Disclaimer: I own nothing that I did not create…
Oh redheads heed my warnings now
When you are all alone
From traveling to Corus
For tis there the Rogue calls home
"Oh, Maude. Must you tell these silly stories? I would certainly NEVER fall in love… especially with some thief."
"Now, Alanna. Most little girls enjoy these tales."
"But I'm not "most little girls," I'm Alanna! And some day, I will be the one going off and fighting evil; I won't trust some little man to do it for me."
"But this story is about…"
"The knight saves the girl from the Rogue, they fall in love, and they live happily ever after, I know, I know. I think I hear Coram calling, it's time for my riding lessons."
"One day, Alanna… One day."
He feels no qualms when stealing things
And it is often said does he
From stubborn lasses like yourselves
Take all your property
"George, dear, look at what they're saying about you!"
"Oh, mother. I'm too busy to bother what people think of me."
"I don't like your profession. Someone could stab you in the back at any moment and that makes me nervous. I worry about you day and night!"
"Mother, I can take care of myself."
"Right… You just keep on saying that, right up until the day when you get caught and sent to Traitor's Hill."
"That won't be any time soon, mum."
"Hah!"
"I have to go… everyone will be coming into Solom's place in a bit."
"Oh, Georgy."
Alanna in the convent learnt
To sew and dance for kings
But when she became free to leave
She turned to other things
"Why must I always be a lady? What's the point? I'm going to die anyway, so I'd rather die a fighter than a clone of that whiny, simpering flower of perfection, Lady Delia of Eldorne. Honestly! Can you scream any louder when a mouse skitters over your slipper? I think not! Tomorrow I will be free, free! I will go to the palace and triumph over the prince himself in a fencing deul. Then they will see that women can do whatever they want!"
Her violet eyes astonished men
Her breeches even more
And when she rode to the capital
She met a common whore
"Fair lady!"
"My lady, do you need…"
"Lady, are you…"
"Young maiden, where are…"
"Why do these men speak as though they have never seen a beautiful lady in breeches before? Must be the perfume. I ask of you, my dear fellows, would any of you teach a lady the art of the sword? … Alrighty then."
"My lady, if it is knowledge you pursue, I may be able to guide you."
"Thank you. It seems the men here have lost their minds or are subject to some ill-bred spell that ties their tongues with bewilderment. What is your name?"
"Rispah. And yours?"
"Alanna."
"Well, Alanna, allow me…"
Alanna did enchant the witch
Which was an odd event
For the courtesan was a cousin
Of the Rogue she did circumvent
The King of Thieves, George Cooper,
Happened upon her path
And saw in her
A wonderful Gift that had her in a bath
"Fair maid, your power is great
Even as your appearance
Though not unpleasant in the least
Is one of beautiful malevolence"
"Shove off, pig-headed swine
Go get ye to a tavern
I'll have naught to do with thieves
No matter how well they flattern"
"Art thou as lovely as I first thought
You seem to me an angel
I find myself in love with you
A love no lord could rival"
They did decide to love each other
And stay true throughout all
The Lady and the Rogue together
Stormed the castle ball
The nobles were astonished
And their delight was non-existant
When Alanna skipped her monthlies
Though she was glad she had missed it
Her brother Thom, ranting and raving,
Vowed to kill this king
But Alanna lovingly stayed his hand
And in secret he gave her his ring
"Alanna, dear, it is true
I must confess
I have a terrible enemy
Who enjoys playing chess
"His thief-friends call him Claw
A name that fits him well
For he fights as does a panther
When he's at the gates of hell
He's cunning and he's wily
He will not be excited
To discover that your babe
Has made us quite united."
"Oh, George, you worry way too much
This man is not as strong
As you, my love, for love
In his stony heart does not belong"
"You are wrong my dear Alanna
I have never even seen
That mongrel lose a fight
To any man of mortal being
"His face bears scars
That testify to his evil ways
He takes young unwilling maids
And spirits them away"
"His scars are not a sign
Of his evil cunning tricks
But just of a remembrance
Of his unhealthy cowardice"
"But still, my love, inside my heart
I know what he will do
He'll spirit you away from me
After death has come anew
"Listen well to my instruction
For this plan is very crucial
To keep me alive, I hope
Our feelings are quite mutual
"He will fight me to the death
And corner me to die
And when I can't resist him
Tis still that I will lie
"I'll wait for ye to take a sword
And do as I have taught
Make sure ye run him through quite well
Till of life he could have naught"
Alanna did wait til the day
When Claw he did attack
And remembered George's instruction
To stab him in the back
She did not have but long to wait
For on a sunny day
Claw came to challenge her dear Rogue
And planned, the Rogue, to flay
Poor George was quite cornered
And could not spy his beloved
He had given up near all his hope
When around the corner she comed
"Ye shall not harm my hubbie"
She declared loudly to the devil
Then ran him through with no more thought
About his evil drivel
George embraced his lovely maid
And then they did rejoice
For now she had beaten his evil foe
Other murderers would think twice
"George Cooper" said she
"It's funny, but I really love you so"
And the Rogue set off with his lady
To battle the sunset's glow