"Hey Manny." He says as he walks past me.
"h..hey." I manage. Gosh I sound like such a loser. He smiled as he left. Ohhhh I wish he liked me. Sooo much. But he obviously likes Emma. No fair. What does she have that I don't? Bitch. Ah! How could I think that? Emma is my friend. I should be happy for her. I am. Not. I like him more than she does. I would do anything to be with him for just one entire day. Anything. Anything.
"Manny?"
Huh?
"Huh?" I verbally express my confusion as I turn around. Oh. Emma.
"Em, hey."
"What's up?"
What's up, you ask? I'll tell you what's up! CRAIG MANNING IS MIIINE. ALLLL MINE MINE MINE MINE!
"oh, nothing." I'm such a good liar.
"Did you see Craig today? He looks sooooooo cute! Mannyyyyyyyy why can't I have him?"
I hesitate. I want to be honest. I want to tell her that I love Craig more than she does. I want to shove her out of my way and go take Craig before anyone else does. But I can't. The look on her face is so desperate. So needy. I may want Craig more than Emma, but she NEEDS him more than I do. I don't know what to do.
"Em," I say, "Don't worry about it. If it is meant to be, it will be."
Smooth answer, I suppose. Keeping my feelings away from Emma.
"I gotta get going Emma. I'll see you after school, mmk?"
"Yeah, okay! See ya!" She says as I walk away.
I am so terrified of this school. I am almost on the bottom of the food chain, so I have learned not to look anyone in the eye. Anyone older than me, that is. So I just look at my feet when I walk to class. Fear of belittlement. A new word I learned, thought I would use it in context. I bet if I said it aloud people would think I'm smart.
sniff
I know that smell. It's warm. Soft. Loveable. It's….Craig. Oh my gosh. Those are his shoes. He is walking right in front of me. I can't help but look up and watch the back of his head. Forget class I'll go where he goes. To the ends of the Earth I will follow him. We turn a corner and enter a room. He must've felt me behind him because he turned around after we went through the swinging door.
"Manny?! What are you doing in the guy's washroom?" He says, shocked, laughing and cocking an eyebrow at me. It makes him look like a hot, mischievous evil genius. I love it.
I feel the blood rush to my face, my ears get hot. I squeeze my books tighter to my chest. Oh God, why are you punishing me.
"I….I….uh…..I…" THINKING OF SOMETHING MANNY!!!!! THINK!!!!
"I have to go."
I turn and burst out the door into the hallway and get carried away from my imprisonment with the flood of students rushing by, afraid to be late for class. I get to my and take my seat. I can't believe what just happened. I'm such a fool. Craig probably thinks I am the biggest loser on Earth now. Going into the boys washroom….
"..how stupid.." I say to myself.
"What's stupid?" JT asks as he takes a seat next to me. We are in Grade Eight, but he still insists on wearing that hat, the one with the twirly thing on top. I can't stand it! Somwtimes I want to wring JT's neck. Will he ever grow up? I guess that must be part of what I love so much about Craig. He is so mature. Much more mature than anyone else our age. He gets everyone. I know he would get me. And I get him. I do, really. I know he wouldn't think so, but if he just talked to me….got to know me….
"None of your business." I saw, remembering JT had asked me a question. I just want him to leave me alone. He wouldn't understand. No one can. Because I'm in love.
Halfway through class I go to the washroom. When I'm in the stall, I hear two girls come in. I listen to ther conversation.
"……..C'mon Terri! You at least have to say he's cute."
"Okay, Okay. He IS cute. Ash, I think you are really hung up on him!"
They giggle.
"Ter, Craig would never like a girl like me."
Craig? They are talking about MY Craig? Wait…Ashley…Terri….I know who they are! Sort of. Grade Nines. Ashley is like a new goth or whatever. Kind of scary. No way any guy would like her, they'd be too afraid she'd want to sacrifice them or something. And Terri…well, she's big. Not huge, but bigger than me. And let's face it, guys are shallow too. They take that into consideration. At least those are two girls I know I am DEFINITELY prettier than. But there are so many girls that are way more pretty than me. Going to this school really takes a toll on a girl's self-esteem. Which is one reason why I think Craig is so great. He doesn't care about the exterior. He has been through so much, I just know he appreciates what's on the inside. That's why he's going to be my guy.
At lunch I sat with Emma outside. She was handing out flyers about something or another. I was focused on Craig. He was playing basketball with Sean. And he was winning. Watching him play…succeed…..it makes him happy. It makes me happy to see him happy. I smile because he is smiling.
"Em! Em! Look at Craig! He is sooo good! Why isn't he on the team?"
I don't take my eyes off of him as I speak to her.
"Manny! I'm busy! I know how good he is, and I would love to watch him all day, but you should help me instead of obsessing over Craig!"
"Uh!" I say in all fairness. How dare she. How can she NOT obsess over him? In spite of myself, I sit and turn the other way, quietly eating my lunch and dreaming of my future with Craig. We'd live outside of Toronto, big pale blue house. Two kids. Spitting image of Craig. We'd be SO happy together. I'd make the perfect wife. I'd do everything for him. I'd -
"OW!" Why did Emma just kick me? It hurts! I can feel it pumping blood to the surface. Oohhh there is going to be a bruise! Now I can't wear that new skirt I bought! ASRRRHHGFDGH! I glare at her evilly and she gives me the strangest, panicked look. I understand too late, and am caught off gaur, with food in my mouth.
"Hey Emma. What's this for?" Sean says as he grabs one of her flyers and tilts it so Craig can see. I discreetly spit out my food and ever so quickly swish my mouth with water. Then I swing my legs over the bench and smile at the boys. Craig catches my eye and smiles back, ahowing all his teeth, eyes gleaming. Gawd he's SOOOO gorgeous!
"Hey Manny." He almost whispers. It sounds so….seductive. Manny….it rolls off his tongue so simply.
"Hey Craig." I notice Sean looking at me. "Sean." I acknowledge his presence.
"So, Emma, what is this for?" Craig asks as he takes the bottom of his shirt and brings it to his face, whipping it. When he does, I can see his washboard abs. Only…they are discolored. Scarred. I feel for him now. I can tell my expression changed. I fix it so no one notices.
"For the Brazilian rainforest. I know I can't go there and help, but I thought, maybe if I could raise money and send it…."
"I get it. Why is there a meeting?" My Craig asks inquisitively. How cute. He actually cares.
"If enough people come, the parliament will give us extra money to send."
"Great." Sean says, trying to win Emma's respect. "Craig, we should go." He looks at Craig. Emma looks at Craig hopefully. I see the longing in her eyes. I wish I could rip them out and shove them down her throat, because for a minute, it looks as if Craig is goig to return that longing look. And then, Craig looks at me, and I swear I saw hope in his eyes.
"Will you be there?" I gap at him. I'm not sure what to say. Did I die and go to Heaven in five seconds? I think I might drool. I'm so glad Emma was there.
"Yeah, she'll be there." She saved my butt. I owe her. Totally.
"Awesome. We'll be there." Craig says. I'm still gaping. He tips his invisible hat to us, winks, YES WINKS! At me, and turns to leave. I could have died on the spot right then and there. I sigh a dreamy sigh. I lay my head on the park bench, close my eyes, and smile to myself. Craig Manning is mine.