Shera and Zidane – The Alexandria Theatre

Shera: Hmm… how this town lacks technology. I have the sudden longing to put up a satellite dish.

Zidane: (Approaching) Are you Shera?

Shera: Yes. You must be Zidane. Hmm… I didn't know how young you were going to be.

Zidane: Yeah, well, I didn't actually apply for the agency. My friend played a joke on me.

Shera: Ah, I see. Well, I believe we're going to this theatre.

Zidane: Hey! I know this place! My friend, Ruby, runs it.

Shera: How nice. Shall we?

(They enter the theatre.)

Ruby: Well, hello there! Omigosh, Zidane, darlin'! How are ya?

Zidane: I'm good, Ruby. This is Shera. She's from Rocket town, in another universe.

Shera: Nice to meet you.

Ruby: Gotta go!

(She hides behind the counter, while Shera and Zidane sat down.)

Ruby: Omigosh, Zidane is cheating on Dagger! I gotta find out what's goin' on!

(At the table)

Shera: So how, far have you gone into space, in this world?

Zidane: Space? How are we supposed to get up there?

Shera: You mean… you haven't discovered space travel yet?

Zidane: Nope. Hey, we're just about on airships.

Shera: You poor, poor dear.

Ruby: Hey y'all! Drinks anyone?

Shera: A coffee please. Strong.

Zidane: Same.

Ruby: So how did you two meet? How long you been going out? What's the age difference? Picked out any names for kids yet?

Zidane: Are you OK?

Shera: You look a little flushed.

Ruby: Fine, darlin's! So, picked a church yet?

Zidane: What are you talking about?

Shera: I'm rather confused.

Ruby: I'm just askin' perfectly normal questions about yer relationship, honey!

Zidane: What relationship?

Ruby: Yours.

Shera: Oh, I understand. Ruby, you seem to have-

Ruby: Oops, kettles boiling, look's like I'll have to miss the end of that explanatory sentence! (Rushes away.)

(An Hour later. Zidane and Shera both look bored and Ruby is sitting under the table.)

Zidane: So…

Shera: Yes…

Ruby: Must be code, or summin'.

Zidane: Nice lab coat you've got there.

Ruby: Omigosh, he complimented her lab coat! I've never heard him compliment DAGGER'S lab coat.

Shera: Thank you. Nice tail.

Ruby: Could they BE flirting any more?

Zidane: Thanks. I groomed it this morning.

Shera: Really?

Zidane: Yeah.

(Awkward silence. A few crickets chirp)

Shera: Well, is that the time already? I'm getting tired, I'd better be going.

Zidane: 8:15. Wow. Late. Yeah, well, it was nice meeting you.

Shera: Thanks, you too. Ruby, could you pass my bag up?

Ruby: Sure Darlin'. (Passes, the bag, still sitting under the table)

Zidane: Well… bye.

Shera: Yeah. Bye.

(She leaves. Ruby emerges from under the table.)

Ruby: I cannot believe you, Zidane Tribal!

Zidane: Huh?

Ruby: The electricity between you two! I mean, you could at least have told her about Dagger.

(She continues to rant as Zidane leaves.)

Tifa & Steiner's Date – The Golden Saucer

*Tifa is wandering around at the entrance alone*

Tifa: This'll be fun! I hope I like this guy!

Steiner: Excuse me, madam,

Tifa: Huh? Are you Steiner?

Steiner: Yes.

*Awkward silence*

Tifa: I'm Tifa. Good to meet ya!

Steiner: Likewise. I am Adelbert Steiner of Alexandria.

Tifa: That's a bit of a mouthful…Can I just call you Steiner?

Steiner: Everybody does. Shall we go in?

Tifa: Sure. Have you been to the Golden Saucer before?

Steiner: I assure you Tifa that I have never been to this world before. The experience is rather unnerving…

Tifa: Oh! Well, I'll have to show you around then! Follow me!

*They set off in the direction of the chocobo races*

Steiner: Uh…we appear to be falling rather fast through a dark hole…is this normal?

Tifa: Yeah! Fun huh?

Steiner: *feeling like his stomach is about to pop up and say 'hi'*

Yes! Great fun!

Tifa: Uh…

Steiner: Is anything the matter?

Tifa: Is that a tux you're wearing under armour??

Steiner: *blushing* Well I…

Tifa: Do you always wear armour? It's a little…noisy…

Steiner: I never take it off.

Tifa: Well, lucky for you there's a shop near here where they sell WD40 and I'm pretty sure they have some men's perfume…not that I'm trying to tell you anything.

Steiner: I'm not sure I understand this WD40 of which you speak…

Tifa: Oh, never mind! never mind! Let's just have a good time!

*They arrive at the races*

 Um…I heard you work for a princess or something?

Steiner: A Queen actually. Queen Garner Till Alexandros. I would protect her with my life. It is my sworn duty! I am the captain of the knights of Pluto! *Beams proudly*

Tifa: Oh. That's nice. I run a bar in Midgar.

Steiner: Would that be the large dark city I heard was destroyed…?

Tifa: Uh…yeah…

Steiner: *Blinks* Forgive my indiscretion.

Tifa: It's fine really! Here we are! The chocobo races! I'm a good rider myself you know.

Steiner: Some of these chocobo are odd colours you know…and they look somewhat less detailed than what I'm used to…like they have less pixels or something…Did you say races??

Tifa: Of course! It's great fun! Who shall we bet to win?

Steiner: Madam!! I am against gambling of all sorts! I apologise but I refuse to be a part of it!

Tifa:  *slightly annoyed* Oh…Fine. How about we get something to eat? There's a new place that's opened up.

Steiner: Yes, that sounds good. Do they have Gysahl pickles here?

*They enter the restaurant*

Tifa: Isn't this lovely? Let's go over there, by the window. I'm really hungry!

Steiner: All the people...their hands…They have no fingers! Big block hands…I mean mine aren't that good but this is ridiculous! Block hands…*shudders*

Tifa: *seemingly not noticing his outburst* So do you like to fight?

Steiner: Whether I like to fight or not is irrelevant. It is my duty to defend the innocent and if I have to fight, I fight. That duty goes beyond my personal preferences…*mutters* it is kinda fun though…

Tifa: Uhuh…Bet you couldn't take me on though.

Steiner: Miss Tifa! I wouldn't want to!

Tifa: Oh boy…Steiner, you need to loosen up! Ah! Look the food's here.

Steiner: We didn't even order…

Tifa: Never mind that now. Here. *hands over some spaghetti*

Steiner: Stop!!

Tifa: *spitting out a mouthful of food* Whaa!?

Steiner: That food could be poisoned! I must defend you with my life!

*eats half of the food from her plate*

Tifa: That wasn't poison. That was carbonara. My carbonara.

Steiner: My humblest apologies, Tifa, but I have had a bad experience with food before…And you can never be too careful in places such as these…

Tifa: Places such as these!? This is a 5 star restaurant!!

Steiner: You're right…I'm sorry. *sits back down*

Tifa: Uh...Steiner? Your…um…mascara's running.

Steiner: What!? Ah! Please excuse me! *runs to the bathroom muttering 'crap crap crap!'*

Tifa: What an odd guy…kinda smelly, defensive, his armour's so noisy! But I guess he's kind of sweet…in an overprotective way…and he wears too much make-up!

*waiter arrives*

Ah! Waiter! Can I please have the wine list? I think this guy's paying and I love this stuff!

Waiter: Very good madam. *bows*

Steiner: *running from bathroom* Nooooo!!

*charges at the waiter sending him sprawling*

He was going to attack you!

Tifa: *unimpressed* He was giving me the wine list.

Steiner: It-It's my duty to defend you with my li-

Tifa: *interrupting* No, Steiner. It's not. It's your duty to help me have a nice evening and pay for it afterwards. Since you can't even get that right I don't think this is going to work…I'll let you take care of the bill.

Steiner: But Beatrix!

Tifa: *gasps and slaps him hard* You could at least get my name right, jerk! *storms off*

Steiner: *collapses into his chair and sighs, rubbing his cheek* I'm too old for this…or maybe it's my armour…I hope Beatrix is having as good a time as I am…how odd that she should say her name…*finishes both meals sulkily*