Poor wittle angsty, skrink-needing, idiot, diseased, wussy Ryu. –Sigh- I can't spell 'sigh'. But anyway. I'm just pondering how hard it must be to be in this damn story.

-o-

Hayate: C'mon Ryu, let's sit down.

Ryu: -Shakes head vigorously- We can't.

Hayate: Why not?

Ryu: Every time we sit down, we have some deep and meaningful conversation about you, me, Ayane or Kasumi. I can't take it anymore!

Hayate: Oh. Well, let's stand then.

Ryu: No! We STILL have deep and meaningfuls! Someone let me out of this damn fanfic! –Sob-

Hayate: -Walks away quietly-

-o-

Yeah. Anyway. Enjoy the chapter!

Hayate was distantly saying something to him, but he wasn't listening, not until his friend seized him by the shoulder and shook.

"Ryu, can you just listen to me for a moment, instead of zoning out into the middle of nowhere for a second?"

For some odd reason he couldn't explain, he suddenly felt like crying. Hayate cares too much about me. He shouldn't care so much. "Yes,"

"What's up?" Sincere golden brown eyes were boring into them. He knew that he could tell the owner of them anything he wanted. He just couldn't summon up the courage to do it.

"Nothing,"

"You're not hiding it well enough. What's up?"

"Nothing. Leave me alone,"

Golden brown eyes stared reproachfully at him. "I talk to you. Why don't you ever talk to me? Do I smell that badly?"

"Because I'm not a good enough friend to you," he said heavily, slamming the lid of his laptop shut, more roughly then was needed.

"Are you alright?"

He intended to say 'Yes, now just leave it at that,' but for some reason, a simple 'no,' came out of his mouth.

"Well, then, talk to me. What's up?"

"Not here,"

"Fine then. Excuse me, sir?" Hayate put up his hand. "Could we please be dismissed early?"

"What on earth for?" Mr Gale looked rather confused. He missed the look passed between the teacher and the student, but it must have been significant, because they were dismissed with a wave of the hand.

They walked down to the usual trees and sat underneath them silently. He gazed at his friend inquisitively. Hayate looked so peaceful, golden brown eyes shut against the sun's rays, hair gently caressing broad shoulders.

"Is this something to do with Ayane?" Hayate's eyes opened slowly, almost reflectively.

He shrugged absently. "Yes and no,"

"You're acting the same way as you were when… when Irene died. That's what made me wonder…" Hayate paused for a moment. "Could I ask you a personal question?"

He nodded. "I might not answer it, but you can ask,"

"Where did you go when you were absent after the accident?"

Hayate's voice was soft and gentle. Not chiding, just asking. But for some reason, it made him angry.

"I went away. Away to make the decision between life and death,"

Golden brown eyes slowly widened. "You didn't,"

"You seem to think I'm some sort of invincible martyr. I'm just as human as you,"

"Perhaps," Hayate's tone was suddenly very flat. "Just that it doesn't always seem that way. You really did. I'm surprised. I never would have thought it,"

I don't want to depend on anybody. "I nearly did. On the first night. Life seemed to mean nothing without her next to me, by my side,"

That night still haunted him. The darkness was slowly closing in, the bitter wind chilling his spine as he clutched the knife in his hands, not knowing what to do.

"Irene, why did you have to leave us?"

He savagely stabbed the knife into the floorboards, leaving a sizeable hole. "Why? Why couldn't it have been anybody else? Someone that nobody would have noticed gone?"

Tears blinding him, a twisted smile on his face as he slashed with the knife relentlessly.

He glanced down at the faint reminder of that night, tracing the scars wordlessly.

I was a naïve fool. Now I realise that I have to live for her. Even if I don't want to.

"You should have told me,"

He shook his head. "You had enough troubles. You didn't need mine. You don't need mine,"

"Ryu. Stop being so stubborn. Be selfish,"

A sad smile crossed his lips. "I am, more then you seem to realise,"

"My guess is that Ayane cares for you more then she wants to admit, if that makes you feel any better,"

As his blood slowly flowed down his arms, mingling with his fallen tears, all he could do was watch and pray. Pray that wherever she was, she was in a better place. A place that was truly worthy for somebody like her.

"It should have been me,"

"What?"

He continued, regardless of his friend's momentary confusion. "It should have been me. I was going to sit in the front with you, remember? But she wanted to, so she could sit with you. And if I hadn't let her, then she'd still be here now. She would still be alive,"

"But you would be dead," Golden brown eyes grew sad. "Doesn't seem any better. In fact, from my perspective, it would have been worse,"

"How can you say that?" he was on his feet in an instant. "She would have been alive!"

"As I said. But my best friend would be dead, instead of my first love. Doesn't seem much better, Ryu. You might not want to hear it, but I do care for you a lot,"

"Thankyou, Hayate,"

Silence.

I'm so self-centred and selfish that I can't even summon up the contriteness to say 'me too'.

"I care for you too. I'm glad that you were alright,"

Hayate smiled. "Yeah. Broken leg wasn't that big a deal. Legs heal,"

"Hearts don't,"

He was thinking about Hayate and Irene. He had known that Hayate had loved Irene. He also knew first-hand that Irene was flattered, but didn't feel the same way.

"Hayate is a wonderful guy. Just not right for me. But I'm sure there's a special someone out there waiting for him. I hope there is, anyway, because he certainly deserves it,"

"Yes, you're right. I loved her. But she never felt the same way,"

"She cared for you, though. You could depend on her, even if she didn't love you romantically, you always knew she loved you,"

Hayate nodded sadly. "You're right,"

He sat back down on the log beside his friend. "Don't fall in love. Especially with your half-sister. And certainly not with your sister,"

"Ryu!" Hayate sounded quite disgusted. "That's revolting!"

"Well, don't, even for that sake. She's impossible,"

More silence. A comfortable silence.

"Tell them I'm sorry," he said finally.

"What for?" Hayate asked.

"For being such a fool,"

His voice was flat.

"Ryu… I'm not good at nursing your ego, understand?"

He shook his head. "I'm not asking you to. Just tell them for me. Please,"

Silence, where Hayate stared at him reproachfully.

"Alright," his friend said finally.