"Oh my God! My head hurts like wouldn't believe!" Aragorn sat up slowly and put one rough, dirty hand to his temple. "We've got to get moving, I've got to find some Aspirin, and. . .there's a hand in my pants." Aragorn looked down and saw an arm sticking out the front of his Ranger trousers. He poked it gingerly with one finger, and the person attached to the arm murmured lightly.

"Frodo Baggins!" Aragorn yelled, pulling the tiny Hobbit hand out of his pants.

"Wha-huh?" Frodo sat up quickly, and his big blue eyes rested upon Aragorn's angry face. "What the hell, dude?"

"You were molesting me!" Aragorn pounced onto Frodo.

"I was not! My hand was cold!" Frodo insisted.

Maggie jumped awake as the two rolled across her and Pippin. She lifted her head swiftly and felt a wave of nausea swim over her. "Oh, damn. Not a good idea to move so quickly after a night of heavy drinking." She placed her head back down gingerly.

Pippin groaned in pain, nursing his own hangover as Aly's eyelids split apart. "Oh holy night! I feel like Gimli sunk his axe into my left brain lobe."

The entrance of the tent flew open and Theoden stuck his head in. "Master Aragorn. . .and company," he spoke slowly and quietly, the large circles under his eyes quite prominent. "Almost everyone is awake. We'll be moving on shortly." Theoden sighed and moved on toward the next tent.

Aragorn rolled off of Frodo and let out a grunt. "I can't go anywhere today. I feel sick!" He snatched a blanket up over his head.

Maggie sighed. "Come on, King-to-be. We've got to get to Helm's Deep."

"I don't wanna!" Aragorn whined.

Pippin tried to peel the blanket away from Aragorn's face, but he quickly snatched it back. "Aragorn, we all feel bad, but we just have to suck it up and keep on rollin'."

"I don't have march today!" Aragorn said. "I have a note."

Aly rolled her eyes. "This isn't sixth grade gym class, Hot Old Guy. Your notes are worth nothing here." Aly tore the blanket from Aragorn's grip and dashed out of the tent before he could stop her. She poked her head back in. "Come on! Put a little hustle in your step!"

Maggie saw that all of the travelers were moving slowly and limply as she and the others emerged from the tent. She spotted Sam, Merry, and Gimli loading bags onto the back of Milton and Gertie and trudged over toward them.

"Begging your pardon, young lass, but you don't look so great," Gimli harrumphed as he tossed a pack onto Milton.

"No offense taken, Burly Dwarf," Maggie said, grabbing onto Gertie's reins. "How come you're so chipper this morning?"

Gimli puffed out his chest. "We Dwarves can hold our liquor!" Maggie raised an eyebrow at him, and he sighed. "Sam gave me some homemade hangover remedy. It works wonders."

Sam handed Maggie a teaspoon, then opened a large bottle. He poured a thick, greenish-yellow liquid that had bits of foliage floating in it onto the spoon. "Down it quickly, Miss Maggie. I know it tastes vile, but I promise that it works."

"Looks like puss," Maggie said as she stuck the spoon in her mouth. She down the liquid, then made a horrible gagging noise. "Tastes like puss, too."

Sam gave her a half smile. "Come on. I was just on my way over to give Legolas some."

Legolas was standing near the edge of the camp site. He had acquired a small round mirror from somewhere and was frantically running a hand through his long and, for once, tangled locks. His clothes were rumpled, his face much paler than usual, and the dark spots under his eyes looked like two bottomless canyons.

Out of the corner of his Elf eye, he saw Maggie approaching and threw his hands over his face. "Maggie, go away! I don't want you to see me like this. I look like a big pile of damn!"

"A big pile of 'shit,'" Sam said.

Legolas dropped his hands to his side and let out an angry sigh. "Oh thanks, Sam, tell me what you really think of me!"

"Oh, no, Legolas, I didn't mean that. I was just correcting you--" Sam said.

"No!" Legolas said, walking the other way. "Too late! I know the truth now!"

Maggie patted Sam on the back. "Don't worry about him. The next time he feel's a puke attack coming on, he'll be singing you and your hangover remedy's praises."

Sam smiled glumly, then went off to feed his special medicine to his fellow Hobbits. Maggie wandered back toward the ass and mule and ran straight into Eowyn, knocking the shield maiden to the ground.

"I'm sorry!" Eowyn said as she struggled to pull her billowing white dress back down.

Maggie opened her mouth to yell at Eowyn, but she extended her hand to her instead. "That's all right. It was my fault anyway. Besides, we women have to stick together."

Eowyn smiled softly at Maggie, then threw her slender arms around Maggie's neck. "Oh, bless you, Faller of the Sky! I was so worried that you and your friend didn't like me. I didn't really have too many friends growing up in Rohan, female friends that is, and sometimes you really need a womanly ear to tell all of your problems--"

"Whoa, whoa whoa!" Maggie said, unwinding Eowyn's arms from around her. "I didn't say that we were bosom buddies. I'm not inviting you to my sleepovers so we can giggle about boys and paint each other's toenails, you get me?"

Eowyn bowed her head a bit in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I misunderstood."

Eowyn's humbleness immediately made Maggie feel sympathy for the shield maiden again. "Look, consider us fond acquaintances. We'll work on the friends thing later." Eowyn beamed at her. She turned to walk away, throwing a smile over her shoulder, as Aly walked up to her friend.

"What's her problem?" Aly asked.

Maggie just shook her head. "She's a sad, sad individual."

Aly raised an eyebrow. "Uh, right. Now, come on. Frodo and Sam are waiting on us."

The Rohanians and the Fellowship straggled down the worn and beaten path toward Helm's Deep. Theoden, Aragorn, and Gamling lead the travelers, their aching heads hung low, their horses meandering slowly. The Hobbits and Maggie and Aly were near the middle, Gimli and Legolas up ahead of them about thirty yards. Boromir was tucked away in a wagon somewhere, asleep and sucking on his thumb.

"Legolas!" Aragorn's voice cried out.

The Elf lifted his eyes slowly. "Yes, my lord?"

"You and Gimli scout up ahead!"

Legolas sighed, and Gimli let out a gruff harrumph. Their horse picked up speed, passing by all the other horses, trying to get to the head of the line. Maggie and Aly watched as Legolas suddenly pulled the horse to a screeching halt.

"Ack! What's the meaning of this?!" Gimli wanted to know.

"We've got to pull over! We've got to pull over!" Legolas was frantically trying to steer his horse away from the band of travelers and off to the side, his face turning a light shade of green.

"Leggy!" Maggie cried, pushing her horse into a gallop, Frodo bouncing up and down behind her.

Legolas rolled off his steed near a sparse pile of bushes. He leaned forward, resting his sweating hands on his knees. "Got. . .to. . .vom. . ."

Maggie quickly jumped off her horse just as Aly and Sam rode up. She patted Legolas gingerly on the back. "There, there, darling. Go ahead. Get it all out. Out with the bad, in with the good."

Legolas lost his lunch in the bushes.

"Here, Legolas, take some of this," Sam said, offering the Elf a spoon. Legolas, too weak to dispute, downed two big spoonfuls of Sam's hangover remedy. After swallowing the last bit, Legolas scrunched up his face and promptly burst into tears.

"What's wrong, honey?" Maggie said, bending down over him.

"This is not supposed to happen to me! I'm an Elf! We are graceful, we are poised, we do not throw up in bushes! We just don't! Damn it all to hell!"

Maggie gasped. "Leggy, you did it! You cursed correctly."

"'Bout time," Frodo muttered, folding his arms across his chest.

Legolas stopped crying and managed a half smile. "I did?"

"Yeah!" Maggie scooped the Elf into a hug.

Theoden's voice rang out from far away. "A scout!"

The Elf immediately jumped to his feet and gazed all around, his eyes blazing with fury. "That was my line, damn it!" He swiftly mounted his horse and took off, riding toward the front of the troupe. Orcs on Wargs were slowly infiltrating over the hillside.

Frodo unsheathed his Hobbit sword while Sam grabbed his pot. "Are you ready girls?"

Maggie and Aly both took their own swords in their hands. "Ready."

As the girls and Hobbits galloped toward the fight, they saw that the women and men of Rohan were taking a beating. Most of them were still badly hung over, and everyone was finding it difficult to wield their weapons. Boromir seemed to be the only successful one as he leapt onto the backs of Orcs and sank his teeth into their necks.

Theoden turned to Eowyn. "You must lead the people to Helm's Deep."

"I can fight!"

"Go!" Theoden roared.

Eowyn let out an angry sigh, then turned toward the villagers, mumbling to herself. "Stupid male chauvinistic bastard!" She cleared her throat, then mounted her horse. "Follow me! Theoden has told us to make for Helm's Deep!"

Maggie and Aly galloped past Pippin and Merry, who were off to the side, their horse slowly walking backwards. "Aly!" Pippin cried. "Help us! Our horse is stuck in reverse!"

"I can't right now," she cried as they rode past. "Just sit tight. I'll be back!"

"LEAVE NOW AND NEVER COME BACK!" Boromir hissed to an Orc as he kicked him swiftly in the shin. The Orc fell over and Boromir began jumping up and down on his chest.

Legolas and Gimli had dismounted their horse and were trying their best to kill as many enemies as possible. Gimli's axe seemed far too heavy for him to wield around correctly, and Legolas's aim was way off, his face turning that ugly shade of green again.

"Frodo, Sam," Aly said as they all climbed off their horses. "I want you to help out the Dwarf and that poor Elf. Mags and I have got to go save Hot Old Guy."
Frodo and Sam nodded, then went tearing off across the battlefield, letting out Xena cries and swinging their weapons above their heads. Maggie turned to Aly and pointed across the way. "Look! There he is!"

Aly followed Maggie's gaze, and her eyes eventually fell upon Aragorn. He had lost his weapon and was now cowering in the fetal position, two Orcs and three Wargs surrounding him. "Please don't eat me! Eat a Hobbit! They taste better!"

The girls crept up behind the two Orcs and raised their swords in the air. Aragorn spotted them and started to cry out, but Aly signaled for him to keep quiet. Before the two Orcs could turn around, Maggie and Aly both sliced their weapons into their backs, sending a black squirt of Orc blood soaring through the air.

Maggie wiped away some of the blood that had gotten on her hand. "This is such a messy job."

Aly nodded. "But someone's gotta do it." They both looked down at the spot where Aragorn had been. He was gone. "Hot Old Guy?"

Maggie turned around just in time to see that one of the Wargs and picked up Aragorn and was carrying him off toward the edge of a cliff. "Oh, shit!" Maggie and Aly dropped their swords and took off sprinting after the Warg. They were gaining on the beast, now only a couple yards behind it. But, it beat them to the cliff, and it pummeled over the side, taking Aragorn with it.

Maggie and Aly lunged toward the edge, sliding over to it, a cloud of dust rising in the air. The both reached frantically over the cliff's edge for Aragorn. Maggie managed to grab onto his forearm. Aly grabbed his shoulder. "Gotcha!" they both cried.

"I. . .I. . .I think I just pulled a Pippin! Yep, I pissed myself," Aragorn said, tears of happiness streaming down his face.

Aly and Maggie pulled Aragorn back onto the solid ground. He scooped them up into a hug forceful hug and began to cry even harder. "Oh, I love both of you! So much! You've saved my life. Is there anything I can do for you!"

"You can let go, so I can breathe!" Aly squeezed out.

Aragorn dropped his death grip. "Oh, sorry!" He stood up, a huge grin spreading across his face. He pushed away the tears, then helped their girls to their feet. "Come on," he said, "Let's go finish kicking ass."

Aly blushed. "I love it when he takes charge! It's so sexy!"

The three of them took off back toward the battlefield.