Chapter 2 is up, hope you enjoy, thanks for all the reveiws. And I know there is quite a few spelling errors, but I wrote this on a sugar-high, my brain isn't working.....And btw..I love reveiws, thank you again! And Naruto is not mine, nuff said
Chapter 2
Asuma was the first one to try his luck. One week without cigarettes was scarier than he would admit. Speeding through the forest he searched the surroundings for any tracks Kakashi might have left behind. After a while he sensed the familiar presence of the nasty copy ninja. Asuma slowed down to a casual, cool and manly pace, after all image is everything. That was the first lesson Asuma learned in his letter class "Manly Men and Why They Rule"
Soon he could hear a slight giggling from the treetops, and sure enough, there was the hentai-bastard himself, completely lost in his own little world.
"Yo! Scarecrow-boy!" Asuma bellowed from the undergrowth.
Kakashi jumped a bit, but immediately regained his usual cool, spaced out composure.
"What?" He asked eyes not moving from his book.
"Come down here" Asuma chuckled, he was so gonna win this stupid bet. He fiddled his cigarettes, patting the pack like a pet.
"It's my day off" came the uninterested answer "We can talk about your beard or Kurenai's boobs another day," Kakashi returned to his book
Asuma grew irritated "Get down, I wanna see your book" he yelled, and made sure to push a bit more of his enormous amounts of testosterone to his vokal-chourds
Kakashi turned his head away from his book and shot Asuma a quizzical look. Actually it was more like "Are you stupid?" but anyhow.. "No", he stated flatly "Go away"
But when he returned to the book of all books, he heard a weird sawing sound, and suddenly the whole tree he was sitting in toppled over. To shocked to react, Kakashi landed hard on the ground, and looked confused up at Asuma, who was looking like rabid dog, his manly, rugged beard glowing with chakra.
"What the hell was that for?!" Kakashi yelled
"My secret technique, sissy-boy, Beard Saw no Jutsu! Now give me the book," Asuma screamed, whilst puffing his chest out to look even more manly and superior.
Now it is well known that Asuma is protective of his cigarettes, but it cannot match by far, Kakashi's zealous protective nature, when it comes to his precious "Itcha-Chan"
"Fuck off" Kakashi spat defiantly.
This caught Asuma a bit off guard, Kakashi usually never swore. But thinking off his cigarettes made him lunge for the book. This was probably the dumbest idea in the world, next to when Lincoln said "Hey, let's go to the theatre"
Mid-lunge Asuma saw Kakashi's arm move. It seemed to move from point A to point B, with no apparent time in between. Asuma's real problem was that point B was located in his face. He hit the ground with a bloody nose, very confused.
"Don't you ever touch my book!" Kakashi sneered. "Bitch" he added, voice full of contempt. Then he kicked Asuma for good measure, and walked away.
For the second time that day, Asuma could feel tears welling up in his eyes, thinking about all the cigarettes that he could not smoke, and the agony of Kakashi totally making him his bitch. Forcing back his tears he focused hard on chapter 5 of "Manly Men and Why They Rule" Manly men, don't ever cry, he muttered to himself over and over, rocking back and forth, hugging himself. Manly Men don't cry...
Then he broke down and cried like a baby.
Gai was in a very cherry mood. As he strolled around in the forest looking for his rival, he started to sing a happy a tune to himself.
"Hey there people, I'm Gai Sensei
People complain about spandex, but look at me, hey
My Jutsu is fast, my teeth are shiny
I tell Kakashi, he can kiss my hiney
I went to a famous ninja school
I'm dressed in green and I'm totally cool
Oh God, oh God I'm the Konoha dream
I push my dear Lee to the extreme
And I'm a handsome son of a biiiitch"
His (horrible) singing abruptly stopped, as he noticed movement in the bushes. Grinning widely, he set his plan in motion.
Kakashi was confused, yes very confused. What the hell had gotten in to Asuma? If he wanted to read some of Jirayia's books, he could have bought them. Kakashi took a familiar path, and headed for home. The day started to return to it's very happy and idyllic earlier state. Kakashi stuffed his most priced possession into his empty kunai pocket and started to whistle a happy tune, but his happiness was interrupted once again, by a grinning green giant. The sunlight reflected in his colgate-uber-white teeth, forced Kakashi to look away.
"Kakashi-kun, my eternal rival!" Gai exclaimed "I challenge you to a duel!"
"Rock, Scissors, Paper, right?" Kakashi sighed out of routine.
"Yes" Gai said, his smile shining so brightly that it hurt poor Kakashi's eyes. "But with a twist!"
"What twist?" Kakashi answered suspiciously.
"If I win, I get to choose a price!" Gai beamed
"Forget it" Kakashi was already walking away.
"What? Walking away are we?" Gai yelled after him. "Chicken! Chicken!"
Then he started making chicken noises, fluttering his arms like wings, his head bobbing bobbing back and forth
"Alright!" Kakashi yelled defeated. "Anything to end this bastardisation of my perfect day!"
They readied themselves and screamed in unison "Rock, Paper, Scissor!"
Gai's teeth shone like the sun as he shouted in joy "My Rock, beats your pathetic Scissors!"
"Yes, yes, what's your price?" Kakashi retorted obviously bored out of his skull.
"I get your book!" The bowl cut man almost screamed, bathing in his own brilliance.
"When toasters rain from the skies" Kakashi snorted, this was getting weird
"But I won the bet" Gai looked confused
"Ain't gonna happen" Kakshi stated and tuned his back on him. But as soon as he did it he felt something. Something bad...
As he looked over his shoulder, he looked into a pair of eyes ablaze with fire. Gai looked like a forest green, spandex dressed devil...
"You will never take my precious Lee away from me!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, tears flowing from his fiery eyes. For just a moment Kakashi thought that if Satan really exited, he must have a bowl-cut.
Kakashi looked mind blown. "What the hell are you talking about? Are you bonkers or someth..." But before he could finish his sentence, he was interrupted by Gai's ominous battle cry
"Konoha Whirlwind!" He screamed lashing out a viscous spinning kick, hitting Kakashi clean in the nugget. But as the kick connected, Kakashi turned into a log.
"Kawarimi?" Gai gasped. "Where is he at?" Looking around himself, Gai was panicking; he could not sence Kakashi anywhere. As it hit him that he could not see the light of his life for a full week, something in him broke. "Curse you, Kakashi!" He screamed out into the forest "Curse you, to the fiery depths of hell!!" Gai waited for a reply, but the forest remained perfectly silent. "Kakashi?" he whispered, like a child that had lost it's parent. "Lee?" Then he started to sniff. The sniff turned into a sulk. The sulk into a hysterical crying fit.
"LEEEEEEEEE!" he wailed into the forest, curled into a fetal position and cried.
From a nearby tree, Kakashi took the whole scene in. This was getting too weird. He briefly wondered if both Asuma and Gai had taken idiot-pills, and decided to get to the safety of his home, quick.
When he reached the brige that he usually met his student by, he heard something that made him slow down. A familiar blonde genin were screaming curses at Sasuke, calling him a son of a female dog among other things. When he looked under the brigde he got an eyefull. Sasuke was standing over a very pissed off, tied up Naruto. Sasuke looked very happy, as he currently was using Naruto to preform make-up practise.
"Kakashi sensei, how are you dear?" Sasuke smiled brighly, swingig around, his pink frilly dress fluttering in the wind.
"Ehrm...what are you doing boys?" Kakashi asked, feeling sick. He would NEVER get used to Sasuke in a dress
"We were just playing a game sensei" he said sweetly, before he was intrupted by Naruto.
"Like hell we were!" Naruto fumed. "The nasty bastard ambushed me, tied me up, and did this to me! Look at me, I'm a freak!" Naruto almost cried
Kakashi looked. Then he blinked. Then he looked again. Naruto was tied up, his hear put up in two buns on the sides of his head. His face was marred with very poorly applied makeup, heavy eyeliner, a ton of lipstick, and so much rouge that he looked like a 60 year old whore. But even though he looked awful, he did not come close to the horror of the ex-avenger in a dress
Kakashi cleared his throat. Then he did it again louder. Actually he had no idea how to deal with this, the spectacle in front of him had turned his brain to mush.
"Kakashi sensei, help me.." Naruto wailed
"Anyhow" Kakashi began "I'll see you at practice tomorrow" Anything to get away from this.
"Why yes of course, precious" Sasuke replied, his voice coated in sugar
"But, but" Naruto started, but Kakashi had already jumped up on the bridge, only to look right into Kurenai.
"Hey Kakashi" she said, voice full of temptation
"Oh god" Kakashi muttered. "Let me guess, you want the book, right?" he said, walking towards her.
Kurenai looked shocked "How did you know...I mean no of course" she fumbled over her own words.
Kakashi stopped an inch away from her, looming over her and looked straight into her eyes.
"N O.... W A Y..." he said slowly, and proseeded with pushing her over the railing, sending her pummeling into the stream below. As he ran for the safety of his house, he could hear Naruto cries for help, and Kurenais extensive cussing fading away in the background. When he finally reached his sanctuary, he bolted the door shut, and went right to bed. Right before he turned out the light he looked up at the poster hanging on his wall. "Never abandon a teammate" it said. "Sorry Naruto" he thought "On days like this, rules give up and go on vacation."
At the ramen bar, three defeated shinobi sat sulking over three sad bowls of ramen.
"Oh woe is me!" Gai broke the silence. "Lee...oh god..." he sniffed
Asuma looked equally depressed, shaking with abstinese, nicotine patches covering his entire body
"Curse that asshole.." he muttered, but suddenly smiled. "But one thing turned out good"
Both him and Gai looked at Kurenai and grinned like loons, holding up a very suggestive nurse outfit.
"Oh crap" was the only thing Kurenai managed to squeak....
"Hit it, ramen dude!" Asuma shouted to the ramen bar owner, who in turn flicked a switch on the wall. The lights dimmed and Tom Jones music filled the room.
"Guys, don't make me do this" Kurenai pleaded, but was showed into the changing room by Gai, panting like a dog.
This going to be the most degrading thing she had ever experienced, she thought as she moved onto the stage dressed as the naughties nurse ever.
"You can leave your hat ooooon, you can leave your hat oooon" Gai and Asuma sang together, smashing Kurenais dignety to pieces. "Kakashi is going to pay, oh yes he is going to pay dearly", Kurenai muttered to herself as she slid around the pole in the center of the room. In she knew just what to do