Disclaimer: I don't own Red Dwarf. All situations portrayed within this fanfiction are fictitious, and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Most characters and settings depicted are based on Grant Naylor's amazing comic creations. Wow, professional!

Author's note: Thank you to Sunrise over the Tango Factory (again!) and lil smegpot for reviewing this fanfic. I love you both!!! Here's another chapter for you. Please R&R (that applies to everybody!)

Red Dwarf Issue - Guide to Pregnancy
The Fourth Month...
Your body:
You may become aware that you have more energy, and nausea & fatigue may stop. You may also observe visible growth of the baby as the bump becomes more noticeable.
Your diet:
To be sure you are getting enough iron eat whole grain breads, green vegetables, dried fruits, meats, and beans.
Your feelings:
You may be feeling sexually frustrated at this point. Because of this, you may find others around you more attractive. Always talk to your partner about your feelings; remember: participating in sexual relations during pregnancy is not harmful.

Nicole G. Adler's Personal Thoughts...
I found a book in the MediBay this afternoon: "Guide to Pregnancy." It's a Red Dwarf publication so it's likely to be crap, but it's better than nothing. At least I'm relatively prepared, and I feel a lot happier about this pregnancy now (I mean, obviously I was happy to start with, otherwise I wouldn't have gone through with the implantation, but I'll admit I was quite scared going in cold). Plus, it's a hell of a lot better than Lister's help. I know personal experience is beneficial (God, it feels weird saying that about a man. I'll never get over the fact that Dave once bore twins. Never.) but he is always so vague. It's not his fault though, I suppose. Apparently he was completely torn apart when he had to take them back to the other reality, and talking about it is still hard for him. I should be grateful, really.
Anyway, Kris is still on a rampage. She cannot accept the fact that Arnie told me about her feelings. Honestly! Why can't she just let it go? We've sworn blind that we won't tell anyone. Although, actually, I can see why she's so upset. Arn had already promised secrecy, and he didn't deliver. I can see why she wouldn't trust him any more. But me? What could she possibly
Oh, wait. I did tell her about the whole 'having-an-affair-with-Arn-behind-Dave's-back' thing a few weeks ago.
Ah.

--Internal Ship Messaging--
Series4000: logon
Series4000: Is it true?
CottageCheese: Is what true, Kryt?
Series4000: About you and Mister Lister
Series4000: I need to know if it's true
CottageCheese: Kryten, I have no idea what you're talking about
Series4000: Do I detect 'lie mode', Miss Kochanski???
CottageCheese: OK, OK. I have a little...thing for him
Series4000: How much of a thing, ma'am?
CottageCheese: Nothing major...
CottageCheese: Just a crush-y type thing. It'll pass, honest
Series4000: So, you're not in love with him?
CottageCheese: No
Series4000: You won't take him away from me?
CottageCheese: Of course not!
Series4000: Alright, ma'am. I believe you. Goodnight.
Series4000: logoff
CottageCheese: Had my fingers crossed! : P
CottageCheese: logoff

Cat's thoughts: (IF ANY! - Lister)
The weirdest thing just happened. I was talking to Officer Throw-Up when she asked me out. Seriously! Man, she must be really dissatisfied, although considering the man she's dating, I'm not entirely surprised. I was about to set a time when Goal-post Head himself came along and asked to have a private word with her. Before I could bare my fangs at him, they were gone. Looks like my hand is going to get ANOTHER Valentine's card this year.

To: NAdler
From: KKochanski
Subject: Fwd: I have something to tell you...

LOOK at what Dave just sent me:

-To: KKochanski
-From: DLister
-Subject: I have something to tell you

-Kris, you know that I've always had a crush on you. Well, it's more than a crush. I really like you. A lot. In fact, I love you. I'm in love with you.
-I hope this doesn't destroy the relationship we have already, but I also hope you'll think about it.
-Reply soon
-Love Dave x x x

What the smeg do I do now??????????????????
You have to help me, Nik. You and Rimmer. Please.
Luv Kris

To: KKochanski
From: NAdler
Subject: Re: Fwd: I have something to tell you...

I think you know what you have to do, and it doesn't require help from either me or Arnold, OK? Besides, he's still in his 'whatever-you-want-to-do-we'll-do-it' mood, so I'm keeping out of his way for a bit - I don't want to have sex whilst I'm pregnant!

To: NAdler
From: KKochanski
Subject: Dave

Do you really think I should just go for it? What if it doesn't work out?

To: KKochanski
From: NAdler
Subject: Re: Dave

What's not working out? Honey, if you don't go for it you'll have even more 'What ifs' floating around that tiny little head of yours.

To: NAdler
From: KKochanski
Subject: Re: Dave

Are you sure? I'm not doing this until you (or someone) has convinced me it's the right thing to do.

To: KKochanski
From: NAdler
Subject: Re: Dave

Oh, for smeg's sake! If you don't do it then I will!

To: NAdler
From: KKochanski
Subject: Re: Dave

Don't you dare ask him out for me! Remember last time you asked a guy out for me? We had to stay in our quarters for three days to avoid them throwing eggs at us! We missed five days of work! We were nearly sent to stasis! If I decide to ask him out - not saying I am! - then I'll do it myself, thanks.

To: KKochanski
From: NAdler
Subject: Re: Dave

Who said anything about asking him out for you? I meant for me! He's fit!

To: NAdler
From: KKochanski
Subject: Re: Dave

Oh my God, your hormones have gone crazy!!!
And I've decided to leave it. Just for a bit. I need to think.

To: KKochanski
From: NAdler
Subject: Re: Dave

OK, that seems reasonable. I'll talk to you later.

Transcript of Black Box Recording provided by Holly
Date: 15 September 3,000,207AD
Time: 16:42pm ST
Location: Officers' Quarters
Present: Nicole Adler; Arnold Rimmer; David Lister

NA stands by mirror.
AR sits on bottom bunk.

NA: Look. If I stand sideways and arch my back a bit, you can just about see the bump.
AR: Yes, dear.
NA: Oh, well don't be too happy, will you.
AR: No, I am, I just...
NA: What?
AR: I just don't think it's something to get too excited about.
NA: What, seeing proof of your child for the first time?

AR shrugs.
AR leaves position on bottom bunk.
AR reaches position by mirror.
DL enters.

DL: Hey.
NA: Hi!
DL: You haven't seen Kris, have you?
AR: No.
NA: No, sorry.
DL: Damn.
AR: Why?
DL: Er...
NA: Is this about the (inaudible whispers)?
DL: Yeah.
AR: The what?
DL: Nothing.
NA: Doesn't matter.

AR leaves position by mirror.

DL: Did she say anything to you?

AR reaches position on bottom bunk.

NA: Sort of...
DL: What?
NA: I don't think I should say.
DL: Oh! Please!

NA shakes head.

AR: Will someone please tell me what's going on?
NADL: No!
NA: Look, Dave, please don't go to see her. She needs to think about...stuff.
DL: Oh, OK. Fine. (Pause) Hey, you can see the bump now!

NA looks at AR

NA: I know.
END TRANSCRIPT

Diary of Kristine Z. Kochanski
Mrs K. Lister
Mrs David Lister
Mrs Lister-Kochanski
Mrs Kochanski-Lister
Kristine Lister
Kris Kochanski-Lister
Kristine Lister-Kochanski
Krissy Lister
Mrs Kristine Kochanski-Lister

I honestly don't know what to do.