From the Authors: All right, well. We realize we've let all of you how have read the story down, terribly sorry. But, we decided to go ahead and put the last chapter up...about three months after we had promised. Yes, we are horrible people. Anyway, here's the last chapter. If you are interested in reading further into the RotK adventures of Maggie and Aly, please go to our website and click on one of the posted links.

Thanks for all your support, readers! We truly do love you. — The Girls

Chapter Eleven

"I smell...Burning feathers..."

Aly opened one of her eyes to see Maggie next to her. She sniffed.

"I smell," she added, shifting herself to sit up sorely. She grimaced. "Dead shit."

Maggie sat up as well. The two looked around. They were a distance from the battle, farther into Helm's Deep.

"What have we gotten ourselves into?" Aly muttered, shaking her head as they eyed the continuing battle. "We haven't even gotten the ring to Mordor yet.."

Maggie sighed with a nod. "But we have to. We can't just give up. We've fucked these guys up bad. We have to fix it. Besides...You can't just give up on quests, remember?"

"No give up! No Give up!"

The two screamed and shot to a stand. Looking at Borry who was prancing around them, they both groaned.

"Where they hell have you been?!" Maggie asked.

"Know a secret way to Mordor, the Borry does. He does!"

Aly thought about kicking him for being stupid, but she reasoned a moment later that he was from Gondor. What if he did know? And they did still have to get the ring back.

"Aragorn! Fall your men back!" Theoden's voice echoed throughout the keep.

"Hold that thought, Borry!" she said, snatching Maggie and running off again.

"Where are we going?!" Maggie demanded.

"To save some ass!" she called behind her.

They raced up a set of stairs and along the wall, jumping over dead and dying bodies. Occasionally they'd end up stepping on someone still living and shouting an apology.

"Fall back to the keep!" Aragorn declared, waving his men back. He looked to the wall and spotting Legolas. "Legolas, fall back!"

Legolas nodded and tossed down a metal sheet before sliding down the stairs, shooting arrows as he did so.

Maggie pointed as she ran with Aly. "Look! That dumbass just invented the X-Games!"

"Haldir!" Aragorn shouted. "Fall back!"

Haldir looked at the man and nodded, sending his Elves back and continuing to fight humming a song from How to Lose an Elf in 10 Decades. Too distracted as he started thinking of a particular part, he was stabbed in the arm.

"Von Domica Ric!!!!!" (Ow. You son of a Bitch.) he exclaimed before stabbing the orc in return, killing him.

"Haldir!" Aragorn shouted.

"Would you shut up?!" Haldir demanded. "You're distracting me with all that yelling!"

"Sorry," Aragorn said, shoving his hands in his pockets and waiting for his next cue.

Turning, Haldir was suddenly tackled by the two Fallers of the Sky. They tumbled backwards, knocking down the Uruk that was going to plunge his axe into the Elf's back. The Uruk-Hai was impaled with a comrade's weapon before proceeding to get into a heavy brawl with the other servant of Saruman.

Getting to a stand,the girlsnoted they were suddenly the center of attention now that the brawl had tumbled down the stairs.

"Oh, this isn't good," Aly grumbled. Maggie, thinking the same thing, looked to the side to see two spears protruding from the body of an Uruk.

"Dude!" she exclaimed, snatching the two spears. She quickly tossed one to Aly. "Opener, Aly, Opener!"

"What!?" Aly cried, dodging away from an attack.

"The opener from guard!"

Aly kind of just stood there a moment before her eyes grew in realization. "Genius!" she cried. They both stopped and stood at ready position. Neither moved for some time. The Uruks glanced at each other in question.

"Erm, count us off," Maggie whispered.

"No, you count us off!" Aly hissed back. "I hate counting off."

"Oh, Jesus!" Maggie growled. "5. 6. 5-6-7-8."

Immediately following, the girls began humming the tune of their Color Guard opener. Their movements were slightly off, but it cleared the way around them. They skipped, they twirled, they spun, they jabbed. It was perfect! Best show they'd ever done.

And, during the last toss, both threw their weapons into the air from a Blue Devil toss with all their might. The remaining two Uruks, distracted by watching the spears twirl in the air, didn't have enough time to react as the girls punched them in their ugly faces. Catching the spears at a graceful pose, there was a clear fifteen foot radius around them.

"Damnit!" Maggie said, stomping her foot after the five second pause.

"What?"

"I messed up on the seventh count. You know, the Hmmmmm-hm-hm-hmmmm!"

"Oh, damn. I screw up on that all the time," Aly said with a nod before Haldir caught her attention.

Looking at the Elf they'd just saved, the girls noted he looked a bit on the shocked side.

"You're welcome. To the Keep now," Aly said, pulling the March Warden to a stand and ushering him off. Maggie grabbed Aragorn before he tackled the three into a hug.

"Hey, we're good, Hot Old Guy. You're getting a bit carried away with the whole hugging business," Maggie said, patting him on the shoulder before being rushed towards the keep again.

"Sammy!" Merry cried, jumping to the Hobbit as the four were surrounded again.

"This is really getting on my nerves!" Frodo said. This was the twelfth time they'd ended up in the soup during the Duck, Duck, Goose game.

"Use the Ring, Frodo. Get out of here! Just use it, this one time," Sam said, always willing for Frodo to make it alive even if it were himself to stay behind. "Just this one time."

"I can't, Sam," Frodo said.

"Why not?" Pippin asked.

"It's the rules!" Frodo exclaimed.

"Rules? HAH!" Pippin exclaimed, watching as the Uruks continued with their game.

"I can't break the rules with the Ring," Frodo defended. "I just can't."

"Go, go, go!"

The Uruks were suddenly broken up as Aragorn, Aly, Maggie, Haldir, and Legolas came racing through. The four hobbits were quickly picked up and carried off. Pippin was happy to make a face at the Uruks that watched them go.

"This could not possibly get any worse," Theoden said, pacing while people boarded the doors up.

"Oh, but it could," Frodo reasoned. "They could have the Ring you know."

"Oh, shut up," Theoden said, continuing with his pacing. "Helm's Deep is taken. There is nothing we can do."

"You said this place wouldn't fall if you still had people defending it," Sam argued.

"That was my line!" Aragorn said, his hands flying to his hips.

"Sorry," Sam said, looking down and swinging his pot idly.

"Hello? Have we all forgotten something?" Maggie asked, being carried with the table she was sitting on. "Gaffer and Eomer are supposed to be coming at dawn," she said, jumping off the table as the two Elves carrying it glared at her.

"What, what?" Theoden fumbled, looking at her. "Victory may yet still be at hand?"

"Uh, yeah," Aly said with a 'You're Stupid' look on her face.

"Then we must ride out!" Theoden said. "And may it be written that we rode in almost certain death and doom."

"I will go with you and when I'm King of Gondor, this will be remembered when Rohan and Gondor form an alliance!" Aragorn declared.

"Now you're thinking!" Merry exclaimed, clapping briefly.

"May this be the hour in which we draw swords together!" Theoden declared. "And the horn of Helm's Deep will echo!"

Pfffffffffffttttttt.

Everyone looked at Gimli. "Erm, sorry."

Sam looked at Frodo who looked as if he were out of place. He gazed at the ring in his hand and seemed to be singing softly. And Sam knew.

Sam knew that this was his scene.

"Frodo?" he asked, stepping forward. "Do you feel the sudden urge to attack me?"

Frodo looked at him, releasing the ring to once again dangle on the chain around his neck. "What? No," he said, shaking his head. He patted Sam on the shoulder. "Why would I do a thing like that? Come on, Samwise. Let's ride out into battle with the other crazy mother-fuckers."

Frodo walked off and Sam stomped his foot. "Damnit!"

Would Sam ever get his scene?

"Excuse me! Pardon me! Coming through!"

No matter Maggie's attempts at getting Uruks out of the way of her running horse, they just didn't listen and proceeded to be run over by the large animal.

"Damn, these bitches just don't listen!" Merry said, steering his horse all about.

The group of Men, Elves, Dwarves, Hobbits, and two Fallers of the Sky plunged into the main stream of the Uruks. Swords and arrows lashed out. Cries of agony and pain echoed among Pippin's shrieking.

"DIE!!!" Sam cried, hitting an Uruk on the head with his pot. Maggie gave Aly the 'he's gone insane' motion, but Aly didn't catch and asked what wheels she was talking about. Maggie rolled her eyes when suddenly the battle field fell quiet.

"What's going on?" Legolas asked, looking around.

"SHIELD YOUR EYES!" Haldir declared, covering his own and reaching to cover his horse's as well.

A loud groan and unison scream came from the entire battle. Merry, not knowing what all the fuss was about, looked where everyone was avoiding.

"Sweet Mary and Joseph!" he cried, toppling off the horse in front of Maggie.

There, on the great brink of the mountains around Helm's Deep was Gandalf...Stark naked.

"We're here!! Little late, but we're here!" he cried. "And they're getting their ass kicked!" Behind him, the entire colony of nudists that Gandalf had stayed with surged forth. Their bare naked bodies casting out such a light that blinded any who looked upon them.

"Did you say ass?" Eomer asked in a drunken stupor. His men were all drunk and having been so when Gandalf reached them, they all converted to Nudism. Therefore...he was also nude.

"Check out his-"

"Aly!" Maggie shrieked, covering her friend's eyes.

"Sorry, sorry!"

"Forth, my naked warriors! Send these beasts back to Mordor!" Gandalf announced, raising his staff and sword before running down the steep hillside.

The Uruks, in fear of such a sight, fled as the nudists came running at them. They fled from the jiggling fat bodies and the swinging ... extremities.

All those of Rohan cheered before realizing that the nudists were coming at them. With this, they ran as well.

The halls of Helm's Deep were flooded with the healing of injured warriors and the occasional nudist who got a thorn in their foot or other portions of their body. Frodo, however, was on a mission.

"That's it! Everyone of the Fellowship report to me NOW!"

Almost immediately, all other ten members rushed to him - including Boromir.

"Fellowship meeting Right Now!" Frodo declared. The others glanced at each other before following their hobbity comrade.

The heavy door closed to the meeting room and all were silent. Glancing about as Borry started chewing on the table leg, Frodo accounted everyone.

"All right, I think we've been a bit side-tracked. Have we all forgotten that we still have to get this little trinket to Mordor?" he said, holding the ring out. Borry immediately leapt towards it only for Sam to collide with him in mid-air. They continued into a fierce brawl in which Sam became victorious.

However, unfortunately for Sam, it was all but ignored.

"He's right, but there's a lot of shit going on," Aly agreed.

"We can't leave the Rohan people," said Aragorn. "They are still weak."

"But if we don't leave, Sauron will grow in power," Gandalf said, now wrapped in a robe that had his name glittered on the back of it.

"I say we vote," Legolas said. "Be democratic about it."

"Democratic?" Aly said. "My government is democratic and they don't do shit but blow each other."

"I'm up for that!" Merry exclaimed.

"Merry!" Maggie said, batting the Hobbit back into his seat.

"Then what do you purpose we do?" Legolas asked.

Aly thought on this and looked to Maggie who just sort of shrugged her shoulders. She sighed and looked at the rest of the Fellowship.

"We do have resources we can use," Sam said. "The Elves are still around and Haldir is listening from the other side of the door." With this, a whispered 'shit!' was heard along with the sound of pattering boots down a hall. "What about Gondor? Boromir is still alive, we can use him."

"Alive, yeah," Maggie said, "but growing more like his father every day."

"Precious...Precious..." Boromir murmured to himself, rocking back and forth - nursing head wound Sam had given him.

"But Sam is right. With Boromir alive, Denethor is more likely to help us," Gandalf reasoned.

"We can still stay on task and finish this war if we have Gondor's cooperation," Aragorn agreed.

"Wait, wait. You guys know what's going to happen - What should we do?" Frodo asked Maggie and Aly.

The two looked at each other and Maggie shook her head. They'd screwed the plot up so much that they didn't even know where to go with it now. They were lost.

"I don't know," Aly admitted. "We're pretty much winging it now except for a few things that are bound to happen. As far as the trip to Mount Doom, we have no idea. ...perhaps it's best to go with using Boromir as an advantage."

"We're trusting the fate of Middle Earth on an insane person?!" Pippin asked. The rest of the Fellowship just glanced at each other before nodding. "Well," Pippin said. "I'm game."

"First, I suggest we check out what Treebeard's up to and make sure the other Wizard is locked up," Maggie suggested.

"Good idea. We'll ride at dawn," Gandalf said.

"Meeting dismissed!" Frodo declared, pounding his small fist of the table. Everyone looked at him a bit shocked. "Always wanted to do that," he excused with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Sauron's wrath will be terrible, his retribution swift," Gandalf said as he and the other riders looked at the fiery horizon showing Mount Doom. "The battle of Helm's Deep is over - the battle for Middle Earth is about to begin."

"Jesus, that's ominous," Maggie muttered.

"All our hopes now lie with a Hobbit and two crazy ass girls," Gandalf said looking at Frodo sitting on the horse in front of Aly before peering at the two girls.

"Aren't you guys blessed?" Aly said. She was answered by groans as the men turned away. "Hey! I was being serious!"

"I think we're blessed, Aly-poo," Frodo said.

"Aw, thanks Frodo my man," Aly said, ruffling the Hobbit's hair.

Maggie, Aly and the Hobbits stayed as the other riders left to look at the huge mountain in the distance.

"You think we're going to be able to pull this off?" Maggie asked.

"I think you can," Pippin said from behind her. Maggie gave him a smile.

Aly took a deep breath, gagged a moment, then recovered. "I think it's time to call in a few favors," she said, looking at Maggie.

Maggie smiled at her slyly. "Good idea."

With that, the six looked out to the peak of Mount Doom while the day began to fade into night.

"Um, can we go in now? I'm scared of the dark," Pippin said.

"Pippin.....Goddamnit it," Maggie said with a shake of her head before she and Aly turned their horses back towards Helm's Deep.

However, Sam looked behind with a deep look. "I'll have my scene yet," he said. "Samwise the Brave will come forth," he swore.

Then the horse farted.

"Sam!" Aly exclaimed.

"It wasn't me!!"

Finish

The Quest continues in the final episode based on Return of the King. Title yet to be decided.