A/n 1st: Eh heh, heh, heh... ((sweatdrop)) Well, it's been a while, hasn't it? Only a little under five months... er... right. I'm so sorry! So, so, so, so sorry... (apologetic look on face) But, I DID update! And guess what? I was plotting with CiaHottie (my cousin/best friend), and now, the plot is different slightly; it's better that it originally was (well, she and I think, anyway)! And the plot kinda started in the previous chapter, but it's just going to get more going in this chapter. And it's still going to be basically all humor/romance... anyway... on with the chapter! (Wow, it's been so long since I last updated that I had to reread the previous chapters to know what to write on this one... O.o)
Disclaimer: .cif siht otni tup ev'I sretcarahc eht fo emos nwo ylno I .rettoP yrraH nwo t'nod I ,erofeb semit lareves dias evah I ekiL (Translation for those who don't understand words that are backwards like in a mirror: Like I have said several times before, I don't own Harry Potter. I only own some of the characters I've put into this fic.)
And now, it is finally time for the chapter to be read! YAH!
(.,.Tayn.,.Teyno.,.Lrybdan.,.Veja.,.)
March 10, 4:39 P.M.
Selma, I'm so sorry! I completely forgot about you until today! I meant to write on March 4th after sleeping, but... well, as soon as I woke up someone offered for me to hold Colbert. Then as soon as I gave him to someone else to hold, the person before me put Leanora in my arms. Not that I didn't want to hold the babies, I mean, they're a couple of my best friends' babies, but I wanted to write in you all about the babies and... well... with babies in my arms it's kinda hard to write in a diary about those babies! Wouldn't you think so? Then, after I handed the person after me Leanora, the person before me handed me Jaylee!
At the time I was thinking something like 'Don't these people know I want to write in my diary?!' but then I realized, 'oh, wait, I'm the babies' godmother... no wonder they keep handing me them'. So, everyone handed around the babies - it felt like a game of hot-potato... except... well, we didn't toss them, and we didn't pass them around quickly... but you know what I mean, right, Selma? - while talking about how cute they were and stuff.
Well, we did that basically all day until Intisar came to, wanting to hold all her babies - how she could do that, I have no clue... her arms aren't that long! ... that would look really weird... ((imagines Intisar with extremely long arms)) hehehehe... - and then everyone but Intisar, Keawe and the babies went home. I mean, they couldn't exactly, with Intisar having given just birth and the babies being slightly premature triplets... it's not like they'd go home right away... that'd just be stupid.
... well, anyway, back to the reason that it's been so long since I last wrote. That was the March fourth and fifth reason (visited them on the fifth all day, couldn't exactly write in you when I was visit with friend... kinda rude... I can just imagine that... 'Hey, Ginny, blah, blah, blah... are you listening to me? Hellloooo....?'), but the sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, and half of the tenth reason is because that bitch, Xenia! Xenia Seta is pure evil! Even worse then that Cho Chang girl! ((hisses angrily)) She's been trying to get Harry, and he's been going along with it! I had always thought he was smarter than that! Can you believe it, Selma!? Just thinking about her makes me want to do something... something... well, I don't know, something drastic that won't get me sent to Azkaban... I mean, how is Harry supposed to fall madly in love with me while I'm in Azkaban? It'd be kind of difficult... unless he was allowed to visit me everyday... I could ask him to bring me some of Mum's cooking everyday... mm... and I'd thank him and we'd talk, and talk, and I'd tell him the reason I did what I did to Xenia was because I wanted him to love me, and then he'd tell me he'd always loved me, and then we'd kiss passionately, and...
... er... nevermind... heh, heh...
... Uh hum, anyway! Like I was saying... Xenia's a witch!... Well, no, duh... of course she is... GAH! She must have done a spell on me to make my brains dissolve! AH! I don't want to have a dissolved brain! I use it, unlike Ron! ... er... anyway, like I have been trying to say, but keep getting distracted from, is that I've been kinda... well... not exactly following she and Harry everywhere... more like... I just happen to end up everywhere they go. But, that's not the point, the point is, I haven't had time to write in you because I've been plotting Xenia's downfall! Muahahaha... And I am going to somehow get rid of her today! I am going to go look in this book that I got as a present from someone calling them self "anonymous" (but I have a feeling I know who it was... I got it the same year Ron got the book of pranks), that has many topics in it, one of them being How to Get Innocent Revenge (that tells you automatically what type of book it is).
... Oh great... I reread what I just wrote, and I'm reminding myself of Helga Pataki from the Muggle thing called a cartoon (on a television) called 'Hey Arnold!'... she loves this boy (but pretends to hate him) but he doesn't love her back, they're not even really friends actually, and whoever the boy gets a crush on, she plots that girls' downfall, but no matter what she does, the boy never loves her... ((sighs)) How depressing... If I am reminding myself of her, does that mean Harry'll never fall in love with me?
I can't think like that! Well, Selma, I better be going, I've gotta start looking for a good revenge now, or else I'll never get rid of Xenia by the end of the month... and, er, I don't mean 'get rid of' as in killing her... don't worry...
...oooOOO000OOOooo...
March 10, 6:33 P.M.
It sure took me long enough to find a good revenge. But, in the long run, it was worth it, Selma! Wanna hear it? Okay, here it is:
First, find some type of contest that, if you win, you get to leave the country.
Second, make sure you can take at least one other person.
Third, win the contest. If you don't, find another one.
Fourth, invite the person you love and are trying to steal from someone else, to come with you.
Fifth, if they say no... beg. Cry. Do whatever it takes, just make them say yes somehow.
Sixth, once they say yes, kiss them lightly and quickly in thank you, then on the trip, do it a few more times, always with the thank you excuse.
Seventh, when they finally say they love you, then you head back home, tell the person that you're getting revenge on that you're engaged. Which, you probably will be; if you're not, say that you're boyfriend and girlfriend.
See? Sounds like a good plan, huh? And those are the actual words from the book... word for word. And by looking at the author's name, the quality of the book, and the wording... it's very obvious who 'wrote' the book. The author calls them self 'Freda Georgia Westley'. Or should I say themselves... ((snort))
Anyway, that's what I'm going to do, even though it was my two brothers that wrote this whole thing just to interfere with my life... nyah... well, I'm going to go do something until it's time to go to bed. Bye, Selma! See you tomorrow! ... Well, you are a book on my desk, of course I'll see you tomorrow... nevermind. G'night.
...oooOOO000OOOooo...
March 11, 12:43 P.M.
Lunch... fooooood... I'm sitting here in a Muggle Italian food place waiting for my lunch... that is actually from the dinner menu... but I'm hungry, Selma! That's a good excuse. I'm writing in you because I'm bored... but I still don't get why I brought you. I might loose you somewhere and Harry might find you and learn all my deepest darkest secrets like the fact that I'm currently stalking him and Miss I'm-So-Perfect-And-Every-Other-Girl-Is-Not-La-Dee-Da Xenia Seta. Or someone else might find you... eek! Worst case scenario: a certain reporter finds you! AH! And because you have all my secrets about Harry, of COURSE she'd write about you and her report'd get published... ACK!
Okay, I'm getting a little paranoid...
Breathe... In, out, in, out... calm... oops, I bent my spoon... hope no one notices that... ((looks around nervously, before fixing spoon with wand))
Aha! I think I can see this waiter that looks kinda like Harry coming over with my lunch... well, bye now, Selma!
P.S. Did I say the waiter looked like Harry!? Yeesh, I really need to stop obsessing over him!
...oooOOO000OOOooo...
March 11, 1:20 P.M.
Selma, remind me never to eat that much again... ugh...
Anyway, this morning before I wrote in you I looked all over Diagon Alley for some sort of contest or something, but there was nothing! Nothing at all that takes you out of the country and lets you invite at least one other person with you. ARGH! They were all either to stay at some hotel at a wizarding place that I had only heard of a few times, but I knew was around here somewhere... or were for just you to go to some other country... No one runs these things right, Selma!
If I had enough galleons I would just buy tickets for a Knight Aero (they're made by the same people as the Knight Bus) to go somewhere romantic and invite Harry... ohh! I could find a money-making contest! ... Er... or not... I would just invite him to Apparate with me somewhere, but all of the places I want to go to you're not allowed to just plain Apparate there, you have to go through all this junk that takes months and then you only get to stay for a few bloody days...
It's kind of difficult to write and walk at the same time, Selma, so I think I'll stop now. Plus, I just reached the entrance to Muzikale Alley, which looks like an old abandoned Muggle shoe shop... see ya later, Selma!
...oooOOO000OOOooo...
March 11, 2:22 P.M.
This is the noisiest alley I've ever been in, Selma! I can't hear myself think! Actually, that might be a good thing since all my thoughts are getting kinda dis-com-bobbled. And kinda boring. I mean, all my thoughts sound the same anymore! My head's filled with 'Harry Potter, Harry Potter, get rid of Xenia Seta, Harry Potter, Harry Potter, write in Selma, Harry Potter'... Seln
. ., . ,.., na. .,
Argh!! This alley is so much more frustrating than Diagon Alley! I mean, someone just bumped me and I dropped you and there are all these little annoying marks and my handwriting looks like a baby's! I can't even read it... which might be a good thing, because no one else would be able to read what Ijust worte... GAH! Poo... Grrrrrr...
...oooOOO000OOOooo...
March 11, 4:02 P.M.
Thank goodness I am out of there finally! Everyone kept giving me these looks that made my hair stand up on end or blush in embarrassment, it was so noisy my ears are still ringing, everyone but me had an instrument, and I am greatly relieved Harry wasn't with me! Why? EVERY WOMAN IN THAT PLACE WAS A SLUT! I swear it! They all were! They wore the sluttiest clothing, and had these snotty looks on their overly done up faces...
I think I'm going to be sick just thinking about it... blurgh...
Oh! And, Selma, there was one good thing about that terrifying place! I found a great contest that is being held all over the world! There is going to be a winner from every country, and they and however many friends they want get to go to the city in the United States called Las Vegas and stay in a Muggle place - called a casenro... or... something like that.. - called the Bellagio.
I must WIN! And win I shall! But... there's a ... kind of a small problem... heh... it's a singing contest, and... well... I may be good at singing - says Mum - but... I have no clue what to sing... and I can't make my own song, I mean, honestly, I'm no poet!... I wonder if Harry's a poet... hm...
GAH! Ginevra Molly Weasley, get your mind away from him for just ONE SECOND! ... that didn't work. Selma, I... what the hell!? I think I see Harry coming this way!!... AH! He's heading right at me! I'm not pretty right now, my hair's windblown! Must hide!...
Ew... now I'm sitting here in a trash bin, peeking out the lid at Harry, who is... still coming right at me!? ((shrieks in terror)) NO! I look a mess and he's going to see me sitting in a garbage bin! Shoo! Harry! Go away! TURN! Just, don't turn towards Muzikale alley... Ack! He's still coming right at me!! Selma, help me!
ARGH! You can't help me, you're a book! A Muggle book, for that matter! Thanks a lot for being a book right when I need you to be a person...
... I think Xenia really did cast a spell on me to make my brain mush...
... he's still coming this way! ... It looks like he's going to throw something away... no wonder he's coming right towards me, I'm in a garbage bin... Aha! He's looking away now, I've gotta take this chance to run, NOW! Byefo rnowSlema!
...oooOOO000OOOooo...
Sorry for the shortness, and the not-so-funny-ness. It kinda sucked, but that's because it's been so long since I wrote like this... And there's no review responses this chapter because I'm lazy. Yerp, that's me, lazy, lazy, lazy... next chapter, we find out if she got away without being noticed, what song she chooses, what microphones taste like, and if she does or doesn't embarrass herself while practicing in her room and anywhere she can!
And the next chapter WON'T be coming out in five months, don't worry. My cousin'll make sure of that... ((laughs nervously))