Forever Yours

By Strawberry Gashes

An epilogue to "Fallen"

I stepped onto the wet cemetery grass on the cold November morning, my mind filled with all sorts of thoughts. Clutching the two blue roses I had Sirius transfigure for me, I kneed down besides the gold plaque, engraved with five words "James Alexander Potter 1960-1977". Beneath it, the student body had engraved a small quote, when we graduated, that described exactly James' way of life:

"I'm not afraid of death. It's the stake one puts up in order to play the game of life." Jean Giraudoux

Indeed, James had played all his life. And I'm sure he was still playing, up there, somewhere. A chilly breeze sweeps my face and I sigh.

What ever happened to us James? I wonder quietly. Forever disappeared somewhere along the way. Perhaps, after it had truly hit me you were gone. I know you're still taking care of me. Why else should I have gotten Sirius as one of life's gifts? He was my salvation. He kept me from dying inside.

My dear, dear James. They say we understand death for the first time when he puts his hand upon one whom we love. But I guess in a way I have come to accept it. Live with it.

My beloved, you are the only witness to my silent tears, in late cold nights. The weather last night reminded me of the day you died. Cold and bitter. Wet and cruel. I haven't forgotten you.

A lot has changed since you went away James. Remus became Head Boy and at graduation he made a lovely speech about you. But I'm sure you already know that.

As I am sure you are everywhere. In the cool summer breeze. In the gentle autumn rain. In every dream I've seen come true this past year. You're still here, in my heart. Still my guardian angel. Still as wonderful and perfect as you were the day you went away.

And I still miss you so so much. Sometimes it's like this sharp pain in my heart, reminding me that you were once the owner of it all. The part of me that belonged to you died as well. You took it with you on your journey to forever.

Yet I am glad you did. For I would have been nothing if you weren't mine, and my soul would've been empty without your warmth. I'd rather died a thousand horrible deaths, than exchange our memories and feelings. I do not regret a moment of what we lived.

Because in the end I know you are never dead as long as we remember you daily and live for you too. Because I do. I live for you every day of my life. I live it full and wonderful, just as you would've done.

And now I think I know why you were taken from me. You were an angel waiting for his wings. My salvation gave them to you. Because you saved me. In every way a person can be saved.

And perhaps, you were to kind for this world. My dear, beloved James. This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.

The End

Author Notes

I wrote this because this Sunday marks one year from my boyfriend's passing. Call it the ending chapter. How Lily came to accept it and live on.

How I came to move on. Believe it or not, what I lived back then made me a new person. As you can see, it made me grow. It made me a person. A strong person.

And in a way a better person.

As I said before, read it, but don't judge it. What we had is too beautiful to be judged by human beings.

Raluca

Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling. I own the plot. "Forever Yours" is a Nightwish song.