Chapter 10

The night passed me by as I twisted and turned in my bed. Finally, as dawn broke over the Hogwarts grounds I got up and went to take a shower. I was trembling in a strange way and I had a nasty feeling. Not that that was not expected, but still.

I headed down to the common room to see almost all the house dressed in black. It pained me to see them all. The Gryffindors, once so brave and happy, were now pale and miserable. I found Sirius and Remus, who were sitting with Hestia and I sat by them.

"What time is it?" I asked numbly.

"It's 7.30 AM Lily. Nobody in our house got any sleep so far."

I simply nodded. Sirius was not saying anything. I placed a hand on his arm and he looked up. I could see his eyes were red and puffy. He too had spent the night crying.

"His mother ... spent the entire night holding him." I bit my lips as I felt a fresh new wave of tears coming on.

Remus put a comforting arm around me.

"The services start at 10. We didn't want to have to tell you this, but Dumbledore said that because you're Head Girl, you should make a speech."

I stood horrified for a moment.   

"I… I wouldn't know what to say."

"Try. For James' sake."

I sighed and nodded, picking up a nearby quill and began scribbling a speech.

A couple of hours later Hestia, Sirius, Remus and myself made our way down to the great hall. I was clutching my so-called speech in my hand and had a nasty sensation in the pit of my stomach as I opened the doors. I wanted to turn back but couldn't. All our other dorm mates stated that they didn't feel up to attending.

The place was packed as I looked around for James. I stopped at a point and whispered to Hestia.

"Where is he?"

Tears were running down her cheeks as she motioned towards the coffin, which was a foot in front of me.

"I want to see him. Come with me."

She shook her head. "I can't. I don't want to."

I took half a step forward then changed my mind. I couldn't either.

We took our seats in the front row and I sneaked a glance at his parents. My heart broke. There they were. Crying, looking like misery itself. I could only imagine what was happening inside their hearts.

Dumbledore stood up next to the casket.

"We have gathered here today in order to commemorate the passing of one of our greatest student and friend. James Potter was a one of a kind boy. Devious, always with a witty remark and a grin to get him out of every situation. A very bright student, despite all the hours he spent in detention. But I knew him only academically and only a little as a person. I now want to ask Lily Evans, our Head girl, to say a few words about James, as you all remember him."

I was shaking as I stepped up; aware the every eye in the school was fixed on me.

"James…" I began shakingly. "What is there to say about him? He was dashing, devious, clever and all of that. But he was also caring, witty, a loyal friend. He was always ready to give 110% for his friends. And he always did. I find myself to be one of the lucky people who've befriended him and even more." There were slight giggles at this. "Yesterday it was a sunny day. Clear like James' laughter. Warm like his smile. Was I the only one who felt it didn't feel right? I'm sure I wasn't. Even now, as we speak, it's a sunny day. I for one wish it was raining, because I hate every beautiful day.

But I'm sure if he was here now, hearing me say that, he'd have grinned, patted me lightly on the back and say I was being foolish. And I know he would've been right. It's foolish of us to weep his passing, when he is in a much better place. It's foolish of us to hate the weather, when maybe it's a sign that he is alright and happy … but to us, his friend and classmates, it is impossible, isn't it? Will Hogwarts ever be the same without James Potter? My answer to you all is simple. No. James, to me at least, was the spirit of Hogwarts, the very soul of the student body. And a soul never dies, does it?" I paused, wiping my tears. "James Potter will live in us. In the hearts of those he touched, in the Quidditch trophies he's won, in the school he left so empty with his passing. James would've wanted us to move on. I know that for a fact. Keep him in your hearts. Always keep him in your hearts. And remember James Potter. Also, remember that life is a precious gift that must never be taken for granted."

I sighed and stepped down, hearing people sobbing around me. His grandmother walked up and read of a tiny piece of parchment.

"I still remember James, how you used to come to me when you were young, tugged my sleeve and ask me to read you a bed time story…"

My mind went astray from that point. It only came back at the end of that speech, the moment in which cold reality hit me.

"… Goodbye James."

I heard Sirius give a painful sob beside me as the headmaster nodded and told me to put the red rose I was clutching in my hand on his casket. I approached him and saw his face. That could not have been my James. His face was not swollen and a slight shade of purple. If there had not been a picture right above the casket, I don't think I could've accepted it. I placed my rose on his chest and watched him for a second. Then I turned and started running. Tears were spilling from my eyes and blocking my view but I did not care. Finally I exited the castle and tripped on something, which made me stumble and fall. I did not bother getting up. I sat on the cold ground, crying. I heard footsteps and moments later Dumbledore came into view. He kneeled by my side and hugged me. I don't know for how long I stood there.  Sometime in those minutes, hours, I don't know, Sirius came and Dumbledore left.

"Lily… You must go back in. We're flooing to the Potter family graveyard in a moment. To... to burry him."

My eyes went wide.

"They can't … can't  ... leave him there, all alone."

Sirius didn't say anything.

Around the casket in the hall there were his parents and people that came and left. I heard a person sobbing behind me and I turned to see Alexa. She looked at me and sat by her and hugged her.

The moment Sirius put a hand on my shoulder I knew it was time to go.

Shaking, I got up and followed him. In the fireplace in Dumbledore's office, we got in and he yelled Godric's Hollow Cemetery. We exited in a small room and got out to see the people gathered around the grave. I sat on a bench. 30 minutes later his mother was taken away crying and yelling. "We killed him we let him go to school and we killed him!" I closed my eyes and sighed. Very soon people had left and I got up heavily, followed by my four friends.

The cross was bearing his name. "James Alexander Potter 1960 – 1977". I took a hand of earth and dropped it on his casket whispering "Ashes to ashes dust to dust." I wanted to cry. I just couldn't. My heart didn't let me. I was numb.

That night the whole of Hogwarts was in the Great Hall, which was dimly lit by candles. I was not eating. I wasn't hungry. The dinner atmosphere was gloomy and depressing. I got up and went to my dorm.

Out of my drawer I took out a picture of him and smiled. He would live on in my heart. And I would never love again.

Because that day, I not only attended James Potter's funeral. I attended my own hearts'.

Never too far away

I won't let time erase one bit of yesterday

Cause I have learned that nobody can take your place

And though we can never be

I'll keep you close to me

When I remember

Love … you're never too far

Author Notes:

Only a couple of chapters to go. Thank you for all the reviews.

Disclaimer: JK owns the characters. Mariah Carey owns the song.