Author: Phoebe Otaku

Title: college life (really, really don't like that title.)

Chapter 3: musings on existence

Disclaimer: Think poor rurouni, without the actual, y'know, wandering part... and that's about my financial state right now...not mine, don't sue - I don't even have a nifty Sakabatou that would make a lovely conversation piece if prominently displayed above the fireplace...just nada, zilch, nothing

Author's notes: this story is on fire for one that doesn't, as of yet, have an established plot. it started out funny, but I think that I'm going to do some genre crossing...

As a matter of fact, I don't think I'm capable of writing straight humor in a story format –in sketch format and utter random intrusions of characters into real life format I'm good... oh and humorous ranting...I'm good at that too...

But anyway, this is a more introspective chapter...the ones before, and proly the ones after will have a bit more humor. –hn. Even in this chappie I can't resist throwing in my own brand of slight sarcasm every now and again...so go figure.

Nothing actually happens in this chapter, just a lot of inner monologue type stuff...

Ororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororor.

Sighing, Kenshin remembered the morning a week ago when Kaoru had opened her eyes groggily blinked a few times upon seeing him sitting watching the early morning light play over her features. She smiled at him while he 'oroed' and blushed. Kenshin could remember adopting the silly little word years ago as an effort to seem harmless. Despite being smaller than most of the men he met, many would notice the compact build and the demeanor that practically screamed 'I KILL PEOPLE!' behind the politeness. The three letter exclamation had helped in his conscious effort to bring out the peaceful person he knew he had within him. The sweet child that had faced such tragedy, even the idealistic young man who had taken up his deadly sword against the evil that he was directed at, was still there. They had both been lost inside the hitokiri that he had been, but now he was free of that, no longer needing to seal off his emotions, and free of the people, be they allies or enemies, who had looked at him with fear and hate in their eyes.

For a while he had merely changed from one shell into another with a less threatening veneer. But after ten years, he felt that his personas had switched places. The loving child and the idealist youth were now what people saw when they looked into his face and heard his voice, they pointedly ignored the slightly guarded eyes that showed sadness and guilt because they couldn't perceive why. Nor did they know that somewhere still inside this man, for Kenshin was certain it was still there, was the cold assassin that he had become in order to protect his ideals, his country. Battousai.

Kaoru, however, seemed to see something of his pain in his eyes that morning reaching up to brush his bangs out of his eyes and brushing her hand along his cheek. She seemed to know, and understand, that he wouldn't talk about it but offered a comforting smile to him. And a gentle touch. Kenshin wasn't sure if anyone had ever touched him quite that way. Offering, without taking. Trust, without fear. Love, without doubts. Nothing haunted her eyes when she looked at him. Finally, he had smiled and left to make her some breakfast, breaking the spell of silence on room.

Kaoru remembered that morning, after her fever had broken, when she had woken to a concerned Kenshin watching over her. There was concern in his eyes and the ever present shadow of...Guilt? Pain? Sorrow? Even when his eyes sparkled with mirth the shadows in his eyes never left completely. Most people wouldn't have noticed, but Kaoru saw his pain. Most of the time she tried to ignore the grief behind his eyes, to treat him as a normal person. This was a task he made exceedingly easy by ignoring it himself, seeming to want to suffer alone. Kaoru had promised that she would always have a smile for him, which may have been the easiest promise that she had ever made. Kenshin struck a chord deep inside her, from the moment she met him she wanted to be near him.

The stories Kaoru had been told about Kenshin left giant blanks about him, but two things were made clear: that he had a past he didn't like to talk about and that he was an incredibly compassionate person. Apparently, Sanosuke had picked a fight with him over some imagined injury, no one had ever made it clear what it was, and been soundly trounced by the smaller man. After that a kind of immeasurable respect had formed between the two, as well as an unlikely friendship. Sano had still been in high school, well he was at that age –not that he attended classes-, street fights had generally been considered his hobby and talent, drawing the attention of the yakuza as well as the police. After the friendship with Kenshin began you might say that he had done a 'nearly complete' 180 (most seemed to agree that 135 was a better description being that Sano was still quite rough around the edges). Sano never announced that Kenshin had had anything to do with it, but everyone knew without saying. Sano had made it to his junior year of college at an academically challenging university and, while he hadn't made the dean's list yet, he got pretty decent grades. If he ever made the deans list, people were sure it would be because of Megumi's prodding.

Megumi's story was a little closer to Kaoru's heart, as her little sister in the sorority Kaoru's friendship with Megumi encompassed many elements of the family that both of the girls lacked. Megumi had worked hard her entire life to earn the grades and the money that would get her into college and well on her way to being a doctor but the death of her family had put her in dire straits. Upon learning of some former business connections which, unbeknownst to her now deceased parents, began to prove less than legitimate; Megumi had been forced into a world of gangs and drugs. Faced with losing her dreams of a bright future Megumi had had two choices: run and hide or take her own life. She would not even consider continuing to live, if she had had to keep making the altered drugs that could easily kill as well as addict and enslave. Kenshin and Sano had been the only ones to respond to her cry for help on a dark night in a dark alley. They freed her from her personal hell and helped her get back on her feet. Now Megumi's dreams were being realized, she had received scholarships and grants and been accepted to the finest medical schools. Kaoru could have loved him just for the part he played in her big sister's rescue. But also, she mused while she snuggled into his shoulder pretending to pay complete attention to the movie they were watching, she knew that even without knowing those stories she would have fallen for him anyway.

Kenshin looked down at the woman who was snuggling into him, tightening his arm around her before really thinking about it. Their week since that morning had consisted of infinite small kindnesses toward each other, him going out of the way to bring her happiness and her exerting the effort to make him smile. They had grown closer mentally and, looking down again at the beauty in his arms, physically. Not in the sense that people might have thought when they saw them together, but somehow even more intimate. She would touch him gently while talking to him, hugged him whenever the opportunity was there, and they snuggled like this often. Sometimes while he studied she would curl up against his side on the couch and fall asleep while he read, bringing him a grin but ruining his concentration.

She knew so little about him, just what he had done to help her friends before she had been introduced to him. Kenshin was sure those stories were full of holes, holes big enough to let an army march through. Aoishi's involvement in the incident had always been left unclear, as did the exact particulars of Kenshin's actions. Those who knew who he was were sworn to secrecy. Sanosuke knew, Aoishi knew, it was amazing to Kenshin that he had met his closest friends by beating them into a pulp first. To be fair, neither of the men had been a bloody pulp and Kenshin had taken no lack of injuries himself in those encounters –seeming to somewhat resemble pulp himself when they finished-. Megumi, who had been kept in the dark, knew some things and not others. Battousai, for instance, was a close kept secret. Katsura, Hiko, Saitou, Yamagata, and his friends Shinomori and Sagara...they all would see to that.

Orororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororo.

End notes: thanks for all the reviews...I love you!

some direction on this story would be nice

...I think that I can meander through their everyday life with some interesting things thrown in for a while...but honestly I would like a plot so that I can figure out how to end....

I'd also like a better title! Ahhh!

And now off to either work on my music history paper or write some of betrayal...(I'll most likely be reading more fanfiction or watching wolf's rain.)

IM me if you wish to bother/harass me and heckle/make suggestions -