"I'm pregnant," Max repeated, staring at Joey. "I didn't want to believe it . . . Are you sure?"
"Very sure," Joey replied. "I know it is a surprise, and the timing couldn't be worse, but."
"But?"
"It's the first good news that I've gotten to tell you in a long time," Joey said gently. "And Kenny will be thrilled, and it will give him another reason to fight through this."
"I'm not ready to be a mother," Max said softly, placing her hand on her still flat stomach. "I don't know anything about kids, and how am I supposed to tell Kenny this? There is enough going on without burdening him with having a kid too. Joey, I can't have a baby. Not now."
"Are you saying you want an abortion?"
"I . . . I don't know," Max trailed off, as she tried to make sense of her racing thoughts.
"Take some time," Joey said gently. "I know it's a shock, but things may seem different in a few days."
"Okay," Max agreed, as she tried to process the fact that there was another life inside of her. "Should I tell him?"
"Do you think you should?"
"I don't know. He just dumped me and threw me out.
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"How are you feeling?" Carol asked. "The new treatments aren't making you sick?"
"Not yet," Kenny replied, averting his mother's gaze. "How long are you planning on staying?"
"As long as you're sick," Tom replied.
Kenny paused, as his thoughts drifted back to Max. "You can't do that. Dad, you have to work. You can't stay here babysitting me."
"You're our son. Where else would we be?"
"Wouldn't it be easier if we all went back to Chicago?"
"Your doctors are here. And your friends. Not to mention Max."
"There are doctors in Chicago," Kenny countered, vowing to do what was best for Max. "And my family."
"Are you sure about this?" Tom asked. "I'm not even sure that the doctors here will let you leave."
"We'll make them," Kenny insisted, knowing he was doing the right thing for everybody. "I can't stay here."
"Why not?"
"I just can't," Kenny replied. "Please."
Tom nodded, as he shot a look over at his wife. "I'll see what we can work out."
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I can't have this baby, Max thought, and how do I tell Kenny? He doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, so how do I tell him? A baby? I can barely take care of myself. sometimes. When? He's been in the hospital for so long, so how couldn't I have known? What do I tell him?
"Max? Are you paying attention?"
"What? Sorry, yeah," Max replied, shaking off her dark thoughts, and tuning back into the case being discussed. "My mind wandered off for a minute."
"We were finished anyway," Jimmy replied. "You all can go. Max. Stay."
"Good luck," Skeeter said under his breath, as he left.
"Go home," Jimmy said firmly, as soon as they were alone. "You're not doing yourself or anyone else any good here. Get yourself together Max."
"But."
"No buts. I know you're dealing with Kenny being sick. We all are. You're stretched way too thin these days. You have to pull it together. If you want to go play nursemaid, do it. Don't waste my time here like this."
"You don't know what you're talking about," Max replied softly. "There is a lot going on that you don't know."
"Yeah? I can say the same to you," Jimmy retorted, as his dream flashed through his thoughts. "Do you have any idea what we talked about in here for the last hour?"
"No. Jimmy, I . . . ," Max trailed off. "I can't do this right now. Can I just go home?"
"You actually want to leave?" Jimmy asked dumbfounded, as he thought she would fight him every step of the way.
"I . . . I can't do this. Any of it. I don't even know what to tell him. He won't see me, and I have to tell him. He has to know . . . and I can't do it."
"Kenny?"
"He kicked me out, and says he can't get better with me there. Then I . . ."
"He's an idiot to think that. What does he have to know?"
"I . . . nothing. It's not important."
"Max."
"Can I just go home? You're right. I need to get myself together."
Jimmy studied his young deputy carefully, and wanted to just hold her close to him until she stopped looking like her world was ending. Kenny, he thought, what the hell are you doing? You're a moron for throwing Max out of your life. If she was mine . . . Shit. What the hell was that? Shaking off his thoughts, he turned back to her. "Go ahead. Get out of here."
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"I'm a horrible person," Jill said quietly, rolling over onto her side. "I can't keep living like this. Treating Jimmy this way . . . the things I accused him of."
"Ssh," her lover whispered. "It'll work itself out. We belong together. You know that. And who knows? Maybe he really does have some longings for that little slut."
"You really hate her that much?"
"I don't hate her. I just don't like her very much."
"Jimmy thinks of her as a daughter," Jill insisted. "And Kenny like a son. He would never touch her."
"Like this," her lover cooed, tracing Jill's stomach with her hand. "He's missing out."
Jill groaned. "I should go . . . Jimmy will be home soon."
"Ssh. Just kiss me."
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"You can't do this," Joey insisted. "I'm your doctor, and I won't allow it."
"I'm not giving you a choice," Kenny said through gritted teeth, "It's all worked out at the other hospital. I'm going."
"It is the best treatment available," Tom added. "And when a space opened up, we decided to jump on it."
"I can't stay here," Kenny lamented.
"You're not even going to say goodbye to her?" Joey asked quietly. "That's beyond cruel Kenny."
"We said our goodbyes. Max . . . It's over with us. Don't tell her where I am. Now or ever."
"The helicopter is ready," Joey replied flatly. "I won't tell her. Doctor, patient confidentiality and all. You're making a mistake though. You just don't know how big of one yet."
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"Oh this sucks," Max cried, as everything she ate came back up, "Damn."
Rising to her feet at the sound of the doorbell, she took a few deep breaths before stumbling out of the bathroom. Is this what the next six months are going to be like, she wondered, how do people do this?
Yanking the door open. "Hi. What are you doing here?"
"I need to talk to you," Joey said carefully, taking in her flushed face. "Can I come in?"
Max nodded, vowing not to be sick again. "Is Kenny okay? I know he doesn't want to see me, but . . . is he?"
"You really love him."
Max nodded again. "Yeah."
"He's gone, Max."
"Gone?"
"He left, and he doesn't want anyone to know where."
"What?"
"He left," Joey repeated, seeing the devastation on her face. "Max, I'm sorry. I couldn't stop him."
"He just left?" Max repeated softly. "How? I mean, how?"
"Helicopter . . . To go off to another treatment program. It's one of the best in the country."
"Where?"
"I can't tell you. Doctor, patient confidentiality."
"I'm pregnant! With that asshole's baby! How could he do this? I know he wanted his space," Max practically yelled, jumping off the couch. "And I as going to give it to him! How could he do this to me? To us? Shit! Why didn't I tell him sooner?"
"You just found out yourself," Joey replied. "Sit down, and take a deep breath, okay? You can't get yourself riled up. He is an asshole though."
"I should have told him."
"Where is he?"
"Max, I can't."
"I'll find out then," Max snapped.
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"He just left?" Jimmy said, "How can that happen?"
"There are better treatments other places," Jill replied distantly. "I guess that is what he wanted."
"Without telling anyone else?"
"You mean Max?"
"She's going to be devastated. She looked that way today as it was."
"Well I'm sure you'll be right there to comfort her."
"Do we have to keep fighting about this?"
"I'm sure she'll welcome you with open arms too. She wants you as much as you want her Jimmy."
"You're crazy," Jimmy spat, pushing back from the kitchen table. "You're my wife, Jill. I love you, even when you're acting like a lunatic! Why don't you believe that?"
Jill swallowed back her guilt. "You never touch me, we never talk. What should I think? It's obvious that you're falling for a much younger woman. Keep denying it, Jimmy, but you know it as well as I do."
"You're crazy," Jimmy repeated slowly, as he studied Jill. "You want to talk? Let's do it. Tell me what the hell is going on with you. Are you having an affair? Is that where this is all coming from?"
"Go to hell," Jill spat, as she turned away. "I'm going to take a shower. I can't even look at you anymore."
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"I just want to be alone," Max said, as she collapsed back down on the couch.
"You shouldn't be," Joey countered.
Max shook her head. "Just go . . . I . . . I have a lot to think about."
"You promise me that you'll call if you need anything. And you're pregnant. Don't do anything crazy."
"Go, please," Max begged, choking on the tears that threatened to spill. "I promise."
Joey nodded. "I'm coming by to check on you tomorrow. Get some rest, and it'll seem better in the morning."
Max merely nodded, as she watched Joey leave. Sinking back into the couch cushions, she hugged a pillow to her chest. Kenny, how can you do this? We are so good together, and we had so many plans. You're the only person I can imagine spending my life with. Our life. Our child. You have to know about our child, even if you don't want me anymore. Her gaze fell on a picture sitting on the coffee table. Reaching over slowly, she picked it up and examined the image staring back at her. We were so happy, Max thought, looking at the photo of her and Kenny. Everything was so damn picture perfect.
"You fucking bastard," she yelled, as she heaved the picture against the wall.
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"Jill! Wait!" Jimmy called, "Just stop for a minute! Talk to me damn it!"
"Why? So you accuse me of having an affair again?"
"I don't want Max," Jimmy repeated, not totally believing it himself anymore. "I don't know what I have to say to make you believe me."
"There isn't anything!" Jill snapped. "Would you just go? Go to her, or not. I don't care anymore."
"Why not?"
"Because there is someone else. Happy now?"
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"How are you holding up?" Littleton asked Max a few days later. "I'm surprised you came back to work so soon."
"I can't stay at home and mope forever," Max replied, although I'm going on maternity leave in about six months. "All I do is think there."
"What the hell is going on around here?" Littleton replied. "You know about Jimmy and Jill?"
Max nodded, happy to focus on something else for the moment. "Yeah. I heard that she is staying with Joey, and Jimmy looks like it's the end of the world."
Kind of like you, Littleton thought. "You haven't heard from him?"
Max shook her head. "No."
"Are you going to look?"
Max paused. "I'm working on it. The hospitals that I called haven't been too forthcoming with information so far."
"You know if you ever want to talk, I'll listen."
"Thanks."
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"I'm here. I'll always be here," the voice whispered in Jimmy's ear. "This is so right."
"I need you," he whispered back, pushing her hair back. "More then I ever thought possible."
"Touch me," she whispered, as she unbuttoned her blouse. "Take me. Right here, right now."
Jimmy jerked upright in his seat, as he wrenched himself out of his daydream. He rubbed his face with his palms, as he looked around his dimly lit office. "I can't keep thinking of her like this. Damn it, Jill!"
Pushing himself up from his desk, he strode purposefully out into the station, and ignored the curious stares of the deputies around him. He stopped at Max's desk, and forced himself to look at her impassively. "My office. Now."
Max nodded, as she followed him into the other room. "What's going on?"
"Nothing good," Jimmy replied, noting the dark circles under her eyes. "We've both been through hell lately. What do you say we go out and get a beer? Screw our problems for at least one night."
"It's tempting," Max admitted, still not sure that she wanted to face the world yet. "I'm exhausted, Jimmy. Maybe some other night?"
"You've earned a night out."
"I have something to tell you," Max said quietly. "I haven't told anybody yet . . . but I don't really have a choice anymore. It's going to be obvious soon enough."
"Max?"
She looked up at him, and vowed that she wouldn't start crying. "Um, the day before Kenny . . . left . . . I found out I was pregnant. Almost three months. Closing in on three and a half now."
