A/N: Now I wonder how many folks that have been passing this story by have come in to read it at my latest summary, which, if you haven't seen it, reads something like "Major Carter is forced to take a bath, and the Colonel has to help her!"

General Hammond quickly dismissed everyone in the room. Janet left, carrying the very unwilling Major off to the isolation room for a flea bath, with a very subdued Colonel following in their wake.

Chapter 20

Outside in the hallway, the Colonel quickly found his arms full of unwilling air force major with fleas. He promptly held her at arms length. Carter squirmed in his hold, her feet dangling, and leveled her best glare at him. Jack looked down the hall at the retreating figures of Doc Fraiser and Captain Brunsfeld, who had both run off to collect necessary supplies. Fraiser told the Colonel to meet her in the isolation room.

Jack promptly turned around at the undisguised snicker behind him. Daniel was unsuccessfully trying to hide his smile at Jack's obvious discomfiture. Teal'c looked on, eyebrow raised, as Jack made a motion at passing Sam off to the younger man. "Here, why don't you take her?"

Daniel's smile vanished as he stepped backwards quickly, raising a hand up. He didn't want to catch fleas either, even if he knew it wasn't Sam's fault. Besides, Jack was the one that had insisted they all go outside, willingly or not. "Uh, n-no Jack, uh, you are doing just fine I think," he stammered. Daniel wasn't sure but he thought he heard a low growl coming from Sam.

Jack glared. Coward. Well he refused to be stuck in this alone. They were a team after all and Carter needed them. "Fine, lets get Carter to the isolation room." He turned before either of them opened their mouths to reply at their sudden inclusion, and set off down the hallway. He was still holding Carter at arms length, although her squirming and his rapid movements had made her shift in his hands until her entire lower body was dangling. She mewled in protest, and the Colonel adjusted his grip. "Sorry Carter, quit squirming would ya?"

Sam just glared, she was perfectly capable of walking, but the Colonel didn't seem inclined to let her down. Maybe he thought she'd bolt. Or was that flee? Sam was sorely tempted to, but she still felt like there was hundreds of the blood sucking parasites swarming over her. She knew she was being unrealistic, there was no way she could have caught many fleas after just one day outside, but still.

Sam wriggled a bit in the Colonel's grasp to peer around him, and saw that Daniel was still standing where the Colonel had left him, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. She watched as Teal'c took the man's arm and propelled him after her and the Colonel. If she wasn't feeling so miserable for herself and dreading the thought of getting the "flea bath" with all her teammates watching, she would have laughed out loud at the priceless look on Daniel's face.

Sam sighed, and tried to force herself to relax, as the Colonel finally arrived at the room, setting her down on the counter near the large metal sink. Sam quickly rose to her feet and shook herself, resisting the urge to scratch again. Another itch started on her back. Looks like she definitely had more than one freeloader on board, even if it wasn't hundreds. Sam's ear's flattened and she found herself sitting ramrod stiff.

Daniel and Teal'c arrived soon after, and the three men stood, shuffling from foot to foot, strangely silent. Well Daniel and the Colonel stood nervously, Teal'c stood quietly, hands clasped behind his back.

The silence was broken as Janet arrived, a whirlwind of activity. The petite doctor quickly scanned the room, dumping an armload of towels in a startled Daniel's arms, handing a hairdryer to Teal'c and directing the Colonel over by the sink. Janet had changed into green fatigues, which seemed a lot more suitable for washing a cat than her usual uniform and lab coat. She was carrying a bottle of something green. Sam looked at the bottle and Janet as she approached with narrowed eyes.

"Colonel, run the water until it's a comfortable temperature. Teal'c, you can help Daniel with drying Sam when we are done with the bath, its not good for her to stay wet, we don't want her catching a chill. Let me just double-check the dosing instructions on this shampoo Captain Brunsfeld gave me, and we can get started." Everyone quickly snapped to follow the Doctor's orders. You didn't want to cross the one that did your physicals. Jack had taken off his button down shirt, leaving the black t-shirt, so he didn't have to worry about getting his sleeves wet.

Janet was standing over by Sam, and opened the bottle, measuring out a careful capful of the green shampoo. Sam didn't think her ears could get any flatter as she caught a whiff of the powerful stuff. It didn't smell very good at all, and she found herself backing away involuntarily, startled when she realized she was against the wall. Sam didn't know why she was acting this way, it was just a bath, more like a shower really, and she loved taking showers.

As if noticing Sam for the first time, Janet caught Sam's eyes and tried to look reassuring. "I know, it smells bad Sam, but it will be fast. I don't really want to use any of those newer preparations that you could eat or would absorb on your skin, because I don't know what the lasting effects of the poisons would be. Captain Brunsfeld and I thought this would be the fastest and safest way."

Janet quickly checked the water temperature and made some adjustments, before nodding in satisfaction. "You ready Sam?" Sam just nodded, and squeezed her eyes closed. She was as ready as she'll ever get.

At Sam's reluctant nod, Janet quickly picked up Sam and deposited her into the sink. She nodded to the Colonel, who moved in closer, not sure where to lend a hand. Janet picked up the spray nozzle.

Sam may love showers, but that was as a human. The warm water hit her, soaking into her fur, making it heavy and causing it clump together. Sam quickly realized just why cats hated baths so much. Sam's eyes opened in shock, as a pathetic cry emerged unbidden from her throat. Suddenly, she did not like being wet. She jumped as she felt hands on her massaging the water into her fur, and she could hear Janet and the Colonel speaking softly, she wasn't sure if they were talking to her or each other. It didn't matter. Sam didn't care anymore. She was soaked, and she couldn't stand it. Needing to be dry, Sam broke away from the hands, and shook herself violently, barely hearing the shocked cries of dismay as Janet and the Colonel were liberally blessed with flying droplets of water. She cried again. She knew she probably sounded pathetic, but didn't really care.

"Carter! Knock it off will ya? Hold still!" The colonel shouted as he grabbed for her again, but Sam wasn't listening as she backed away. They didn't understand, she thought, as she frantically looked for an escape route. Hands gripped her from behind and she yowled again as the water returned. She felt something cold pour onto her back and the hands were massaging it in. The shampoo smelled even worse up close and Sam squeezed her eyes shut. No longer caring what anyone thought she let her misery be known.

Jack looked down at his second with concern. She looked absolutely pathetic. Her eyes had been absolutely enormous before she'd squeezed them closed, and her fur was soaking wet and plastered to her body, making her look incredibly small. She was crying out again, and if he hadn't known that cats could make such sounds, he would have been sure that there was a human infant in the room. He glanced over at Daniel and Teal'c. Daniel looked worried and Jack tried to look reassuring. Jack belatedly noticed that Teal'c had a camera, and was using it to full advantage. Jack tried to scowl at the Jaffa. It wasn't so much the fact that he was soaked through now thanks to Sam, as it was his wish that he'd thought of the camera first.

Jack quickly dragged his attention back to Carter as she tried to make another break for freedom. He'd known that cats hated water, but he'd also known that Carter loved her hot showers and long soaks, so he hadn't really expected her to react the way she was acting. Janet had seemed surprised too, but her mask of professionalism had quickly fallen into place, and she became the brisk and businesslike doctor. The Doctor efficiently massaged the shampoo into Sam's fur for the required time stated on the bottle, and started the rinse process. Sam had finally stopped trying to break free, and sat with her head upturned, eyes squeezed shut, breath coming in tiny pants, the picture of misery.

Once all the suds had been washed away, Janet quickly called Teal'c and Daniel over with the towels and transferred the soaking wet Sam to their waiting arms. Daniel and Teal'c began to rub Sam vigorously as they set her down on the bed. She was shivering, although whether from cold or reaction they didn't know. Janet wasn't taking any chances as she brought the hairdryer over.

Within minutes, Sam was mostly dry. She was still miserable, the smells from the flea shampoo just as strong as before. Sam knew from experience with Schroedinger that the smell would likely linger for days. Sighing in resignation, Sam felt a wave of exhaustion hit her full force. A massive yawn escaped as Sam curled herself into as small a ball as possible. She felt hands moving the wet towels and replacing them with dry ones as she finally gave into the oblivion of sleep.

A/N: If you've never washed a cat before, they are absolutely the most pathetic creatures ever when wet. With their fur plastered down, they look terribly scrawny; at least half their size comes from fluff from their fur. Their eyes get huge, and they cry, just like babies. It's pathetic really. So I just couldn't help it, but make Sam suddenly hate baths too. I figured there must be a reason that most cats hate baths so much and if it feels awful that would explain why Sam reacts the way she did. Not to mention but flea shampoo STINKS lol. Besides, what fun would there have been if Sam enjoyed the bath?