"What -- what was that?" said Trevor.

"You heard me," said Janet.

Trevor scooted a little closer on his knees. "This guy I saw...?"

"An actor. I hired him to play Axel." She finally mustered up the courage to look into his eyes and was somewhat relieved that he didn't appear ready to toss her out into the snow just yet. Instead, he sat back on his heels and took her lightly by the shoulders, hugging the oversized denim shirt she wore against her skin.

"There's more, isn't there?" he asked after awhile.

"Yes."

"Ready to talk about it?"

"No."

Trevor threw his head back and swallowed hard, as if it were his last ounce of patience being consumed at that moment. But the good thing was, this hundred-year-old tale was helping... and it hadn't reached it's conclusion yet. "You wanna read some more?"

"Yes."

He scooted all the way to her side, tucking in some of the blanket around him as well. Janet didn't fight it this time.

DECEMBER 1... I guess you could say that I have postponed things a bit. I did identify the 5 men as the ones involved. I told them I was having trouble recalling exactly how many men there were. The men fear admitting anything, so of course they remain silent... and I will hold off what seems inevitable as long as I can.

Janet stopped reading aloud and read ahead instead. She held the diary closer and closer to her face, as if the words on the page would pull the right words out of her. She was so wrapped up in the remainder of this entry that she forgot to shrug Trevor off when he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Instinctively, she leaned into him, bringing the book back into his sight. And so he completed reading aloud:

ALGERNON STEADFASTLY refuses to tell me why we can't be open with everyone, and I'm afraid time is running out. When Charles pressures me, I'll surely tell the truth as Algernon wishes... and risk losing him forever to a reason I don't even know. Surely life wouldn't be so unkind to me again.

He felt her tears soaking into his shirt before the last line was read.

"Hey, take it easy," he said with a tired smile. "It's a sad story, that's true, but..."

"It's not just a story and you know it."

He held her away from him for a moment. "Then what is it?"

She thought for a long moment. "I can't look at you when I tell you this..."

He nodded slowly. "How about we try it this way." Maneuvering around behind her on the floor, he positioned himself so that his legs fell on either side of her. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he whispered, "I'll just be here... won't even try to get a word in edgewise, let alone steal a glance... I promise."

She managed a laugh through her tears. "Funny you should mention promises... "

Janet started with the Axel story, how she'd auditioned actors for the part, how she'd tried to get Belinda to mail fake love letters, how much the thought of her ex-husband coming back for real made her flesh crawl.

She heard Trevor laughing from time to time, but otherwise he kept his word about being silent.

There was no way to go from this tale to the reason she'd made up the tale in the first place. So she went back to their own version of "cousin Charles" -- Tim -- and how, when he tried to frame her with the meat locker episode, she realized just how deeply she'd hurt his family. She sensed
Trevor protesting, from the tension in the way he held her and his pattern of breathing, and she urged him to let her finish.

Next she told him how flabbergasted she'd been the day he'd first proposed... and how, just two days prior to that, he had given her the cold shoulder when he seemed to believe Tim over her. Then suddenly, at the mall, of all places, her dream came true. "It was too much... it DID feel like a dream," she confessed. "I was afraid if I went ahead and accepted, it would all be over."

Trevor reached for one of her hands and traced the back of it lightly with his fingers.

Then it was all as good as over anyway, she explained, when Tim ran away. She knew then that even without doing any harm this time, she had gone too far. So, she'd done what seemed like the only right thing to do at the time...

She told him about the promise to Nat, and then fell silent for a bit while awaiting Trevor's reaction. Still afraid to look him in the eyes, she squeezed hers shut. But all he did was hold her even tighter with one arm, and close his free hand gently over the one he'd been toying with.

"Janet, Janet, Janet," he sighed, smiling but trying not to let her know that what was tearing her apart was making him rather happy at the moment. THIS he could handle, he thought to himself.

"So I've been reading this story of Priscilla and Algernon's life," she continued, "and it occurs to me that I've done all this without realizing how much pain I've managed to bring you anyway. I was trying NOT to think of myself, but... maybe I was trying harder to be good and loyal at any cost." She tossed her free hand up as if to concede a race. "So I ended up thinking only of myself anyway! Trevor, I'm lousy at this. Being good isn't as easy as it looks." Trevor cracked up with laughter. "Well, it isn't!" she said, finally turning a little to look deep into his eyes. It was the first time he could really get her to do that since the Crystal Ball. "I never dreamed you'd still be here," she whispered as her eyes began to fill with tears. "In my wildest dreams, I would have never guessed you could..."

"Could what?" he asked eagerly, ready to wipe the tears away as soon as they fell down her face.

"That you could love me back like this. No one ever has before."

"Sweetheart..." he held her chin so she'd have to look at him again. "I'm glad you finally figured that out, but... when you say love you BACK, is it safe to say that..."

"YES," she sighed, shrugging away from Trevor's gaze and covering her face with her hands. "Yes, Trevor, I love you." She was so exasperated when she said it, it was as if she was confessing to one of her oldest crimes. But he didn't care. He just sat there, gazing at her with his own chin in hand, masking a giddy smile.

After a minute she finally spoke again, face still buried in her hands.

"I don't know how you can keep doing that... it's so exhausting."

"Keep doing what?"

"Telling me you love me! I tell you one time, and it just... drains me."

She pulled her tear-stained face out of her hands far enough to look over and catch Trevor's eye. He opened his arms wide, and she threw her weight just enough to tip herself in his direction.

"It gets easier, Babe," he sighed, wrapping his arms around her tenderly, "and then it makes you strong. Love makes you strong enough to do anything... you'll see."