Waking up to a pounding sensation radiation through her forehead was not something Emma relished in the least. Her eyes managed to slowly open and attempt to adjust to the blinding sunlight creeping in through her small basement window. The side of her face was pushed into the cotton pillowcase which was painted with smeared make up that had been diligently applied the night before. All of the primping and anticipating hardly seemed to be worth it if all she got in return was a head ache and a hazy recount of the night before. There were certain aspects of the evening that could actually be remembered but they were only single verbs with the occasional noun that the verbs linked. Everything else seemed to have been erased completely from the evening.
She pushed the sea of cotton and polyester away before realizing that she was still adorned in last night's party attire. Her upper body was wrapped in a peach colored tank top whose edges were lined with coordinating lace. Her lower body was engulfed in loose dark denim. A searing pain could be felt in her feet that were abandoned by a set of white platform sandals that were carelessly tossed on the carpet. The location of the footwear didn't matter at all. All that mattered was the overwhelming need for some pain killers right about now. However, one of the pain killers that Emma cherished was the cause of her morning after suffering. Yet, her pain killer from the night before had worked in combination with many other foreign substances that Emma would have never even considered having them put into her body. Everything lately had been so foreign and new. For once, it felt as thought she was on a wonderful vacation that brought her joy and relaxation. It was what she had wanted for the longest time and it had been handed to her on a shiny silver platter.
Somehow she managed to carry herself from her bed to the shower on the ground level floor. The grime from smeared and encrusted make-up could be as a greasy film covering clear and smooth skin. She needed to wash away the events of the night before. The only problem was she couldn't wash away what she couldn't see. She remembered a few vague things that couldn't help to put the puzzle together. There was something involving a table. There was something involving Heather Sinclair being bombarded with requests to change her music taste before she made everyone in a five mile radius deaf. The last something seemed to stick out in Emma's mind the most. It had a bright colored flag hanging off of it and flapping in the breeze. This something involved the back seat of a black car that had dropped her off, leaving her to crawl into the depths of her basement bedroom.
She was greeted by a storm of tepid beads of water that heated her tired body. The scent of peach body wash permeated through out the air as Emma attempted to awake herself up from her exhausted state. All she wanted to do was lie down on her bed with a baggie full of heroin adorning her nightstand. It seemed so surreal, doing the drug she had researched for her eighth grade health project. At that time she was educated on the many dangers of the drug. Now the knowledge of those dangers escaped her. However, the knowledge of the pleasurable effects it brought was running rampant through out her brain. She should have had the money to buy some of her beloved fairy dust from Spinner after he had obtained it from Frank. However, there was a considerable lack of money in the Nelson household these days.
After cleaning the traces of Friday night away, she made her way to her room to find some suitable clothing. She dressed herself in a tank top that was eerily similar to the one she had worn the night before, with the exception of its dark crimson color. Her legs were entrapped in a small denim prison as they made their way back up the stairs to look for something slightly nourishing to fill the empty pit of her stomach.
Like the rest of the house, the kitchen was unorganized and a disaster zone waiting for government aid to help it. In the beginning of the era of chaos, Emma had tried to piece everything back together and get everyone back on their feet again. After a while, it didn't seem to have a point. Eventually, the area that Emma had tidied up would be thrown into a dingy pit of doom that was littered with trash, sorrow, and disorder.
"Emma, you're up," stated a young blonde woman who resided at the table. She pushed back the sea of wavy hair concealing her hard green eyes while glancing at the semi-awake girl who was rummaging through the fridge. "There's still some cream cheese for bagels, if you want any. Your mom told me how you like bagels."
Emma swiveled around and turned towards the table before saying, "If I eat anything, it's probably going to meet the toilet." She held her head while she could feel her brain pounding against her skull. She vaguely remembered hearing Snake often vomiting after chemotherapy treatments, but quickly pushed the thought out of her mind before making her way over towards the table. She made the wooden chair her temporary home as her elbows pressed into the wood and her head was being cradled in her slender hands.
"Rough night," the older blonde questioned Emma. "I've been there, done that. High school wasn't exactly my finest hour, believe me."
"You could say that, Jackie," Emma croaked before making a bassinet with her arms on the table and slowly placing her head in it. She wanted so badly as to crawl in her bed and just remain there until her life was over. However, she craved that feeling that the heroin had given her the day and night before. The content feeling that flowed over her was something she had never experienced in her life. All of her life, she was high on a constant flow of adrenaline that continually pumped through her veins. Two months ago, however, the adrenaline ceased to flow and abandoned her. She couldn't feel a rush but she couldn't feel content. All she felt was a surge of discomfort and numbness.
"You can go back to bed, if you want," Jackie pointed out while slowly stabbing at her syrup bathed pancakes. "Your mom went out to lunch with Caitlin and took Jack along."
"Mom seems to be out a lot lately," Emma sighed while rubbing a strand of her wet blonde hair between her fingers. Her mother's constant absence led to a feeling of abandonment in Emma. She had cast her aside, taken her baby brother with her, and left her with someone who would supposedly watch over her. Of course, this someone was only about six years older than Emma. Jackie didn't at all reek of parental support and guidance, but a source of psuedo-company, so Emma wouldn't be alone in the physical sense.
She glanced up at Emma, "She's a busy woman, I suppose. I mean, she has an entire household to run by herself. I don't think I'm that much of a help. I barely know how to cook water without burning it!" She chuckled softly while still occasionally munching on her flooded pancakes.
Emma picked her head up from its position on the wooden table and attempted to maintain her state of barely being awake. Why did her mother leave her to be like this? It was obvious that Jackie had no maternal bone in her food deprived body. Spike would sometimes be gone the entire day either working or just doing so-called errands. Her absence left Jackie to take care of Jack, or attempt to do so. Sure, she was a decent babysitter. She was no child batterer. She could change and feed and do other tasks that would be beneficial to the baby. However, she couldn't provide the maternal vibes that Spike sent off. She couldn't provide them to Jack or to Emma. She was barely an adult herself and still needed to learn how to survive by herself.
"I see," Emma nodded vaguely before gazing forlornly out the window. She awaited a bearer of normalcy to ring the doorbell and deliver stability and calmness to the Nelson household. Instead she was greeted by a shower of rain outside the window that would help the grass become green and bring life to the plants. The rain would bring cancellations to various sports events and company picnics. It would bring boredom to hyperactive children who craved an old fashioned game of kickball. It would bring a headache to the parents of these children who were cooped up with them for all of the day. Every action had a reaction. Even if the action was something as miniscule as a change in the weather, there were many reactions to that event.
Jackie gazed out the window and discovered the rainy weather, "Whoa, how long has it been raining for?" Suddenly, the doorbell chimed loudly throughout the house. Emma could imagine the situation if her mother and Jack were home. Her mother would be scrambling around; trying to make sure Jack didn't awake from his nap. Jackie would be filing her nails and completely oblivious to the persistent ringing leaving Emma to have to greet the person behind the door.
"And now the doorbell is ringing," Jackie exclaimed in shock. "I'll go get that for you."
She scampered off to silence the persistently ringing doorbell while Emma felt that it was fit to rest her head on the table. At the time she lacked the effort to go and get some ibuprofen to sooth her headache. So she attempted to rest the throbbing pain out of her head while Jackie chattered on loudly to the person at the door.
"Why hello there," She chirped excitedly. "May I please help you?"
"Uh, I'm looking for Emma," a recognizable male voice stated. At the moment of recognizing who Jackie was chattering to, she rose to her feet and managed to get herself to the door before he was being subjected to anymore of Jackie's inane behavior. Once she reached the door, Jackie and the visitor both glanced at her, both relieved at her appearance. Jackie was relieved because she no longer had to entertain the visitor. The visitor was relieved because they were no longer subjected to Jackie's squirrel like chattering that was several decibels louder than a person should be subjected to, or so it seemed. Jackie squeaked on about having to do the laundry, though that was a complete and utter lie. Her perfectly manicured hands never dared to touch the cold plastic dial or any other household appliance.
"Um, what brings you here," Emma asked casually while swiping a piece of blonde hair out of her eyes. Her guest was enveloped in a film of beads of water from the rain storm raging on outside. An occasional small rumble of thunder accompanied the millions of rain droplets that greeted the ground.
Spinner glanced at her, "We need to…talk." He stuffed his hands in his pockets, as if they were roaming around a desert searching for a sparkling oasis. However, there was a tinge of uncomfortable sound lingering in his voice. Emma looked up at him, her face bright with all shades of complete confusion.
"About what," she questioned while raising an eyebrow with her face still bright with all shades of complete confusion. "What's going on?"
He let out a sigh, "Um, can I come in?"
She nodded before becoming his own tour guide for his trip around the Nelson house. Obviously whatever the subject that needed to be talked about was something of a serious matter. That is why Emma attempted to think of where they would be undisturbed by Jackie and her interrogating tendencies. So they hopped on the stair road that led down to the basement which Spinner liked to call "Emma's cave of doom". At first, Emma wasn't too fond of that name, but after a few hits from a marijuana joint, it sounded positively hilarious. They encountered demon clothes that were attacking the floor with their dangerous cotton and polyester fibers. However, they both were safe and sound as Emma sat on her bed and Spinner made his home in a swiveling desk chair.
"Spinner, what's going on," Emma shattered the brief awkward silence with questioning.
She expected him to be hesitant, but instead he let out a laugh. Emma was painted with every single shade of confusion possible as she gave him a blank stare. There was confusion and hesitation. There were uncomfortable vibes that needed to be destroyed by revealing the truth, whether it was horrible or not.
"Funny you should ask that," He laughed once again. "Because obviously last night, there was…something going on, if you know what I mean."
Realization was a hard concept to master, especially when the complication of someone being disgustingly vague was added into the equation. It took Emma a few moments to realize what in the world Spinner had meant. It was possibly a good deal of luck that she had remembered those three particular events from last night while the other ones were left to become unsolved mysteries fit for prime time television.
Emma's blank stare was promptly replaced by a look of absolutely shock with subliminal disgust. Her brown eyes shook hands with the floor as the swiveling chair started to run across the floor.
"Aren't you going to say anything," Spinner replied simply. "Hello? Earth to Emma!"
She waited for the words to be vomited out of her mouth like they usually would. However, this was a situation she was quite foreign too. She had never become uninhibited and absorbed every fiber of a person. Ever since the first incident that had coincidentally taken place at a party, she seemed to be catapulted into the air that was polluted with odd occurrences.
"Well then," Spinner shattered yet another sheet of awkwardness. "I can't expect you jumping my bones again anytime soon." He smirked slightly. "Or maybe you're just embarrassed to admit it. I think that's it."
Emma peered up at him while her eyes became billboards that were strictly anti-wanting Spinner propaganda. It was really a laughable concept, wanting Spinner in a pure state of mind that did not involve hypnosis, witch craft, drugs, or brainwashing. They were friends who shared drugs, childhood stories, and junk food. She still didn't know why he had kissed her that night that seemed to stick out in infamy. That night had been quickly replaced by the hazy events of last night.
"In fact, I want us to go drive on down to an all night chapel tonight so we can get hitched in secrecy," Emma replied with her voice dripping in acidic sarcasm. "Anyway, do you have a present for me?"
He reached into his pockets before pulling out a small plastic bag. White powder was entrapped in the plastic bag and its flimsy walls. He then tossed it to Emma, who examined it closely like she had the day before with the bag she discovered in Frank's house.
"Well, if that's all I'm here for," Spinner started before getting up from the revolving chair. "Then I better get going and spend some quality time with the television."
"What do I owe you," Emma asked as he was making his way to the steps. "I don't have much money, but I'll share some with you to make up for that. We could even do some right now. I'm sorry if you felt rejected in some way after last night. I was completely out of it, okay?"
"Rejected? Dude," He started with a laugh. "You came onto me." He laughed more when he saw the look of complete embarrassment climb up Emma's face. Any embarrassing situation could have been morphed into a comedy skit for Spinner. It amazed Emma, how easily he could do that. She envied his ability to do just this, because she lacked that ability.
"Do you want to do it or not," Emma asked again but quite abruptly. "God, my head is killing me." She rubbed her temples, her fingers trying to act as erasers to the pain. However, her fingers are horrible actors and the job doesn't get done. However, another painkiller arrived at the side of her bed before sitting down right next to her. "You get the honors."
"Uh, thanks," He said slowly and unsurely, however he pushed his hesitation to the side. He reached over for a flat surface to put a bit of the heroin on and came across a CD. Before sprinkling the heroin on it, he flipped it over to see what music the CD contained within it. An amused expression crept on his face as he read "Best of U2 1980-90". Spinner glanced at Emma before rolling his eyes.
"Man, you listen to this," He laughed.
Emma groaned, "Ugh, I went through a whole U2 phase last year, with how Bono used to be advocating for the environment and what not."
"Okay then," He continued to laugh as the CD became covered with powder. After making what appeared to resemble some kind of line, Spinner took a dollar bill from his pocket and tightly rolled it up to create some kind of device that could be used to snort the drug. The rolled up dollar bill met the opening of his nostril and created a vortex for the heroin to go through until it was snugly inside his nasal cavity. After the small line ceased to exist, he did another small one.
She was then handed over the CD along with the rolled up dollar bill and let herself become intoxicated with the white powder. Emma needed glue that would hold everything together so nothing could crumble into small pieces. This was the answer to her prayers. After being on the verge of becoming broken for three months, she needed to ensure that she wouldn't break. Emma Nelson would never show a shred of weakness. Her job was to show others their own weaknesses. She needed to nitpick until she was blue in the face. Everyone needed to have their ideals forced upon them because with those ideals, they'd be able to have the world become a better place. But sometimes that job got so tiring. At times she wished it was a hobby like knitting. Emma needed to take a vacation from herself, it was mandatory in the process of keeping her crumbling sanity.
Emma leaned back while waiting for that blissful feeling to be placed in her lap so she could easily experience it. She glanced at Spinner with glazed over eyes and he responded with a foggy smile. Slowly but surely, the blissful feeling possessed her after about five minutes which seemed like ages.
"God, this feels absolutely wonderful," She mused while softly laughing. "How much money did you make last night?"
Spinner lied down next to her with a grin plastered across his face. He turned to her before revealing his income from the hazy night before.
"Enough," He started off casually. "I pulled in a good amount."
Emma sighed wistfully, "I wish I had money, and then I could possibly buy a car which would enable me to get the hell out of here whenever I can. That would be the best thing ever." She shook her head while her hand drifted over Spinner's shoulder slowly.
"You don't have to have a car, dude," Spinner started. "I mean…you can just go, like, mentally. I do it all the time, it's not that hard." He laughed before nudging his head farther into the pillow it was resting upon. Emma smiled wider while inching closer to him.
"You're so fucking smart," She chuckled before proceeding to gravitate over towards him and getting lost in the realm of Spinner. The amount of heroin flowing through her body made the endorphins create a powerful rush as she felt her stomach drop to her knees. Now she was a traveler who had become lost after getting separated from the tour guide. She wanted to be found and go back on the tour again and search the jungles. However, a kind villager had become her new tour guide, showing her the traits that were indigenous to their town. Now she just wanted to reside in this town forever and ever because she couldn't move right about now. Her body was frozen and an iceberg was currently crushing her. She could feel her arms becoming heavy with frost that slowly gathered on them.
After a certain point, everything started to melt into a haze. She couldn't concentrate on everything that was going on. There was just too much. She wanted everything to halt to a complete stop and start again slowly. However, she did nothing. Yet, she did much. It was a complicated matter that she couldn't begin to decipher without the help of an ancillary device. Everything ceased to exist though. The events that had unfolded just ended as quickly as they began. He vanished as quickly as he had appeared in her doorway only a short time ago. Now she was alone.
Emma sat on her bed in a trance for a few hours, coming down from the powerful opiate. During that time, several things occurred. She mourned the loss of innocence while contemplating on whether or not it was a homicide or a suicide. After a half hour of thought, she decided on an assisted suicide as a middle ground. She then erupted into a state of silent anger for the last part of her trance before she finally snapped into two ragged pieces.
Before she knew it, she was chucking things around her room while she felt herself slowly crumbling into a pile of dust. There was shouting and screaming of profanities, that would probably have awakened poor little Jack if his mother hadn't dragged him out to escape their household. They expected Jackie to be able to fill Spike's shoes while she was missing in action or they expected Emma to take care of herself. They expected Emma to deal with Snake's cancer inflicted death; however she had yet to deal. They expected her to bring home the gold in the environmental marathon that she had dropped out of. Her teachers and mother expected high grades. Her friends expected her to be there for them when they needed someone, but they weren't there for her when she needed them.
Everyone just kept on expecting everything from her. She was the resident whore of expectations in Degrassi. Frankly, she was tired of being expected to do things at everyone's leisure. What about her? She had spent a majority of her life gallivanting around about issues that didn't pertain to her at all. Would the fact that she didn't cut apart the six pack rings and it ended up being the untimely end for a dolphin really affect her? Not particularly. Did the fact that someone was starving in a third world country concern her frustration over life in general? Not at all. All she did was give and give until she was bare. No one gave her anything in return.
Frankly, she was tired of driving on this one way street. The only person out there who seemed to actually care about her in the least was Spinner. When she had fallen down, he helped to pick her back up. He even soothed the pain from the fall. No one could honestly match what he did. After all of those years of thinking that Spinner was a lethargic insensitive sexist jerk, the blindfold came undone and now she could finally see.
Now her hands were busy clawing away at a poster concerning endangered giant pandas. Her arms contained shambles of the poster as she felt herself crumbling even more so. Emma could feel a build up of tears in her eyes, something that she hadn't felt in a long time. Before she was apathetic and afterwards she was numb. She didn't want to be exposed. She couldn't be exposed. Emma Nelson was strong and fortified, like an ancient monument that was still in all of its glory in present day.
Out of the corner of her eye, there was a sparkling white bag. A smile erupted across her face as she stalked over towards the night stand where the bag cooed a secret lullaby for her. She created a line that danced before her eyes as she fished around for a dollar bill to roll up. Her hands came upon a five dollar bill that had been stashed away in her wallet, ready to be rolled.
Her fingers tightly rolled it before it was acceptable to aid in snorting the heroin. The rolled up dollar bill skipped along that line of the opiate in a tornado like fashion. Heroin got caught in the vortex and became ready to heal the pain. She wiped the excess powder from the ridge of her nostril before looking at that bag. The bag needed to be shunned away from prying eyes. Emma spotted a doll sitting on a shelf. It begged to be the location for the drug. She gave into the doll's pleading by slowly disassembling the head from the body.
This doll had given her so much childhood angst. Its head had the tendency to fall off when she played too roughly with it. However, no one touched the doll anymore. No one was around to touch it. The bag was stuffed into the head of the doll as the head was slowly placed back on the body.
That familiar haze came over her from before as she made her way back over to her bed. Before the journey was complete, she stepped on the plush monkey who she had fondly called Mr. Bananas back in her childhood. Emma scooped up Mr. Bananas before retreating to her bed and lying down. The small plush monkey was gripped against Emma's body as the haze fell upon her. It felt so good. She smiled as contentment washed over her. There were no worries on what anyone might say about her room. There were no worries about what had happened a few hours ago.
There was nothing but absolute serenity.