A/N: Here's Chapter Three. I hope everyone likes it, and don't forget to R&R!
Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or the song The Reason and I never will. But I do own Sean Cameron. I keep him in my closet ;-)
Will he come tonight? Probably not. Why would he? He dumped you. Isn't that proof that he doesn't give a shit about you? But the look in his eyes...he looked like he really did care. And as much as she tried to convince herself that she didn't have feelings for Sean, she knew there was no point. She still cared for him. Deeply. But there was Chris, dependable Chris who would never hurt her. She didn't have that same guarantee with Sean.
Why I am comparing the two of them? Sean doesn't like me that way. He has Ellie now. You had your chance. It was just that when Sean put his arms around her, she felt so safe. It was if he had protected her from all the hurt and pain she was going through.
Emma walked outside Degrassi and into the harsh glare of the sun. She didn't really care if she missed math class. She sat down on the steps, leaned back, and closed her eyes. How stupid was she? To think that if she just didn't feel anything it would all go away. Instead it had just built up inside of her, and now it had exploded like a bursting dam. The constant pain was more than she could handle. She could feel hot tears leaking through her eyelids. She sat up and put her hand in her head, letting the tears flow unstopped down her cheeks.
"Emma?" Emma opened her eyes. Someone was looking down on her. A red-haired someone. Ellie Nash was staring at her with a concerned expression on her face.
"What happened?" Ellie sat next to her.
"Oh, just a guy." I'm just crying because I still have feelings for Sean. You know, your boyfriend?
Ellie smiled. "Sean, huh?"
"Wha-what? No, no, not Sean. I'm totally over Sean. You don't have to worry."
Ellie's smile widened. "I'm not worried about Sean. I'm worried about you."
Confused, Emma said "But he's your boyfriend. And you don't even know me."
"I broke up with him last week. And sure I don't really know you that well, but I've seen you around. Ash mentions you now and then. You seem pretty cool."
"Thanks." Emma sighed. "It's just, I'm supposed to be over him. Why do I still care for him when I know he doesn't like me back? And even if he does, I'll just end up getting hurt in the end."
Ellie put her arm around Emma's neck. "Sometimes you have to take that risk."
"It's like standing on a cliff. I want to jump, but I just can't." Emma laid her head down on Ellie's shoulder. "I'm scared."
"Sometimes, you just have to close your eyes and jump."
Emma wiped her tears away. "Thanks, Ellie."
"Anytime. You know, people say that you're some stuck-up princess, but you're not. You wanna grab a coffee at Starbucks or something?"
"I'd love to, but I'm broke."
Ellie laughed. "You've been sitting on the steps crying for most of third period. It's obvious you've had a really shitty day. You really think I'd make you pay?"
"Grande mocha Frappuccino?"
"Grande?"
"Yup!"
Ellie groaned. "I knew I shouldn't have offered to pay. Fine. One grande mocha Frappuccino on me. Let's go."
"Wait, now? I thought you meant after school. We can't skip."
"You've already missed most of the morning."
"Well... okay then. Let's get out of here."
Ellie grinned, and slipped her arm through the crook of Emma's elbow. "Let's go."
xXx
Late that night, Emma turned on every single light in her bedroom, then opened the window. She sat on her bed, and waited. Her clock read 11:48, and Sean hadn't shown yet. I think I'll just close my eyes until he gets here. But I have to make sure not to fall asleep.
xXx
Sean silently slipped through Emma's bedroom window. He was twenty minutes late, but hopefully Emma wouldn't be mad. Then he noticed Emma, sleeping on her bed. He walked over, and brushed her golden hair out of her face. He pulled a chair up to her bedside, and watched her as she slept. Just watching her chest fall up and down, how she'd occasionally shift around in the covers or grip the sheets with her fingers. He longed to touch her. But she was with that Chris guy. He leaned down close to her face, so that their faces were just inches away from touching. Just one kiss. She's sleeping, she'll never know. Suddenly her eyes fluttered open, then widened. She instantly sat up, banging her head against Sean.
"Shit!" he yelled. She clamped her hand against his mouth. "My parents!" she moaned. "They'll hear!" They both sat there in silence, waiting for Spike or Snake to coming bursting through the door. Finally, Emma sighed in relief.
"I don't think they heard."
"Good." Emma nodded her head in agreement. "Yeah, they'd kill you if they found you here. But what exactly were you doing two inches away from my face?"
"Um...well...you know..." Sean swallowed. "Emma, I'm glad you asked that because there happens to be an excellent reason why I was two inches away from your face. A great reason. A fabulous reason if you will. And I just know that you'll understand everything once I tell you this reason. This wonderful, interesting reason." Emma looked at him expectantly. "And the reason is...um, and the reason is...you?"
Emma grinned. "I love that song!" "Yeah, it's okay."
"So what did you want to talk about?" Emma looked at him, and Sean could tell she was now in serious discussion mode.
"Well," he began, "first things first." He took her wrist and pulled up her pajama shirt. "We have to talk about this." He gently ran his fingers up her forearm. Emma shuddered, as if she couldn't stand to be touched by him. Sean could feel his face getting hot. Oh, God, don't tell me I'm blushing. "Sorry." Emma shook her head. "No, it's just your fingers are really cold." So she wasn't repulsed by his touch. "Oh. Anyways, Emma, you just can't hurt yourself. You need to go into therapy or something. I really want to help you, but I...I don't know how." Emma wrapped her arms around her knees. "I know that I shouldn't do it, but it's like I'm addicted or something. I can't stop." "Which is why you need to get help. Please. I'm really worried about you." Why the hell did I say that? She's gonna think I'm crazy about her or something. Which I am, but I still don't want her to know that.
"It's nice to know that someone cares about me," she said finally.
"Your parents care about you. Your friends care about you."
"My friends don't realize that anything is wrong, and my parents are too busy being wrapped up in Jack and Snake's cancer." Her face fell. "Oh, God. Just listen to me. Whining about my bad moods when my dad had cancer. I'm such a selfish bitch." Emma buried her head in her arms. Horrified by her outburst, Sean scooted closer to her and rubbed her back. "Em...no, never. You're not selfish. You're anything but selfish." She lifted her head, and there were tears flowing down her face.
"I'm so scared," she whispered. "I'm losing him. I'm losing my dad. Why is this happening? Snake's about the nicest person in the world. What did he do to deserve it? I'm scared, but at the same time I'm mad. I'm mad that the cancer came back, and that Snake isn't strong enough to fight it. It's like a big war, and he's losing. My mom is depressed. Like, medically depressed. I found some Prozac in her bathroom cabinet. I think I've got it too, because I think about dying all the time." She grabbed her throat as if the words were hurting her. "I tried to kill myself last week. I took some pills. But then I got really terrified of actually dying. Of not being there anymore. I don't know if I believe in Heaven or Hell or any of that. What if when you die, that's really it? If it all just ends? Then I thought of Mom and Snake and I nearly drowned in guilt. If Snake dies, then Mom would be all alone. Well, she'd have Jack but he's not much of a companion. So I threw up the pills. I'd rather spend my entire life pretending then not having a life at all." Sean looked at her stunned by her confessions. He didn't know what to say, so he pulled her into a hug. After awhile, she pulled away. "It's almost 1:30. I gotta get some sleep."
"I'll see you in school tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay. And Sean...thanks."
"For what?"
Emma
was quiet for awhile. Sean waited for her answer. "For saving me."
"You ever need help; you know where to find me."
"Yeah. Good night."
"Night, Em."
Sean climbed out the window and into the night, Emma's words still ringing in his head. Thanks...for saving me. He wanted to make himself better, stronger, for Emma. So that he could save her again and again and again. So that he could be her hero. She really was his reason.
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never mean to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
A/N: Personally, I didn't like this chapter too much. It was hard to write, and I did my best, but I still don't like it. I hope my readers like it though, so please review!