disgusted her? He had been so unprepared for this night, hadn't thought in his wildest dreams that they would be in this situation and so had not bothered to prepare himself for it. He had been as gentle as he knew how and hopefully as considerate. What if that had not been enough? He had wanted it to be perfect for her.
He could feel her shaking her head, his chest drenched now. He considered getting up and turning on the light but he was naked and did not want to offend her anymore then he probably already had.
"I'm fine, Landon." She finally said running her hands over her face and sitting up next to him. "I was just being sentimental, that's all."
Relief flooded over him. "That's all? I thought I had offended you some how, that you were regretting...this." He could still not bring himself to say sex in front of her. It seemed like much too cold of a word for what they had just expierienced together. He would not ever be caught dead saying lovemaking but he knew now what it meant.
She laughed, nudging him gently with his elbow. "I practically dragged you here, I knew what I was in for." He could see the outline of her features in the moonlight and so knew when her expression turned serious. "It was really beautiful, Landon. I am so happy I waited for you, for our wedding night."
Feeling ashamed all of a sudden he knew he had to tell her the truth. "Jamie, I need to tell you something." He said quietly.
She placed a finger over his mouth gently. "I know, Landon." She said softly. "I don't mind that I wasn't the first."
He hated hearing her say that because more then anything on earth he wanted her to have been the very first woman he had ever slept with. He pushed her hair out of her face behind her ears and trailed his hand down her arm to her hand. "You are the only one I ever loved, Jamie," he said finally tracing her fingers with his own. "The only one that ever mattered. The only one that ever will." He finished softly.
Her head came up with a start. "Please don't say that." She cried. "Don't say that!"
Confused he reached down and felt around in the dark for his boxers. Finally finding them he jumped up and turned on a near by lamp. Sitting back down he wrapped his arms around Jamie who was sobbing.
Rocking with her he tried to figure out what had upset her so much. When he asked she only cried harder. Finally trying to get a hold of herself she wiped her eyes with the back of her hands.
"You're not the one who is dying, Landon." She sniffled. "I am. I can't ask you to stop living because I might." She covered her face with her hands and he wondered if she was praying. Finally looking back up at him she went on, "You have been beyond wonderful to me and I love you so much. I want everything for you. If I don't continue to live I want you to go on for me. I want you to fall in love again, have children, grow old and be happy with the life you have lived. Not pine away for me."
Stunned, Landon only stared at her shaking his head in disbelief. Didn't she understand? "I don't want those things with anyone but you Jamie. How would that be fair to anyone? How could I marry someone who wasn't you, have children with her when the whole time both of us would know she was second best? I will live my life on my own and in the end be happy because you were mine, even if it was only for a little while." Pausing to wipe a lone tear running down her cheek he smiled, "But I don't plan on living this life without you, Jamie. Remember that come Tuesday."
He seemed so confident and she wondered if it was only for her benefit. She wanted to believe that she was going to get better, cured even but the alternative always lurked in the back of her mind. She might really die. All the amazing things that had come in to her life, mainly Landon made death much harder to consider then ever before. Before Landon she was almost to the point of acceptance.
Rolling onto her side to face him so forced herself to smile. She was going to make every second count from now until Tuesday. She was not going to dwell on the what ifs, only live for the moment. "Why don't you come back to bed, Landon." She held the sheet back and he dove in, neither of them worrying about the future for the time being.