Bleed
I started this after the season premiere, Viva Las Vegas. I really had no idea where I was going with this… If you haven't noticed by now, I'm big on the song-fics. This is another one. The song is Bleed, commonly known as I Must Be Dreaming; it's by Evanescence.
The rating is for a little bit of adult content/violence/language and contains some abuse.
Disclaimer: I do not own the character or the song. The characters belong to the wonderful creators of CSI who give me something to look forward to every Thursday night, and the song belongs to one of the best bands in the world – Evanescence.
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The muffled sound of glass smashing woke a young brunette. The child slowly sat up and strained her ears to hear what was going on before she even bothered to wipe the sleep from her eyes. As she listened, she could hear muffled screaming. A man. She knew his voice well. It was a strange thing. During the day, the voice was as kind and sweet as can be… but sometimes, at night, it changed. The voice changed into that of an uncontrollable monster.
Sara slowly and quietly slipped out of her bed and walked down the hall towards the stairs. She knelt down to look through the railing and could clearly see her parents in the kitchen. Her mother was hunched over the floor, sweeping up the remains of the glass that Sara had left on the table after having a glass of milk before bed. Her father watched impatiently; the red heat of anger still evident on his face.
"Incompetent bitch! Can't even keep the house neat! Why the hell I married you, I may never know! What were you doing all day! Huh!"
"I…I was helping the customers. After I made breakfast I cleaned the rooms and Sara helped me. I spent the rest of the day fixing up so you could relax a little."
"Don't you dare fucking lie to me, you whore!" He smacked the woman hard across the face and her body fell to the floor. Her weak frame lay there in a heap, shaking ever so slightly as sobs took over her. As she looked up, she touched her face with her hand and her eyes grew wide as she saw it was covered in blood.
How can I pretend that I don't see
What you hide so carelessly?
I saw her bleed
Sara gasped as she realized her mother was hurt badly. Her father's head whipped towards the stairs and his eyes locked with hers. She froze. She wanted to run but couldn't. For the first time in her nine years of life, she knew what true fear was.
You heard me breath
And I froze inside myself and turned away
I must be dreaming
Somehow, Sara found the strength to move. Her legs felt like spaghetti, but she crawled as quickly as she could to her room. As soon as she was inside, she locked the door and put a chair under the handle. She did a flying jump into her bed and hid under the covers until finally she was able to fall asleep.
We all live
We all die
That does not begin to justify you
The next day when Sara went down to eat breakfast with her family, everyone acted as if nothing had happened. Her father was reading the Sunday paper, her brother was playing with his baseball cards, and her mother was busy cooking breakfast. Sara quietly made her way to the table and sat down. Her father barely looked up from his paper as her chair slid against the floor; the same floor she had seen her mother sprawled against last night after her father hit her. But maybe, just maybe, none of that happened. Maybe it was all just a nightmare. Everyone was just being so normal.
It's not what it seems
Not what you think
No, I must be dreaming
It's only in my mind
Not real life
No, I must be dreaming
Sara had almost convinced herself she had dreamt it all when her mother turned towards the table with breakfast. She looked up at her mother and her heart broke. The woman's normally flawless skin was covered in make up as an attempt to hide the bruises and slight swelling.
"So, how many pancakes would you like sweetie?" she asked, pasting a fake smile on her face. Sara had never realized it until then, but her mother always had that smile on whenever she or her brother were around and so was their father. Sara snapped back to reality after finally realizing she still hadn't answered the question her mother had asked her several minutes ago.
"Um…two I guess…Thanks." Sara copied the same fake smile her mother had on as she placed two pancakes onto a plate for Sara.
The following week was pretty mundane. Her brother was always out with his friends, her father out taking care of things for the B & B, her mother working in the B & B, and Sara sat in her room reading her textbooks. It was a way to escape. She knew something was going on around her, but she also knew there was nothing she could do. Her family might be fake and try to keep things from her, but science…science was straightforward. Kingdoms were made of phylums, and phylums were made of classes. It never changed or pretended it was something else.
More time passed without any incidents. That is until the night of September 16th, 1981. It was Sara's 10th birthday. She didn't have a big party. It was just her family and a few aunts, uncles, and cousins. The last of her relatives left around ten or eleven PM. After all the good-byes were said, Sara went up to her room to sleep. Turning ten was an exhausting thing. Although she was tired, she was having difficulty falling asleep because of all the sugar she had had from cake and ice cream. After about an hour of tossing and turning, Sara was startled by the slamming of a door. Her body sprang up and she sat there in her bed, heart pounding, while she waited for another sound. She could hear her mother's hushed plea.
"John, please… the children…You don't want to wake them."
"Don't you dare tell me what to fucking do! You understand me! And who is to say I give a shit about those wastes of space, huh? I got one kid smoking pot and one that barely leaves her room! This family is worthless and you are the biggest waste of them all!" Her father's bellowing voice seemed to shake the house.
Sara hugged her blanket closer as she heard the sound of flesh connecting with flesh and her mother's yelp right after.
"John…please. You don't mean any of that."
"Don't tell me what I mean! Don't you ever listen, you miserable wench!"
Sara jumped as she heard what she could only assume was her mother's body colliding with the wall. Sara quickly locked her door. She picked up her blanket and flashlight and hid inside her closet.
Help, I know I've got to tell someone
Tell them what I know you've done
I fear you, but spoken fears can come true
We all live
We all die
That does not begin to justify you
It's not what it seems
Not what you think
No, I must be dreaming
As the noise continued, Sara hugged her blanket closer and closer, yearning for some security, any at all. She rocked back and forth as much as the confined space would allow as silent tears made their way down her face.
"It's not real. Nothing is wrong. It's ok. It's ok. It's not real. It's all a dream. Just wake up Sara! Please. Just wake up!"
It's only in my mind
Not real life
No, I must be dreaming
Sara woke in a cold sweat at the sound of a young her screaming. She squeezed her eyes shut as hard as she could as if doing so would somehow erase the images from her memory. Sara felt the body next to her start to stir. She looked over to the one thing in her life that truly made her feel safe since she was a little kid. The one man who had found a way around her defenses and opened her up to the world around her.
"Sara?"
"Yeah?"
He turned and looked at her. Concern was evident in his voice even if she couldn't see it on his face. "Another nightmare?"
Sara didn't say anything. She didn't have to. He knew. He always seemed to know.
He scooted towards her and wrapped his arms around her.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He whispered into her ear.
"Not tonight Nicky. But soon. I promise."
"Okay. I'm not going to push." He leaned in and kissed her lightly on her forehead. She smiled – not the forced smile of her mother, or her past but – an honest genuine smile that Nick somehow had the uncanny power to bring out. Sara reached out in the darkness and cupped Nick's face in her hand. She caressed his cheek with her thumb.
"I love you Nicky. Promise me you'll never leave me. Or…" Her voice trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. Nick placed both of his hands on Sara's cheeks and brought his face a fraction of an inch in front of her face as he stared into her scared honey eyes.
"Sara…" His voice was barely a whisper as his hot breathe hit Sara's lips. "I swear to you, with all my heart, I will never, never leave you. I love you too much. In all selfish honesty, I need you too much to leave you. And you know I would never hurt you. I love you Sara Sidle, and I always will." Although his emotions were evident in his voice he proved his sincerity once again by pressing his mouth to hers, infusing all of what he just said into his kiss. A few moments later, they broke apart, breathless and leaned their foreheads together.
"Nicky?" Sara whispered in a slightly husky voice.
"Mm?"
"I love you."
A/N - Sappy ending I know… but I wasn't sure how to end it… If inspiration was a flowing I was going to end it with something like, " Would you marry me" and continue with his reaction, their decision, its consequences, and the reactions of their coworkers. But I'm just not that creative.