Objective perspective.
5. Fighting for ones humanity.
T: Well this was a little quicker than I had expected, perhaps this bodes well for future fics!! Extra spoiler warning for those who have not seen Endless Waltz and also for those who have not read battlefield of the pacifists. Warnings remain the same and the slash becomes clearer in this chapter so those uncomfortable with such things best leave now.
Right that done, lets begin shall we??
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Unsurprisingly many of the smaller fractions refuse to disarm completely, they fear that war will return and I cannot blame them. We have lived with warfare so long now that peace seems unnatural.
I never thought of having a life outside of the war, of being able to see my family again and having to tell them what I am sure they had feared, indeed what they had begun to think about myself also.
The emotional weight of it all presses hard upon me and so when Duo comes to visit me in my office I snap.
He calms me down and whips me out of the office for something to drink. Half way through my hot chocolate I apologise and he, with the usual Duo bravado, shakes it off.
He tells me about what he's been doing with himself and though he seems content dealing with scrap mettle, I can hear the wistful edge to his voice very clearly.
"Heh, but that's enough about me. Guess what I found," He said as he passed me over an envelope full of photos.
There in black and white was a face I recalled well, a face that recalled her father to me still, and a face that had aged just barely.
"Lyanna." I breath and Duo smiles,
"I thought it was her, she looks a little like you."
"Where is she?"
"Earth."
"When is the next shuttle?"
"I'll take you.
……………………………………………………………………………….
Why was Duo here upon earth? Why can he not allow me to live my own life? Why does his friendship still discomfort me?
I should be concerning myself with trying to make a life outside of the war and yet I cannot but help that already things are conspiring to keep me within the role of the perfect soldier.
Gaintz and his perfect peace almost achieved that very thing, almost assured that again this world would be plunged into chaos and warfare. Their ideals were flawed, however, thus they were destined for nothing other than to fail and they did fail, though through Zeros aid once more.
I can rely on Zero no longer, however and I must begin to trust in myself, in my emotions to win through.
Against my will my fingers type in Lana's frequency and after a moment of static she appears, a wild glint to her eyes that I have never seen before.
"Heero?" She enquires and again I find pride in her shock.
Unlike the last time, however, it is not pride is retaining the advantage over her, but rather pride that I have changed enough so that she can no longer predict my every movement.
"I wish to ask for your aid."
"Of course, how may I help?"
"I find myself confused, Mrs. Snow and I knew that you would be the one to discuss such confusion with." I pause and she allows me the moment, most likely because she assumes I am stalling for time, yet it is kindness none the less. "I wished to know why I am plagued always with thoughts of Duo and his welfare, especially when he is nothing more to me than someone to watch my back."
"Not precisely a job that you would trust to just anyone, Heero, but I see what you are trying to tell me.
"To be honest I can not say for sure why Duo is plaguing your mind, you do not react to situations and emotions as others I know, but…" She paused, her fingers rising subconsciously to play with her glasses and then she continues with, "All I can advise you to do is to get closer to Duo, become his friend Heero and see if that makes anything clearer to you.
"I could tell you what I think, but I do not believe that I should. You do not understand your emotions after all, do you?" She enquired.
A moment later her image blanked from my screen and I was left to think about her advice.
She was asking me to forget J's training and to be again Odin's Lad, yet I was not sure if that little boy existed any more, or even if I had wish to let him free again.
Back then I had been without identity and though I knew my life would be always full of battles and warfare I did not understand what that ment. I believed that it would be always as it was with Odin, believed that I would always have some father figure to look up to and someone to belong to.
Though I was being trained to be a solider I was allowed to feel as I wished, allowed to cry when I killed.
To be again as such, to allow another into my life…
I cannot understand why that prospect frightens me so.
……………………………………………………………………………….
By the time Mariemaia began her war Heero had taken my advice and joined forces with Duo.
It was an odd partnership and yet, little by little, it began to have to desired affect.
The Perfect Solider was at last learning the true value of emotion within conflict.
It was rather unfortunate that the war had to come in the middle of that progress, or at all if truth were known.
Yet again I found myself listening to the boys fight and again it was Heero who received my aid, though on this occasion the help was requested rather than offered.
I told him that it would be almost certain suicide, that a quick succession of blasts from the Buster riffle would seriously compromise Wing's structural integrity and yet he carried on regardless.
He sent me one last message before his communication network was wiped out by the blast.
It said simply,
'I understand'.
………………………………………………………………………………
Hilde is already sat at our table when I arrive, indeed after the preamble I learn that she has already bought me coffee.
The lovely thick black kind that I really love and that ends up all over my shirt a moment after I take my first sip,
"Whoa, back up there a moment, Hilde. What did you say?" I enquire once I've stopped choking and mopped up most of the excessively damp areas on my shirt.
"I said that I talked to Lana yesterday and invited her out today." She replies.
Great, sometimes Hilde really is very dense.
Don't get me wrong I love Lana, indeed she's kind of like the mom I never had but, geeze, you don't just dump a man's mother on him without warning.
Thankfully I get all the info I can on why Lana's coming to see me and when she's taking me once she's gotten some caffeine into her, thus when she arrives a few minutes later with Lyanna in tow I don't feel so completely off keel.
Still it takes me until half way through the lunch Lana buys to shake the feeling that she's assessing me and by the time desert arrives I can almost swear that she's expecting someone else.
They bring a couple of packets of love hearts with the bill and as always when I receive a pack I open it out and line up the multi coloured circles.
"Duo, I wanted to ask you something." Lana says.
I make some committal noise in return, my concentration diverted as it is by trying to form a sentence from the candy.
"Are you in love?" She enquires.
It takes me a moment to catch up with the question and by that point I am very much aware that my fingers have been twirling a candy emblazoned with the words ' Blue eyes' and that I have placed 'My own' at the start of the sentence.
Caught by candy and a mind as sharp as a pin I reply,
"Yes."
"Good." That last is not Lana but Heero, who stands now just a little to the left of our table.
He seems almost uncertain of himself and I find that fact disconcerting, Heero was always the one to rely on with a plan to get out of a tough scrape and it's just…odd…to see him trying to wing something.
Lana stands and placing a hand on his shoulder tells him,
"I'm sure, Heero, I just hope that you are as well." Before both she and Lyanna leave us be.
He stares at me a great while and then lays one hand flat on the top of the table,
"Duo." He says it almost like a prayer and I feel a shiver rise up my spine before I reach for his fingers.
We do not say anything, somehow both of us instinctively knowing how clumsy they would be in this moment.
Instead he smiles; a small smile and I know that my life has suddenly changed for the better.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
T: Mwhahaha! Yes that is it. The love heart idea is partially taken from another fic and partially from the discovery that they actually have a 'Blue eyes' love heart.
Anyway the best is dead and I am moving on, so look out for The Winner Chronicles or just have a snoop at my blog to look at my other projects.
RR.