Teen Titans: "Perfect-ness"
One-Shot
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Let me be. Not even the lyrics to the beautiful song, "Why don't you kiss her" by Jesse McCartney.
Summary: A Titan reflects on his friendship with one of his teammates and wonders if maybe there's more to it. As he struggles with his inner feelings, will he finally tell them how he feels or will it all blow up in his face?
I walk into the living room after a particularly rough training session in which I decided to take out my frustrations pretty hard on my poor punching bag, which no longer exists anymore thanks to my furious fists and raging feet. I look around the room and I notice that she's there, sitting like she always does, closer than usual to the other two Titan boys on the couch, her perfect legs nestled underneath her perfect body, resting her perfect head on her perfect hands, looking just . . . perfect . . . I snap myself from my thoughts as she finally notices I have arrived and, unbeknownst to anyone else, flashes me a perfect smile and that twinkle in her eye appears again, the one that I swear is never there when I'm not.
Although, if it was there when I wasn't, how would I know? I wouldn't be there and for all I know, that same twinkle is residing in her perfect orbs when she is around them as well. Damn Twinkle, damn perfect twinkle. There I go with the perfect-ness again, but what can I say? To me, she is perfect and there is no other word for her and the way she makes me feel. She knows everything about me, more than anyone knows and probably ever will know. I tell her everything and in return, she tells me more than she has ever told another living soul, which is saying a lot about her I guess.
We're the best of friends
And we share our secrets
She knows everything
that is on my mind
I chance a look at her again and I realize she's giving me a look of concern and I can't figure out why, that is, until I finally notice that I have been standing in the same spot since I got here with a dazed expression on my face and, with my luck, probably staring at her the entire time too. I shake myself from my spot and give her a look of nonchalance, like I meant to just space out like that. I head to the kitchen as she eyes me with a raised eyebrow and then goes back to whatever she was doing when one of the boys, I can't tell who, asks her a question about who is the biggest game-pimp or something like that.
I make my way over to the fridge to grab a quick snack and I contemplated joining her on the couch but I decided I needed some more alone time to think about those stupid, unspoken emotions that completely ravaged me sometime ago and am now just noticing, well noticing more and more frequently lately. Unspoken emotions, I suddenly realize, are the reason why I can never focus when she's around, or even when she's not around; my thoughts are consumed with her and it's starting to interfere with my work too. I go into my room and lay down on my bed, tossing my forgotten snack onto my desk and just letting all of my thoughts out into the darkness surrounding me.
Lately something's changed
As I lie awake in my bed
A voice here inside my head
softly says
At the moment, I don't think of why I seem to have these feelings for her, or where they came from, or how they came about or even what these feelings really are; I can only think of those beautiful lips of hers and what they must feel like, the reasons why they feel that way, how gently they must move, where they should be at the moment . . . wonderfully nestled against mine as I hold onto her more tightly than I ever thought possible. I roll onto my back and push those forbidden thoughts out as I let myself delve into everything about my beautiful goddess that I love; everything that has drawn me into her over the years. First off, the way she talks just gets me every time. I love listening to her talk about her past, her fears, her likes, her dislikes, pretty much everything her-related. At first, our little late-night talks were infrequent, only happening once in a blue moon whenever her emotions got to be too much for her to handle and she felt the need to discuss them.
She was a little reluctant to open up in the beginning, but only because, I think, she didn't really know anyone and she still wasn't sure if she could trust me to keep her secrets. She wasn't ready for anyone else to know all about her yet and so she wanted to keep our meetings private, almost like a therapist and his patient. And because of her need to keep to herself, I was one of the first people ever to go into her room, although I sadly wasn't the last. I felt privileged because all of us Titans were very private and none of us had ever ventured into one another's room. Eventually we even moved up to the roof once she got more comfortable, but I still treasured those quiet moments sitting on her bed with her more than she'll ever know.
Why don't you kiss her
Why don't you tell her
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cause she'll never know
If you never show
The way you feel inside
Secondly, there was her intellect; most people, upon meeting her, think she is only book smart but she really is interested in technological things, and modern entertainment as well. She surprised me one night when everyone else was out at a Movie Bonanza by showing off her culinary skills and cooking a superb three-course meal consisting of a small garden salad, Chicken breasts smothered in some type of garlic seasoning, roasted vegetables, duchess potatoes, and she even topped it all off with a delicate, rich strawberry cheesecake, made from scratch! Everyone else assumed she couldn't cook for whatever reason and that night she decided to let me in on her little secret and I felt so special; not only did I know all about her, but she was letting me in on her little secrets as well.
That night we had ourselves our own little movie night in which she let me in on her biggest, little secret; her favorite movie was the one and only 'Top Hat.' A sappy 1930's, black and white movie starring Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, about having a wrong impression of people but not bothering to try and fix it while others try their hardest to forgive that person and let them know they love them no matter what. But it wasn't really the movie plot that got me, it was the fact that is was a musical!
I had to laugh when she told me that and she blushed a little, but then she did the most wonderful thing: her eyes lit up and she smiled her first smile at me, one that reached up into her eyes, and I felt the earth move in that split second. That brings me to my next topic: I absolutely adore her enticing eyes. They are intoxicating with just one look and I can never seem to get enough of the way they seem to just bore straight into you and reveal your true self and soul to the world. That's why I'm surprised she hasn't figured out how I feel about her yet. That's why I'm scared.
I don't know what she would say if she knew and I hate to think she would leave me just like that because she didn't return those feelings. I think I might actually die inside if she told me she didn't feel the same way and she couldn't be around me anymore if I couldn't help but feel that way. I guess it isn't fair to her that I keep myself quiet without ever giving her the chance to even defend herself against such an accusation, but I think it's just the fact that I think that I know her so well that I could judge how she would react to me saying that I-
"You what?"
I jump up from my bed and nearly have a heart attack as she enters the room, closing the door quickly and quietly behind her so that no one else will come up here and see she has really come to talk to me, rather than going to bed like she told the others she was. I didn't even realize I was talking out loud!
"Oh, h-hey. I didn't hear you come in. Now, w-what did you say?"
She giggled a bit and moved over to sit down on her side of the bed as she takes her boots off and gets comfortable like she always does when we have our meetings. She pats the bed next to her and I hesitantly comply, taking longer than usual so that I can carefully avoid touching her in any way that could lead to a later catastrophe.
"Nothing important. I just happened to open your door and hear you talking to yourself about someone reacting to you saying something.... I don't know. You kind of seemed like you were rambling and my legs were getting tired from just standing there so I decided to interrupt. Forgive me?"
She eyes me with a pleading look and I can't help but give in to those amazing orbs that seem to reflect everything that I'm feeling at the moment. We have been through so much together, even more than the team has, and I think we have this unspoken bond that links us together. I helped her through one of the most difficult times in her life and she says she's eternally in my debt for that; we haven't even told anyone else yet. She wanted to keep it a secret until she was ready to get close enough to everyone and let them know. So, until that time comes, she is pretending that she is steadily gaining control but not complete control, and is doing quite a wonderful job with it, I might add. I push my thoughts out once more as I realize I need to pay attention to her and give her an answer.
Oh I'm so afraid
To make that first move
Just a touch and we
could cross the line
"Of course I forgive you, when have I not? Besides, the stuff I was saying when you came in? Don't worry about it, it was nothing. Just me rambling on about some crap in my head that has been getting to me lately. Nothing big."
She raises that perfect eyebrow again as she nods to accept my forgiveness but is wary about my explanation for my earlier words. She huffs at me skeptically and lays down on her back and motions for me to do the same. I do it quickly, that way I won't be tempted to do something I would regret later. She snuggles up close to my side and latches onto my arm and I suddenly tense up; what if someone were to walk in right now? Our current position would certainly betray our completely platonic relationship and I hate to think what the repercussions of us being discovered like this would be. But she doesn't seem to care as she grips my arm tighter and lets off whatever is on her mind, which apparently happens to be me...
"Ok, spill. I know something's wrong and I'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on. I mean, come on! First off, I passed by the training room earlier, so I saw the poor punching bag you felt the need to pulverize and don't even try and tell me that the little 'space trip' you took in the living room was intentional; and now you're as stiff as board and I can practically taste the tension in the air. So you wanna tell me what the crap is bothering you? And don't tell me nothing; I'd like to think I know you better than that!"
I smiled. "Of course you know me better than that; all right then, I'll spill, I guess." I took a deep breath and tried to think of some way to tell her my sordid little secret. She's understanding, right? She won't lash out like I think she will and leave me all alone....right....?
"Well you see, I have kinda been having these weird feelings lately, feelings that I don't really know where they came from. Well, I guess I do know where they came from, but not really why they came."
I pause and look over at her as she purses her lips and scrunches her nose up in a totally adorable way and I know that I am completely confusing her with my absolutely vague statements. So I take another deep breath and plunge head first into my myriad of problems and hope at the end she is still here lying next to me.
And everytime she's near
I wanna never let her go
Confess to her what my heart
knows, hold her close
"See, it's like this: I think I might have these different feelings for someone and I don't know what to do about them. I mean, I don't really know if this someone has the same feelings as I do and if they don't, I-I don't know what I would do."
"So you have some different feelings for someone? Just how different are we talking about here?"
"Different as in.....I think I might...actually....love....this someone...."
I heard nothing and when I looked over at my dark angel, her eyes were closed and her entire body had gone rigid; I thought maybe she had fallen asleep but then her eyes, those perfect eyes, flew open and she turned to look up at my face. She began to turn to rest on her side, pulling me along with her as she bit her lip and looked away, thinking of what to say. I could tell she was nervous, but about what I couldn't tell. Normally I know exactly what she is thinking and everything that she is going to say and this was the first time I was actually stumped and, to be quite honest, it frightened me.
"You think you might....love.... someone? Like, you might be in love with them or you just love them, like a friend or something?"
"In love. Definitely in love with this person."
She held my gaze for a minute before raising an eyebrow and taking a deep breath.
"This person you're in love with? It's not...I mean, I never really thought, but... It's not a- a-a-a g... a guy....is it?"
"WHAT?! Oh, geez, NO! Oh..w-what are you thinking? You think I-I'm GAY?!?"
She cringes as I sputter to try and regain some shred of dignity.
"Oh, okay, okay, sorry. I really, TRULY didn't mean anything by it, I was just making sure. I mean, I didn't think you were, were gay, but I had to make sure. You were talking like being in love with this person was the plague or something. Sorry."
She closes her eyes and I immediately feel sorry for lashing out at her like that, but she just caught me off guard and now look what I've done; I've gone and hurt my only love.
Why don't you kiss her
Why don't you tell her
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cause she'll never know
If you never show
The way you feel inside
"No, it's all right, don't worry about it. I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to snap like that; It just kinda caught me off-guard ya know? How about we just forget that you ever said that and let's continue on with this conversation before I decide I'm just going to keep it to myself, ok?"
"Ok." She opened her eyes back up and smiled at me, that perfect, warm smile that I have come to love so much. "But seriously, why are you freaking out about being in love with this person? I mean, usually when someone is in love they act all happy and excited and whatnot; I mean, I haven't missed the memo that says 'act all stupid and scared when you fall in love with someone' have I? Isn't being in love with someone supposed to be the greatest, single-most-best thing ever to happen to anyone?"
I wasn't expecting that. She was right, I knew, about how people were supposed to act all wonderful and happy when they were in love. As I thought about it, I was happy being in love, but I wasn't happy not knowing if the person I was 'being in love' with, was in love with me back. It wasn't going to be the greatest and best thing to ever happen to me, though, if she didn't feel the same way. That's why I was acting scared and flighty and nervous and stupid.
"I am happy that I am in love; it makes me happy to think I could ever even feel this way about someone. But what I'm scared about is....well... the fact that this person doesn't feel the same way about me. I don't think I could handle her rejecting me like that; I care for her too much and I think I'm worried about losing her as a friend more than anything."
"Well then, why don't you just tell her how you feel?"
She laughed a bit as my jaw dropped and my face got flustered.
"Have you even been paying attention to anything I've been saying? I just said why I haven't said anything!"
She laughed even louder, sounding like a thousand angels up in Heaven as her eyes danced with happiness; I love it when I'm the one that makes her look and feel that way. Hopefully, I can keep that going for quite a while.
"Oh boy, of course I have! I heard your 'excuse' perfectly well and I still stick by my original advice. I really think you just need to tell her how you feel and if she really is as good a friend as you seem to imply she is, then I think she'll understand."
"Even if she doesn't feel the same way?"
"Even if she doesn't feel the same way. But to be perfectly honest.... she'd have to be incredibly stupid or crazy or evil or all three combined if she didn't feel the same way about you..."
She smiled sweetly as me and I could have almost sworn she moved closer at that last part, but I now knew she was right, like always, and I had to tell her. I just wondered if maybe she already knew.
"You really think I should just come out and tell her how I feel? Just like that?"
"Just like that."
"Alright then." I grabbed her hands in mine and looked her straight in the eyes; she looked content for a moment, as if she expected a thank you or something. I took yet another deep breath and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, wanting to break free of its ribbed cage.
"I love you..."
She looked at me with a warm and yet confused look on her face as she pondered the words I just said; I suddenly wondered if maybe she thought I was joking or practicing on her or something, anything other than what I truly was doing. But as the silence grew her eyes widened slightly as it finally dawned on her that this wasn't a joke and I wasn't practicing; this was for real. I was in love with her.
What would she say
I wonder would she just turn away
Or would she promise me
that she's here to stay
It hurts me to wait
I keep asking myself
"What?" Was all she managed to squeeze out, sounding strained, as if her voice didn't want to work properly.
"I said, I love you. I love everything about you, everything you do, everything you say. I am madly in love with you and I want nothing more than to be even closer to you than we already are. I. Love. You."
Her breath seemed to hitch in her chest and it sounded almost as if she was holding her breath during my entire little speech. She closed her eyes to gather her thoughts but opened them as I began to speak to her again.
"Please, say something? You told me to just come out and say something and that's what I'm doing; I took your advice and I'm hoping you take yours as well. Please, don't shut me out, don't leave me here alone. I need you in my life and I don't think I could go on if you don't feel the same way. Please just say something, anything! I love you! I am in love with you, Raven Roth! Are you in love with me?"
Raven just laid there, her lower lip trembling as tears slowly slid down her cheeks; I quickly detached my hands from hers and brushed it away. She closed her eyes yet again and I thought she was going to get up and leave, but instead she did something I never expected. She hugged me. She threw one of her arms around my neck while the other one curled itself against my chest.
"You love me? You really do? I mean, this isn't some silly little joke? And you aren't just practicing your lines for someone else on me? You are truly in love? With me?"
I chuckled lightly and held her tightly, never wanting to let go.
"Yes Rae, I love you, I really do. This isn't some cruel joke and I wouldn't even stoop so low as to use you for practice for someone else. I am truly, madly, deeply in love. With you."
She let out a tiny laugh and curled her hand around my neck, gently entwining her fingers in the back of my hair.
"Well I sure as hell am not crazy, stupid or evil...."
"No, of course you're not....So you really can't resist me, huh? That wasn't just advice from an unbiased point of view, it was your decision?"
She laughed yet again and I reveled in her sultry tones as they washed over me; she pulled away finally to look into my eyes and I took the opportunity to caress her face and wipe away any remaining tears. She smiled lovingly at me and her next words made me the happiest guy in the entire universe.
"I am in love with you too. Always have been, I guess, and I probably always will be; I can't seem to get you out of my system. I really do love you, more than anything and anyone. You are my soul mate, Robin, and I don't intend to waste another loveless day without you."
I smiled so big that I thought my face was going to stretch out and explode at her revelation. I knew at that moment there was only one thing let to do to seal our fates together...
Why don't you kiss her (tell her you love her)
Why don't you tell her (tell her you need her)
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cause she'll never know
If you never show
The way you feel inside
Why don't you kiss her...
It was the perfect union of two perfect people that ended a perfect night. There I go again with that damned perfect-ness. But hey, what can I say? I fell in love with Perfection personified........ and she fell in love with me....Forever and for always we would be intertwined and even that was too short of a time to spend with her for me. I wanted to spend that much time alone just kissing her, and that's not even counting time for talking to her, listening to her, holding her, hugging her, looking at her, loving her.....
I love Raven Roth. And she is in love with me, Robin, the Boy Wonder. As we spent the night in each other's arms, I silently wondered why it took me this long to finally kiss her, to tell her, to let her see the feelings that I tried so hard to hide from her. I knew she would never know if I never showed her how much I felt for her... that's why that night I decided I would finally do what I had been desiring to do since I admitted my feelings for her; I kissed her. And I spent the rest of the night kissing her too, and it was perfect....Blessed, beautiful, unblemished, perfect- ness. My perfect-ness....
A/N: So, what did you think? I decided to take a break and write some cute little fluff and boy did I have a good time doing it! I am absolutely in love with this song by Jesse McCartney and I totally recommend his cd for your listening pleasure! I just had to use it in one of my stories! Now I know, if you happen to be a dedicated reader, that you're probably wondering what has happened to my other fics; well, I am working on them, it's just taking a bit....longer....than I anticipated. But I promise you that I am currently working on them, it just happens to be a really, awful case of the writer's block and lack of free time to write. I swear! :) Anyhoo, review and let me know what you think! This is only a one-shot so no amount of begging will get you another chapter or a sequel...well at least at the moment it won't anyway. Not until I can finish off some of my other stories. Later Dayz!