Tuesday came much too soon. Landon knew he should be tired as he and Jamie had spent every second together over the past two days and had slept very little. Minutes were like sand in an hourglass, as each grain dropped they were closer and closer to an uncertain future.
He wasn't tired though; he was running on a kind of nervous energy that he had never experienced before. He found himself, in moments of silence praying, something he had not done since he was a child beside his bed at night. Now it seemed his mind was in a constant state of prayer, he was making promises and bargains with God, all for Jamie.
They were expected at the hospital at 4 a.m. Tuesday morning so that they could prep Jamie for her 7 a.m. surgery. They had stayed at Jamie's house that night, slept crammed in Jamie's tiny single bed. Landon had felt awkward being there but he understood how important it was for Jamie to be the only place she considered to be home that night.
Landon drove Jamie and her father in his car, stopping to pick up his mother who had insisted on taking the week off work. The drive was strangely silent. Jamie had tried to be cheerful making small talk at first but Julia was the only one who answered. Both Landon and Reverend Sullivan remained trapped in their own thoughts. Finally even Jamie lapsed into silence.
Once at the hospital everything began to move very quickly. There were millions of forms for Landon to fill out as Jamie was now considered his responsibility. Jamie was taken off for tests and to be prepared for surgery.
Landon did not see her again until 6:30 when, after all the paper work was done he was led into a small hospital room. Jamie was sitting on the bed in a hospital gown surrounded by several hospital staff, her father and both of Landon's parents.
His father, dressed in a white lab coat was the first to spot him standing in the doorway. "Landon," he called holding out his hand, "come on in, son."
Jamie looked up at him and smiled. He didn't understand why she didn't look nervous. He told himself that he should be thankful for that, as he walked into the room. If she wasn't scared he shouldn't be either. But he was. He had never been so scared in his life because he could never be brave like Jamie was.
With his fathers arm around his shoulder he stepped into the room. He bent to kiss Jamie, resting his forehead against hers, "are you alright?" he asked.
Nodding she pulled him down to sit next to her and began introducing him to the many people milling around the room. Just as she finished another doctor in a lab coat walked in. He was short and pudgy with white hair and red cheeks. Landon thought he looked like Santa Clause minus the beard.
"Good morning, Dr. Patterson," Jamie greeted him cheerfully.
"Good morning, Jamie." He said patting her shoulder before picking her chart up from the end of the bed. "Are you ready to make medical history today?"
Reminded once again that they were basically using Jamie as a guinea pig Landon felt the urge to throw up. Jamie was the only one who seemed to notice the colour drain from his face and gave his hand a quick squeeze before she nodded.
"Good girl," he said absently still looking over her chart. Flipping it closed he smiled, giving his full attention to Jamie. "And I understand that congratulations are in order. This must be Landon."
He reached over and grasped Landon's hand. "I met you years ago when you were little. And now you're married. Time sure does fly. You got yourself quite the young lady." He stopped to wink at Jamie. "If I were forty years younger I sure would give you a run for your money."
Landon managed a weak little laugh, but Jamie giggled, blushing slightly. Dr. Patterson looked at his watch and cleared his throat. "Alright people," he said addressing the staff, "let's clear out now and give these people a chance to talk before we wheel Jamie into surgery."
He took Jamie's hands in his and smiled kindly. "I am going to do everything I can to make sure you have a long, happy life with this young man here. You are a strong, brave girl and I need you to fight for us today." With a quick pat on Landon's back he was gone out of the room.
David, Landon's father was the next to leave. He rested his hand on Landon's back as he spoke to Jamie. "I am going to be there every step of the way today." He reminded her, "Assisting Dr. Patterson." He paused for a moment, "I want this as badly for you, for the two of you as you do and you are not just a new procedure to me. I'll be fighting for you too." He bent to kiss Jamie on the cheek before he too left the room.
Landon felt tears welling up at the back of his eyes and blinked quickly as his mother bent over Jamie and whispered softly to her.
When it was only Jamie, Landon and her father left in the room. Landon got up to give them a moment of privacy but Reverend Sullivan stopped him. "You're family now, Landon. There is nothing I can't say to Jamie that I can't say in front of you."
He cupped Jamie's face in his hands and smiled down at her. "You have brought so much joy into my life, something I thought I was incapable of feeling after your mama died. I am proud of you beyond words, for everything you have done but mostly just for being you." His voice cracked then and tears spilled down his cheeks. "I love you Jamie, you are in Gods hands now."
He kissed his daughter on both cheeks before he left the room leaving Landon and Jamie alone. Landon moved back to her side and wrapped his arms around her. They didn't speak for several minutes.
Jamie let out a deep sigh and then peeked up at Landon. "I'm doing the right thing, Landon." She told him. "I'm scared but I know that this is my one chance at living a full life and I have to take it."
She was reassuring both of them, he realized. "I know." He said simply. He held her tighter.
"I need you to promise me something though." She said after another minute of silence. She felt him nod his head so she went on, "I need you to promise that if I..." she straightened up a bit and looked him directly in the eye "If I die, you will still go on living. I mean, you will go on to have a normal life. Follow your dreams and your heart. That is what I want for you. Don't ever feel that somehow you are letting me down, because I know you will always do what is right."
She was asking something that he was not sure he could promise her, not entirely. He would go on living, but there would always be a hole in his life where Jamie was meant to be. Finally he took a deep breath, "I promise."
She looked both relieved and sad all at once. "I love you, Landon. Thank you for loving me too."
He had to be strong for her now he told himself and so held his tears back. "You are the best thing in my life and I will love you forever."
Soon after Jamie was wheeled out into the operating theatre leaving Landon, Reverend Sullivan and Julia to pace back and forth in a private waiting room the hospital had provided for them. At first they talked but after a couple of hours it was if they had nothing more to say. All of their minds kept on drifting to a different floor where Jamie was fighting for her life.
At around noon Julia finally stood up and held her hand out to her son. Jamie's father was sitting in the corner, his hands crossed on his lap, his head bowed and they both knew he was deep in prayer. She motioned with her head towards the door so as not to disturb him and Landon followed her out into the hall.
"Come with me for a minute." She said to him. He was about to object, he didn't want to go to far away from the waiting room. "They just cam in with the hourly update." She reminded him gently, referring to when a nurse came in every hour to tell them how things were going with the operation. "We will be back here long before the next one."
With his mothers hand around him he was pulled reluctantly to the elevator where they went up several stories. He was surprised to find himself in the maternity ward. Before he could ask what was going on Julia led him down the hall to an observation window where several new babies lay bundle in bassinets.
He looked back at his mother, puzzled as she smiled down at the row of babies before them. "Your grandmother died in this same hospital. I know you don't remember, you were only five at the time. But after she passed away I found myself standing right here. Looking at all of these brand new little people with their whole lives ahead of them comforted me." She looked up at him. "It reminded me that there is something much bigger then any of us at work in this world, something much bigger then my grief and pain. There is a continuance that I found a great comfort and joy in."
Sliding his hands into his pockets Landon stared down at the baby in front of him. It was a tiny little girl, perfect and new. He understood then the comfort that his mother spoke of, and the need to have faith in a higher power. Then, the baby girl opened her eyes and stared at him and he felt his heart swell with both joy and pain. 'Please, God,' he prayed in his mind, 'please don't take her from me.'
It was another two hours before Landon's father appeared in the waiting room. He was still in his scrubs and looked very tired. Landon was the first to see him and he jumped up.
Shutting the door David stepped in and motioned for Landon to sit down. He felt his breath catch in his throat. "What is it?" he demanded, refusing to sit.
His father sank into an empty chair across from Reverend Sullivan and ran his hands over his face before starting to speak. "At the moment Jamie is in critical condition." He raised his hand to silence Landon before he could speak. "She did not wake from the anesthetic but instead slipped into a coma.
"Now, we are looking at it two ways. The coma could be her bodies' natural defense against the surgery or it could be her body shutting down. We are not sure. Her vitals were strong all the way through so we are hoping it is the first. The next 12 hours are absolutely critical."
They all sat in silence. It was Jamie's father who finally spoke. "Can we see her?"
"She is in ICU, being observed around the clock. She can have one visitor an hour for five minutes."
There was another silence, both wondering who would go. Reverend Sullivan broke the silence again. "You go first Landon. I think that is what Jamie would want."
Standing slowly he didn't object. "Tell her I love her." Her father requested, his voice low and sad.
Nodding, Landon followed his father out into the hallway with a heavy heart.