Chapter 11

Three months had passed since James' funeral and I was still to some extent in denial. I had been to his grave twice and somehow I still hoped that someday he'd return.

Only one good thing, so to say, had come out of it. The Marauders and I were closer than ever. Perhaps we were looking to fill the emptiness inside of us, though we knew it was impossible.

It was on a rainy Saturday night that Sirius and I were sitting in front of the common room fire. It was the 21st of February. Christmas and New Year's had been gloomy and somewhat meaningless.

By the look on his face I could tell he was thinking about the same thing I was.

"It's weird isn't it?"

He looked up at me.

"What do you mean?"

"After three months I still expect him to come strolling round the corner…"

"After three months I still see him next to me in class, in the dorms…"

I sighed.

"Why did it have to happen?"

"That's a question asked too many times to deserve an answer Lils."

I sighed and wiped a solitary tear.

"You have no idea how I want October back."

"We all do Lily. Especially after everything I know about your relationship with him…"

My head snapped up.

"What do you know?"

"The truth."

"Tell me."

"Are you sure Lily?"

"Sirius, I want to know the truth."

He took a deep breath.

"James was a ladies man, as you know. We were always in a competition, which got the most girls. And at first he liked the way you looked. I won't deny he had a lot to like."

I smiled, a bit taken aback by this and motioned for him to go on.

"After Remus' party the issue came up. Who to date, you or Andie. Course, I wouldn't hear of anything between Andie and himself, so he dated you. He cared about you, you know, but James … James wasn't the type to fall in love. That's why he got out."

I gaped at Sirius for a moment, literally speechless.

"So he left me because he loved me?"

"I don't exactly know how to explain it Lily."

"Answer me this Sirius. Did he ever cheat?"

"No, he had his 'backup plans' as we called them, but he never cheated."

"And did he ever say anything bad about me?"

"We wouldn't hear the end of how he was dating the greatest girl in school."

By now the balloon of emotions I had inside of me was ready to explode.

"I shouldn't have asked…" I got up and hurried to the stairs leading to our dorm.

"Lily …"

I turned around.

"It's better that you know, so you won't live with doubts."

I nodded.

"And you'd be a fool if you thought he didn't care …"

I hastily wiped my tears and went into my room, which was blissfully empty. Pulling out the picture I had of James I looked at it, reviewing the last few weeks in my head. Looking at my gashed arm I knew that marks of his love, both physical and spiritual would live there forever. The times I cut when reality became unbearable, my tears and sleepless night and the reflections of his love which I feared would come to wither.

Looking up at a lonely star, I smiled to myself. James Potter would live forever in my heart.

I once read somewhere that life was a series of coincidences. Now I know that for a fact.

Coincidence brought me to James Potter's arms, coincidence took him away. He was my rise and my fall.

He was my destiny. But I knew I owed James the will to move on and live for him. To see and do everything he never got to.

I owed James a life lived to the fullest. And I always honor my debts.

I once read somewhere that life was a series of coincidences.

The most beautiful coincidence of it is love. For now I can agree fully with the man who said it's better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all.

We all begin out with good intent
When love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I've held so dear.

The End

Author Notes:

And that ladies and gentlemen, was my story. You can either love it or hate it. Just learn from it.

This was born out of my need to move on. I've lived off memories of happier times for four months, out of pure fear. Fear that if I moved on it would all be forgotten. And I didn't want to forget.

Learn that you must never take anybody for granted and that you ought to live every day as if it were, not your last, but the last one for those around you. Never leave things unsaid or deeds undone for the bitterest tears cried over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.

But most importantly, never take life for granted, for it's the most wonderful and most frail gift of all.

Ral

Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter characters or the song 'Fallen" by Sarah McLachlan.