Thank you all sooo much for your excellent reviews, they truly mean a lot to me! I am honored to have you all read my story, and I hope to continue to meet your wishes. Sorry for such a long wait. Here it is. :)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
For the last few days, I have come and sat here, watching over Qui-gon, and my former Master. I still cannot decide whom my loyalty belongs to, but I feel it matters, as if the fate of them hangs upon my choice. I hate the weight of that choice upon my shoulders.
My Master has almost always been kind to me. He has loved me and cared for me, always protecting me. He chose me when I was ten years old, one of the lowest boys in the class. But he didn't care if my skills were not up there; he was patient and nurturing, taking time to help me improve my skills. Even when I stumbled, he helped me up and gave me strength to do it again. But I always noticed something about my dear Master, he was always sad, and I always felt something dark and terrifying in him. And each time I asked him of it, he would turn away. In the end, that is what beat even his love for me, that barely controlled darkness. But I love him as my Father, the only Father I have ever had.
Then there is Qui-gon, a man I just met a week ago. Kind, gentle, with that rough exterior around his heart. I didn't trust him in the beginning, like I did my Master, but Qui-gon won it, even after I had been betrayed. He acted like he hated being with me, but I picked up small things here and there that pointed to that he liked me. I wanted something from him, after I got to know him a little better, and it bothers me. I wanted his love, his trust, his comfort. He wasn't like a Father... But like a... I don't know... Kind of like a Father... but older. And when I found that my Master was his son who abandoned him? I wanted to take that place; I wanted to be his son, as I knew I wouldn't give up that bond so easily. But I can't describe why. Jedi are not supposed to want families or ties for that matter. The only tie is to the Jedi, and that is the only family we should have. But it's a lonely life.
I look at both again, and tears trickle down my cheeks, not the first, and surely not the last.
"I can't chose," I whimper.
//Then perhaps you should not,// a whisper enters my torn mind, but it doesn't hurt.
"What?" I ask softly, but receive no answer.
But I think I understand. I stand from my chair, and walk over. Gently I take the warm limp hand of Qui-gon, and the icy cold hand of my former Master. I can feel the bond between them and I seem to fit in it like a missing link. But how is that possible?
I know I don't have time, so I stretch forth with my battered mind, and touch both of theirs. Light and Dark swirl around me, and within me. I press on, with no response from either side. Nothing to indicate if I am doing anything right, but something tells me I am. Suddenly a flicker of feeling comes to me. Warm, loving, pain full. But which?
//Master,// I send, and receive no answer, //Qui-gon?// nothing.
Again that feeling, a little stronger, again I call, and again I receive nothing. Then another wave of feeling rolls over me, stronger, and now with a spark of sadness. Something reaches out to me.
//Obi-wan?// a response comes to me, and it sounds feels like Qui-gon and my Master's voices have mixed into one.
//I'm here,// I send.
//Why?// the response comes.
I stop for a second, that isn't the response I was expecting.
//Because...I'm worried for you, both of you,// I send.
A silence follows, and I fear I have said the wrong thing. What will I do if I lose them? I don't want to think of it, but it comes to be like a shadow over me. I can't lose either of them, even when one has hurt me horribly while professing to love me like his son, and the other has been so cold till recent.
//Please, you both need to come back,// I plead.
Warmth surrounds me. Qui-gon. But there seems to be more there, so much more then I could see, like a connection.
//Shush, Obi-wan. I feel your pain, and I shall come, but I need your light to guide the way, little one,// he sends, and I feel a gentle touch to my mind.
//But what about Master?// I ask.
//I cannot reach him fully. Perhaps you can,// Qui-gon suggests.
I mentally nod, and stretch forward, seeking my lost former Master.
//Master?// I send, reaching for him, and finding only emptiness.
Perhaps he has forgotten. That thought drifts to me without voice, and I wonder where it could have come from.
//Xanatos,// I send instead, and something inside me wishes to call him something else, something closer then Master or Xanatos. But what could that be.
//Its Obi-wan, Xanatos. I'm here to help you back,// I send, and again meet emptiness.
But it suddenly seems colder here, yet still warmth is within me. I feel that is not only my own light, but another's guiding me on, telling me to call him.
//Please answer me, please, Master!// I yell out into that void, and my heart fills with sorrow.
I know I have lost him. And it hurts beyond imagine within me. Some may not understand, but I love him, deeper then most Padawan's love their Masters. To me, he was my Father.
Wait, that is it. Maybe....
//Father!// I cry out, letting my thought reach out into the darkest of this void.
Silence.
But yet...
//Son?// a faint call comes to me, and my hope rises.
//It's me, Father. Come back, please come back,// I plead.
//I cannot find my way,// his despairing voice echoes in my mind.
//Can you see me?// I ask, hoping that he can.
//No...Wait! Is this you, my dear son?// he questions, and I can feel his warm/cold touch.
//Its me, Father, its me. Come with me, I can't leave you here,// I send, returning his gentle touch, and then start back, only to find that he isn't following.
//Come on, Father,// I plead.
//I cannot. I have hurt you, and myself. I swore I never would. Not after what happened to your Mother,// he whimpers.
Shock rolls through me. My Mother? Was he, could he, was he truly my real Father? Wouldn't that mean that Qui-gon was my Grandfather?
The thought drives me speechless for a moment, and I feel him withdraw.
//Father, I forgive you!// I cry, and had I the means to cry, I would.
//Forgive?// he answers.
//Yes, I forgive you, because I love you. Please, Father, I need you back. Please come with me,// I beg.
Silence answers me, and its this silence that tears at me. Suddenly warmth comes to me, and I mentally smile.
//Lead the way, and I shall follow, my son,// he sends.
I then push on, back through the void to the life and warmth that is Qui-gon. He mentally embraces me, but backs away from Father.
//Father,// Father sends.
//Xanatos,// Qui-gon replies in return.
//He knows,// Father sends.
Qui-gon mentally nods, then directs himself to me, //Lead the way.//
I go on, and soon began to feel the light of the world of the living. My body is waiting for me when I come back, and just as I come back to it, exhaustion washes over me. My head slumps as blackness takes me.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
For the last few days, I have come and sat here, watching over Qui-gon, and my former Master. I still cannot decide whom my loyalty belongs to, but I feel it matters, as if the fate of them hangs upon my choice. I hate the weight of that choice upon my shoulders.
My Master has almost always been kind to me. He has loved me and cared for me, always protecting me. He chose me when I was ten years old, one of the lowest boys in the class. But he didn't care if my skills were not up there; he was patient and nurturing, taking time to help me improve my skills. Even when I stumbled, he helped me up and gave me strength to do it again. But I always noticed something about my dear Master, he was always sad, and I always felt something dark and terrifying in him. And each time I asked him of it, he would turn away. In the end, that is what beat even his love for me, that barely controlled darkness. But I love him as my Father, the only Father I have ever had.
Then there is Qui-gon, a man I just met a week ago. Kind, gentle, with that rough exterior around his heart. I didn't trust him in the beginning, like I did my Master, but Qui-gon won it, even after I had been betrayed. He acted like he hated being with me, but I picked up small things here and there that pointed to that he liked me. I wanted something from him, after I got to know him a little better, and it bothers me. I wanted his love, his trust, his comfort. He wasn't like a Father... But like a... I don't know... Kind of like a Father... but older. And when I found that my Master was his son who abandoned him? I wanted to take that place; I wanted to be his son, as I knew I wouldn't give up that bond so easily. But I can't describe why. Jedi are not supposed to want families or ties for that matter. The only tie is to the Jedi, and that is the only family we should have. But it's a lonely life.
I look at both again, and tears trickle down my cheeks, not the first, and surely not the last.
"I can't chose," I whimper.
//Then perhaps you should not,// a whisper enters my torn mind, but it doesn't hurt.
"What?" I ask softly, but receive no answer.
But I think I understand. I stand from my chair, and walk over. Gently I take the warm limp hand of Qui-gon, and the icy cold hand of my former Master. I can feel the bond between them and I seem to fit in it like a missing link. But how is that possible?
I know I don't have time, so I stretch forth with my battered mind, and touch both of theirs. Light and Dark swirl around me, and within me. I press on, with no response from either side. Nothing to indicate if I am doing anything right, but something tells me I am. Suddenly a flicker of feeling comes to me. Warm, loving, pain full. But which?
//Master,// I send, and receive no answer, //Qui-gon?// nothing.
Again that feeling, a little stronger, again I call, and again I receive nothing. Then another wave of feeling rolls over me, stronger, and now with a spark of sadness. Something reaches out to me.
//Obi-wan?// a response comes to me, and it sounds feels like Qui-gon and my Master's voices have mixed into one.
//I'm here,// I send.
//Why?// the response comes.
I stop for a second, that isn't the response I was expecting.
//Because...I'm worried for you, both of you,// I send.
A silence follows, and I fear I have said the wrong thing. What will I do if I lose them? I don't want to think of it, but it comes to be like a shadow over me. I can't lose either of them, even when one has hurt me horribly while professing to love me like his son, and the other has been so cold till recent.
//Please, you both need to come back,// I plead.
Warmth surrounds me. Qui-gon. But there seems to be more there, so much more then I could see, like a connection.
//Shush, Obi-wan. I feel your pain, and I shall come, but I need your light to guide the way, little one,// he sends, and I feel a gentle touch to my mind.
//But what about Master?// I ask.
//I cannot reach him fully. Perhaps you can,// Qui-gon suggests.
I mentally nod, and stretch forward, seeking my lost former Master.
//Master?// I send, reaching for him, and finding only emptiness.
Perhaps he has forgotten. That thought drifts to me without voice, and I wonder where it could have come from.
//Xanatos,// I send instead, and something inside me wishes to call him something else, something closer then Master or Xanatos. But what could that be.
//Its Obi-wan, Xanatos. I'm here to help you back,// I send, and again meet emptiness.
But it suddenly seems colder here, yet still warmth is within me. I feel that is not only my own light, but another's guiding me on, telling me to call him.
//Please answer me, please, Master!// I yell out into that void, and my heart fills with sorrow.
I know I have lost him. And it hurts beyond imagine within me. Some may not understand, but I love him, deeper then most Padawan's love their Masters. To me, he was my Father.
Wait, that is it. Maybe....
//Father!// I cry out, letting my thought reach out into the darkest of this void.
Silence.
But yet...
//Son?// a faint call comes to me, and my hope rises.
//It's me, Father. Come back, please come back,// I plead.
//I cannot find my way,// his despairing voice echoes in my mind.
//Can you see me?// I ask, hoping that he can.
//No...Wait! Is this you, my dear son?// he questions, and I can feel his warm/cold touch.
//Its me, Father, its me. Come with me, I can't leave you here,// I send, returning his gentle touch, and then start back, only to find that he isn't following.
//Come on, Father,// I plead.
//I cannot. I have hurt you, and myself. I swore I never would. Not after what happened to your Mother,// he whimpers.
Shock rolls through me. My Mother? Was he, could he, was he truly my real Father? Wouldn't that mean that Qui-gon was my Grandfather?
The thought drives me speechless for a moment, and I feel him withdraw.
//Father, I forgive you!// I cry, and had I the means to cry, I would.
//Forgive?// he answers.
//Yes, I forgive you, because I love you. Please, Father, I need you back. Please come with me,// I beg.
Silence answers me, and its this silence that tears at me. Suddenly warmth comes to me, and I mentally smile.
//Lead the way, and I shall follow, my son,// he sends.
I then push on, back through the void to the life and warmth that is Qui-gon. He mentally embraces me, but backs away from Father.
//Father,// Father sends.
//Xanatos,// Qui-gon replies in return.
//He knows,// Father sends.
Qui-gon mentally nods, then directs himself to me, //Lead the way.//
I go on, and soon began to feel the light of the world of the living. My body is waiting for me when I come back, and just as I come back to it, exhaustion washes over me. My head slumps as blackness takes me.