Disclaimer: I own nothing...all belongs to J.K. Rowling

Chapter Eight: Hate vs. Love

Draco was sprawled out on his bed watching the sun drop and darkness overcome all outside of his window. Thunderclouds that rested in the sky began to give way and allow the gallons of rain to pour down onto the grounds. "Perfect setting to reflect my mood," he stated. It was 11:50 pm and this horrible day was coming to a close. Just as a flash of lightning illuminated the sky a solid black owl tapped on his window demanding entry. "Now what," he flicked his wrist using a small bit of wandless magic taught to him by his father, allowing the owl entry. It flew over to him and landed on his bed, a puddle of rain water starting to form where it stood. He quickly untied the letter from the owls' leg and sent it on its way. His hands began to shake as he read the letter.

Dear Draco,

As the days pass you become ever closer to receiving the dark mark and your loyalties sworn to the dark Lord Voldemort.

This past evening a death well past due has been finally carried out. I am of course talking about non-other then your dearest mother. I seemed to notice you becoming closer to her and she of course would stand by you in every fight involving the discussion of your shall we say 'initiation.' And so I have taken care of that and relieved her of her daily living.

I would like you to take this as a reminder of what can happen to you or anyone that you associate with if you choose not to accept the dark mark.

Draco we never really loved you, just as I have never really loved your mother, now that mistake has been taken care of.

I would advise you to remember this when deciding whether or not it is your wish to accept the dark mark.

Lucius

Drops of salt water began to hit the letter as fresh tears began to fall from his eyes. The Icy Slytherin Prince was losing his battle with keeping emotions in check. He dropped the letter on his bed and slid down the side, now sitting on the floor. The only one to have ever cared about him was now dead..."but did she ever really care?" he stated aloud.

Once again the sound proof spell was used on his walls; almost subconsciously he reached for what had helped him deal with his pain thus far. Now in his hands resided not a wand but a small silver dagger. He took it and at first pressed gently down on his forearm, staying clear of his vein for the time being at least, then began to press the dagger harder until blood began to surface around the dagger blade. He pulled the blade down his arm making a line of blood following the blade.

For the first time in his life the intense emotional pain was too great to be relieved by the dagger. Now not only did he feel the emotion pain but physical was added as well. He used a spell to close the wounds but keep the scar. Maybe he did deserve all this, after all it was his fault his mother was dead. He screamed and screamed just waiting for the pain to somehow go away... relief never came. There was no moon out that night so in turn his room was pitch black as he extinguished the last reading light. Sleep did not overcome him easily but finally the tears that had been flowing continuously since first reading the letter ceased and he fell into an uneasy nightmare filled sleep.

Hermione woke from a very light sleep. Today was back to classes and she would just have to hope that maybe by some miracle Draco would forgive her. She got dressed and headed out into the common room. She had not heard Draco's door close so she knew he was still behind it.

Cautiously she walked up and knocked on the door, "Draco, I...I just thought I'd tell you we have classes soon." After some shuffling from behind the door a gruff response was shouted back, "Granger go fuck a professor and leave me alone." She closed her eyes, just as a tear slipped down her cheek, to help regain her stature then slowly turned and left. Unknown to her his cruel response was not because of last night, no he was willing to ask for forgiveness for that, no it was for an entirely different reason.

He fell back asleep and awoke to a soft pounding on his door. "Mr. Malfoy, may I enter?" Professor Dumbledore stood on the opposite side of the door holding the pathetic shell of Draco Malfoy. "...Yes Professor, of course." He picked up his wand and used it to unlock his door. Dumbledore slowly stepped into the room and Draco could swear that he lost the twinkle in his eyes when they fell on him.

"Draco I have been informed of the circumstances and I must offer my most sincere apologies. There will be no penalty for missing today's classes and I have informed the teachers so they are well aware. But you must be at your classes tomorrow..." He did look truly sincere as he said this and yet Draco could tell he really had no feelings to back up his claims. "Yes sir, I will be at them." Draco was in no mood to snap at Dumbledore and suffer the punishment. Dumbledore got up and left the room leaving the door slightly open.

He laid awake reading and re-reading the letter more tears welling up with each reading. He heard Hermione's bedroom dorm slam, in turn signally dinner was over. He had made it through one day, one day down in the endless journey that makes up my life.

Draco got up and silently left his room completely unaware that Hermione was watching him. His eyes were glazed over with a look of loneliness and emptiness and his head was held down low looking at the ground, not at all a look for the famed Draco Malfoy.

She waited till he left then entered his room hoping to find some sort of a clue for what is going on with him, after all he completely cut classes yesterday. As she looks around his room a sudden ping hit her heart. His bed was unmade and a silver dagger lay at the foot of his bed with dried blood encrusted on it. "God, what did he do?" She whispered in a hushed voice. Her eyes then fell on the letter that lay open on his bed. As she picked it up she could feel that it was still damp and she instantly knew he must have been crying. She quickly read through it and was almost in tears by the time she was through. "Oh god; Draco why didn't you tell me?" So this would explain why his emotions were on high.

"So now you're going to go and feel sorry for me are you Granger?" Draco had been standing behind the half closed door the whole time. Hermione dropped the letter and immediately tensed. "Draco, I'm sorry but I had to know what was bothering you. It hurts me so much to see you like this." A sole tear dropped down his cheek and she caught it with her finger. She studied it until he suddenly slapped her finger causing the tear to vanish.

"Granger we have an hour left before class and I am certainly not going to waste it by standing here and listen to you pity me." He stepped out of his own bedroom leaving her standing there. He headed down to the lake and sat at the base of a tree near the edge of the forbidden forest. He heard a shuffle behind him but thought nothing of it.

He rested his head on his knees and let the tears fall down his paled cheeks. A hand was quickly placed over his mouth and his was moved to standing position. "So this is what has become of Draco Malfoy? You are a pathetic excuse for a Malfoy, and a pathetic excuse for a person." The drawling voice of Lucius Malfoy erupted from behind him. "You killed mother you bastard. You fucking bastard! Why can't you just leave me alone?" The will to fight had certainly not left the young son. "Just making sure you got the letter Draco which it seems to be evident you did. You know it really is your fault she's dead, your thoughts of betrayal to our Lord." "Just shut up father, shut up!" He could take no more of this "Don't speak to me in that tone boy. And Draco before I leave Malfoy's don't cry!" Lucius slapped Draco knocking him to the ground before leaving.

Hermione who had been watching from the castle steps took off running heading towards Draco. She got to him and sat down pulling him to a sitting position. Last time when she had asked him if he was alright it got her to the position she was in now, so this time she kept her mouth shut. Draco just continued to cry and rested his head on her shoulder. She gasped slightly hoping he was aware of what he was doing. "Hermione I..." He began to try to tell her he was sorry because now he needed some support more then ever no matter who it came from. "Draco, it's ok. It's ok to cry, don't listen to your father." She tried to be comforting knowing that this was her chance to get back into his life. "I don't have a father." He raised his head just long enough to look into her eyes. Then he dropped his head back onto her shoulder as the tears began to flow harder. "Why mum? It's all my fault...my fault she's dead...my fault he killed her...all my fault." She knew not what to say so she just allowed him to rest on her shoulder as she enjoyed her company. Just allowing her to be there for him now made up for all the past days.