A/N: I've had this idea for a while and finally posted it. It's pretty short, the flashback actually being longer than the story, but oh well. What can you do? The way the story was going was that Seth came home sooner, like it June. This fic was inspired by the song Tiny Vessels by Death Cab For Cutie (amazing song).
The Summer of '04
Seth Cohen had never known Marissa Cooper to be the type for casual sex. But apparently, if she was depressed enough, she was very into hooking-up. Seth learned this piece of information from his experiences of casual sex with Marissa.
Neither of them were virgins when it happened so it's not like they were losing anything special or important. The both of them had already lost the ones they really cared about. They had nothing left to hold onto. So they created something. They created a secret that they could keep. It was something to fill the void that the others had left behind.
It seemed appropriate enough.
It had been an accident really. Seth could remember the way it happened; the way it wasn't supposed to. It was about a month into the summer and Ryan was still in Chino. Seth had been to visit Summer, almost as soon as he got back, who said that if he ever came near her again she would have him shot. So he nixed his plans of getting Summer back. For now. Instead he concentrated on other things.
"Seth, come on. We're leaving."
"Do I really have to go see Grandpa's new mansion? I'm sure it looks just the same as all of the other ones in Newport only better."
"Yeah, and you're right, but yes you have to go. It's polite," Kirsten said, as she headed for the car. Seth followed suit and climbed into the front seat next to his mother. They drove the short distance to pull up in front of an enormous California style mansion.
"Damn," Seth said, as he got out of the car.
"Seth," Kirsten chided.
"Right, dang," he corrected.
They headed up the few flights of stairs to the door. It was opened by Julie Cooper, excuse me, Nichol, who greeted them. "Kirsten! How have you been?"
"Great, Julie. And yourself?" Kirsten stepped into the house with Seth in tow.
"Peachy." Julie noticed Seth hovering quietly behind his mother, and said, "Hello, Seth. Enjoying your summer?"
Seth answered with a very sarcastic "Yeah, it's great." Julie didn't catch it.
Just then, Marissa glided through the kitchen, obviously on her way down to the pool. Upon noticing the appearance of Kirsten and Seth, she said, "Oh hey, Kristen. Seth." She continued on her way when Julie stopped her.
"Marissa, sweetie. Why don't you take Seth and give him a tour of the house."
Seth's head shot up at the mention of his name. He mouthed a "no" to Marissa over Julie's head.
"No, that's okay, mom. I'm sure he doesn't want one."
"Honey," Julie said in the voice she used that somehow still sounded sweet but meant "do what I tell you right now".
"Go on, Seth," Kirsten said, trying to prevent a Julie/Marissa catfight in the kitchen.
"Fine, whatever. Come on, Seth." Marissa led him out of the kitchen as Caleb entered.
"Hello, Kiki," was heard as they made their way to the living room.
"So this is the living room..." Marissa drawled on about each room as they walked through the house. "And last but not least, my bedroom."
"And a very nice bedroom at that."
Marissa offered up a weak smile and turned away. Seth hit her lightly on the arm, and said, "Hey, you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," Marissa answered out of instinct. Seth looked at her clearly saying he wasn't buying her act. Marissa crossed the room and shut her door. Turning back around to face Seth, she said, "No, I'm not."
"You wanna talk?" Seth asked her reassuringly.
She nodded her head and walked back to sit on her bed. Seth sat next to her waiting patiently for her to start.
"Everything's just so screwed up."
"Tell me about it," Seth added.
"I mean Ryan's in Chino with his pregnant...thing...and Summer's, like, majorly depressed and..."
Seth cut her off with, "Summer's depressed?"
Marissa shoved Seth in the arm, and said, "God, you're an asshole."
"What?"
"You ask me what's wrong so I'm sitting here pouring my heart out to you and all you can talk about is Summer. You two weren't the only ones who were hurt over this!"
Seth let Marissa ramble on about pain and suffering and figured it was a good reason she had shut the door because she was yelling pretty loud. When she finally finished, Seth said, "I'm sorry. You're right, I was being selfish. I still wanna listen if you still want to tell me."
Before Marissa started again she made sure to let him know that she was only telling him this because no one else would listen. "And my mom is just such a bitch and I hate living here and I miss Ryan." By now Marissa was crying and all Seth could do was awkwardly rub her back. She finally gave up trying to explain the cause of all her pain and just fell into him, letting her head hit his chest. Her body shook with her quiet sobs.
"Hey, it's okay," Seth said. He soon learned that Marissa was the type of girl who liked reassuring words whispered in her ear when she cried, no matter how far from the truth they were. Summer hated it though. When Summer cried, she just wanted to cry. She didn't want to talk or anything, just cry.
Marissa finally looked up and met Seth's eyes. He looked just a little bit pitiful and awkward so Marissa kissed him. Marissa's lips were different than Summer's. They may have been the same shape and size but she used them differently. Not necessarily better, or worse for the matter, just different. She let him take control, laying them down on the bed as he slipped his hands under her tank top.
Her body was much different then Summer's. She was taller, more his height, with smaller breasts. After the first time he slept with her, he couldn't remember for the life of him why guys always wanted girls with big boobs. Not that he didn't appreciate Summer's naturally large assets; he just didn't see what was so bad about Marissa's smaller ones. They provided different sensations.
Marissa pushed Seth far enough off of her to strip off her tank leaving her in her bikini top. She then pulled him back to her and ran her hands up the back of his shirt. He rolled them over and fumbled with the ties on her bikini as she moved to his belt buckle.
Seth knew that he would feel guilty later. What they were doing was scandalous and wrong. There was no way Summer would take him back if she knew he slept with her best friend. That's why no one could ever know. Seth knew Marissa would keep this secret because the same rules applied to her and Ryan.
He should have stopped it because he was stronger than Marissa. She was an emotional mess right now but he had the ability to think clearly despite his sadness. He didn't stop it though. He didn't stop it because it took the pain away.
"What do you want to drink?" Marissa stood in the kitchen next to their liquor cabinet.
"Anything," Seth said. He liked to have a little alcohol in his system because it somehow made it feel okay. Even though he was never drunk, if there was alcohol involved, he felt he had some kind of an excuse.
Marissa mixed the drinks and handed him one before he slowly followed her up to the bedroom. They were both practically finished when they finally reached her bedroom. Seth walked in and sat on the bed as Marissa drained the rest of her glass and set it on her desk. Seth did the same as Marissa said, "Do you have one?"
"Yeah." The way she asked the question made him feel so cheap. Not for the first time he wished their relationship wasn't based solely on sex.
Although the whole reason they were doing this was because of that one complicated moment in time; the time when Marissa kissed him in her bedroom. They came together through the sex but Seth liked to think that it had meant a little more than just fucking. They had talked in the beginning, about Ryan and Summer and about the way they were. But like Marissa with Ryan, the talk started dwindling. Now they rarely said five words to each other before getting down to business.
Business. That was all this was. A business deal. Sex for sex. It was an okay deal, though. Anything that made the pain stop, even for just a few hours, was okay for Seth.
But that didn't stop him from wishing that, sometime, they could just talk.
He blocked these thoughts from his mind as Marissa's hands ran across his bare back. He refused to let himself think about anything else except for unhooking her bra.
His nights had been spent like that; hooking-up with Marissa in her bedroom, his bedroom, the back of the car. Basically wherever they could be alone. But then Ryan came back and Seth ran into Summer on the pier.
And things were different.
Seth belonged to Summer so as long as she wanted him back, he was going to go. And Marissa was meant for Ryan so when he came back, they got together. Because this was how things were supposed to be.
But this wasn't how it used to be and they weren't the way they were. Everything was awkward but Seth and Marissa seemed to be the only two who noticed. Neither could understand how Ryan and Summer could just slip back into their old lives as if nothing had happened.
Because something had happened. A big something.
But that something was ignored. It wasn't right. No, it was wrong and unforgivable, and therefore, needed to be overlooked. So nothing was said because that was the right thing to do. Seth and Marissa were supposed to have spent their summer brooding over their lost loved ones, not having sex with their best friends.
It was strange; Ryan and Summer were convinced that they had been changed from the experiences of the summer but if they just started hanging out again, things would go back to normal. That they could all be like they were. Seth and Marissa, though, said they hadn't changed because, as far as anyone knew, they had done nothing all summer. They had changed the most though and only they knew it. They couldn't tell their best friends how different everything was. How wrong it was to keep pretending that they were like they used to be. Because this was how it was supposed to be.
But Seth and Marissa both knew that they had been changed and they would never forget the summer of '04.