"Father, look what Touda built for me!" the excited voice of his son cut into his thoughts and the next moment a very bouncy little dragon was hanging at his arm, chattering cheerfully and showing him the firebird shaped paper dragon. "Will you help me letting it fly?"
"Well, if Touda built it for you, maybe he should have the honor, don't you think, Keijin?"
Sohryu smiled at the pout, glancing over to where Touda was standing, watching the little dragon with a smile of his own.
"It would me my honor, my lord," Touda said, bowing with a smirk and a twinkle.
There was a tenderness in his snake eyes as he watched the boy running
out of the room, calling for him to come and help him.
Sohryu stepped into the passage around the training area silently, watching. The opponents were unlikely as they could be, one older and slightly heavier built with battle experience, the other one slender and tall with a body like a dancer, long blue hair bound back into pony tail, not much more than a boy but already the size of his father. Both circled each other, waiting for a chance to attack.
And then in a blink of an eye the young man leaped into the air, only to come back down on his opponent like a hawk. Yellow snake eyes flared, there was a flutter of movement and the slender body crashed into the ground, held down by the other.
His son grinned up at his trainer, and Touda shook his head, smiling
amused, placing one hand at the young man's cheek. Keijin's grin turned
into a gentle smile and he whispered something. Touda let go of him abruptly.
"Touda," Sohryu said seriously, "these threats aren't idle. I want you to look after Keijin while I'm away."
"You can trust me, Sohryu. I'll protect him with my life."
Sohryu placed a hand on his first general and friend's shoulder, squeezing thankfully.
"I know you will. You love him, too."
There was a short flicker in those serpentine eyes.
"Yes, my lord."
Sohryu groaned and buried his hands into his face. How could he have been so blind? Could it be the truth? The snake and his beloved son…?
No, a voice inside him whispered, not a snake. He was your general, your loyal friend and most powerful soldier. He was honored, had a rank and a name… and he had loved Keijin. Not like a friend, not even like a brother, but like…
Then why did he kill him?
#########################
Sohryu stood in front of the ramshackle building, disbelief in his eyes at the state of the hut, the way Touda actually lived. He had never cared. He had never asked. To find out where Touda was living now hadn't been very difficult at all, but he surely hadn't expected something like this. A single room wooden cabin at the outskirts of GensouKai, far away from any civilization… how deep had Touda sunk?
How deep have you let him fall?
Where else could he live? part of him added. He has no rank any more. Only a title without power. He has no name, no servants, only people who fear or despise him.
It had taken him long to come here, to gather his wits and confront a part of his past he had avoided ever since he had had to bury his first child.
Keijin had been his pride and joy.
Touda had been his loyal soldier.
They had been friends and trusted warriors once.
That had changed within one day, when Touda had burned down everything in his path, when he had slipped into battle rage, when he had killed thousands…
He had never asked why.
He had also never questioned the relationship between Keijin and the serpent.
Sohryu still remembered his son's loving nature, his calm spirit, his innate warmth that so completely ran against the coolness of his dragon form. Keijin and Touda had been good friends, had always been together, and Keijin had loved the older shikigami.
Loved him.
Sohryu had never known how much.
Loved one…
Now, looking back to those still happy days before the war, he saw the subtle signs. How Touda had protected the young dragon, how Keijin had formed a perfectly balanced counterpart to the hot-blooded warrior, how he had kept him cooled down.
Loved one…
Something had happened on that fateful day. Something terrible, something so unspeakable that a man like Touda had lost all reason, had let the fire inside of him take over and had killed not only the enemy, but thousands of innocents as well.
Sohryu was here to find out. He was here to hear the truth, even if it took everything to get it out of the pardoned traitor.
When he stepped closer he sensed a movement to his right and he instinctively jumped aside when Touda appeared, holding a katana. The fire serpent didn't attack, but his stance was all but friendly.
"Sohryu."
"Touda."
The dark-clad man walked past him, putting the katana back into its sheath.
"What do you want, Sohryu?" Touda asked, voice filled with disinterest.
Yes, what did he want? He wanted to know… About Touda, about his son, about Keijin…
"I want to know about Keijin," the dragon said levelly.
Touda stiffened visibly. "Keijin is dead. He died five hundred years ago, through my hands. That's common knowledge. Let him rest in peace."
Even after such a long time, it hurt. Sohryu pushed the pain aside.
"I heard otherwise."
Touda's face was like made of stone. "Then you heard a lie."
"Then tell me your side of the story."
"I don't have a side."
"Touda…"
"He was under my command. He died. I killed him."
Sohryu suppressed a wince, schooling his features. "That's what everyone says."
A shrug. "So you know everything."
"No, I know what everyone said happened. I want to hear it from you."
The fire shikigami whirled around, eyes blazing through the dark shield of the visor.
"You were there, Sohryu, damnit! You survived my fire, Keijin didn't! That's it! I killed your son! Like I killed your wife! There is nothing else to say!"
"Byakko told me something else entirely."
Touda snarled and turned around. "Byakko is a fool."
"Was Keijin a fool, too?"
The fire shikigami stopped, shoulders tense, his whole body frozen.
"Was he the same fool like Byakko? To fall in love with you?" Sohryu drove his point home.
A tremor ran through the other man.
"Your son served under me," Touda grated out. "He was a good soldier and he died in the war because I killed him. You should leave it at that."
"I want to know the truth!" Sohryu growled.
"The truth?" A dark laugh. "The truth is what you have always believed in, Sohryu. Leave it at that."
He approached the black-clad figure. "I won't. I think I believed a lie in all those centuries."
"So what if I tell you the truth?" Touda yelled, whirling around. "Would it make it easier for you to hate someone else for your son's death? Someone who is already dead? Dust in the wind? I don't think so!"
The dragon faced the furious serpent with barely contained anger. "I loved Keijin… so did you. He died in that war, but not by your hands. I want to know what happened!"
Touda's breath escaped in a sharp whistling hiss between bared teeth, and his hands were balled into fists. Tendons stood out at his neck and he looked ready to break, but even if he lost it, even if that temper took a hold of him, there was no power to back it up any more.
"I looked into the eyes of the one being I loved more than my life!" he finally whispered harshly, voice like a knife. "I looked into those broken eyes, saw the pain and the horror of what they had done to him! I could see and feel what they had done to my beautiful lover!"
A clawed fist collided with the wooden wall of the hut, splintering it.
"I've seen those eyes for the past centuries!" Touda yelled. "They were the last I can remember before waking up inside Tenkuu, sentenced for life! They haunted me ever since, reminding me of my failure! I failed, Sohryu! I failed! Is that what you need to hear?" He spread his arms wide, shaking with fury and pain. "I failed him, I failed you. I failed… he died because of me. I killed him! You're his father! You don't need to know what else they did to him, Sohryu! You of all people shouldn't know!"
Sohryu's world slip-slid away from him at the spat words, at the raw pain each and every one carried. He was dimly aware of the rough gasp, the barely restrained tears lurking in that voice.
He was shell-shocked.
Keijin had been killed by the enemy? They had… they had killed him…
Sohryu felt the ground move away from under his feet. He didn't feel
the strong arms that caught him before he could land in the dirt.
The next thing he registered was the hot mug of tea that was placed
into his hands. He looked up, distantly noting the sub-standard interior,
how badly everything looked, how cheap and worn and… poor.
"So it's true," he murmured, feeling so very much broken in his belief, "you didn't kill him."
"For you I did."
"I hated you blindly… I didn't even give you the chance to explain yourself."
Touda shrugged as if he wasn't really interested. "Why should you? I killed innocent people, many of them. I am a mass murderer. It's better you hate me than some faceless men who burned to death in my fire ages ago."
"How...?" Sohryu started but was stopped by a gesture.
"You don't want to know."
The dragon sipped at his tea.
"Do you think you can tell me the truth?" Sohryu requested softly, looking at his host. "About Keijin, about yourself…?"
"It's history," Touda whispered, not looking at him from where he sat leaning against the opposite wall.
"No. Neither for you, nor for me. I never closed that chapter of my past. Keijin was my first-born. He was my pride. You were my First General. I entrusted you with his training and I know you took your duties seriously." Sohryu sighed softly, briefly looking at his knees. "You never closed that chapter either. I think it's time we did, don't you?"
There was no answer.
"Is it true you loved him?"
"You know I did. He was my lord's son, my… responsibility."
"You didn't love him just that way, Touda. You were his lover."
Touda didn't answer. To Sohryu it was answer enough.
"You lost it when you learned about his death?"
Touda nodded once. "Something like that. I swore to protect him, I failed him. My sentence was rightful. Leave it that way."
Sohryu gazed at the criminal, the man who had been more than just a general at a time, a man who had been like family, a close friend… his son's lover.
"Why did you never speak up?"
Touda snorted. "When? You put me under, held a trial and the moment I woke again I was in a cell. You think I'd bang against the door and demand a retrial?"
Sohryu winced a little. "I was angry, Touda. I was angry and grieving and…"
"And you were right. I killed innocents, Sohryu, and I did time. I should still be down there, for all eternity, for what I did."
The dragon listened to the dispassionate voice. Touda sounded so… cold, so matter-of-fact.
"No," he murmured. "No. I confess to feeling furious at the pardon, but today I'm glad Tsuzuki insisted."
Touda rose, walking over to the window, staring outside. He said nothing, his posture stiff. There had been a time when the two men had been able to talk freely; that had long passed. Sohryu placed the empty mug on the floor and got up, too. He gazed at the dark-clad man, then let his eyes roam over the spartan room.
Touda… he thought sadly.
But he said nothing. He felt so much and could say so little…
"You should leave," Touda said dispassionately.
He didn't argue. He just stayed a moment longer, then nodded and left.
Sohryu walked through the sun-dappled forest, feet crunching leaves
and twigs, lost in thought.