Time is Running Out

By: NightChild

For Holly

…

I think I'm drowning

Asphyxiated

I want to break the spell

That you've created

He felt trapped, the feelings churning throughout his body making him want to run, disappear…. But he couldn't. Running was the coward's way out, it was the easy way out, a way that wouldn't get answers, wouldn't clear his mind.

Breathing was becoming hard and he clenched his cobalt eyes shut, trying to force away the emotions tearing through him. He didn't want to feel what he did for a certain amethyst-eyed ex-pilot; didn't want to feel the nearly magical flutter in the pit of his stomach when he saw the other boy-almost-man, his former comrade. But he couldn't help it and he hated not being able to control these emotions as he had once controlled everything about himself.

You're something beautiful

A contradiction

I want to play the game

I want the friction

The boy with his long, chestnut hair twisted, pulled, bound. The boy with his amethyst-hued eyes, so full of emotion one moment and then, dulling to empty shells the next. He was so beautiful, contradicting himself with the look in his eyes and the ever-present, joking smile. It was a mask and he wondered if Duo knew it, if the others knew.

Lips lifted into an almost-smile, a contortion of the true expression. Yes, he wanted to play this game, wanted to feel the emotions the other boy-almost-man created in him without his knowledge. He wanted the friction his imagination told him was possible. With this realization came another; wanting was never the same as having. Ever.

…

You will be the death of me

Yeah, you will be the death of me

Conflict raged over him as he stood near the object of his emotion's door, trying to figure out why he had come there, what he intended to say if the ex-pilot left the confines. A wry smirk; the other would be the death of him, simply by creating these raging feelings within him.

Bury it

I won't let you bury it

I won't let you smother it

I won't let you murder it

The smirk disappeared. Why was he letting his emotions, feelings, rule him like this? It was against everything he had ever been taught. 'Everything. Taught. Ever.' He thought, staring at the closed door before him. 'Emotions are not needed.' With those thoughts, the stoic boy-almost-man turned, shoving his emotions away and started to leave. There was a creak, quiet and yet loud – the door opening. That slight sound made him pause in his steps.

"Heero?"

'That voice…' The quiet calling of his name caused everything within him to pause, frozen by the simple utterance. "Duo." it escaped him before he realized it, before he could stop the word, name, from freeing itself from his mouth.

A shuffling sound, then footsteps, coming closer. Closer. "What're you doing, Heero?"

Duo's words were innocent, just simply curious, but they caused the barely suppressed emotions Heero was feeling to boil to the surface. And he futilely tried to get them under his control. "Nothing." A lie, his voice betrayed the falsehood.

But our time is running out

But our time is running out

You can't push it underground

You can't stop it screaming out

"'Nothing'?" Confusion tinged the parroting of his previous lie.

Strong hands clenched at Heero's sides. "Yes. Nothing." His words were strained; emotions unidentified – oh-so clear – threw themselves in the three simple syllables. The wry smirk returned as he imagined Duo raising an eyebrow, trying to figure out what had gotten into him.

Silence was his answer and that only caused the tormenting emotions to lash out. It felt like his time was running out and his control was slipping, unable to push it back under again, throw every emotion away like he used to. They wanted out. They screamed to be let out….

I wanted freedom

Bound and restricted

I tried to give you up

But I'm addicted

"Hey, Heero, are you okay? You're acting funny." True concern, confusion, worry…

"I'm fine. Leave me alone." He nearly snarled in response, anger directed at himself but lacing his sharp words but inside, deep, deep inside his heart whispered, pleaded, 'Don't leave. Ignore what I say. Don't leave! PLEASE!' But Duo wouldn't hear that, no one ever would. He wouldn't let anyone. Freedom from these constricting, bounding, restricting feelings was what he wanting. Pushing the object of his reluctant affections away seemed like the only thing to do. And so he tried, despite his addiction.

Now that you know I'm trapped

Sense of elation

You'd never dream of

Breaking this fixation

The lie, misplaced anger was caught by the seemingly ever-happy boy-almost-man. "Liar." He whispered, responding to Heero's words.

'Caught! Trapped!' his mind screamed, cobalt widening. "What did you say?" he whispered, tentative.

"I know you're lying, Heero." The whisper came from directly behind the struggling once-pilot as a hand lightly falling onto his shoulder.

When Duo reached out, hand coming down, touching the skin revealed by his tank top, rich blue eyes slid closed, savoring the skin-to-skin contact. If a touch could reduce him to this near-elation, he was hesitant to turn and steal a kiss from the one behind him. The touch almost made him uncomfortable, but he couldn't bring himself to even think of shrugging the hand from him. "Maybe I am," was his cryptic answer, a slight twitch of his lips showing his repressed smirk.

You will squeeze the life out of me

Before he knew what was happening, Heero found himself in a tight embrace, the other boy-almost-man's arms tightly locked around his taller, more muscled frame. "W-What are you doing?" he choked out, shocked, barely able to breathe, staring down at the hands binding at his waist. The only answer he got to his question was Duo's grip tightening, nearly crushing the air completely from his lungs.

Bury it

I won't let you bury it

I won't let you smother it

I won't let you murder it

Shaking himself from the Duo-induced daze a hairbreadth of a moment later, a strong, slightly trembling hand rose and forcefully pulled the arms from around himself. "Just leave me alone, Duo." The words were weak this time, the name barely audible.

"H-Heero!" Betrayal…pain…worry…fear.

The emotions in the other's voice caused him to pause, a foot lifted in the air, halted in a step. 'Emotions mean nothing.' He told himself, shaking his head. Even if there was a slight chance of the amethyst one loving – where did that come from? – him back, emotions were weak, something an enemy would use against an unwary solider. 'Solider…' that thought-up word did nothing but cause pain to shine black against beryl.

But our time is running out

But our time is running out

You can't push it underground

You can't stop it screaming out

How did it come to this?

Suddenly, slightly smaller, more slender hands grasped his shoulders and forced him to turn, forcing him to face the object of his turmoil. The look on the other's face sucked the life-giving breath from his body; tears streamed down pale cheeks from hazy, pain-filled violet eyes.

"Why are you pushing me away?!" Duo yelled, screaming, then his voice dropped, a hoarse whisper, "Why…?"

His hand rose of its own accord and he took a half step, lightly touching Duo's face. Beryl eyes softened, losing their pained, cornered, lost look. The pad of his thumb stroked away a tear. So close to giving in and letting his mind's whims win, so close. Too close. 'You do not need emotions!' Those words made his eyes close up again, just as he drew his hand back, quickly, as if burned. "It's better this way." He answered, monotone.

You will suck the life out of me

"'It's better this way'?" the tone was empty, as if all hope and joy was sucked out of him by those accursed words.

Bury it

I won't let you bury it

I won't let you smother it

I won't let you murder it

More tears leaked from pained, amethyst eyes, falling down pale cheeks to be caught in his red shirt. The pain in those eyes caused Heero's own chest to tighten, making breathing hard again, it was if his supposedly frozen heart was shattering just from the sight. And he turned his gaze to the threadbare, stained carpet beneath them. His head moved, nodding yes, as an answer, unable to look the other ex-pilot in the eye.

"You really want me to leave you alone, huh?" the cheery tone obviously false, a lie. So many lies laughed at them from the stains in the carpet.

Duo's mask coming up to defend its owner was the catalyst, the start of his walls cracking, lines spreading out, shattering. He lifted his head and looked at the other, seeing the fake expression, the still tear-misted eyes being the most obvious clue.

But our time is running out

But our time is running out

You can't push it underground

You can't stop it screaming out

How did it come to this?

The other turned, taking Heero's silence as an affirmative. He was stopped by Heero's hand on his arm. "No."

Confusion. "No?"

"I don't really want you to leave me alone. I really, honestly want you to never leave me alone." He admitted, after months of warring with himself, fighting his emotions, his demons, his fears. Anxiousness worked its way into his psyche, gnawing, waiting.

"What do you mean?"

A deep inhalation, a step closer, hand rising, resting on a tearstained cheek. "I mean…" he paused, searching for the right words, "…I love you, Duo." Shock registering in violet eyes was the last thing he saw as he leaned in, eyes fluttered shut, and lightly touched his lips to Duo's full, slackened ones. After only a heartbeat, he pulled back, blinking his eyes open and watching his love.

"Y-You love me?" there were too many emotions in those three words for them to be identified.

'Emotions are wea—Shut up.' He told himself, resisting the urge to shake his head instead nodding affirmatively, a jerky motion, as he continued to watch Duo for reaction.

Blinking, the nod registered and a slow, true smile worked its way onto his face. "You love me." There was shock mingling in those words. He hesitated, and then found words, "I love you too, Heero." Lunging, he knocked Heero to the floor and then stole a kiss of his own, this one more passionate than the other one. The kiss was full of all of his feelings – joy, love, relief, and too many others to name.

He was surprised, finding himself on the floor with Duo straddling his waist, but he quickly recovered from the initial shock and began kissing back in kind.

…

AN: in case anyone was confused, these 'thought' were thoughts and the lyrics were stand-alone italics.

Disclaimer: I do not own "Gundam Wing", the song "Time is Running Out (by Muse)" or anything affiliated with them. No copyright infringement is intended.