The girls worked swiftly alongside the rest of the Fellowship and every able body in Rohan preparing for the great pilgrimage to Helm's Deep. Maggie, Legolas, and the Hobbits helped the women and children saddle and load all the horses, while Aly, Aragorn, and Gimli went house to house gathering everything that could be considered a weapon.

"How 'bout this?" Aly said holding up a set of knitting needles.

Aragorn gave her a swift nod and she chunked the needles into a large box.

Gimli, who had been rummaging through a closet, came across a stack of "Naughty Dwarf" magazines, and was leafing through them, an amused grin slipping across his face.

"Gimli, did you find any-- Aw, cripes!" Aly caught a glimpse of two female Dwarves in corsets and garter belts and shielded her eyes before the image could be permanently imprinted into her brain. "Put those away! You little pervert!"

"Ack!" Gimli said, his face turning red, and he tossed the magazine aside.

"Stop it this instant you two!" Aragorn said, lifting the box.

"He was the one who wasn't--" Aly started.

"That little Elf witch needs to mind her own--" Gimli grunted.

Aragorn let out a low groan, closed his eyes briefly, and continued in a low voice. "If you two don't stop your bickering right now, I will turn us right around and take us right back to Rivendell. Don't you think I won't!" With that, he stormed out of the hut and into the village square.

"Look, lady, I realize that this tea set is a family heirloom passed down to you from your grandmother, but if it doesn't serve a functional purpose, you'll have to leave it behind!" Frodo screeched to an old woman.

"No, you can't take the entire box set of "Monty Python" with you!" Maggie, not far away from Frodo, was chunking things off the back of one family's horse. "The 19 inch big screen is gonna have to stay too. And the DVD player, and the-- is this a bathing suit?"

"We're not going on holiday here, people!" Merry yelled. "The only thing you need to take is food and clothing!"

Maggie finally waved the horse through the checkpoint, then wiped sweat off her face with the back of her hand. She glanced over at Legolas. He smiled, then walked over and placed both hands on her shoulders. "How are you, faller of the sky?"

"Not so good, my pointy-eared love muffin," she dropped to the ground and crossed her legs Indian-style.

Legolas crouched down beside her. "Whatever seems to be the matter?"

Maggie began to count off things on her fingers. "Well, we haven't even been to see Saruman, we're not even sure if the Ents are going to seize Isengard like they're supposed to, the Ring's not any closer to Mordor than it was a week ago, Orcs are running rampant, Eomer and his band of merry men are off getting trashed somewhere," Maggie's voice got more and more shrill as she went along, "Theoden's leading his people into a trap, Sauron's gathering troops like a madman, I'm sure he knows where the Ring is by now because we've all made such a fuckin' mess out of this thing--" Frodo and Pippin had wandered over and were staring down at Maggie, their eyes wide with concern-- "Mom's probably having a damn duck wondering where me and Aly are, I've got a sore on the back of my heel that's festering quite nicely, and the entire fate of Middle-Earth is resting in my hands, and I'm--I'm--I'm," her breathing became quick and shallow, "having a panic attack. Leggy, get me a paper bag! I need a bag!"

"Maggie?!" Legolas panicked.

Frodo and Pippin began flapping their arms wildly around Maggie's face. "Give her air, give her air!" Frodo said. "Legolas! Go get Aly! She'll know what to do!"

Legolas ran around in a circle madly for a few seconds before his Elf-sense rushed back to him. Racking a hand through his silky Elf-hair, he spun around and dashed to the side where he could hear Aly yelling at Gimli.

Racing up to the red-haired Faller of the Sky, he said, "Aly! Maggie is falling down into a deep pit of depression!"

Aly turned at the shrill voice and frowned. "What?"

"No time! She's spiraling into darkness!" Legolas cried, snatching Aly's wrist and racing back to Maggie who was currently breathing into a brown paper bag.

Aly, seeing her distressed friend, rushed to her. "Maggie, what's wrong?! You haven't lost any limbs or other extremities, did you?!" She quickly dashed atop her friend boring a stare into her eyes.

Maggie took a moment to rip the bag away from her face. "We're going to DIE!" she cried. "We've fucked up Middle Earth while we're at it! The Ring, the Ents - Everything!!!"

Aly, in a moment of terror, reared back and slapped her friend across her face. "Come back to me, Maggie! Pull yourself together!"

Maggie stared at her a moment, and Legolas, the hobbits, and the assortment of Rohanians around them held their breath. She glanced from side to side, her breathing scarce before she shot to a stand, toppling Aly off of her.

"What was I thinking?!" she declared. Her hands shot to her hips and she beamed in the passing wind that tousled her fluffy blonde hair. "I am a Faller of the Sky! I can fix things; right?" She looked at Aly and helped her up quickly.

"Right!" Aly proclaimed. Frodo, Merry, and Pippin rounded into a chorus of clapping and cheering while Legolas brushed a hand under his beautiful eyes.

"That's it! Just because Theoden misplaced his balls, doesn't mean we're gonna let him get a whole shit-load of people killed!" Maggie said, swirling around and looking for the King of Rohan. "We must stop this madness!"

At this point, the thundering of a horse galloped up to them. "What is going on here?!" Theoden's voice boomed.

"Erm.." Maggie said, peering up at the man. Legolas gave her a nudge with his elbow to speak, but she said nothing.

"The Fallers of the Sky say you've misplaced your balls!" shouted Pippin. All eyes fell on him quickly and he glanced around. "Did I say something wrong??" he asked.

"Shut up - all of you!" Theoden ordered and suddenly Aragorn rode his horse to Theoden's side. "Aragorn, these girls are causing problems again."

"Tattler!" Frodo shouted.

"Frodo, be quiet!" Aragorn demanded. Frodo went wide-eyed and shifted closer to Aly. "Girls, I won't have you causing so many problems here. This is serious now - no more screwing around! You're going to have to grow up to ride with the people of Rohan, or you're going to start a riot!"

Legolas frowned formally at his friend. "Aragorn, these people are in danger, the girls can-"

"We're all in danger! Get used to it and be quiet the rest of the ride!" he ordered, glaring at Aly and Maggie along with the hobbits before riding off with Theoden.

Aly looked at Maggie. "What in the HELL was that?"

"He's trying to impress Theoden," Maggie supplied.

"I'd say he just threw a class-A tantrum," said Frodo. Aly patted his head before Gamling, drunk as a pig, rode by with his arms frailing about.

"Time to go! Time to go!" He belched in the middle of his declaration. The gathered people of the Fellowship glanced amongst themselves before separating to find horses.

Maggie and Frodo ended up sharing a horse, while Sam and Aly rode together. Merry and Pippin refused to ride with anyone but each other, and poor Gimli was stuck with Legolas again.

"All right, Leggy honey, let's go over this again," Maggie said guiding her horse near Legolas's. "These--" she held up the reins-- "are reins. We use them sort of as a steering wheel."

"A what?" Legolas said. His horse began moving forward, and he let out a shriek. "It's moving! Is it supposed to do that?"

Frodo rolled his eyes. "Sorry, Dwarf," he said to Gimli, "you're on your own."

Maggie and Frodo quickly caught up with Sam and Aly. "This is going to be one hell of a boring ride," Maggie said, slumping forward.

"Do you mind if I put my hands right here?" Frodo asked Maggie as her wrapped his arms around her and placed his hands on her boobs.

"Yes I-- no, not really," she shrugged.

"Oh, hey, let's play license plate bingo!" Aly suggested.

Maggie narrowed her eyes. "Aly, do you see any license plates around here?"

Aly frowned. "Oh. Guess not. Let's play white horse, brown horse then."

Maggie looked around for a moment. "Mine's brown. I win."

Everyone rode in silence for a while, the sounds of galloping hooves and Legolas retching into his vom bag being the only sounds. Aly tried to talk to Maggie and Frodo, but neither were in a talking mood, Sam was asleep, Aragorn was PMS-ing, Gandalf's robes kept flying up, (and he was still going Commando) and Boromir was riding in the back of a wagon singing the Smurfs theme song over and over.

"La, la, la, la, la, la, sing a happy song!" he belted out. "La, la, la, la, la, la, Smurf the whole day long!"

Aly sighed and rode toward Gamling. "Hey, pssst!" She said to him.

Gamling swiveled his head lazily to look at her, still drunk as a skunk. "Hey, did you just hear something?"

"Yes, it was the sound of me losing my mind!" Aly screeched at him. "Listen, holmes, I've been watching you, and I know you've got the booze. Everyone here is in an I-might-as-well-go-eat-shit-and-die mood, and I've decided that we're throwing a kegger tonight. You supply the beverages, and I'll supply the fun. We got ourselves a deal, buddy?"

"I got a karaoke machine," Gamling hiccupped.

"Really?" Aly said, raising an eyebrow.

Gamling nodded stupidly.

"Interesting. . ."

Four hours later:

"Everyone!" Aly said, standing up in the back of a wagon and banging on Sam's copper pot. "May I have your attention please?"

The entire company had stopped to set up camp for the night. The women of Rhoan had made the most disgusting stew for the weary travelers, but the men of Rohan consumed it anyway, tight fake smiles spreading across their lips. Luckily, Sam had whipped up a delicious roast for the Fellowship to eat. Now, with supper over, everyone had returned to their glum states.

"I'd like to make an announcement people!" Aly said, and she looked around, finally deciding she had everyone's attention. "Friends, Rohanians, countrymen, lend me your ears. For tonight is not a night for solemn reflection. Oh, no. Tonight we celebrate the victory that will come to us in the next few days. Tonight, we band together in a strength that will, no doubt, conquer Sauron's evil army. Tonight, we accept all races, and fight alongside our Elven, Dwarf, Hobbit, and Men brothers and sisters. Tonight is a night that will live long in our memories. Tonight, is our independence night!"

Crickets chirped. Legolas cleared his throat. Aly, slightly embarrassed, looked at Maggie for help.

Maggie quickly jumped into the back of the wagon. "What she means is, it is time to put our prejudices aside, and partake in something that all of us are fond of, getting drunk!"

Cheers burst out from the crowd.

Gamling appeared from behind a wagon rolling two kegs. "We're kegging a haver! We're kegging a haver!" he said gleefully. Then he stopped. "Wait a minute. We're kegging a ha. . .that's not right."

"Excuse me, Miss Maggie, Miss Aly," a female voice said as Maggie and Aly began pumping the kegs.

Aly stopped pumping and looked at the person attached to the voice. "Ah, Eowyn. What can I do for?"

Eowyn sat down on the edge of the keg. "Well, back in Rohan, I well-known as a pretty good party planner. I could perhaps help you set up all of the activities you have planned."

"Sure, whatever," Aly said coolly. "As long as you refrain from sticking your ass in Hot Old Guy's face like some damn cat in heat--"

"Aly!" Maggie nudged her friend in the ribs.

"Sorry," Aly said quickly. "Yeah, you can help."

Eowyn had been speaking the truth. Within the next thirty minutes, all of the children had been put to bed over in the far corner of their campgrounds, a few old women watching over them. She had set up the karaoke machine, several ladies of Rohan and Frodo were engaged in a game of Twister, the middle-aged women were enjoying a rousing game of Bingo, and the senior citizens were playing shuffleboard.

"Hey, Leggy," Maggie said as she sat down next to the Elf, who was sitting on the fringe of the crowd watching everyone with a smile on his face. "Having fun?"

"Lots of fun," he said as he watched her down half the beer in the plastic cup she was holding.

"Well, that's good," Maggie said, downing the rest of her beer. "Woo! That's my third one. How many have you had?"

Legolas shook his head. "Elves do not ingest substances that cloud our senses."

Maggie's eyes bugged out. She looked over at the kegs and spotted Aly over there, refilling her glass. "Aly! Bring a beer for Leggy!"

"Oh, I could not--" he began.

"Shut your Elf mouth," Maggie said as Aly bopped over with two red plastic cups in her hand. "According to Aly, tonight is a night for celebrating. So, that cup better be empty within the next five minutes."

Before Legolas could dispute, Aly thrust a cup into his hand. She giggled at him. "C'mon, Elf-man. Live a little."

Legolas took in a deep breath, and put the cup to his lips.

* * *

"Gandalf!" Maggie yelled as she looked up at the makeshift karaoke stage, which was really the back of a wagon. "That is uncalled for. We're supposed to be celebrating, not committing indecent exposure!" She yelled to him as his robe slipped dangerously around his shoulders as he belted out "You Can Leave Your Hat On."

Maggie, Aly, Frodo, Pippin, Gimli, and Legolas were playing some sort of drinking game. Maggie and Pippin were on a team, Frodo and Aly had teamed up, and Gimli had agreed to play with Legolas. Right now, the Elf and Dwarf were in the lead.
"Oh my God! I love this Dwarf!" Legolas said as he wrapped his arms around Gimli and squeezed him fiercely, lifting Gimli out of his seat.

"Lad, put me down right this instant!" Gimli grumbled before a smile broke across his face. "Aw, laddie, if I was going to be friends with an Elf, I'd pick you!"

"All right, all right," Frodo said. "Whose turn?"

"Ours!" Maggie and Pippin yelled.

Aly gazed deep into the bottom of her plastic cup. "It seems all the beer had been drained out of my cup. Who needs a refill?"

Everyone raised a hand. Maggie and Pippin raised both hands.

"All righty then!" Aly said, scooping up all the empty cups. "I shall return!" Then she let out a Xena call. "I am Aly. . .The Beer Queen!"

By now, the karaoke stage was rocking. All of the songs on the karaoke machine had long been sung, so Eowyn had managed to locate an old Casio keyboard, and she was currently banging out song after song.

"Don't stop believin'! Street lights, people, oh uh-OHHHHHHHHH!" Aragorn brought the microphone down away from his lips and bowed slightly, welcoming the loud cheers he was receiving.

He handed the microphone to Eowyn and stepped off the stage, headed for the kegs. "That was beautiful, Aragorn. All right, who would like to go next? C'mon, I can see it in some of your faces. Don't be shy, we're all friends here."

Gimli clamped a rough hand on Legolas's shoulder. "What do you say, Elf?"

Legolas immediately became shy. "Oh, I do not like to sing. It's not my forte."

Gimli rolled his eyes. "I'll sing lead. You just back me up."

Legolas took a deep breath, then turned to the others at the table. "Excuse us for a moment."

The Elf and Dwarf climbed up onto the karaoke stage and Gimli grabbed the microphone. He whispered something to Eowyn, and she nodded, taking her seat in front of the keyboard. "Brace yourself, friends," he said. "For you're about to see how Dwarves really kick it."

Eowyn began hammering out a fast tune. Aly had returned from the keg, juggling all the now-full beer cups in her arms. She distributed them around the table, and then noticed that Legolas and Gimli were missing. "Hey, where's. . ." her eyes flew to the karaoke stage. ". . .the hell?"

"You know your love!" Gimli sang

"Your love keeps lifting me!" Legolas chimed in in a falsetto voice.

"Keeps on lifting me--"

"Love keeps lifting me--"

"HIGHER!"

"Lifting me--"

"Higher and higher! I said your love!"

"Oh my holy Jesus!" Aly said bursting into the giggles. "That's the funniest thing I've ever seen!"

Legolas be-bopped around the stage, and busted out into the Running Man before throwing in the Cabbage Patch for good measure. He grabbed the microphone from Gimli and turned to the audience. "I'm so glad, I finally you, yes that one, in a million Dwarf!" He pointed to Gimli. "And now with, my lovin' arms around you, I can stand up, and face the world!"

"Go Leggy!" Maggie yelled. Frodo stuck his fingers to her lips and let out a loud whistle as the song faded out.

"Thank you very much!" Legolas said. Eowyn reached for the microphone, but Legolas pulled it away. "Hold on, I wanna ser sumfin. This Dwarf--" he put his hand on Gimli's shoulder-- "is the coolest guy I've everrr hung out wif. And now, I'd like ta sang a lil' ditty in his honor." He whispered something to Eowyn and she began playing the Golden Girls theme.

"Thank you for bein' a friend. Traveled down the road and back again. Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant." Legolas bumped his hips along with the music. "And if you threw a party! Invited everyone you knew. You would see, the biggest gift would be from me. And the card attached would say. . . Thank you for bein' a friend."

The cheers from the crowd were deafening. Sam wiped a couple tears from his cheeks. Merry shot him a look. "I'm sorry. That's just the sweetest thing I've ever heard."

"Oh, Sam," Merry said, throwing an arm around the Hobbit's shoulders. "You're such a sap."

Theoden took to the stage, waving and smiling at everyone. "Well, I must say that this is the best party I've ever been to. Let's have a round of applause for the Fallers of the Sky, and my daughter!" Everyone clapped. "But, all good ends must come to a thing, and that thing is now. Um. . .yeah. So, everyone to your tent! We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

Everyone began to rise and make their ways slowly to the tents, still laughing and giggling. Maggie, Frodo, Pippin, and Aly searched through the tents for an empty one, and found Aragorn, passed out by himself snoring slightly.

"I have waited for this moment my entire life," Aly said as the four of them crawled into the tent. "Too bad I'm so drunk that I won't remember it in the morning." And with that, she snuggled in next to Aragorn, who threw an arm across her and murmured something in his sleep. Pippin snuggled up next to Aly, and Maggie laid down on the other side of Legolas, Frodo right behind her.

"Do you mind if I put my hands right here?" Frodo slurred as he plopped his hands on Maggie's boobs.

"Yes I-- no, not really," she said. And with that, she was asleep.