Ch.5

Thank You so much for the reviews guys!!!!!! they really help. But its kinda confusing now...some have said this is depressing, others said its not...just great because its sad.......NOW I"M CONFUSED!!!! AAAAA lol ...jk....so yea..now I'll please everyone by putting a happy shocker that might be a little unrealistic and out of line from the book but w/e..... hope u all enjoy...thank you all so much!!!!

Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever want to run away? Do you want to be somebody else? (Took that from a Simple plan song...just had to put that so I wouldn't get sued for putting in something that wasn't mine....lol)

That's what I feel like. This is probably the hardest thing I've ever gone through next to the death of my parents. I still miss them incredibly. People think that by this age, boys have gotten over needing their mothers, but I need mine more than ever. I guess you could say I was a bit of a momma's boy but hell, if you had a mother as great as mine, you would be too. Actually, she was sorta everyone in the gangs mother and everyone loved her. I never told anyone this. Darry took the place of our parents and now he was almost in the same position as them and I felt like I was going to die just because of my emotional state.

But Soda is taking this the worst. I woke up on that cold hospital bench alone in that hallway. I guessed that Dally, and Steve had left sometime last night. No doubt they would be back soon. The place was oddly quiet, with the exception of monitors beeping, an occasional footstep in the hall and the soft talking of a doctor giving orders to a nurse. I had no clue where Soda was, I knew he hadn't left. I slowly got up and sat right back down. Its kinda hard to sleep on a plank of wood and wake up loose and limber. I slowly got up again, smoothed my crinkled t-shirt and wandered around to find a bathroom.

On my way back, being the wonderfully coordinated person I am, I bumped into this thin blonde girl. She had a nervous look to her, and clutched her purse like someone was going to take it from her or something. I wasn't paying attention to the outside world, but then again, I usually never did too much. Darry always did say that I never used my head and was always a little flighty. I was a tad embarrassed, but she laughed lightly but shakily. I recognized that laugh, I don't know why though. I sheepishly apologized, hitching my thumbs into my pockets, and slouching. It's a habit I have. She smiled softly and murmured something I couldn't hear. Glory, she looked familiar. Damn, I hate when I can't remember things like this. We were both standing there in the hall, an awkward silence coming over us. I started to fidget, and she stared into space. I was getting a little uncomfortable, and turned to walk away. "Wait!" A soft voice stopped me. "I couldn't help but think that I've seen you before. You look like my boyfriend- well, used to be boyfriend's kid brother, Ponyboy. You are him, right......" It hit me then. This was Sandy! I couldn't believe it. She looked so... different. Not a bad different...just not the same.

"...I heard that the oldest one was sick or something and I was in the area so I decided to come for moral support." I stared at her. I hadn't caught most of what she said. "So you were Soda's girl huh?" That was a really bright thing to say. I made it sound like Soda liked her and then just forgot her when she moved away. No, Soda loved her. For weeks after she left, I heard him cry at night, quietly, but I knew what he was going through. Wait till he found out she was here, he would be ecstatic...or would he?

She looked at me and gave me a halfway grin. "Yea, I was. Damn, I liked that kid. We were like one person, me and him. When I was with him, it was like having your own personal movie star with you or something. He was always smiling, and when he was with me..... I didn't want to leave. I really didn't. I wanted to marry him the second he asked, even if I had to elope. But you should have seen the hell that was raised in my house when my old man found out. It scared me and I went along with it. I know I was a coward, but what could I do? The only reason I made it seem like I didn't care was because I didn't know how to deal with the pain. I thought that if I pretended like I didn't care, then maybe it would hurt less. I do that sometimes, I lie to myself....but I never believe me. Damn..." Her voice choked up and she turned away, her sea blue eyes clouded over. My eyes were round and I was a little surprised. Why was she telling me all this? I could tell she was crying but it was hard to tell. But if Soda was just upstairs, then why was she talking to me like this? "Uhh, you wanna go see Sodapop now?" I asked quietly. I didn't know what to say to girls ever, let alone when they were like this. She nodded and I told her to follow me.

I made my way down the long gray corridor towards the stairs. The place was starting to come alive with the usual hustle of a hospital and I was in a hurry. I ran up the stairs, and I realized how this would help Soda through Darry's...trouble. I sped up with each thought and I think sandy was a little confused at my behavior. I came to the next floor, and barely managed to walk. I was excited. I wanted to see Soda happy again. I knew how much Sandy meant to him.

I turned a corner and came to the hall Darry's room was on. I spotted Soda on that evil bench with Steve sitting next to him and Dally standing nearby smoking. He turned as he heard me-us coming. He looked, turned and then took a double take and his eyes got wide. He knew who the girl walking behind me was. By this time I was almost where they were. I saw him tug on soda's arm and motion for him to look up. Dally pointed in my direction and said something. Soda barely looked up then caught himself. His eyes got wide too and he whispered something. We were standing in front of him now. "Sandy?" I could barely hear him say. He jumped up and stood in shock in front of her, staring. I quickly moved aside next to Dally. I didn't want to interrupt this. I looked at Dally and he gave me one of his rare grins. Even Steve was smiling. "Soda." Neither one of them seemed to believe that the other was really standing in front of them. "Soda!" she almost screamed his name and ran into him. He grabbed her and buried his face in her shoulder. His arms were wrapped around her to the point where they almost enveloped her completely. He was crying. Sodapop was crying.

Even though his face was lost somewhere in Sandy's shoulder, his back was racking with sobs. She was crying too. Dally and I looked at each other and he nudged me. "That'll be you in a few more years kid," he hissed in my ear. I shoved him away, not thinking. You don't go shoving Dallas Winston around for no good reason. But he didn't seem to mind. (Fortunately for me) I saw something flicker behind his eyes, as he watched Soda and Sandy's....reunion and for the first time in my life, I felt bad for him. He had never been loved. He didn't know what it was like to be hugged, to be missed or wanted. All he knew was hate. Dallas Winston was the way he was because of this and I felt almost guilty. I went around thinking my life was bad, but at least had someone to go to when things got bad -he had no one. He went around parading like he didn't care, but I saw the subtle look on his face as he watched my brother and his girl. I was overall happy- happy as I could be in a time like this. My oldest brother was horribly sick and my other brother's dream had just come true. I was happy, sad, worried, everythi8ng and it was driving me crazy. But things were getting better. And I was grateful.

The end of chappie 5...what will happen next...dun dun dun....lol tell me what u tink...sry anna....I had to put the little love scene with Soda and sandy...u can just replace her name wit urs...lol jk...ur the best