Chapter 2: The Final Fantasy application forms
Name: Cloud Strife
Age: 21
Hometown: Nibelheim
About me:
Ex member of soldier. Current member of AVALANCHE. I saved the planet. That makes me cool right? Anyway, I have a big sword. My friend Cid says I'm compensating for something. I'm not sure what he means by that. Cid says a lot of things I don't understand. I'm looking for a nice girl who will explain this kind of thing to me. Also to help me tie my shoelaces.
Likes: Swords, weapons, shiny things like materia. They're very pretty.
Dislikes: Sephiroth, meteors, evil scientists and Mako poisoning.
I'm looking for: man/woman (please specify): A nice girl.
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Name: Tifa Lockheart
Age: 20
Hometown: Nibelheim
About me:
I run a small bar called 7th heaven, in Nibelheim. I' m also a member of Avalanche. I'm a martial artist and can kick butt. I also have a well endowed figure but don't let that influence you!
Likes: Big swords, kicking butt, friendly people.
Dislikes: People who burn down my town, people who drop plates on my friends, and people who drain life out of the planet.
I'm looking for: man/woman (please specify): I'm looking for a friendly, cute guy who can put up a decent fight!
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Name: Aeris Gainsborough
Age: 22
Hometown: Unknown
About me:
I'm an Ancient, and I grow flowers. I died a little while ago, but I'm still fun! I like friendly people who I can talk to.
Likes: Flowers, materia, friends
Dislikes: Big, pointy swords. Also Jenova.
I'm looking for: man/woman (please specify): I would like to meet a guy who's understanding and kind, and isn't all 'me me me'.
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Name: Yuffie Kisaragi
Age: 16
Hometown: Wutai
About me:
I'm a Lady from Wutai. Yeah, a LADY! Intimidated? You should be. I enjoy hanging out with my friends from AVALANCHE. Yeah, we're the group that saved the world! So you better be nice to me!
Likes: Materia. Not any old kind, the mastered and rare kind. Just the good stuff.
Dislikes: People who have a go at me for 'stealing' materia. It's not stealing; I'm just using my god-given abilities!
I'm looking for: man/woman (please specify): A hot guy with good materia.
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Name: Cid Highwind
Age: 35
Hometown: Rocket Town
About me:
I'm an airship pilot and I like things to go MY way. So you'd better pay attention! Because I'm not soft and I'm not a pushover!
Likes: Space, stars, rockets.
Dislikes: Incompetence and hold ups.
I'm looking for: man/woman (please specify): I want a woman who will pay attention to what I'm saying and who has to appreciate space. The kind up there. Also, must be able to know what the hell I'm talking about.
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Name: Vincent Valentine
Age: 27
Hometown: Unknown
About me:
I'm a failed genetic experiment of Professor Hojo's. I am not a vampire. I just wear a black cloak and have a metal claw because I like them. Not a vampire.
Likes: The night time, good cooking, nature.
Dislikes: Scientists. People who think I'm a vampire.
I'm looking for: man/woman (please specify): An understanding, sensitive woman, who isn't squeamish. Also, must not like scientists.
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Name: Shera
Age: 34
Hometown: Rocket Town
About me:
I'm currently working on a space ship in Rocket Town. I hope to go into space one day. I want to be a proper astronaut, not just a technician.
Likes: Nature, space, rockets.
Dislikes: Countdowns.
I'm looking for: man/woman (please specify): Someone who isn't afraid to speak his mind and will be honest with me.
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Name: Reno
Age: 23
Hometown: Unknown
About me:
I'm a Turk, so if you like a man in uniform, I'm him! I like shooting stuff and making money.
Likes: Money, guns, weapons
Dislikes: Rebel Groups and big companies
I'm looking for: man/woman (please specify): A hot girl. Don't care about the brain. As long as she's got the looks.
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Name: Zidane
Age: 16
Hometown: Lindblum
About me: Oooh…I am a selfish young rogue who has absolutely no education and can't bear to spend any time away from my fiendish friends. Not even for a meal with a girl.
Likes: Hanging from battlements with my stupid tail.
Dislikes: commitment
I'm looking for: man / woman (please specify): woman. A hot one. No ugly or fat women please.
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Name: Adelbert Steiner – Captain of the great knights of Pluto!
Age: None of your damn business
Hometown: Alexandria
About me: Well accomplished, good connections, I like to fight for the good of the land and save damsels in distress…that sort of thing…
Likes: Speaking proudly of protecting queen Garnet and Alexandria, doing my duty, fighting bravely, and ridiculing lower classes for their lack of doing the afore mentioned responsibilities (like the accursed Zidane)
Dislikes: Zidane (although he is skilled with a sword, I reluctantly acknowledge), wasting money, time or effort, lower class fools.
I'm looking for: man / woman (please specify): A respectable lady in need of protection.
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Name: Dagger…or Garnet til Alexandros 17th
Age: 16
Hometown: Alexandria (but originally Maiden Sari)
About me: Well, I'm the Queen of Alexandria; I have recently helped save the world from destruction and am presently seeking a promising relationship from a worthy man who will buy me expensive things!
Likes: Anything with frills, anything outrageously expensive, doing sensible things and acting maturely for my age.
Dislikes: mindless blather or banter of any sort, rudeness, bad dress sense, people who try to steal my kingdom
I'm looking for: man / woman (please specify): Man. A good looking one. No boring, old or ugly men who just want me for my riches (of which I have loads ^_^!!).
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Name: Beatrix
Age: None of your business!
Hometown: Alexandria
About me: I am incredibly strong and I stand for the rights and privileges of all women (except the pathetic dependant-on-men ones)
Likes: Beating bad guys to a bloody pulp whilst still keeping my hair in place with this super new mousse I use. (Armour hair mousse - XXX strong), arranging flowers and queens who betray my trust.
Dislikes: Sexist men, wasting time and this new invention I hear of called the television.
I'm looking for: man / woman (please specify): A strong man, with a mind of his own and who doesn't mind being outshone by me.
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Name: Freya Crescent
Age: I'd rather not say.
Hometown: Cleyra
About me: An honest soldier, prepared to do anything to protect my king and save the world and other noble deeds I get no credit for.
Likes: Jumping really high.
Dislikes: Old boyfriends with amnesia and people who wear revealing clothing.
I'm looking for: man / woman (please specify): a man. One who can remember who I am.
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Name: The flaming Amarant
Age:
Hometown: Treno
About me: I was a guard at the auction house in Treno until I got my reputation ruined by that child, Zidane. Still trying to figure out what makes him tick…Now I hire myself out as a thug for good money. I have this really big hair which has a mind of its own too. It can smell fear…
Likes: beating the crap out of anything that moves.
Dislikes: brats, children…brats…uh…And rain (it gets my hair all frizzy)
I'm looking for: man / woman (please specify): A woman. One who will give me lots of attention and admire my broodiness.
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Name: Squall Leonheart
Age: 17
Hometown: whatever…
About me: Whatever…I'm kinda quiet and thoughtful…I'm a SEED at Balamb Garden or whatever…
Likes: whatever…doing stuff I guess…fighting and whatever…
Dislikes: talking about, showing or having feelings, emotional baggage and hot dogs.
I'm looking for: man / woman (please specify): An interesting woman who doesn't feel the need to keep talking 24/7.
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Name: Rinoa Heartilly.
Age: 17
Hometown: Galbadia.
About me: I helped save the world a little while ago. That was super fun. I have a cute dog called Angelo and I like feathers. Oh yeah, I'm also a sorceress, but I'm a good one!
Likes: Dogs, sweet people, magic.
Dislikes: Selfishness, cats and evilness.
I'm looking for: man/woman (please specify): A nice, romantic, heartfelt guy who will appreciate me.
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Name: Selphie Tilmett
Age: 17
Hometown: Trabia
About me: I'm a very optimistic person, and it takes a lot to get me down! So be prepared for lots of fun! (But not THAT kind.)
Likes: Happy people, flowers, kicking evil butt.
Dislikes: Guys coming up to me in the corridor and asking me if I have any crack… why do they keep doing that?
I'm looking for: man/woman (please specify): A fun guy who wants to have a good time. (But not THAT kind of good time.)
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Name: Zell Dincht
Age: 17
Hometown: Balamb.
About me: I'm a cool, T-board flying dude with a great attitude! I love the good things in life, like hotdogs and rock music. I'm also pretty handy with my fists!
Likes: T-boards, defeating evil and hotdogs.
Dislikes: Authority.
I'm looking for: man/woman (please specify): A cute girl with an attitude.
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The three villains finished reading and exchanged glances.
"You know… none of these people seem very evil-friendly… maybe this wasn't such a great idea…" said Kuja, nervously chewing a perfectly manicured fingernail. Sephiroth nodded.
"I really don't think we should do this, Edea."
Even the ex-evil sorceress seemed a bit put of persevered.
"Oh, come on! I know it seems bad now… but we've got the money and 18 people who want dates. And you know what they say…'If things seem bad-"
"Do a half-arsed job?" Sephiroth suggested. Edea considered then nodded.
"OK then." They grabbed some of the forms each and randomly clipped the forms together.
"Let's see who we've got here…" Edea said and read the list aloud.
Pair 1: Shera and Zidane
Pair 2: Garnet and Cid
Pair 3: Reno and Rinoa
Pair 4: Cloud and Beatrix
Pair 5: Selphie and Amarant
Pair 6: Yuffie and Vincent
Pair 7: Squall and Aeris
Pair 8: Tifa and Steiner
Pair 9: Zell and Freya.
"Another job well done!" Kuja said, sticking post-it notes to the paired forms. Sephiroth read one.
"The Gold Saucer? Oh, the date location."
"Exactly. Then we just send off the information the customers and we've made ourselves a fortune and helped people out. You know, this doing good isn't that bad." Edea said.
The three villains gave each other pleased looks. Yes, things were turning out quite well indeed.
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