PRE-A/N: Muah! Kiss! Smooch! Love ya! Here's the chapter that inspired the title. I hope that you enjoy the fun innuendo, and remember: it's based on a true story.

Disclaimer: I disclaim any ownership of anything that's not mine. Okay, that's not ours.

Here's the chap!

In Camelot Music, a very disgruntled Sam decided to buy himself three CD's that Rogue on her worst day would have been proud to own. After spending some time in the computer games section- which no one had said specifically was off limits- he was a little calmer. He comforted himself that everybody experiments at some point. Not that he was!!!! But...ya know...it was natural to wonder. There was nothing wrong with that. It didn't make him something he wasn't.

He was just about to go to the counter to pay when Bobby came in. Since Iceman had fled the scene as soon as the girls had glared at him, he had no idea what went down afterwards, but, Bobby being Bobby, he was bound to say something.

[Great, jus' great,] Sam grumbled to himself. [All Ah need is fo' Bobby to start bein' a smart-ass.]

"Hey, Sam," Bobby said. "So, what was up with that over in Borders?"

"Do me a favah," Sam glared. "Don' ask."

Bobby shrugged, a mischievous grin on his badly faded lips. (Someone hadn't been using Cover Girl Long-last lipstick. Tisk tisk.) "Either you tell me, or I weasel it out of one of the girls," he said. "You know what a sucker Kitty is for computer hacking tips."

Sam went and paid for the CD's, again noticing the looks he was getting from the cashier. When she handed him his bag, he turned around and faced Bobby.

"Cain't ya jus' let it drop?" he asked shortly. "They were teasin' me cuz Ah picked up a book Ah didn' know was f' girls. Happy?"

There was more to it- Bobby could sense it in his popsicle bones. There was something Sam wasn't owning up to. Well, that was fine. He'd just have to talk to the girls later to get the scoop. For now, he thought it was best to change the subject. Hey! He could gossip about somebody else! That was fun, too.

"Anyway, did you hear about Roberto in Victoria's Secret?" Bobby asked.

"No," Sam gritted through his teeth, "an' Ah don't care."

"Sheesh! What's put you in such a bad mood?"

Sam couldn't tell Bobby the truth, of course. He couldn't tell anyone. It was bad enough that the girls practically had a closed case, save for an open confession- which they weren't going to get! Ever!

"Ah...Ah'm hungry," Sam supplemented. "Very hungry."

Bobby nodded. "Yeah, I know whattcha mean. Breakfast wasn't exactly gourmet. Want to go grab some Chinese food from Golden Dragon?"

"Ya broke, huh?"

Bobby grinned childishly. "How'd you guess?"

Sam shook his head and led the way back to the food court. At the Golden Dragon counter, Sam ordered sweet-n-sour chicken with pork fried rice and a Mt. Dew. Bobby bought four eggrolls and water, which he paid for in quarters and a machine-washed dollar. The workers took pity on him and gave Bobby the super-stuffed eggrolls.

"Yeah! Awsome!" he grinned when he saw.

"Congrats," Sam said.

They headed for a vacant two-seater table and sat down to have lunch. While they munched, they discussed Sam's new music choice. The Kentuckian managed to scarf down all of the fried chicken pieces and most of the rice in only a couple of minutes. He hadn't realized how hungry he really was until he'd gotten a whiff of the food court, and he was glad he'd made the excuse. Bobby, on the other hand, had gotten more than he could consume on his own, and whenever he bit into the eggrolls, stuffing came out the other end.

"Man, all my insides are coming out," he grumbled. "I'm losing girth here!"

They both laughed.

"Ah'm still hungry," Sam shrugged. "Ah'll eat ya girth."

Bobby started snickering at the double entendre, but Sam went bright red and quickly tried to cover up his slip. "Ah mean- ! Ah didn' mean- ! Ah wouldn'- ! Ah'm not!!!"

"Chill, dude," Bobby said.

Sam attacked the rest of his pork fried rice with determined gusto while Bobby wondered what the hell his problem was.

Tabitha had watched the large group of females disintegrate in Borders. Rogue was teasing Remy about being called "Femy" by a gay guy. Said gay guy was off buying himself a new book, and the rest of the girls had split up to go back to the main mall, or were looking through the other isles.

Tabitha was looking through the manga selection when her stomach gave a loud gurgle, and she headed back for the food court. When she walked in, she scanned the tables for anybody she knew that she could sit with. She spied Vanilla Ice and Sammy-boy at a table near the middle of the room and decided to head that-a-way. Tabitha dragged a spare chair over and plopped herself down next to Bobby.

"So how are you guys doing," she smiled, slanting Sam a knowing look before sliding the placemat from under Bobby's Styrofoam plate on his tray.

Both boys said that they were fine; one with more conviction than the other. Tabitha was only giving them about half of her attention, though. She was busy reading her description from the Chinese zodiac.

"What are you doing over here?" Bobby asked.

"Lunch. I'll order in a minute," she muttered, still reading. "Hmmm. It says I should marry a snake or a cock. I LOVE THE COCK!!!!" she said very loudly, laughing.

Bobby and Sam ducked their heads, embarrassed at the attention Tabitha was drawing. Bobby picked up the empty tray and hid behind it. Sam just used his hand as a shield.

"And I'm not the only one," Tabitha said slyly in a little sing-song voice, giving Sam a look.

"God damnit, I'm not gay!" Bobby yelled, shooting to his feet and causing ever more people to look over at him. He blushed and sat back down. "Well, I'm not."

Tabitha laughed riotously. Sam joined in, mostly in relief that it hadn't been him. After a few more seconds, Tabitha got up and headed to the Arby's counter, leaving Sam and Bobby to try their best to ignore all of the punning and homoerotic innuendo.

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POST-A/N: I couldn't possibly give you more than that. You're knickers will just have to be in a twist until next chapter. Muah-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!!

PS- I've been having hell'a luck lately with computers and the internet. First, I couldn't get up to the library to update or anything else, which is why I didn't write back to anyone this chapter, and then refused to read the chapters, saying that it wasn't written on the right template, but I've written them all on the same program, so I don't know what was up with that. I'm hoping I'll have better luck this time. Sorry it's taken so long.