He's back and I am glad he is. Still need more answers from him. But I am willing to wait, I don't want him to go cold on me again.
"Well, Kenobi, we are finally going to get around to actually doing what I was sent here to do," he says.
"And what would that be?" I ask.
"First it was to help you control your pain while the healers started to work on your muscles, and help you with your emotions. But now with the mind problem, I am also going to be helping you remove the problem. But first, we have to get to the emotions," he says, sitting down in a chair beside the bed.
"All right," I say, though I am a little worried about this.
"Now, I know you love your Master, and you resent what he has done to you. But is there anything else?" he asks.
I search inside myself, and touch upon something dark and brooding within me. Suddenly tears fill my eyes as a feel it fully.
"Yes, oh, there is so much more then that. I hate him and yet I love him. I wish he had not hurt me so badly, yet I feel that I deserve it. I hate being alive, and yet I am too scared to die. I feel abandoned, lost, and alone! I feel stupid and unwanted, something everyone gets made at for no reason. I feel abused and used, and yet I think that I didn't have it so bad! But above all of it, I feel confusion and anger, and it scares me how horrifying that anger its!" I yell, letting all my emotions come tumbling out.
I then break down and sob. Its too much, way too much for someone as young as I. I can't handle all of those emotions! Oh, Master, why did you do it this to me!
I feel arms wrap around me, and a hand brushing through my spiky hair.
"Shhhh, little one, I know, just let it out," I can hear Eoin say, and I do, because I can't hold it back any longer, and I don't regret what I feel.
"You are wanted, little one, and you are not stupid, or abandoned. Your heart will need to heal with your mind and body, but you shall heal," Eoin whispers.
I hope he is right, but right now I feel I shall never heal.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I finish my weeping after a while, and I must admit, I feel better, not by much, but I feel better.
"Eoin?" I mummer, not wanting to move from his embrace just yet.
I feel safe again, for the first time in a while. This is the safety I lost when my Master abused me. But I fear I am going to lose this as well.
"Yes, little one?" he asks.
"I want to know. How long do you have?" I ask, finally pulling away to look him in the eyes.
He sighs softly, "You must understand what I am dying of. It is a rare disease, seemingly genetic. It slowly attacks all major organs, and eats away at the heart. They found out I had this nearly a year ago, and it seems they were too late to treat it. I only have maybe five years left to my life, maybe a few months more or less. But you don't need to worry," he said.
"I didn't want to lose you too soon," I whisper.
"Its all right, I won't be joining the Force too soon. But I think it best that if we are going to get on a better start with this time-share, I might as well stop hiding my name. As I said, my childhood name was Eion, but I now go by..." Eion is about to say when he is interrupted.
"Jedi Master? We need you to do a few tests while you are here. Could you follow me?" a healer asks, sticking her head in.
"I shall have to tell you later, I guess. Goodbye, Obi-wan," he says, gets up, and leaves.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
He is finally back, but he seems so pale and weak. I swear he looks like he is going to collapse. But I guess he is stronger then he looks, because he just sat down as graceful as ever.
"What did they do to you?" I ask in alarm.
He chuckles lightly, though it sounds slightly strained, "Just a few tests, nothing more. I am just a little tired. They suggested that I should go home and rest, but I wished to finish what I was going to say before they came for me," he says.
"Yes, you were going to tell me your name," I say.
"Of course, my name, Obi-wan, is Qui-gon Jinn," he says and smiles.
I gap, it couldn't be!
"[b]The[/b] best swordsman in the Temple, sir? Amazing!" I exclaim, and then calm myself.
He chuckles again, a little more easily this time, "I thought you would have heard of me. But I wouldn't say I was the best."
"But you are, or so I have heard, sir," I say.
"You can't believe all that you hear. And none of this sir business, call me Eoin or call me Qui-gon. You are making me feel old by calling me sir," he says.
"All right, Qui-gon," I say and smile.
Suddenly something clicks in my mind. My Master rarely used his last name and I rarely heard it. I had almost forgotten it.
"My Master's last name was Jinn," I comment softly.
He sighs softly, "I know."
"How?" I ask.
"Because Xanatos Jinn," he pauses slightly, and I fear what he will say, "was my son."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Well, Kenobi, we are finally going to get around to actually doing what I was sent here to do," he says.
"And what would that be?" I ask.
"First it was to help you control your pain while the healers started to work on your muscles, and help you with your emotions. But now with the mind problem, I am also going to be helping you remove the problem. But first, we have to get to the emotions," he says, sitting down in a chair beside the bed.
"All right," I say, though I am a little worried about this.
"Now, I know you love your Master, and you resent what he has done to you. But is there anything else?" he asks.
I search inside myself, and touch upon something dark and brooding within me. Suddenly tears fill my eyes as a feel it fully.
"Yes, oh, there is so much more then that. I hate him and yet I love him. I wish he had not hurt me so badly, yet I feel that I deserve it. I hate being alive, and yet I am too scared to die. I feel abandoned, lost, and alone! I feel stupid and unwanted, something everyone gets made at for no reason. I feel abused and used, and yet I think that I didn't have it so bad! But above all of it, I feel confusion and anger, and it scares me how horrifying that anger its!" I yell, letting all my emotions come tumbling out.
I then break down and sob. Its too much, way too much for someone as young as I. I can't handle all of those emotions! Oh, Master, why did you do it this to me!
I feel arms wrap around me, and a hand brushing through my spiky hair.
"Shhhh, little one, I know, just let it out," I can hear Eoin say, and I do, because I can't hold it back any longer, and I don't regret what I feel.
"You are wanted, little one, and you are not stupid, or abandoned. Your heart will need to heal with your mind and body, but you shall heal," Eoin whispers.
I hope he is right, but right now I feel I shall never heal.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I finish my weeping after a while, and I must admit, I feel better, not by much, but I feel better.
"Eoin?" I mummer, not wanting to move from his embrace just yet.
I feel safe again, for the first time in a while. This is the safety I lost when my Master abused me. But I fear I am going to lose this as well.
"Yes, little one?" he asks.
"I want to know. How long do you have?" I ask, finally pulling away to look him in the eyes.
He sighs softly, "You must understand what I am dying of. It is a rare disease, seemingly genetic. It slowly attacks all major organs, and eats away at the heart. They found out I had this nearly a year ago, and it seems they were too late to treat it. I only have maybe five years left to my life, maybe a few months more or less. But you don't need to worry," he said.
"I didn't want to lose you too soon," I whisper.
"Its all right, I won't be joining the Force too soon. But I think it best that if we are going to get on a better start with this time-share, I might as well stop hiding my name. As I said, my childhood name was Eion, but I now go by..." Eion is about to say when he is interrupted.
"Jedi Master? We need you to do a few tests while you are here. Could you follow me?" a healer asks, sticking her head in.
"I shall have to tell you later, I guess. Goodbye, Obi-wan," he says, gets up, and leaves.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
He is finally back, but he seems so pale and weak. I swear he looks like he is going to collapse. But I guess he is stronger then he looks, because he just sat down as graceful as ever.
"What did they do to you?" I ask in alarm.
He chuckles lightly, though it sounds slightly strained, "Just a few tests, nothing more. I am just a little tired. They suggested that I should go home and rest, but I wished to finish what I was going to say before they came for me," he says.
"Yes, you were going to tell me your name," I say.
"Of course, my name, Obi-wan, is Qui-gon Jinn," he says and smiles.
I gap, it couldn't be!
"[b]The[/b] best swordsman in the Temple, sir? Amazing!" I exclaim, and then calm myself.
He chuckles again, a little more easily this time, "I thought you would have heard of me. But I wouldn't say I was the best."
"But you are, or so I have heard, sir," I say.
"You can't believe all that you hear. And none of this sir business, call me Eoin or call me Qui-gon. You are making me feel old by calling me sir," he says.
"All right, Qui-gon," I say and smile.
Suddenly something clicks in my mind. My Master rarely used his last name and I rarely heard it. I had almost forgotten it.
"My Master's last name was Jinn," I comment softly.
He sighs softly, "I know."
"How?" I ask.
"Because Xanatos Jinn," he pauses slightly, and I fear what he will say, "was my son."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*